About dating....

leavinglasvegas · May 2010

Lately, I've been gaining more confidence in myself as I'm losing weight. I've made some new friends and have been having fun being myself. But people seem to think its a little sad that I have no intention of dating anytime soon. I actually do, but I hate being fixed up. I have no interest in anyone that my friends seem to think is acceptable. My friends range from 25-40, new age-hippies to traditionalists.... so just imagine the variety, lol. I jsut haven't been blown away yet, but I also haven't really bothered to look.

My neighbor who is 25 just tried to fix me up with her boyfriends friend. He is my age, lives in a half-way house for recovering addicts (heroine), and is a high school dropout working for a manual labor type job. Her selling point was that he makes alot of money. Ummmmm... I refused politely by simply saying, I don't date right now, but thank you and she was baffled. Like if someone is interested I should be thankful. Finally after some uncomfortable explaining how I'm taking care of me first and don't feel like I need a man to complete me she said, "Oh, I get it! You want a girl.":noway: I actually got angry. I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay, I do go to the bars and the parades so I'm never offended by the assumption. But that blew me away! Its funny now, but at the moment I wanted to slap her for thinking just because I'm not interested I must be a lesbian. Pure ignorance. But she isn't the only one who has made assumptions. Even my family thinks there is something wrong with me. That gets me thinking.

I'm just curious.....
Is is really that odd that I'm so comfortable being alone? I don't intend on being alone forever, lord knows I do get lonely. (And I could use a handyman around the house, lol) I do want to date, I'm actually looking forward to meeting new people. I just don't feel comfortable getting back out there just yet because I am alone. I don't have any single friends, except for one. Shes a bit too much for me to turn to for support. (She is overly optimistic and spiritual and it drives me crazy, besides, the things she thinks are fun and clever I find cheesy and annoying. But I still love her, lol.) How does someone like me rejoin the scene without support? (Or in some cases too much support) I haven't dated in so long, I feel like things may have changed or something, lol. Anybody know what I mean?

xecila · May 2010

I think.. You're the most important thing in your life. If you're focused on you right now, then that's all good. I see no problem in staying single. You get the whole bed to yourself, you don't have to worry about someone else when you make plans, and you don't have to pick up their messes. :laugh:

leavinglasvegas · May 2010

I think.. You're the most important thing in your life. If you're focused on you right now, then that's all good. I see no problem in staying single. You get the whole bed to yourself, you don't have to worry about someone else when you make plans, and you don't have to pick up their messes. :laugh:

Very true. I do like having that bed to myself!

SayRah · May 2010

There's NOTHING wrong with you at all! Your friends and family need to be more understanding! I am in a situation similar to yours. Many of my friends are getting into relationships right and left, and just as many are getting out of them. I'm really turned away from the dating scene at the moment. Am I a lesbian? No. Nothing wrong with it, but I'm definitely not one. Am I 'messed up'? Of course not. Personally, I don't see the point in wasting my time with anyone.

If my Prince Charming comes along my way and I know for sure he's my Prince....then count me in. In the mean time, why settle for less? I find it insulting that your friend wanted to set you up with that dropout recovering-addict guy. Just because something makes money and is a male doesn't mean he's your soul mate

The point is, when you're ready to date, you're ready to date.

miqisha · May 2010

You will start dating when you are darn ready.....

People always jump into relationships they dont want to be in and then end up unhappy and sad

When you are ready you will know it....and dont do it a second before that

Live your life have fun.....

You have just found yourself.....and your new body....and you want time to just be you and not answer to anyone else

Take it one step at a time

You can casually date if you want....but if you arent looking for anything serious, dont let anyone make you feel bad for your choices

Live life

Alot of your friends...I guarantee you...wish they were single right now...because things probably arent working out the way they want

Date when you are ready

mrsw510 · May 2010

I think its great that you are comfortable being alone. You are the most important person in your life. I am married now but before I started dating my husband, I was chronicly single and never "looking". It is my honest belief that you don't find love, it comes to you. Keep being comfortable with yourself and it will happen on its own.

shellshalla · May 2010

I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm not really dating right now and I'm focusing on myself and getting my confidence up. I'm not saying that if I randomly met someone I would say no to a date, but I'm not really actively looking. It is hard because all of my friends have boyfriends and alot are moving in with them soon, but I'm just thinking about how i'm getting myself healthy first inside and out.

lilchino4af · May 2010

I think.. You're the most important thing in your life. If you're focused on you right now, then that's all good. I see no problem in staying single. You get the whole bed to yourself, you don't have to worry about someone else when you make plans, and you don't have to pick up their messes. :laugh:

Agreed. Don't let people push you into anything you don't want to do. When you're ready, you'll know it. Until then, keep taking care of yourself and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!

leavinglasvegas · May 2010

There's NOTHING wrong with you at all! Your friends and family need to be more understanding! I am in a situation similar to yours. Many of my friends are getting into relationships right and left, and just as many are getting out of them. I'm really turned away from the dating scene at the moment. Am I a lesbian? No. Nothing wrong with it, but I'm definitely not one. Am I 'messed up'? Of course not. Personally, I don't see the point in wasting my time with anyone.

If my Prince Charming comes along my way and I know for sure he's my Prince....then count me in. In the mean time, why settle for less? I find it insulting that your friend wanted to set you up with that dropout recovering-addict guy. Just because something makes money and is a male doesn't mean he's your soul mate

The point is, when you're ready to date, you're ready to date.

