People suck. Friends, family, coworkers.

keshiabug1
keshiabug1 Posts: 150
in Motivation and Support
I am having the hardest time with my coworkers and close friends and family.

I am trying to lose weight and all they can tell me is I look fine and that I don't need too. I DO need too! I am 5'4" and 154 lbs. This is not healthy.
They also question some of the methods that I use to keep myself motivated. I once posted on a facebook status that I was craving something sweet and I didn't need it. I jokingly put "Im fat, I'm fat, I'm fat" just to remind myself, that if I keep eating junk I will not lose the weight that I need to lose.
My coworkers made some snide comments about it, like I was doing it for attention! :(

I have also had someone tell me that I am letting my weight take over my life and that I obsess over weight loss.

Then to top it off my mother done the opposite of everyone. As I attempted to do Insanity, she made the comment that when she starts doing something, she actually finishes it. Basically saying she didn't expect me to finish it... keep in mind she has never done Insanity nor has she experienced the brutality of it... lol... meaning she had no idea of why 20 minutes of it was killing me.

These comments REALLY hurt. I just want support. I am not a healthy weight. I am TRYING to do it the right way, but people in my life are really really bringing me down!
What can I do to get the point across to them that I need to lose weight, that I am not happy with myself, and also that just because I am choosing to live a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean that I am obsessed with my own body weight?

I have NO ONE (even though I know a few that should) that shares the desire to lose weight and be healthy, with me. Its so hard!
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Replies

  • roguestates
    roguestates Posts: 223
    You may not be able to change your family or coworkers' behavior, so just prove them wrong by following through on your commitment to fitness. Stop posting on Facebook about your feelings or progress. It's clear that people don't want to hear about it and they're not being supportive anyway, so use MFP as your community instead.
  • Fernella13
    Fernella13 Posts: 68 Member
    You have you!!! You must be your #1 cheerleader. The motivation to lose weight must be intrinsic (it must come from within). You also have us, the MFP community. We are with you all the way. Aim to finish Insanity. If you don't, guess what? Start again. Every day we wake up we have the chance to remake our world and our bodies. You can do it.
  • ldalbello
    ldalbello Posts: 207 Member
    I keep my weight loss goals to myself. I know what I have to do and don't need other peoples opinions/comments.
  • kcallas88
    kcallas88 Posts: 192
    YOU AND ME BOTH.

    So a semi-success story with people bashing you. i was 5'2" and 144lbs. I decided to loose weight because i felt frumpy and was honestly fat. My boyfriend, best friend(s), and parents said i really didn't need to loose weight and i looked fine. My 81yr old grandmother was the only one honest enough to tell me to loose weight. So i listened to her (haha).

    I had almost EVERYONE bashing me for eating healthy, and cutting out alcohol or deciding I didn't need to eat food after 8pm...especially cakes and cupcakes and brownies(aww...brownies...i want some...with icing...). Well i just sort of stuck with my program and calories and food and gradually started loosing weight.

    So i started out at 144 in June. Worked out june-July, then Oct-now. Im currently 127lbs(ish). I feel so much better and see the muscle definition coming through, especially in my back and legs are more firm. In December, my bf decided to do p90x and now he's getting back into shape. My best friend 2 weeks ago kept asking me how to loose weight and tone up. So...they're asking for my advice and by the fact I'm getting people around me to loose weight all because i started to is a success. My mom has lost some weight, as well as my sister.

    My advice is just to stick with it and be the best you can be. It took me months, but people began to appreciate what i was doing and asking my advice, which btw is an awesome feeling. You can't force people to appreciate your lifestyle. Over time, they see the results and then can see the benefit of it. it may sound mean, but I'm excited to look better and more toned in a bikini then my best friend (i've NEVER been able to say that before!!!!). Use their negative comments as fuel for now, and feel free to add me as a friend for support!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • AngelsInThighHighs
    AngelsInThighHighs Posts: 247 Member
    If your doing this for yourself and you truly want to finish Insanity and get the body you desire why does it matter that they doubt you? You shouldnt let them bring you down, you should let them lift you up as in take their negativity and use it as your motivation.

