how can I deal with the debbie downers in my life

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ACarp24
ACarp24 Posts: 90
in Motivation and Support
Yesterday was mothers day, and I wanted to go out to dinner with my sister and my mother. However, they wanted to avoid the crowds so they decided they wanted to order carry out from Lasca's. Lasca's is a fancy restaurant which= cream sauce butter and fat galore. I voiced that there was probably nothing that I could order from there because any lean protein they have is covered in either butter or breaded and deep fried, plus the portions there are ENORMOUS, enough for 2 people at least. They of course tried to say that I was foiling our mothers day celebration with my "stupid diet." They also gave me the famous, "it's only one day" speech. But you know what, if I had just indulged, I could have easily eaten 3,500 calories in just that one meal and gained a pound. Plus, I can't live without my evening snack and I know I would have eaten something unhealthy because the day would have been ruined already. I just don't know how to talk to them to explain to them that the indulgence isn't worth it when I bust my butt all week at the gym I may only lose 1 pound, and just eating this one meal could potentially ruin all of that. I try to explain but they don't get it!

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  • Missspenditall
    Missspenditall Posts: 301 Member
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    Hello, I think you did the right thing..You have a goal that is important to you! Is your Mom & Sister overweight?
  • dangerjones
    dangerjones Posts: 7
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.

    I think you're wrong. She's trying to better herself and they should be a LITTLE more accomodating to her HEALTH than their taste buds. Places like that don't make it easy to make "substitutions". It's not BK where you have it your way.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 21,737 Member
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    I think dangerjones makes a good point. One thing I learned from my late papa (who had diabetes and had no choice but to eat for his well-being) was that I can make the food choices I need to make for myself without imposing on anybody else. If that means I have to take a turkey sandwich to a birthday party where pizza is being served, that's what I do. In fact, that's what I did Saturday. Yesterday, we went to a wolf sanctuary to celebrate Mother's Day, but we went to a birthday party immediately after. I chugged a chocolate Shakeology in the car on the way there and had no problem saying "No, thank you" to the cake and ice cream. Now if people have a problem with the way you eat even if it doesn't keep them from eating what they want, that's too bad for them.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 21,737 Member
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.

    I think you're wrong. She's trying to better herself and they should be a LITTLE more accomodating to her HEALTH than their taste buds. Places like that don't make it easy to make "substitutions". It's not BK where you have it your way.
    They ordered carry out. She could have easily fixed her own food and still enjoyed the time spent with her mom and sis.
  • sparkles321
    sparkles321 Posts: 107
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    Wow, I'm sorry to hear that your sister and mother couldn't be more supportive of you. That's really horrible. If it were any other people, I'd stop hanging out with them, but family is different (and much more difficult, emotionally) to deal with. Since it was takeout, could you have made something at the house instead of ordering with them? If you had to go pick it up, could you have called in an order to another restaurant of your choosing and stopped by there as well? Or are there any other delivery restaurants that you could have ordered from for a separate delivery? Just some thoughts for some future possibilities.

    I don't know how long you've been eating this way, but if it's still fairly new, they may not take it seriously. It might just take sticking to your guns time and time again to wear them down and eventually get them to see that you have a new lifestyle. If they're not listening to words, they might pay attention to action.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.

    I think you're wrong. She's trying to better herself and they should be a LITTLE more accomodating to her HEALTH than their taste buds. Places like that don't make it easy to make "substitutions". It's not BK where you have it your way.
    They ordered carry out. She could have easily fixed her own food and still enjoyed the time spent with her mom and sis.

    That is true...she could have. And she never said what she ended up doing, maybe that's what she did. My mom and sister would have a COW if they ordered something special and I made something else to eat so I can understand where she's coming from. I had to suck it up and eat something I didn't really want to eat Friday because I told my mom to pick where I took her out for dinner. I did the best I could but ultimately, have no idea how many calories I ate because they don't have it posted anywhere. Sometimes you have to take one for the team... just so you don't get an earful.
  • sparkles321
    sparkles321 Posts: 107
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.

    Would you say the same thing to a family member or friend who is vegetarian when everyone wants to go to a restaurant with very few, if any, vegetarian choices? Or someone who has food allergies and can't eat at a particular restaurant because they use peanut oil? I hope you would say NO! I don't see choosing to eat healthier food options as any different.
  • mvl1014
    mvl1014 Posts: 531
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    Would you say the same thing to a family member or friend who is vegetarian when everyone wants to go to a restaurant with very few, if any, vegetarian choices? Or someone who has food allergies and can't eat at a particular restaurant because they use peanut oil? I hope you would say NO! I don't see choosing to eat healthier food options as any different.
    Amen to that ^. The idea of love means compromise. You're not saying everyone should eat organic tofu with almond milk. You're just saying, let's choose some place we can all find a good meal.