You are on my level! Thanks, I feel a little better now:flowerforyou:

Missspenditall · May 2010

Hello there is NOTHING WRONG with being alone. Take this time to get to know yourself and take time to really figure out what you want in life. I had rather be by myself than be with someone I didn't really like just to make everyone happy..Always put yourself first. When you least expect it you will find Mr. RIght, that's if you want someone.

vanillasugar · May 2010

Bleh. I have few friends, so thankfully I don't have people trying to fix me up all the time. But I am one of those who enjoys and is perfectly comfortable being alone. I had a breakup not too long ago and was completely fine with not looking to find a "replacement" any time soon. Incidentally, we got back together, but if we hadn't, I wouldn't have been looking.

I would just tell people - hey, I'm really trying to get to know MYSELF right now and find out what it is that makes ME happy before I feel I can concentrate on being concerned about another person. When I'm interested in meeting someone, I'll let you know and let you know what I'm looking for in possible candidates. Until then, I'd appreciate it if you would quit trying to set me up with people when I'm not ready/or looking for that right now.

havingitall · May 2010

When you are ready you will know it.

Depending on how long you have been out of the dating scene, a lot has changed. The internet is a great way to "shop for" somebody who fits your ideals but do be aware that not everybody is honest on the dating sites.

Another way to meet like minded people is to join a group of people who do the same thing you like. Look at meetup.com. There are probably some groups in your area that do things that you like. Although I am married, I found a local women's walking group on there and a group for women over 40 to go out and socialize.

Take your time and don't rush and for heaven's sake do not settle!

leavinglasvegas · May 2010

Thanks everyone, you all know what your talking about.

I'll have to come back and check this thread after class. I was trying to be a little late for class because a friend of mine knows a guy on campus who is "Interested" and I wanted to avoid the purposeful/accidental introduction. But I seem to have lost track of time and I'm 20 minutes late now. Oops!

Be back in a bit.

girliegirl1822 · May 2010

I'm in the same boat lol I just want to take care of my self first :happy:

MTGirl · May 2010

I think its great that you are very comfortable alone. Desperation leads to many miserable relationships. Plus, you have a kiddo to consider. You definately don't need to bring a recovering heroine addict into that dynamic. Being comfortable with yourself and o.k. being alone will lead to a fulfilling relationship with Mr. Right, whenever he shows up. Never, never, never settle just because your friends think you should! My best friend just got married last year - she was 40. She married a wonderful man who has 5 grown children and several grandkids. She is very happy and fulfilled in the relationship - and she didn't settle just because "it's time" When you're ready to date, you will know it and I hope you have fun - then and until then!

PS - I think the worst mistake a woman can make is to rush into a relationship just because she doesn't want to be alone or is uncomfortable being alone. You have to learn how to do that to be healthy - imho!

metco89 · May 2010

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am divorced and single today by choice. People always assume i am lonely which i am not cause i am ok with me today. I think you are making the right choices for yourself and that is what each of us needs to do. When the time is right you will start to date and the one that is right for you will come into your life. It sounds to me like you are making some really wise choices today. Keep doing what you are doing and success and happiness are yours for sure!

leavinglasvegas · May 2010

OK, I'm back from class. Didn't think about the fact that even if I was late they would be waiting for me after class, lol. Thankfully there was no mention of anything to make me uncomfortable. I think she got the hint that I would punch her if she put me on the spot.

So I'm curious, for those of you who also enjoy the single life, do you feel like you know exactly what you don't want or do want if the time were to come when you want to settle down?

I really feel like I know what I do and don't want. To some people it sounds picky, but I've been around the block and I know myself now. So I feel like I can be picky.

For starters, I want someone who values their health as I do mine. I wouldn't discriminate based on weight, but I don't want some guy who sits in the lazy boy eating a big mac while I'm working out. I would want someone who has similar interests and who would go hiking with me, to the farmers market, tend the garden, doesn't smoke, and values health over fun.

What do you think is your ideal guy?

Missspenditall · May 2010

Here's is some more advice..if you don't care...=) You can't change anyone..if he does something you don't like move on..if they do change it could be temp. I noticed that you had a little girl..you have to do what is right for her too..

Missspenditall · May 2010

OOOps...now I will answer your question...I believe "the ideal guy" will like/love you for you and not because you can give him anything. He will respect you and treat you well and your daughter too..he will not belittle you or embarrass you or strike you.

aippolito1 · May 2010

They say you can't be good in a relationship until you're good out of it. And you being comfortable alone says a lot! It says you're not desperate, clingy, dependent or a gold digger!! lol :happy: Take your own time... and remember, you don't need single friends to meet single guys!! Are you still in school? Great place to meet guys! :bigsmile: Good luck, hon!

kellybelly113 · October 2010

So I'm curious, for those of you who also enjoy the single life, do you feel like you know exactly what you don't want or do want if the time were to come when you want to settle down?

I really feel like I know what I do and don't want. To some people it sounds picky, but I've been around the block and I know myself now. So I feel like I can be picky.

For starters, I want someone who values their health as I do mine. I wouldn't discriminate based on weight, but I don't want some guy who sits in the lazy boy eating a big mac while I'm working out. I would want someone who has similar interests and who would go hiking with me, to the farmers market, tend the garden, doesn't smoke, and values health over fun.

What do you think is your ideal guy?

I totally agree. I know a LOT about who I want, somethings are negotiable and somethings are not. I'm not a smoker and do not want a smoker. I am working out, so I don't want a lazy couch potato either. Common interests are important as well. Sometimes I feel I'm picky, but I also don't want just anyone. I won't just have anyone with me and I know guys feel the same way. I just have to give myself encouragement to not settle sometimes.

About dating....

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