    I didnt have anyone supportive in my journey to lose weight at all, im not doing it for them though im doing it for me. Nothing they say will sway me nor stop me in what i want for myself, these people dont control you and from what im reading your talking like they have power over your success.

    So your mother made a comment about her finishing things shes started, so WHAT. The best response is to finish Insanity and show her you finish things you start as well especially if you truly want to be healthy. People who have never done Insanity or have no desire too wont understand how hard it is.

    Its also hard for people to see someone else succeed when they themselves arent trying, however this is YOUR journey, YOUR body, YOUR goal NOT theirs. So get out there and create your own success stop giving power to others in your life.
  • Rehobobound
    Rehobobound Posts: 143 Member
    We are at the same place physically and I agree, not a healthy weight. (Even my HRM told me I was overweight!)

    Post here at MFP where people understand and just let your friends and family be WOWed when you reach your goal. If they are not being supportive, no reason to put up with the comments on FB.
  • binglebandit
    binglebandit Posts: 531 Member
    It would be great if they could understand, but you can't force them to. If you are getting negative feedback from them, I think it's best to work on getting motivation from here or another site, rather than on Facebook. I know some of my friends don't like to see fitness updates (including my sister), so I don't share them with her or my friends on FB. I have a couple of people who I talk to, but I send them private messages with goals reached.

    Really they can't argue with success, so just keep working on it, and ignore their comments.
  • sbjmorgan
    sbjmorgan Posts: 158 Member
    Get a fitness twitter or tumblr. Post all your thoughts there that you know people would attack on facebook. It's what I'm doing.

    Come here for positivity and reinforcement of what you're doing, because you know we're going to be supportive. The Fitblr community on tumblr is amazing, too. I'm in both places.
  • weightnomore76
    weightnomore76 Posts: 2
    i agree people do suck and the best way to deal with sucky people is to ignore them . . .your fitness journey is for no one else but you . . . fb is your outlet to express how you feel but if the only feedback that you get is negativity do one of two things . . delete them from your fb or choose a different medium to express your struggles . . . whatever you do, don't give up on you . . . stay on the path . . you may stumble . . hell you might even fall . . . but do yourself the favor of getting up and starting again . . . gL
  • keshiabug1
    keshiabug1 Posts: 150
    Yall are right. I am just going to keep my weight loss 'journey' I guess you can call it, between MFP, my boyfriend (who is somewhat supportive), and myself!

    I will let my body speak for itself! :) Thank you all!
    I needed a good 'lift me up!' Love MFP! lol
  • jjmnet
    jjmnet Posts: 110
    Sometimes people just don't want to hear others talk about diet and exercise - even though that is all that you are thinking about right now and just want to express it. Come here and let your thoughts fly!!! You will feel relieved and get your thoughts and feeling out during your journey (which has hills and valleys). Be an inspiration to them! I bet as soon as you shed your outer layer, develop /tone your muscles and your positive attitude shines through they will be inspired to make changes in their life. Make a goal and go get it!!!
  • Joyjmb
    Joyjmb Posts: 221 Member
    Change the conversation - if they are bringing it up, then go with 'Aww, who wants to talk about that?
    How many Oscar movies do you have left to see?/Who's got plans for the weekend?/Where are you traveling to this summer?'
    OR
    I suggest softly you might take a good look at how much YOU talk about it. Is it the bulk of your conversational topics? If they see you are hyperfocusing, they might just be concerned for you.
    OR
    If they are just haters, well screw that. =)
  • keshiabug1
    keshiabug1 Posts: 150
    Change the conversation - if they are bringing it up, then go with 'Aww, who wants to talk about that?
    How many Oscar movies do you have left to see?/Who's got plans for the weekend?/Where are you traveling to this summer?'
    OR
    I suggest softly you might take a good look at how much YOU talk about it. Is it the bulk of your conversational topics? If they see you are hyperfocusing, they might just be concerned for you.
    OR
    If they are just haters, well screw that. =)

    I have actually thought about that. Maybe I am talking about it a lot. So I did step back and not talk about it for a bit, but then THEY brought it up. So confusing.

