Please Help

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tobejune
tobejune Posts: 177
in Chit-Chat
I'm a single mom and my son is 3. He spends 75% of his time with me and 25% of his time with his dad. Usually, I have him during the day and 3-5 nights a week. His father has him 2-3 nights a week and every other weekend (which is more accurately like every third weekend). His father pays child support to me privately, meaning we don't go through the state, and it's considerably less than what the state would require. Legally, he's not even recognized by the state as his father because we were un-married when he was born.

The last 3 years I have claimed my son as a dependent on my taxes. This year, his father wants to claim him. I don't think that's fair since I pay for almost everything: clothes, childcare, any activities (swimming, classes, etc)

I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation and how they came to a solution and what that solution was. Any resources would be appreciated, as well. We live in Minnesota, US.

Thanks in advance.

PS. If it's too personal to share your situation here, please PM me if you're more comfortable. THANKS!

Replies

  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    This is a legal issue and you need to speak to a lawyer in your state about it.

    If he isn't legally recognized as the father, not sure what the rules are.

    That, and it wouldn't hurt for you to make his requirement to pay child support a legal obligation. Right now, if you don't have a legal agreement, he can just stop and force you to prove paternity.

    But I'm not giving you legal advice. You need a lawyer.
  • worcwebbs
    worcwebbs Posts: 1
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    I agree with tit12345...if you are confident about pertnity, time has come to get the custody, child support situation legalaized. There must be some legal/family aid available to help with this. Also, it will take care of the tax deduction issue.

    However, in the mean time, it seems to me that if this arrangement is not legalized by the state, you have more than 50% of custody and expenses, he does not have the right to take a deduction.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
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    I figured I'd need to speak with a lawyer eventually, but he texted me this afternoon about wanting to talk about it tonight and I don't have time to contact a lawyer before then, so I was just hoping to have some idea of what the "norm" is instead of just telling him my opinion blindly.

    I think I might suggest we seek a mediator or therapist or some unbiased third party to help us decide. I'm just worried that if the third party sides in his favor, without my tax return, I likely will be in a very dire financial situation!!

    Thanks for the response.
  • DaniH826
    DaniH826 Posts: 1,335 Member
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    1. Wouldn't this go in the off-topic section because it has nothing to do with nutrition/fitness?
    2. You do need to talk to a lawyer or public accountant in your area about this.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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    If there is no legal custody papers and you have him 75% of the time and provide the majority of the care, then the last time I looked at the tax laws concerning claiming a dependent, he doesn't qualify to claim him if you don't want him to. You would have to fill out a form giving him permission as the father to claim...legally anyway.

    If you don't want him to claim your son, then you don't have to let him.

    But, this is tax law, so talk to an attorney or CPA for current laws in your state, and for the federal filing laws.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
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    1. Wouldn't this go in the off-topic section because it has nothing to do with nutrition/fitness?
    2. You do need to talk to a lawyer or public accountant in your area about this.

    I apologize, I didn't mean to post in the wrong forum, I guess I thought support/ motivation wasn't just about fitness. I just wanted to be taken seriously, and chit chat fun/ games didn't seem to be an appropriate place to receive serious answers.



    As for the other response, thank you, that's helpful information. I do intend to contact a lawyer before a final decision is made but again, just wanted to feel confident in telling his father this afternoon that he can't claim him for the time being, until we figure it out with professional help.

    Thanks everyone!
  • hrubyk1804
    hrubyk1804 Posts: 51
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    I'm certainly no expert, but I know there are 'rules' as to who you can claim as a dependent. Under the qualifying child
    rule, the child must live with whoever is claiming them at least 50% of the year and provide at least half of his support.
    So, I don't think he can anyway, but definitely contact a CPA at least...
  • dawn_eichert
    dawn_eichert Posts: 487 Member
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    I will agree you need to contact a lawyer. It is also very possible that you can call a family lawyer and just ask a question or two without having to pay a bill. You will just need to keep it short and only ask maybe 1 question.

    For me, we have a legal custody arrangement that spells this out. But for the most part, if the child lives with you more than 50% of the time and you provide majority of the expenses, then he doesn't have a right to claim him as a dependent. I do however believe that he can deduct what he pays in child support from his taxes (I just did mine and I recall there being a section that asked if I paid child support in the deductions section).

    Good luck and stay strong!
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    1. Wouldn't this go in the off-topic section because it has nothing to do with nutrition/fitness?
    2. You do need to talk to a lawyer or public accountant in your area about this.

