Answer a few ?s for my research on single mothers please :)

1. How old were you when you had your child(ren)? Were you single from the start? How many do you have?
I was 24 at her birth, married to her father for 3 1/2 years. Only 1.

2. What is your ethnicity, gender, religion and do you think these things play a role in your success/failure as a parent?
Eth: Caucasian... white... multi-ethnic American "mutt"... part Catawban Indian
Gender: female
Religion: Christian

I think my religion encourages me to be a good person and raise a good child. I don't think it plays a large part into my parenting, however

3. What is the hardest obstacle you have had to face?
Being her everything while still balancing out "me" as a person. Sometimes I have to remember I'm still a single woman, a person, a best friend, a vivacious person.... not simply "Mommy".


4. Have you ever had to apply for government assistance of any kind? (Welfare, foodstamps, medicaid, childcare assistance, etc.)
No. I am too prideful, even though I'm constantly counting pennies and never sure how I'll make it from one paycheck to the next. However, I make "too much" to qualify (more than likely), even though it all goes to housing, utilities, daycare, work expenses, student loan debt, car payment (on an old one at that). I blame it on my independent nature and constant goal to make it on my own.

5. What was your experience if you said yes to #4? Did it help you, hurt you, teach you, embarrass you?
n/a

6. How do you manage financially? (Job, child support, family, assistance)
I work M-F 8-5pm. I'd like to go to law school but there is no money to do so. I don't receive child support currently. If I ever do, I imagine it will go into a college fund for my daughter. My parents are close by and able to help out occasionally when I need them to pick up my daughter from school because I have a therapy appointment and *might* be late picking her up from daycare. I manage.

7. What does your budget look like? (No need to give financial info in detail, I just want to know how you assess what comes first and what gets left out.)
All my bills get paid. Period. I bargain shop and look for deals. I'm getting ready to cut my cable because my introductory rate is almost over. In order of importance:
1. Rent- must have a roof over our heads.
2. Car insurance- gotta drive to work
3. Car payment- gotta keep my car
4. Daycare- Kiddo has to go to a good school. Period. She is my priority. I don't over pay, thankfully.
5. Utilities- need the lights.
6. Credit cards- almost paid off after years and years of working that debt down. These would be what I'd let slip, if I couldn't pay it all.
7. Student loan- deferred this year. No money. Legal fees wiped me out, twice. Not sure how I will pay them when they come due again.


8. Where do your child(ren) get the role of a father/mother figure? (Relatives, boy/girlfriend, clergy, Big Brothers/sisters type mentoring organizations?)
Mother= me.
Father= I think she picks up a LOT of fathering from my father.

9. If you could do it all over again, would you? What would you change besides not doing it alone or being older?
Nothing. Life teaches us lessons and makes us who we are. I'd change nothing or I wouldn't be me and my daughter wouldn't be her. I love her, I love me, I love us. We are happy. Money never means happiness. Love is happiness. Communication is happiness. We have all we need in our tiny apartment, with deadbolts and chain locks, tucked away in our secondhand furnishings, with full bellies every night, lots of love and hugs and laughter.

10. What advise would you give to a single pregnant woman who has no support but is choosing to take the challenge?
Rely on yourself. You are stronger than you can begin to imagine. Be strong; you have a darling child that depends on you. Love and cherish that child. Be content with what you have. When you envy the easy lives and material objects others have, shift your focus to the earthquake victims in Haiti (before AND after the earthquake) or in Africa or China. Wise advice my uncle once gave my mother that sticks with me always: "There is always someone prettier than you, but there is always someone who wishes they could be as pretty as you. There is always someone better at your talent than you, but there is always someone who wishes they were as talented as you. There is always someone richer with more things, but there is always someone else less fortunate than you." Also remember that God gave YOU that specific baby to raise, and He gave YOU that baby for a reason. A child is a gift... a very difficult, long lasting, sometimes exasperating gift! But the smiles and hugs and kisses make it all worth while.

1. How old were you when you had your child(ren)? Were you single from the start? How many do you have?
-I was 22 when I had her - her father was my boyfriend at the time - she is my only child.

2. What is your ethnicity, gender, religion and do you think these things play a role in your success/failure as a parent?
-caucasian, female, christian - i believe being a Christian helps me to be more successful as a parent

3. What is the hardest obstacle you have had to face?
- finances and just the struggle of being alone - being the only one responsible for her

4. Have you ever had to apply for government assistance of any kind? (Welfare, foodstamps, medicaid, childcare assistance, etc.)
- yes she is on the healthy families program.

5. What was your experience if you said yes to #4? Did it help you, hurt you, teach you, embarrass you?
- it has been a good experience. i appreciate being able to get her medical insurance.

6. How do you manage financially? (Job, child support, family, assistance)
- i have a full time job.

7. What does your budget look like? (No need to give financial info in detail, I just want to know how you assess what comes first and what gets left out.)
- priorities are necessities: food, clothes, bills, her preschool, then anything else that is not necessary

8. Where do your child(ren) get the role of a father/mother figure? (Relatives, boy/girlfriend, clergy, Big Brothers/sisters type mentoring organizations?)
-her father is involved in her life somewhat.

9. If you could do it all over again, would you? What would you change besides not doing it alone or being older?
- i ABSOLUTELY would! she is the light and joy of my life. i wouldnt change a thing.

