Single and left out
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:flowerforyou: I feel for you. I am married but my husband is like... I'm going over to a friend's house...
so then I have my 2 kids to take care of alone. Do any of his friends ever come to our house? Nope. Do they ever invite our entire family over? Nope. So I just hang with my mom most of the time. I'm ok with it though. I don't read too much into it.
I think if those "friends" really knew how you felt, they would make more of an effort. Have you taken inventory of your behavior around other people? I mean do you constantly drone on and on about your ex? Talk about how no one invites you over? This can be really off putting to people. Try being upbeat and positive the next time you talk to your friends and family. Explain how you feel to them and let them know you are open to spending time with them whenever and where ever they like. It can't always be on your terms
Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
I have thought of this but I am a very happy person - especially lately. I get along with my ex and I have been very happy about things. I think my family gets annoyed with my dieting stuff because I won't eat much but I'm not always going on and on about it. I don't complain about being single or anything. I have heard before though that married people don't like being around divorced people because they think it will like rub off or something ridiculous like that lol. Maybe that's it?? :-)0 -
that is good advice. I love the bit about sending real invitations. People have gotten away from those, thank you cards, written letters, etc... Would be a very lovely, thoughtful thing to do.I used to go through this. I had to make some changes.
I really like couples, and we had a group of woman that have known each other since grade school. They all brought their husbands and it's a great time. Then one of the gals died. We still invite her husband, but he hasn't come yet. (Sure lots of reasons - but not sure he wants to be involved.)
In the end, you are responsible for your happiness. Join a church, go bowling, play on a softball team or join a running club - there are lots of opportunities to be with other people - and you might meet some others just looking for a friend. When it comes to the others, send real invitations inviting the whole family over if that is what you want. With your family, it's OK to say what you need and why you feel that way.
Good luck.0 -
The nature of marriage, or even a serious relationship is that a person dedicate their time, money, and efforts to building a life together. Of course that doesn't mean abondening friends and others, but those opportunities to go out change...as they should. If you were married or in a serious relationship you would end up the same over time.
Join some activity clubs, stay active in sports or your church, and find others with common interests and goals. That is all you can do until your time comes.0 -
Sorry...I have no advice. I am married and hang out with whoever.. BTW..you look gorgeous in the red dress in your profile pic!0
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I used to go through this. I had to make some changes.
I really like couples, and we had a group of woman that have known each other since grade school. They all brought their husbands and it's a great time. Then one of the gals died. We still invite her husband, but he hasn't come yet. (Sure lots of reasons - but not sure he wants to be involved.)
In the end, you are responsible for your happiness. Join a church, go bowling, play on a softball team or join a running club - there are lots of opportunities to be with other people - and you might meet some others just looking for a friend. When it comes to the others, send real invitations inviting the whole family over if that is what you want. With your family, it's OK to say what you need and why you feel that way.
Good luck.
I thought about joining a church to meet people (friends, not a man lol) but I'm not religious and felt like that would be wrong
I do want to find some kind of team or something active to do - that's a good idea I work by myself at home so I'm not around other people much on a daily basis so I guess I just have to find somewhere else. I go to the gym but nobody talks to anybody much it seems like. I was standing waiting for my class to start the other day and there were four other women waiting too and they were all playing on their phones instead of being social lol. I guess I worry that it will be that way no matter what I try :-) But I should just do it and see instead of assuming! 0 -
Sorry...I have no advice. I am married and hang out with whoever.. BTW..you look gorgeous in the red dress in your profile pic!
Thanks! :-)0 -
I agree with the other responses but also:
Like attracts like. Couples mix with couples.
You could be intimidating to the women now that you've lost weight.
Let it be known that you are completely ok with being a single person at an event. You are in transition.
I would have no problem inviting you to a party.
The bigger the event, the less other couples would feel awkward inviting you. Like the other poster said, if you go out with a couple, who's the man going to socialize with? In every small group I've been in, the women usually gravitate toward the women, men toward men. So bigger gatherings should be fine for you.0 -
I agree with the other responses but also:
Like attracts like. Couples mix with couples.
You could be intimidating to the women now that you've lost weight.
Let it be known that you are completely ok with being a single person at an event. You are in transition.
I would have no problem inviting you to a party.
The bigger the event, the less other couples would feel awkward inviting you. Like the other poster said, if you go out with a couple, who's the man going to socialize with? In every small group I've been in, the women usually gravitate toward the women, men toward men. So bigger gatherings should be fine for you.
That is true. I guess I just figure the people I've known my whole life and have been friends with for over a decade would still wanna be around but things change and I can't expect this to be any different for me. "If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you", right? :-)0 -
Not wishing to sound nasty, but was just thinking about this and what came to mind...
Surely some of your group of friends stayed single?
Presuming this is the case - it would seem you've done to them what you're now finding happening to yourself - that you've left them out of your social circle for whatever reason.
I tend to be pretty 'all inclusive' for any social event I organise - but then at the moment I've been single for far too long - and I've certainly not done the 'wife and kids' thing.0 -
I was just thinking about this earlier today... I was a divorced mom of 2 toddlers in 1991 and have stayed sinlge thru all these years, so I speak from experience and totally feel your pain.