    I apologize, I didn't mean to post in the wrong forum, I guess I thought support/ motivation wasn't just about fitness. I just wanted to be taken seriously, and chit chat fun/ games didn't seem to be an appropriate place to receive serious answers.



    As for the other response, thank you, that's helpful information. I do intend to contact a lawyer before a final decision is made but again, just wanted to feel confident in telling his father this afternoon that he can't claim him for the time being, until we figure it out with professional help.

    Thanks everyone!

    Honestly, I'm with tlt12345. You need to speak to a lawyer in your state because the laws vary by state and what is "normal" in one state is not in another. That, and like most legal issues "normal" includes a range of possible solutions that are generally accepted. Call your local legal aid society or a law school near you as they often have legal clinics that can provide help. You do not want this to go on without it being documented.

    This is not to be construed as legal advice.
  • Routerninja
    Routerninja Posts: 201
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    Me and my ex-wife have an agreement written into the custody agreement that we alternate years of claiming the kids on our taxes but I haven't claimed them in quite a while since it gives her much more of a financial benefit that it does for me, so I don't really stress too much about it since it all benefits the kids anyway.

    And child support isnt tax deductible. Alimony is, but not CS. I'd love to be able to claim a deduction for the 12-15k I pay a year :)
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    My ex wanted to claim one of the two kids on her tax return, or else claim them every other year. She gets them every first and third weekend, plus 1 week night one week, then two week nights the next week, alternating. She isn't exercising her weeknight visitation right now (long story). And she pays no child support. Needless to say, I claim both kids as dependants on my taxes every year.
  • heatheral3
    heatheral3 Posts: 4
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    This is not legal advice, but my ex and I are in a private arrangement also. Ours is about 75%/25%, majority with me. We too pay most of the bills and extra expenses as well. I claim the kids every year, because he makes more in one year then I do. That extra money helps balance it out.
  • weightedfootsteps
    weightedfootsteps Posts: 4,349 Member
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    I raise my children..their father is obligated to pay child support, however, rarely does..he sees them every other weekend if its convenient. I made it a stipulation while in court about visitation and child support that he has to pay every week for the entire year. If he does then he can claim one of the children for that year...so far he has never met that stipulation...I did let him claim one child twice and when I chose not to last year...lets just say a whole lot of words were said to me that I will never forget!! Also they were sent in messages and I saved them to hold for future. I say take it to court. Very likely he won't be able to claim or they may make it to where you claim one year then him the next.
  • jessicamiller8884
    jessicamiller8884 Posts: 9 Member
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    I also am in MN. My son is also 3, and my ex husband left during the pregnancy. We do go through the state for child support, and I am 90%, him 10% of the time for custody. We have in our divorce paperwork that he can claim every other year. I have to fill out a form for him to legally claim him though, otherwise it's custodial parent entitlement. I beleive there are 2 different credits too, like daycare credit and just dependent one. Every year I get the daycare one as he resides in my home.

    It's for you two to discuss, maybe even have a tax pro look at who it would benefit more, especially if you guys are amicable enought to see who it would most benefit come tax time in the form of a refund.

    But, rest assured, he would need his SS # and your permission to claim him.

    Good luck!
  • dangerousdumpling
    dangerousdumpling Posts: 1,109 Member
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    You don't have to meet with him today just because he wants to. Tell him you need more time to think if over or that today isn't convenient for you. Contact an attorney asap and do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child financially.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,119 Member
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    Tell him you will be claiming the child. You are not legally bound to this man and he has no control over how you file your taxes. He's not going to like it, but you don't need a reason, just tell him he can talk to a lawyer if he wants.

    If you are 100% sure he is the father, then let him take it to the next level, if you can't afford to. Really it's in your best interest to get a legally binding parenting agreement - either way. At some point it's going to be a bigger issue than this.
  • tsdaughe
    tsdaughe Posts: 88
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    Look it up on the IRS website or call them but from what I know as a single mom, he doesn't have your son enough to even claim him on his taxes. I have 2 children with my ex husband. He pays child support from his military paycheck. I claim both our children because I have primary physical custody. I have my children 5 nights a week and he has them 2 nights a week. Just because he wants to talk does not mean you have to.. Simply tell him, I will be claiming our son on taxes as I have the past 3 years. I pay for and support our son financially with probably not even 50% assistance from you. Leave it at that. File your taxes ASAP and if he claims your son also, the IRS will come back at both of you and can you show proof that you meet the requirement to claim the credit and not him.
  • tsdaughe
    tsdaughe Posts: 88
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    Oh and get child support set up through the state. Don't do him any favors. Mine pays the max for the state due to childcare expenses. Yes he whines and complains every chance he gets but oh well.

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