    So like you said... Screw that! lol ;)
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Perhaps you can get your support here and don't talk about it to family/friends or post about it in Facebook.

    I have enough trouble on my own and don't need other people mucking up my efforts, so I never talk about losing weight to anyone but my daughter, who is working on it, too. I've told my husband "no thank you; I don't have enough calories for it," when he's offered me something, and that's the extent of my diet chat.
  • mbreed75
    mbreed75 Posts: 125 Member
    I deal with it too. People laugh when I tell them I am trying to watch my figure/lose weight. Because i'm so tall and skinny. The problem is i'm skinny fat and want to lose the spare tire. I may look thin but my weight is on the edge of normal to overweight BMI.
    I just do what I want to do to make me happy. But yea people suck. They are also fat, and we are skinny. So who's laughing?
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    Personally, I don't share my diet or my commitment to fitness on FB. Maybe 2% of the people in my life share the same passion I do for it, and I'm sure the rest really don't want to hear about it. If folks were to know that I still count calories, even for maintenance purposes, I might be accused of an eating disorder.

    If I have anything I need to vent about regarding fitness, I post it here on my wall. That's why I love this place - it's full of like minded people who get it.

    I'm assuming this is probably the same for you.

    I love also love good, honest grandmothers. They came from a different time when 70% of the population was not overweight, and ate much healthier than we do today.
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
    The people in our lives that have the negative comments to make are just really jealous that we are trying to change. People get into safe harbors in their lives and when they feel bad about themselves and are afraid of change they don't want anyone around them to change. They want status quo so they can feel good about being fat, lazy and unhappy. I guess I'm pretty lucky because I haven't had these type of issues with friends and family. I also haven't talked too much about it to others. A few people but it's not all the time. I usually don't share things like this much because I don't want to feel like a failure if I don't accomplish what I said I was going to. I'm just hoping that some of the unhealthy people around me will see me suceeding and get the motivation to make their own changes. If I ever do get a response about why I'm not eating something I just say "because I'm fat enough, thank you, you have some and enjoy". It's taken me a while to come to realize that we(Americans) have a very warped sense of healthy body size. You are 5'4 at about 150lbs and because so many people are much larger you look small to them but yes, technically you are slightly overweight. If you aren't getting the support from the people you thought you would, don't talk to them about this but come on here for your cheerleaders. Good luck and if you need support feel free to friend me.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    This is precisely why I don't make any sort of big deal about attempting to lose weight. I don't talk about it on Facebook, I don't mention it to colleagues, I don't talk about it to friends. I just do it. The only person I really discuss it in depth with is my wife, who is also working hard to build a better body.

    I signed up on the forums here precisely to have a place where I can talk about it, and make friends who 'get it', but also who I can very rapidly dump with no guilt if they are holding back my goals. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but my priority in this is me - you're either behind me, beside me, or in the frigging way.
  • MightyDomo
    MightyDomo Posts: 1,265 Member
    I could literally fit in your shoes when it comes to your goals! I an 5"4 and was literally last week 154lbs! They can all say what they want but when it comes down to it, it is about feeling good in your own skin and nothing can beat that.

    If you say fat they think about the rotund people out there with 3 extra tires on their waist and not you, saying chubby instead has really made it easier for me to talk about my issues with my own weight without anyone being able to say I exaggerate.

    Maybe if they chide you about it, it would be a good time to explain candidly why you think the way you do. It's about being happy and feeling good in your own skin and the way you feel is the way you are talking about it.