    I don't really have a suggestion, besides being around people like that as little as possible. When you have to be with them, plan for it accordingly and do your best to watch the portion sizes and ask for no butter, cheese or sauce whenever possible.
  • sniffles
    sniffles Posts: 295
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.

    Would you say the same thing to a family member or friend who is vegetarian when everyone wants to go to a restaurant with very few, if any, vegetarian choices? Or someone who has food allergies and can't eat at a particular restaurant because they use peanut oil? I hope you would say NO! I don't see choosing to eat healthier food options as any different.

    I actually have allergies and was unable to eat at restaurants due to the severity and number of allergies I had for a very long time... my family went to restaurants anyway and I always tagged along for the conversation. It never bothered me to be the only one at the table not eating and they never made a big deal out of it.

    Food is not that important. You SHOULD be able to say; NO. I'm not going to eat that, without feeling bad or being made to feel bad.

    I don't think they were selfish to order what they wanted but I do think they weren't correct in making OP feel bad about her choice. ):
  • sniffles
    sniffles Posts: 295
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    OP: As to how to deal with Debbie Downers - kill them with love. Don't let it dig under your skin and sour your insides. Treat negativity like dust that you wipe off your clothes/feet and just explain to them (next time) how important this is to you. Just explain that you're not willing to allow yourself 'just one day' because that can snowball into many bad days. Next time let them order what they want and order and/or make what you'd prefer. And if they REALLY push it and refuse to listen, just ignore and redirect.

    It's your life, your stomach and your right to say no.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 21,737 Member
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    OP: As to how to deal with Debbie Downers - kill them with love. Don't let it dig under your skin and sour your insides. Treat negativity like dust that you wipe off your clothes/feet and just explain to them (next time) how important this is to you. Just explain that you're not willing to allow yourself 'just one day' because that can snowball into many bad days. Next time let them order what they want and order and/or make what you'd prefer. And if they REALLY push it and refuse to listen, just ignore and redirect.

    It's your life, your stomach and your right to say no.
    I love your take on this AND the quote in your signature! :happy:
  • sniffles
    sniffles Posts: 295
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    I love your take on this AND the quote in your signature! :happy:

    [Brief thread highjack] Thanks! I'm an overthinker, I've been trying to learn how to STOP. Haha. Hard process! Harder then portion control!!! Wait... it IS like portion control, for the brain! :D[End Brief thread highjack]
  • ACarp24
    ACarp24 Posts: 90
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    Come on, now, I think you were the Debbie Downer. You can always request a half order, or no sauce, or grilled instead of fried, or just get the marinara instead of the cream-based sauce. If it's Mother's Day, Mom gets to choose, and if you're ordering instead of dining in, you don't smell the food or see the entrees that other people are eating so the temptations are not even present to over-indulge. Once you reach your goal, you'll still have to exercise self-control, which means taking responsibility for what you eat in any given situation.
    The restaurant they ordered from probably wouldn't dare ruin their fancy food by cooking it healthily, and it would have cost 17+ dollars if they would. The whole idea of eating out is getting something you can't make at home, and for that price tag I would rather. I wanted to just cook something for myself but they said they didn't want me to. I ended up ordering out from applebees, and it was gross and the portion size was so small I was still hungry afterwards......the worst part about it was that I was so hungry I ate it all and it was 500 calories! So not worth it! I was tempted too despite being at home because my mom and sister were eating chicken parmesan, and it smelled so good. Plus my mom kept offering me some because her portion was so big!
  • ACarp24
    ACarp24 Posts: 90
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    Hello, I think you did the right thing..You have a goal that is important to you! Is your Mom & Sister overweight?
    my mother is a little overweight and keeps asking me to put her on a diet but when I suggest something she says she wouldn't eat that. My sister is one of those girls who thinks that as long as she goes to the gym she can eat whatever she wants. She isn't overweight and never has been. They don't understand how much work it takes to lose the weight because they haven't been through what I have to get this far.
  • SammyLynn010
    SammyLynn010 Posts: 293 Member
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    I deal with this on an almost daily basis! My friends and boyfriend do not understand why I want to lose weight (Sam, you are soo tiny) ... Okay TO YOU I don't need to lose weight but for me I wanted to. I am no where near unhealthy and just let me be...

    Now this makes everything complicated for when we go out... They want to go to these places that who knows what the calorie amounts are...so I always opt for a salad, no bread, nothing extra... then I get "that's all you are going to eat?" ... I just say yes and push through it. I know that in the long run it's going to be better for me to suffer through their negativity and lose 2 pounds this week then to give in, feel guilty, and then gain weight on top of that. Now all of this said, for some occasions i give in... last week was my birthday, my diet was a MESS... I gained 3 pounds, so this week I am starting over and doing it all again. The memories were too important for me to miss that day. =)

    Push through it, you know what you are doing, and you know how to get there. Some people are never going to understand, but that's why you get on here and tell us all about it and we help you through it... =D

    You will find encouragement some where love, =D

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