What is your wedding advice to a newly married couple?

jw17695
jw17695 Posts: 438 Member
edited September 20 in Chit-Chat
At my wedding and bridal shower, people wrote advice for me and Todd about married life. Some of them really crack me up.

*Remember the four most important wordes in a marriage "I'll Do The Dishes"
*Stay naked as much as possible.
*DON'T sweat the petty things and DON'T pet the sweaty things.

So, What is your wedding advice to a newly married couple?
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Replies

  • raindancer
    raindancer Posts: 993 Member
    Never go to bed mad.
  • KatieM7
    KatieM7 Posts: 588 Member
    Never go to bed mad.
    Completely agree with that one! Also put your spouse first! That goes for the both of you. I have been married for almost 10 years. Though we argue every one in a while we are still in love with each other. We both put the other first it works for us. Congrats and good luck!
  • jw17695
    jw17695 Posts: 438 Member
    My photographer wrote "Jillian is AWLWAYS right!" Take that Todd! ;)
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    Marriage is a wonderful institution. Congratulations, you now live in an institution.
  • EllienLyla
    EllienLyla Posts: 34
    Stay healthy, not only for yourself but for your spouse. your mood is lighter and your confidence is stronger.
  • AlexandraNK
    AlexandraNK Posts: 54
    I just got married about a year and a half ago but we have been together for 7 years. I'd say the only advice i could give is to be honest with your slef and your partner and be upfront. I am lucky that my new husband is taking this weightloss journey with me but even if he wasn't I know i could be upfront and tell him here's what i need to do and i need your help doing it and he woould.
    So be true to yourself and be honest with each other.
    Good Luck and Congrats!
  • NykkieC
    NykkieC Posts: 622 Member
    My best advice would be to decide that divorce is NEVER an option (other than if one of us were to cheat or beat on the other...). It gives you a completely different mindset to know that you have to work through it, no matter how much you may not want to.
  • CreativeRedhead
    CreativeRedhead Posts: 2,166
    Don't try to change each other. Enjoy the small things. Travel alot. Make time for each other. :flowerforyou:
  • dmcpage
    dmcpage Posts: 66 Member
    1) Don't blindly start adapting the others unhealthy eating habits. (I did and gained 50 pounds in what seemed like a split second.) 2) Share a common joy, hobby, or passion. 3) Say I LOVE YOU every day (and mean it). 4) Learn to compromise with some things, but know when to stay strong with others. 5) It's not as easy as it looks, but can be more rewarding that what it appears.
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    Don't try to change each other. Enjoy the small things. Travel alot. Make time for each other. :flowerforyou:
    Good stuff. Most times, men marry women and hope that they won't change - and women marry men hoping that they will. Your old man is not a starter kit, he is what he is. If you want him to change he probably will, but he'll probably hate himself for it, and when it's done you won't like him either.
  • Chenoachem
    Chenoachem Posts: 1,758 Member
    One thing I learned after 15 years was to always do something once per day, no matter how small, for yourself. If you feel deprived of me time, it can make situations insufferable.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Never go to bed mad.

    I disagree with this advice. Because you're not always able to get calm and rational while you're in the heat of the moment, but sleeping on it is a great way to cool off, and tomorrow you'll be in a much better frame of mind to discuss whatever it was. You may even find that by the time tomorrow comes, you're not even mad anymore.

    I've been with my hubby for 12 1/2 years, our relationship is solid as bedrock and we've gone to bed mad plenty of times.


    I do love the advice that said be naked as much as possible.....that's awesome!
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
    laugh at the silly things....enjoy each other

    Wait, reflect, think thru why you're mad about something BEFORE you fight about it - talk about things calmly

    you can't both go crazy at the same time

    Talk to each other - if you don't like something they are doing - bad habit, in bed, whatever-talk about it!

    There's some great ones listed on this thread.
  • kicklikeaGIRL
    kicklikeaGIRL Posts: 867 Member
    Things I've learned in my marriage.....

    Always remember that people are the most important. Therefore, your spouse comes before your job, your car, your house, your bank account, your clothes, your exercise program, etc. We do work at those areas, but sometimes people expect realtionships to just happen naturally, and they don't. They take time, effort and hard work.

    Communicate- be honest with your feelings as others have said. With that being said, keep in mind that sometimes there ARE times to keep our mouths shut because maybe its really not important that we are sometimes bothered with the way he likes to tie his laces. I've learned not to be the type of person that nit-picks at every little thing that annoys me. We all have our quirks, and if its not a huge deal then I don't worry about it.

    No alone time with the opposite sex friends. I know people will disagree with me, but this is a personal rule my husband and I have set, based on the practices of our own parents who have been married for 30+ years. We do not spend time with friends of the opposite sex alone. And really, we don't have friends of the opposite sex unless it's a friend we both share and time spent together is spent as a couple WITH that person. No alone time, no matter how perfectly innocent. We don't want to do anything that would make the other have to think twice. We aren't the jealous type, we just think its disrepectful. It works great for our marriage.

    Don't give up. We all have trials and hard times in our marriages, I like to think of it as the Lonestar song "Mountains". The "Lord gave us mountains so we can learn how to climb". Trials and hardships are times when we can strengthen our relationships the most if we do it the right way. Do whatever it takes to keep your marriage alive.