    Feel free to add me as a friend :) And best of luck trying to deal with those around you, when they see you at the end of their journey I am sure they will be happy for you.
  • WTF7
    WTF7 Posts: 140 Member
    I keep my weight loss goals to myself. I know what I have to do and don't need other peoples opinions/comments.
  • step132
    step132 Posts: 9
    I'm willing to bet that they are not seeing YOU or thinking of you when you talk about wanting to get healthy, but that they are thinking of themselves. If some or all of these folks are not taking care of themselves the way they should (and maybe know that and feel bad about it), then it's a lot easier to bash someone else than it is to take a look at how they can learn from what you're doing. Just a thought.

    Either way, this is YOUR journey and your body, and good for you for taking care of it! :)
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    First of all MPF is a great way to get support from others! Everyone is very supportive and encouraging. I guess personally I wouldn't post anything on facebook regarding weight ect because you will most likely get rude comments from someone. Its just bound to happen unfortunately. Screw the ones that dont think you should lose weight or that aren't supportive of you. I guess I wouldn't even mention weight loss around them. Maybe they are jelous you have the motivation to be healthy and they dont.? All that matters is that you feel you need to lose weight. You dont feel comfortable in your body, and that is not fair to you. Even if you were a little obsessive about losing weight......what is wrong with that?? The only way there would be a problem is if you were belemic or anorexic. Otherwise, I dont see a problem in it. Try to forget the ones that are not supportive, hold your head high. You are on a great mission and it will be worth it in the long run. Good luck!!! We are here for your!!! :)
  • tinassofit
    tinassofit Posts: 54
    Considering you're on MFP, you're no way alone... We're all trying to achieve something that has to do with our body... and to support each other. family and friends and others around are always going to talk... dont let that affect you... you're way stronger and determined than that...

    i've just sent you a friend req...:D
    I am having the hardest time with my coworkers and close friends and family.

    I am trying to lose weight and all they can tell me is I look fine and that I don't need too. I DO need too! I am 5'4" and 154 lbs. This is not healthy.
    They also question some of the methods that I use to keep myself motivated. I once posted on a facebook status that I was craving something sweet and I didn't need it. I jokingly put "Im fat, I'm fat, I'm fat" just to remind myself, that if I keep eating junk I will not lose the weight that I need to lose.
    My coworkers made some snide comments about it, like I was doing it for attention! :(

    I have also had someone tell me that I am letting my weight take over my life and that I obsess over weight loss.

    Then to top it off my mother done the opposite of everyone. As I attempted to do Insanity, she made the comment that when she starts doing something, she actually finishes it. Basically saying she didn't expect me to finish it... keep in mind she has never done Insanity nor has she experienced the brutality of it... lol... meaning she had no idea of why 20 minutes of it was killing me.

    These comments REALLY hurt. I just want support. I am not a healthy weight. I am TRYING to do it the right way, but people in my life are really really bringing me down!
    What can I do to get the point across to them that I need to lose weight, that I am not happy with myself, and also that just because I am choosing to live a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean that I am obsessed with my own body weight?

    I have NO ONE (even though I know a few that should) that shares the desire to lose weight and be healthy, with me. Its so hard!
  • SarahJayRigdon
    SarahJayRigdon Posts: 113 Member
    I agree with the other posters. Use MFP as your means of weight loss support. And I ESPECIALLY agree with the prove them wrong attitude. I watched my husband lose over 100lbs. He met with all sorts of oppisition. And a lot of it is not intentional. "Come on... One more beer dude?" It's just fried chicken... once won't hurt." But after seeing his progress and his amazing transformation, they changed their tune to "how can I do that too?" real quick. I think some people don't intentional try to sabatouge your success but they do out of a fear of change; if you are healthy and worked hard to loose weight, what does that say about them? Keep it up and don't let them get you down!
  • lizzynewm
    lizzynewm Posts: 199 Member
    well if you make comments like "i'm fat, i'm fat, i'm fat" nobody you love is going to say "i know! ugh you are so fat!" nobody wants you to feel bad about yourself. and honestly, you really shouldn't. you have to accept yourself at whatever weight you're at, even if you understand you should lose some.