Funny thing is, when I was in a relationship (and there have been several), my social life with my friends picked up, then would dwindle when I was without a guy in my life. Even when I was invited to "couples" events alone, I would feel like the fifth wheel, so avoided those scenarios after awhile. I even felt the cold shoulder from the married moms at soccer, school events, etc. One time, one of the "moms" told me that the others kept their distance because they didn't want me around their husbands. WHAT? I was very naive back then, therefore, shocked by that bit of news. (Trust me, I had absolutely no interest in their husbands). I kept busy with my kids sports and activities, and I traveled for work, so there wasn't much to have a social life anyway. When I did feel the need, I would put a party together, invite people out to see some live music or go to the movies, have some wine at my place...you get the picture.
Now, my kids are grown and have moved on and I am experiencing that second wave of being a single women in a married world. Besides my full-time job, I volunteer at an animal shelter (just adopted a dog), I'm training for a half-marathon, I'm taking classes.... I'm busy, so it's okay. I guess my advice to you is to focus on yourself, create your own life, and invite others in as you want. If your family and friends choose to be distant, they are the ones losing out.0 -
I was just thinking about this earlier today... I was a divorced mom of 2 toddlers in 1991 and have stayed sinlge thru all these years, so I speak from experience and totally feel your pain.
Funny thing is, when I was in a relationship (and there have been several), my social life with my friends picked up, then would dwindle when I was without a guy in my life. Even when I was invited to "couples" events alone, I would feel like the fifth wheel, so avoided those scenarios after awhile. I even felt the cold shoulder from the married moms at soccer, school events, etc. One time, one of the "moms" told me that the others kept their distance because they didn't want me around their husbands. WHAT? I was very naive back then, therefore, shocked by that bit of news. (Trust me, I had absolutely no interest in their husbands). I kept busy with my kids sports and activities, and I traveled for work, so there wasn't much to have a social life anyway. When I did feel the need, I would put a party together, invite people out to see some live music or go to the movies, have some wine at my place...you get the picture.
Now, my kids are grown and have moved on and I am experiencing that second wave of being a single women in a married world. Besides my full-time job, I volunteer at an animal shelter (just adopted a dog), I'm training for a half-marathon, I'm taking classes.... I'm busy, so it's okay. I guess my advice to you is to focus on yourself, create your own life, and invite others in as you want. If your family and friends choose to be distant, they are the ones losing out.
It's funny you mentioned that - I actually complain to my ex (daughters' father) that none of the other moms at school events seem to wanna talk to me - I get the cold shoulder too but they are all more attractive than me (at least I think so) so I wouldn't think they are intimidated but maybe it's because I'm single and they just think I'm after their men anyway lol. I guess I should feel lucky that I have some freedom to do fun things and keep myself busy and social and shouldn't worry so much about "old" friends if they aren't wanting to keep in touch. I want to have your attitude eventually also - it sounds like you have a fulfilling life :-) Thank you for replying!0 -
I agree with the other responses but also:
Like attracts like. Couples mix with couples.
You could be intimidating to the women now that you've lost weight.
Let it be known that you are completely ok with being a single person at an event. You are in transition.
I would have no problem inviting you to a party.
The bigger the event, the less other couples would feel awkward inviting you. Like the other poster said, if you go out with a couple, who's the man going to socialize with? In every small group I've been in, the women usually gravitate toward the women, men toward men. So bigger gatherings should be fine for you.
That is true. I guess I just figure the people I've known my whole life and have been friends with for over a decade would still wanna be around but things change and I can't expect this to be any different for me. "If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you", right? :-)
You got it sister!0 -
I can so relate to this post! My married friends are too busy to get together with me & my friends that are dating, well I get the feeling they say "yeah come out & join us" are feeling obligated to invite me as a "single" when they're all "couples." It sucks so I just do a lot of things alone, watch "romantic movies" & think to myself, "yep, love happens to everyone else except me?!" That old saying is right though....."Life Is What You Make It" I'm Happy with my life! :glasses: :ohwell:
:blushing: 
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As a married man, and a married man with kids to boot, I have to say that it is hard sometimes to include our single/childless friends in activities. We try our best to make sure we both take some time to have guys night and girls night, but those opportunities are about once per month if we're lucky, and we can usually only manage a few hours tops as we have other commitments and responsibilities to tend to. I can't tell you how many times I've just been out with the guys and I get the, "c'mon man....you're going home already...what are you whipped or something?'..."Uhhhh actually, I'm married and have two babies at home."
It can be difficult to include our single and childless friend sometimes because there is so much that we no longer have in common...and so many things that we do that I would think not be all that interesting to our single friends. I personally can't imagine calling up one of my single, childless buddies and asking, "hey...want to go to the zoo...they're having a free giraffe feeding today, kids are going to love it." We make an effort at times to have them over to the house to hang out, but even that gets weird...they want to talk about this or that, meanwhile our toddler is interrupting or the baby needs a diaper change...oh, and by the way you guys need to bail around 9PM so we can hit the sack because the baby is going to be up every 2 hours starting.....now.
It's not so much that I don't love my single and childless friends....i do (and often I am jealous of their freedom)...but at this point, our lives are worlds apart and they can't even fathom what my day to day is...it doesn't leave us a whole lot of things to really talk about sometimes.0
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