    Listen to subtle cues. When your spouse asks "how was your day?" somtimes we typically respond with "fine, how was yours?"...and move on. But, I think typically they are looking for an opportunity to share and connect with you. Dig deeper to find out what your spouse is feeling and don't shrug off those subtle cues. Try to help your spouse understand your cues as well.

    Appreciate your spouse. Make your spouse feel as though the sun rises & sets because of them. Thank them for the little things they do that make you happy. Let him know how much he means to you.
  • Missspenditall
    Missspenditall Posts: 301 Member
    Don't say something you will regret...as you can never take it back..
  • reneelee
    reneelee Posts: 877 Member
    When my husban changes the oil in the vehicle, he is doing it to take good care of it and me. Keeping me safe on the road. So I make sure to thank him for this and telling him that I appreciate him. Makes him feel good about doing a chore.
  • staps065
    staps065 Posts: 837 Member
    Really, all good advice. But the most imporatant: divorce is not an option unless the situation is completely intolerable. Too many people treat a marriage as disposable. There will be good times and bad times and lots of in between times. There are also seasons and you'll be in and out of sync with one another from time to time. Make time, appreciate one another, show each other you care no matter the situation and stick to it.

    There are reasons there are so many divorced people; they don't commit to the marriage and the vows they made on that day.

    Just my two cents....
  • Vallandingham
    Vallandingham Posts: 2,177
    Don't be right at the expense of your marriage. No single disaggreement is more important than your life together. Winning the argument is a ridiculous goal.
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    Don't be right at the expense of your marriage. No single disaggreement is more important than your life together. Winning the argument is a ridiculous goal.
    Brilliant, good point Val. I pick battles very carefully. I really try to think in terms of "is this worth getting upset over?",,, and the answer is usually no. I'd rather just spend 10 minutes doing the dishes than spend 15 minutes arguing about dishes.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    Two very important words to keep in mind

    RESPECT and COMMUNICATION

    With those two in place, any marriage will be successful
  • KatWood
    KatWood Posts: 1,135 Member
    Show your love and appreciation every day and it can be as simple as a compliment, a thank you or an I love you. I think it is important to still say and do the things you did before you were married. For example, sometimes my hubby does sweet things out of the blue like he will bring me a warm towel just as I am stepping out of the shower.
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    Oh yeah, one more thing. Probably the most important thing for most lizard-brain guyz.

    Good-hot-wild-crazy-imaginative-athletic conjugation, frequently. This is your husband, there are no taboos and no need to hold anything back. Don't be shy, don't be tentative, and for g-d's sake don't always wait for one partner to initiate. :tongue:
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
    Here's another....FLIRT with each other! After 20 years nothing makes me happier than those little gestures!
  • jw17695
    jw17695 Posts: 438 Member
    You guys are so good. Thank you so much for all of your advice. :smile:
  • JJs25th
    JJs25th Posts: 204 Member
    Best words of wisdom I got were from my mother on my wedding day:
    "Remember that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition, but more of any 80/20 split. Sometimes it will be your 80 and his 20, other times it will be your 20 to his 80. Just always believe that it all balances out in the end so long as you are there for each other."

    What I have learned in the 25+ years I have been in the (as Casper called it so aptly) institution:
    Being married is work and it is a choice you make every day. You make that choice and re-inforce it -- through your actions both with and away from your partner. Do you openly flirt with people other than your partner? Have you continued Girls/Guys night out -- at a bar with your single friends who are there to pick up someone? Do your friends really support and respect your choice to be married? Are you putting yourself in situations where temptations will eventually present themselves? How do you talk about your partner? Do you use the term "We" when discussing inner couple decisions to others (ie: "We decided to by a house.") Do you put the marriage first -- always? (Yes even before your children.)

    Think of what can you do to build the marriage up, because there are plenty of stressors in life that will try to tear it down -- and that is without the added stress of children.

    I love my DH and I could not imagine life without him. We have had our trials and tribulations, but I would still rather spend time with him than anyone else --most of the time.

    Edit: one more -- "I LOVE YOU" is said in many different ways -- learn to listen for it.
  • Fawkes
    Fawkes Posts: 50
    ENJOY each other and the time you have togther. The first year of marriage can be tough, with combining incomes, bills, and personalities. Be patient, have open communication, and trust each other. Encouarge each other to reach goals or dreams, no matter how silly they may seem to the other person.

    Wait to have kids (I think at least a year). Kids are a wonderful, WONDERFUL blessing, but once they are here, that one on one time you enjoyed with yoru spouse will be limited. Take that alone time to have "fun" all over the house, learn more about each other (even if you think you know everything, you probably don't!), travel with each other, and experience new things and enjoy that newlywed bliss!
  • bxdarby
    bxdarby Posts: 17
    The "Silent Treatment" never works. It's a selfish way of ignoring something that should probably talk about. Always always always be open and honest and talk about whatever may be upsetting you.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Bottom line respect each other
  • mabear74
    mabear74 Posts: 248
    Don't be right at the expense of your marriage. No single disaggreement is more important than your life together. Winning the argument is a ridiculous goal.

    I think this is fantastic advice.
  • jennylynn84
    jennylynn84 Posts: 659
    Talk about everything. Seriously. Don't pent up your feelings. If you're pissed he loaded the dishes wrong, then tell him. If he hates if you leave the cap off the toothpaste, be prepared for him to let you know. You're going to spend the rest of your life with this person, so communication is key. If you hold in any aggravation for that long... it's gonna blow up.

    I like the advice about staying naked as well, lol.
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