This has almost nothing to do with weight loss......

HalloweenMom · May 2010

On Friday my boss asked me the stupidest question ever "Did you do anything today?" - I've only been working here approximately 3 months and he's already asking me this? I'm 26 years old and have worked since I was 15, yeah 11 years of working in a desk, answering to someone, putting up with that someone's bull crap and getting paid no more than 16 bucks an hour to put up with it. I don't know why but after he said that my mind has been all over the place. I feel "DEPRESSED", I have this hole in my stomach, I feel like crying and I feel like a total failure. My co-worker asked me today "What do you want to be?", when I grow up - she means, right? When I grow up? Well, I'm already a grown up, I still don't know. Ugh. I feel like crying.

Am I ungrateful? Maybe, yes... Maybe I should be grateful that I still have a job (although I hate it), that I have a home (although it's really small and it frustrates me), that I have a car (although I know it needs work but I don't have the $ to put into it), that I have food on my refrigerator to feed my daughter and that I have LIFE (although I feel like a failure). I know others have it worse than me, and I also know that there are others that have it better than me. I should understand this and acknowledge it but I don't and I can't. I don't want it to be worse, I want it to be better.

Why do we all get caught up in this fast world we live in? We give up on our dreams and hopes because those bills can't wait. I remember wanting to go to college and becoming a psychologist, a writer, an "important" person. I didn't want my daughter to live the life I lived as a child, and here I am: 26 yrs old and putting up with the boss that no matter what I do will always feel that I'm NOT good enough for this position. What happened to my dreams? Whatever happened to time? Where did it all go? I have worked for 11 years and this is all I get? This is all I have?

My daughter has so little space to play in at home and it kills me to know that she doesn't have a yard to run in, that she doesn't have her own little room to play in. I don't want this for her, I don't want this for myself. Everything seems so difficult and unreachable, everything does. I remember going to school and not spending time with her because work and school took all of it. I want to be there for her and see her grow so I sit here in this desk and live an average life just to make sure I get home by 5 pm and I see her smile.

I always felt as if I had this strength in me to be able to own my own business = I could see myself running it, being the boss, being successful and seeing my daughter look up to me as a strong woman, but I don't know if that will ever happen. I know that all she needs is LOVE and I know I'm giving her that, but I want to be able to give her the world - and I don't know if that will ever happen. I wish I could stand up right now and walk out of this office and go to her and hug her and stay there with her, but I can't. I'm here, living this fast life that everyone else does, giving up on my dreams and hopes because without those 16 dollars an hour I'll be NOTHING. I'm here putting up with another unsatisfied boss, using my dream of writing to write about how unhappy I am with myself as a person. Why didn't I stay in school? Why did I try to become independent right away? Why didn't I stay at home and become a doctor? I don't know... I really don't know.

I want more out of life, I want to be able to wake up in the morning and know that although life has its ups and downs, that I'm happy with the outcome. I know there's more out there for me, but how can I pause this fast life and go get them? How can I go and live my dream when life moves so fast and time passes by so quickly I can barely move an inch? Should I just get used to this life and stop being ungrateful? I want to feel fulfilled - I want so many things.................................

Yurippe · May 2010

If you want more out of life the main thing preventing you from getting there is you.

I know that sounds harsh and I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings because that isn't my intention. When I get a case of the blahs I need my friends to kick me in the butt and remind me that I am in control of my life. If there are things you don't like about your life (ex: your job, not finishing school) then what can you do to make improvements (ex: look for a new job, take online classes to get your degree and get a better job)?

Everyone needs to chance to vent once in a while. I hope that getting out all your feelings is the first step toward making some changes that bring you true happiness.

Joscelle · May 2010

I don't have any useful advice for you - I just want you to know you're being heard. It's tough being a mom, much less a single mom. (((Halloween Mom))))

trollorbust · May 2010

I am sorry you are having a hard time.. I will put you in my prayers..

LuckyLeprechaun · May 2010

The best thing you can give your daughter is a healthy happy Mommy! She needs this, and will appreciate it much more than any house or car or lifestyle that can be purchased. The attitude you're giving off is one of "I am lacking." That colors your perceptions of everything. Instead, if you shift your focus to "I am grateful," with practice, you'll grow to see what you have, instead of feeling bad about what you don't. And that mindset will help you feel satisfaction in a way that no material possessions ever could.

I suggest a gratitude journal for you....every day you must write about the (insert number here) things you are grateful for. Try to really stretch yourself. In my own, my rule for myself is I'm not allowed to mention the same things in a given week. So I can be grateful for my husband one one day, but for the rest of that week I can't mention him again, I have to find new things to write about. This keeps your mind looking for things to be grateful for. It seems like a small act, but it alters the way you look at your world in a powerful way.

KeriD · May 2010

The way your boss is treating you today may just be the sign or kick in the butt you need to go out and start looking for that freelance writing assignment. Start looking....today.....start doing your online research....maybe you will write editorials or kids books or who knows what....but this is your kick in the butt to get it started. This is how many great businesses get started. Come on girl....you are very good with words.....start the ball rolling!!!! Believe in yourself!!!! x

leavinglasvegas · May 2010

I had one of those jobs. An oppurtunity arose that allowed me to leave and go back to school and pave a new path for myself. The path I want, not according to anyone elses standards. I went back to school and I'm following a path that pleases me. (Its not easy, but I'm no longer disappointed in myself. I'm not living the high life, but I have no regrets. I've not yet acheived my big goals, but I'm enjoying the journey rather than wondering what if.) I realize now that my daughter will learn more about life by seeing Mom happy than seeing Mom miserable because followed the carved path like an obedient girl is supposed to.

