Active life = lonely life?

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cdh5068
cdh5068 Posts: 26
in Health and Weight Loss
When I started trying to lose weight I went to the gym a few days a week, but other than that I led the same lazy lifestyle. In the past few months I've been focusing on being active beyond my gym sessions. Unfortunately this is leading to a lot of lonely days. Hanging out with my friends usually means watching TV, watching a movie, sitting around drinking coffee and talking, etc. One of my friends has been really great about it and we've taken our weekly coffee chats out of the cafe and onto the trails for a long walk.
I know I can't expect people to change their lifestyles just because I'm changing mine, but I feel forced between being active and alone or lazy with friends. I thought I could meet some people at the gym, but my schedule causes me to go to the gym at different times each day so I rarely run into the same people. I also try suggesting activities when I call my friends, like saying “hey do you want to go for a bike ride” instead of the usual “want to hang out?” but they always say they're too tired or don't feel well.

I feel like I'm spending 90% of my free time with my dogs because they're the only ones willing to get off their butts. Is anyone else having this problem? How do you deal with it?
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Replies

  • kcallas88
    kcallas88 Posts: 192
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    i had that same issue too!! Sorta "lost" a good friend over being active and going to the gym. 3 months later she keeps asking what i do to lose weight and wants to try to do some of it.

    I think she's become more accepting of it. Just don't give up or give in :) Overtime they may want to join you!
  • cls_333
    cls_333 Posts: 206 Member
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    Wow can I relate! I have 4 dogs. I never have to beg them to go exercise with me. I'm sad to say they're my best friends.
  • HeatherMN
    HeatherMN Posts: 3,821 Member
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    Have you tried finding local MFP people to meet up for activities? Otherwise, try finding a group through Meetup.com (free to join) to find active groups; that's how I found the group of people I run with on a weekly basis.

    As you stated, you can't make your friends change their lifestyle, so find new friends for the active stuff!
  • eganita
    eganita Posts: 501 Member
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    When I started trying to lose weight I went to the gym a few days a week, but other than that I led the same lazy lifestyle. In the past few months I've been focusing on being active beyond my gym sessions. Unfortunately this is leading to a lot of lonely days. Hanging out with my friends usually means watching TV, watching a movie, sitting around drinking coffee and talking, etc. One of my friends has been really great about it and we've taken our weekly coffee chats out of the cafe and onto the trails for a long walk.
    I know I can't expect people to change their lifestyles just because I'm changing mine, but I feel forced between being active and alone or lazy with friends. I thought I could meet some people at the gym, but my schedule causes me to go to the gym at different times each day so I rarely run into the same people. I also try suggesting activities when I call my friends, like saying “hey do you want to go for a bike ride” instead of the usual “want to hang out?” but they always say they're too tired or don't feel well.

    I feel like I'm spending 90% of my free time with my dogs because they're the only ones willing to get off their butts. Is anyone else having this problem? How do you deal with it?

    I play team sports, so that has helped me both find active friends (I am going to run a marathon relay with some friends I met playing dek hockey, for example). And of course, during games, I'm being active with others around as well. Maybe you could look into a team sport of some kind.

    Also, what's the harm in getting your workout in and THEN meeting up with a friend, even if you are not doing something terribly active(or vice versa)?
  • krisbychiken
    krisbychiken Posts: 72 Member
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    I agree. I feel like I don't have much time between gym time, working out while the baby naps then doing the rest of my daily "chores". I don't see my friends or family much anymore. Kinda sucks.
  • meghan6867
    meghan6867 Posts: 388 Member
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    The same thing happened to me. My good friends constantly wanted to go out to eat, drink beers, and sit around most of the time. After I started losing weight a few of my friends started joining me... but honestly, some just don't. And I'm not very good friends with those people anymore.

    I still see them on occasion... but it's certainly less frequent.

    I assure you, however, it is most certainly not a lonely life. You'll still see those less-active friends, just not as often. Some of your other buddies will likely become more active and play a bigger role in your life AND you're going to meet a lot of new people that will share your same passion for an active and healthy lifestyle.
  • hkmurphy83
    hkmurphy83 Posts: 262 Member
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    Okay, this my sound strange, but do you have a treadmill or stationary workout machine? If you do, invite your friends over to visit and then exercise while they're there. They don't have to do anything, and you can be active. Like I said, I know it sounds weird, but it worked for my best friend and me. HOWEVER, she was the active one, not me. I would lounge around and watch her workout and visit. Watching her progress inspired me to get active. Now when we hang out, we walk together and exercise. Just an idea.
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
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    I find if I ask my friends to come spot me at the gym or go running most of them won't want to do that. If I say "hey let's grab some coffee and go walk around the lake" they're more likely to agree. Suggest lightly active activities if you want more people to agree. Who knows, you might even be able to convince them to to do more active things in the future.
  • hrubyk1804
    hrubyk1804 Posts: 51
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    Also, what's the harm in getting your workout in and THEN meeting up with a friend, even if you are not doing something terribly active(or vice versa)?