10. What advise would you give to a single pregnant woman who has no support but is choosing to take the challenge?
- you can do this. there are resources out there to help you. lean on your friends and family ; dont be too proud to ask for help. every child is a GIFT - always remember that and treat them with the utmost love and adoration!!!

1. How old were you when you had your child(ren)? Were you single from the start? How many do you have?

~20 yrs old when I had my girl. I was married to start with. I only have one.

2. What is your ethnicity, gender, religion and do you think these things play a role in your success/failure as a parent?
~I am white, female, was raised LDS(mormon) but do not practice the faith.. Mormons put strong emphasis on family though, and I do practice that. I believe in the human race and our mother earth.

3. What is the hardest obstacle you have had to face?
~The hardest thing is meeting someone.. It seems people are open to children, but when it really comes down to it, children aren't for everyone..

4. Have you ever had to apply for government assistance of any kind? (Welfare, foodstamps, medicaid, childcare assistance, etc.)
~ Yes. I get food stamps and I am also living in low-income housing..

5. What was your experience if you said yes to #4? Did it help you, hurt you, teach you, embarrass you?
~It has helped tremendously, especially the low-income housing. I will admit that it is embarrassing for me too. I love my home and I have made it a safe place for me and my daughter, but being in low-income means you have to deal with all the crack-head mothers that are doing nothing with their lives but getting in fights with their baby daddies and having more babies with people they barely know. It drives me insane, but like I said, I don't bring that into my home.. I just have to hear it around my house.. It's embarrassing. Our apartments are called the "Baby Momma Drama".. Yeah.. That's where I live.. The Baby Momma Drama... lol

6. How do you manage financially? (Job, child support, family, assistance)
~ My ex-hubby has never paid me child support. I take that back. He got a job and paid me child support for 2 months and then decided that he didn't want to do that anymore and quit.. Now he lives off of his 19 year old girlfriend and refuses to get a job because he doesn't want to pay for his child. Yes. There is court ordered child support, but he has only paid for 2 months in the last 4 years. I am a caregiver and care for the elderly. I love my job. I am also going to school for CNA and hopefully my LPN next year!

7. What does your budget look like? (No need to give financial info in detail, I just want to know how you assess what comes first and what gets left out.)
~I keep a good budget now. I have a simple life though. No cable and I try to ride my bike when it's nice outside to cut back on my gass costs. I also put a clothes line up in my back "yard" and hang my clothes out to dry to cut back on laundry costs. I find ways to cut back on the amount I am putting out.

8. Where do your child(ren) get the role of a father/mother figure? (Relatives, boy/girlfriend, clergy, Big Brothers/sisters type mentoring organizations?)
~I still let my daughter see her dad every other weekend. I'm not one of those people that try to use kids to get back at people. I'm also not the type to hold a grudge. I hope he doesn't use him as a male "role model", as he is living off of his girlfriend and I don't want her to get the impression that that's ok for men to be like that, but he is her dad.. And I don't like it, but I cannot change it and I will let her make her own opinions as she starts to grow..

9. If you could do it all over again, would you? What would you change besides not doing it alone or being older?
~I would have waited. I got pregnant with my daughter at a Rainbow Gathering. I totally WASN"T ready~ But it has been a pleasure doing this with her. And I am blessed to have her in my life. I don't regret her..

10. What advise would you give to a single pregnant woman who has no support but is choosing to take the challenge?
~Start applying for assistance and write out a Personal Mission Statement of her Goals & Roles. I would definitely recommend that she start taking birth control after having the baby.. Honestly I just think it's insane that peeps aren't taking advantage of all the free birth control out there.. C'mon people! I will give you a ride to planned Parenthood and get you set up with the pill, IUD, Marina.. Whatever! These kids are having babies and it's insane!

"My ex-hubby has never paid me child support. I take that back. He got a job and paid me child support for 2 months and then decided that he didn't want to do that anymore and quit.. Now he lives off of his 19 year old girlfriend and refuses to get a job because he doesn't want to pay for his child. "


This sounds so familiar!!!!

1. How old were you when you had your child(ren)? Were you single from the start? How many do you have?
I was 22 and 25 when I had my 2 kids. I was with their father for a year prior but never married.


2. What is your ethnicity, gender, religion and do you think these things play a role in your success/failure as a parent?
White, female, no religion, I think they do not play a role on success as a parent.

3. What is the hardest obstacle you have had to face?
Providing what I would like to give them but without a 2 family income, it isn't possible

4. Have you ever had to apply for government assistance of any kind? (Welfare, foodstamps, medicaid, childcare assistance, etc.)
I have used medical insurance through the state for my children and foodstamps.

5. What was your experience if you said yes to #4? Did it help you, hurt you, teach you, embarrass you?
It was very embarrassing and hated anyone knowing, so I didn't share with anyone.

6. How do you manage financially? (Job, child support, family, assistance)
job and new family

7. What does your budget look like? (No need to give financial info in detail, I just want to know how you assess what comes first and what gets left out.)
budget is bills first, then extras go for clothes, shoes, etc

8. Where do your child(ren) get the role of a father/mother figure? (Relatives, boy/girlfriend, clergy, Big Brothers/sisters type mentoring organizations?)
Kids have a new "stepdad" figure. We moved in with him and his kids and he is excellent role model

9. If you could do it all over again, would you? What would you change besides not doing it alone or being older?
Would have left their father earlier, it would have been easier on my kids

10. What advise would you give to a single pregnant woman who has no support but is choosing to take the challenge?
find a father role model