I'm not saying quit your job by all means! But you are now very aware of what you do NOT want. Start paying attention to everything around you. Become aware of yourself and your surroundings. When you least expect it, an oppurtunity will present itself to you. Do not hesitate to take it. Don't wait for it, prepare for it. You can do anything you want to do. The key is, you have to know what you want. Discovering what you want should be fun, not a chore. Don't spend another second being angry, irritated, or caught up in the world. Focus every second from this point forward on right now and do not ever look back.

Holly

weaklink109 · May 2010

Welcome to the wonderful world of 9 - 5. If you think it sucks now, wait til you are in your middle 50's and are surrounded by people who don't have a clue about how to interact positively with those around them. I have worked as an employee, and been fortunate to have some good supervisors. I have also had some total losers. I have also co-owned and operated a business (with a spouse) and worked in a position where I set my own hours and was my own boss. I worked in some smaller, family run operations, and most recently in a large corporate (banking) environment. I mention these things so you have an idea of my frame of reference.

Looking back on the last 38 years of making a living, I would say, if you know what you want to do, then you need to work backwards. What do you have to do to get there? If that means going back to school, take a look at financial aid options, different employment options that will fit in with a school schedule. It will mean a sacrifice now, but your daughter will benefit in the long run with a better life and a happier mom.

If you are not sure what direction you want to travel--just that you want it to be AWAY from your current employer, I suggest a trip to the local bookstore to find books that can help you evaluate your interests, skills, etc. and help you point yourself in the right direction. If your community college has a career exploration, or career changing class, that might also be helpful.

Do you have family that you can count on for some help--childcare, for example--to save some money that way?

If nothing else. Sit down with two pieces of paper, and on one write ANYthing you would like to accomplish or do during your life. On the other one, place those items that have the strongest pull, and some idea of what you would do to make it possible. Maybe this exercise will help you focus on what you want to do.

Another exercise. Take two pieces of paper and on one, put the pro's and con's of keeping your current situation and doing nothing to change it, on the other the pro's and con's of making changes in your life.

Both of these exercises will help you focus on what YOU want, and might get you pointed in a positive direction.

Lastly, here is a link to a free online book that has some good motivational info in it. http://www.thedontquitpoem.com/download.htm

This site is safe, won't spam you to death, and there is no trick. The book is free. There are offers later to purchase one of the author's book, but you can still view the free book for free, and it has some good stuff in it.

Good luck!!

byHISstrength · May 2010

I can relate to many of things you shared. I know it is hard. But as someone who is 37 and still deals with some of those feelings I want to encourage to do what you can to go back to school. I was a young mom and took whatever job I could get to financially support us and now wish I would have had the courage to go to school earlier. As of now I have been taking college courses for 5 years (taking 1 class at a time). Start now to better yourself.

As far as your daughter goes, I understand wanting to give her the world, but that is not what she wants. Kids want time with their parents. Spend time playing with her, taking her to the park, doing crafts...whatever and even disciplining. Yesterday, writing the mother's day card for my mom the things that I thanked her for were for being there for me--unconditionally.

Unfortunately, no matter how much you have you will always want more...that's just humanity. We all have a hole in our heart. We try to fill it with all kinds of stuff--money, relationships, work, success...whatever. But the fact is is that only Jesus can fill that hole...it is a God-shaped hole. My challenge to you it to open your heart and invite Him to take the driver's seat.

I will be praying for you.

LycraLegs · May 2010

The time has come, if not now - then when?
No one cares if you're miserable, so might as well be HAPPY
This is YOUR life, ONLY YOU have control of IT!
_______________________________________
The quote that got me through last time:
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true!"
.................................

Your words, now pick yourself up and put them into action!
You are a good person, and you have what it takes, and YOU ARE WORTH IT!

AdymondNtheRuff · May 2010

Hey honey you are being real hard on yourself. The first thing you want to do is STOP calling yourself a failure or thinking of yourself as a failure. We are products of what we say or think about ourselves. I know it's hard I am in the same circumstance. My problem is I have finished my degree but I chose a degree that I thought would benefit me business although i hated the classes it did make me a bit more marketable non the less i am still searching for who am I and what is my purpose. I have been on the same job for 10yrs i started upwards getting promoted every year from 2000-2006 than it happened they moved our legal department out of our office sent it to Dallas mainly demoted our whole department they refused services packages and made us all go to customer service or quit out salaries stayed the same but we lost our titles to top it off, they hired a boss by the name of envy entered she did everything to tear me to shreds she took all my perks, stripped me of my titles and abilities and consistently told me what I am not good at in her eyes needless to say she is not in out department anymore to many complaints... But for a good while i let the things she said ruin me, until i had an aw ha moment and realize she did not define me I defined me... I had gastric bypass and finished my degree all in the same year and guess what... now I am trying to own it back. You'll do fine just find what you love needless to say I am looking to go into paralegal I never liked school well enough to become an attorney but i wish I had because that is really what I wanted to do.

donsch · May 2010

I so agree with by hisgrace. she is right on track-there is a God sized hole in every heart. He will fill it in the most amazing way for you!!

LuckyLeprechaun · May 2010

My heart is just fine.

No holes at all. :huh:

This has almost nothing to do with weight loss......

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