    That's what I was thinking too....as long as you're getting in your workouts and trying to live a more active lifestyle, what's the harm in being a little 'lazy' now and then with your friends?
  • GFreg
    GFreg Posts: 404
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    Check out Meetup.com and look for some local groups that do active things. Might be a good place to meet some new active friends. Keep trying with the friends you already have too.
  • shunggie
    shunggie Posts: 1,036 Member
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    I have a couple of friends that will agree to go walk with me, but when it comes time to hit the trail something comes up. Or we go literally half a mile and she says I'm worn out. She claims she wants to lose weight- found her Sweatin' to The Oldies videos three weeks ago but doesn't do them. I said lets do them together, I've never sweated to an oldie...she won't do it something always comes up. She lost over 100 pounds about 8 years ago and has gained every bit of it back. I know she's depressed about it and a LOT of other things but she doesn't do anything about it. She's impressed with my weight loss but .....but....but...but....but she's wearing my old jeans that I've shrunk out of and doesn't seem to really care. Anyone in South Kansas City Missouri looking for a walking buddy? I like to do 3-5 miles at a time, and tend to prefer the tempature to be between 45-90 degrees.
  • HealthyAlison
    HealthyAlison Posts: 112 Member
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    I haven't really had this problem becaue I most of my exercise time is separate from my friend time. That said, going out to eat with friends became a bit of a challenge, as I usually wanted a place with some healthier options, though I could usually find something on most menus. The real problem was that I was eating a fraction of what my friends ate, which was kinda awkward. Eventually though, most of my friends joined gyms, started eating healthy, and joined MFP. Hang in there. Your friends may come around as they see you looking fit and feeling great! If not, you'll eventually meet more like minded people.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I definitely agree that watching various TV shows together seems to be the new "hang-out" activity for women my age. This will probably make me sound like a horrible person, but getting my training done is more important to me than watching TV with a friend. You want to go hiking? Give me a call. You want to watch The Bachelor? Call someone else.
  • pplf2001
    pplf2001 Posts: 133 Member
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    What general region are you located in? Maybe people can suggest some groups to join that are local to you...

    back on my feet does morning runs in a bunch of different cities: http://www.backonmyfeet.org/run-with-us

    or try a class at your gym... or a meetup group like someone else suggested. Its hard, but you'll slowly meet new people. If you're single, I think match.com does meetup events for singles too.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    I have made tons of friends since I took up social dancing!

    And we are real popular when we go boating.

    Walkers and runners, on the other hand, tend to not stop and meet people, since it would interrupt their rhythm. Most places have meetup groups to get together and walk or run, though.

    Your social circle may shift, but on the other hand, if you get the word out that you want to try something new, you might find that an acquaintance becomes a good friend. In my social circle, someone will create a FB event when they decide to go kayaking or zip lining or whatever. That person will probably go, either way, but others can join in, as well.
  • Carolyn_79
    Carolyn_79 Posts: 935 Member
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    I tend to see my friends on the weekend only. I work full-time and by the time I get home, walk the dogs, eat supper, do my workout, and say hi to my husband, there's not any time left for anything else. That's just how it is. They all have similar schedules and their own family life so I'm not sure they'd be available outside of weekends anyhow.
  • cdh5068
    cdh5068 Posts: 26
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    I don't mind sitting around with them occasionally, it's just literally the only thing that some of my very best friends want to do. Some days, like now since it's cold and gross out, I'm more okay with it. Once the nice weather hits and it's 70 degrees without a cloud in the sky then I have a tough time justifying watching TV. I think the hardest part is that the person who I can rarely convince to leave the house is my best friend of over 10 years. We're use to seeing each other several days a week for several hours at a time. When I decline seeing her because the only thing she wants to do is sit on the couch, I think she feels like I'm blowing her off. I just have this new energy since becoming healthier and I can't even sit still for that long!

    I'm located in eastern PA, the lehigh valley area. I'm doing C25K now, once I complete it I want to join a local running group. Thanks to those who suggested meetup.com, I'm looking at it now!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    Your friend probably will need some reassurances that you are not abandoning her. You may also need to watch out for her trying to sabotage you.

    Just be open. Let her know you miss her, but you need to get healthy by doing these things. Invite her along. Ask if there is something active she has always wanted to try.

    If you want to get in hanging out and a workout, try to get the workout in first, that way you are not literally leaving her to go workout instead.

    Change is hard and in this case, you made the choice to make the changes, but they are affecting her, as well. Acknowledge that.
  • caseythirteen
    caseythirteen Posts: 956 Member
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    I would definitely suggest having a talk with your friend if you haven't already. People do grow and change and if you want to remain friends then it sounds like a compromise might be in order. I think joining the running group, or any kind of "active" group, sounds like the perfect idea for you.
  • HealthyAlison
    HealthyAlison Posts: 112 Member
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    I think the hardest part is that the person who I can rarely convince to leave the house is my best friend of over 10 years. We're use to seeing each other several days a week for several hours at a time. When I decline seeing her because the only thing she wants to do is sit on the couch, I think she feels like I'm blowing her off. I just have this new energy since becoming healthier and I can't even sit still for that long!

    I totally get this. Make sure she knows that if she joins you for a walk that you will adjust to her pace and stamina, and then be patient with her. You can always get in a longer, more challenging workout later. It might be just what she needs. I had a friend at work who never wanted to walk with me because she was afraid I'd go too fast and was self-conscious about not being able to keep up. It was a challenge to maintain the relationship because my primary lunch time activity at work is walking.

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