    if i were you, and all the comments were really starting to get to me, i would start becoming quieter about my weight loss around friends/coworkers and flat out ignore any snide comments made by mom or whoever. just ignore them, go about your business, and work hard until you're at your goal. then watch as they say they're so proud of you for losing the weight they pretended you didn't need to lose.

    some people in my life say "no, no! you don't need to lose anymore weight, just maintain!" but i know i have a ton of weight left to use. i just kind of smile and say "we'll see" and then continue doing what i do. just ignore them, don't let them bring you down, and stick around here with us - we'll support you!!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Facebook is not the place for those types of posts. Use MFP instead, that's what this community is here for. I'm feeling a negativity in your post that doesn't just seem to come from the people around you. Learn to love yourself! 154 pounds is hardly huge. Set your goals and be happy and excited about working towards those goals. Don't worry about what the people around you think!!
  • keshiabug1
    keshiabug1 Posts: 150
    well if you make comments like "i'm fat, i'm fat, i'm fat" nobody you love is going to say "i know! ugh you are so fat!" nobody wants you to feel bad about yourself. and honestly, you really shouldn't. you have to accept yourself at whatever weight you're at, even if you understand you should lose some.

    if i were you, and all the comments were really starting to get to me, i would start becoming quieter about my weight loss around friends/coworkers and flat out ignore any snide comments made by mom or whoever. just ignore them, go about your business, and work hard until you're at your goal. then watch as they say they're so proud of you for losing the weight they pretended you didn't need to lose.

    some people in my life say "no, no! you don't need to lose anymore weight, just maintain!" but i know i have a ton of weight left to use. i just kind of smile and say "we'll see" and then continue doing what i do. just ignore them, don't let them bring you down, and stick around here with us - we'll support you!!

    Just for the record, the 'I'm fat, I'm fat!' thing was all jokingly, however it does help me to remember I have a goal I want to reach! :) lol. But thank you for your support! I def need all that I can get!
  • keshiabug1
    keshiabug1 Posts: 150
    Facebook is not the place for those types of posts. Use MFP instead, that's what this community is here for. I'm feeling a negativity in your post that doesn't just seem to come from the people around you. Learn to love yourself! 154 pounds is hardly huge. Set your goals and be happy and excited about working towards those goals. Don't worry about what the people around you think!!

    My negativity... I do accept that there is some... comes mainly from the fact that I was expecting support from the ones I love. I can honestly say I am a little bitter that strangers accept me and support me with what I am doing more than the people that love me and know me best!

    I know, bitterness is not healthy. I am working on that! :) lol

    by the way, I am VERY THANKFUL for everyones support! :)
  • Lovestoscrapbook
    Lovestoscrapbook Posts: 295 Member
    I keep my weight loss goals to myself. I know what I have to do and don't need other peoples opinions/comments.

    Same here. I am very careful who I discuss my weight loss and fitness goals with...only a few very trusted friends and family members. I don't even discuss with those I work immediately with even though others have commented that they have noticed the weight loss. I very rarely post anything on FB...anything to do with weight loss goals, fitness, progress, etc. is posted on the MFP community. Email/electronic media, etc. is a hard medium to communicate it. If your coworkers feel that your online posting of "I'm fat" was a call for attention be aware of that and restrict that to MFP where you can express that this is how you are feeling because of frustrations of _______. Those on this site can relate and understand - those not on this journey probably will not understand in the same way or not at all.
  • Gracerrr
    Gracerrr Posts: 139 Member
    Everyone has their own struggles, issues, and perspectives to deal with in life. While your supports should be more understanding in some areas, I think that you have to realize it can be very upsetting for people who care about you to see things like "I'm fat, I'm fat, I'm fat" put out there in public.

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