How to be at peace with natural body shape?
Lyra89
Posts: 674 Member
Over the past few years I've come to realize that, when I'm in my healthy weight range, it isn't that I want to lose weight...I've been socialized into comparing myself with women in movies & on TV & in music videos.
I'm naturally an apple shape & I've had 'love handles' since I was about 15, when I was as thin as a whip!
They are there whether I've been 180lbs or 124lbs (after weight training for months)...it is just the way my body is genetically made up.
I have thick legs with plenty of muscle, small boobs, small bum, & I carry any excess weight around the middle. My arms are slim but not 'toned' even though I lift quite often.
My question is, HOW did you ladies become 100% happy and confident with your body shape? Like our height, it is something that we just cannot change...I'll never have that beautiful curvy hourglass figure I so desire.
I AM confident, but only to a point...those nagging thoughts are always in the back of my head that nothing I ever do will be good enough, and that I'll always battle with my body image.
Words of wisdom please!
Hugs from Ireland xx
I'm naturally an apple shape & I've had 'love handles' since I was about 15, when I was as thin as a whip!
They are there whether I've been 180lbs or 124lbs (after weight training for months)...it is just the way my body is genetically made up.
I have thick legs with plenty of muscle, small boobs, small bum, & I carry any excess weight around the middle. My arms are slim but not 'toned' even though I lift quite often.
My question is, HOW did you ladies become 100% happy and confident with your body shape? Like our height, it is something that we just cannot change...I'll never have that beautiful curvy hourglass figure I so desire.
I AM confident, but only to a point...those nagging thoughts are always in the back of my head that nothing I ever do will be good enough, and that I'll always battle with my body image.
Words of wisdom please!
Hugs from Ireland xx 0
Replies
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I think finding something that helps you focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like helps. For some it's running marathons. I think I want to start powerlifting soon.
I think it's also something that comes with age. IDK how old you are; I'm 25 and it seems with every passing year I become more accepting of my body. I have goals in mind but at this point eating well and exercising is more of a hobby than a means to an end. I hit my low weight in high school but still hated my body, now I weight 20-30 lbs more than that and am pretty much at peace even though there's always room for improvement.
Personally, I have long legs which is a good thing but with a short torso that accentuates my apple shape. Meh. I pick out outfits that trim my waist and show off my legs. Ruched mini dresses are fantastic.0 -
bump0
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Try strength training it might help0
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The older I get, the more accepting of myself I become. So, age is a component. I know that doesn't help.
The other thing that I find really helps is learning to dress for your body type. Some clothing is cut for an hourglass, some is cut to flatter an apple or a pear, some is cut to flatter a very straight figure.. If you find the styles cut to flatter your body type, you are going to feel so much better about what you see in the mirror. It's surprising what a difference it can make.0 -
Recovered anorexic/bulimic here.....I just appreciate the fact that I am healthy, can do what I want physically and I'm happy. Yes, I care about what I look like, but now that I'm older, I know what is really important.
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I'm having a bit of trouble coming to terms with my body. I lost a lot of weight after my daughter was born. I work in a warehouse and am very muscular. My stomach is now a deflated balloon of skin. My breast , which have always been kind of large, are pretty deflated. A pregnacy a year of breast feeding and a 90 pound weight loss. I'm trying my best to come to terms. Not sure how to either.0
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Funny, even though I'm a pear and have always had plenty of bum, but not much on top, I honestly didn't think TOO much about it when I was young and thin. The biggest pain was finding cute blouses that fit nicely (this was before everything had spandex ;0) and pants that went over my backside, but weren't too big in the waist! However, I thought a LOT about it once I started gaining weight… maybe because my "odd" shape was accentuated by the weight gain. I think acceptance with how I am came with age and with knowing I am married to a man who's seen me at my best and worst and is still around!
I've given thought to how much work it might take to really get the body I'd love to have, and have decided that any perceived "gain" in happiness would not be offset by the misery of trying to attain that last bit of change. It's a life balance thing for me. I want to be healthy first and then not feel terrible about how I look, while accepting the way I am.
I hope you find that balance for yourself! Also, I'm definitely NOT one to push cosmetic surgery, BUT I had a friend who had those "love handles" regardless of her weight and it drove her nuts… she was saying how her pants would always pinch her around the waist (she doesn't have much of a bum, either). She decided to have lipo-suction done for that area and has been extremely happy with the results. She's just more comfortable mentally and physically.0 -
One of the wisest things I've ever heard is that we develop these ideas about what we're supposed to look or feel like by comparing our personal low lights to the highlight reels of others. The women we're told to compare ourselves to are often airbrushed, plastic parts, or otherwise touched up. Corsets, girdles, spanx, you name it, they're got it! My aim is to be healthy, not just pretty-but-fragile. There are billions of people on this earth, and every day women are told that we're "supposed to" look like maybe 100 other women. It's unrealistic, and the best way to fight back is not to play into it.
PS- you're lovely. 0 -
At 5'2" I will ALWAYS want to be leggy. But at 41 I don't think I have a growth spurt left in me. That being said, play your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Platform heels help.0
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Wish I knew. I hate on mine unless I'm sleeping. All I can do is fixate on the flaws...0
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I know exactly where you are coming from. I grew up in the late 70s/early 80s, when designer jeans were just coming on the market. Gloria Vanderbuilts were what EVERYONE was wearing and they looked hideous on me. At 5'6" and 120-125, I had no butt, muscular legs, yet they were still very slim, but my waist was around 27-28 inches and I still looked 'fat' since my waist was not skinny like all the others with 24-25 inch waists.
Fortunately, I discovered Calvin Klein jeans and for the first time, I could wear girl jeans and looked dang good in them.
It is hard not to compare your weight and body shape to others when you are at an age where looks are so important. Eventually, as we age, we start focusing on more important aspects of our lives and learn not to compare ourselves to others so much.
There will always be someone thinner, taller, stronger, prettier, richer, more popular, more successful, etc than we are. We will drive ourselves crazy if we constantly compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths.
Learn to find the strengths in your life and your body and embrace them. As for looking good, then figure out how to dress to best compliment your body shape. You may never have the 'perfect hour-glass figure', but you can have a rocking body, no matter what your shape is. I have friends who would love to have my slim hips and thighs, and I would love to have their long slim waist.
That is just life. You do the best you can with what you are given, and embrace it!0 -
Now I am very at peace with my body shape at any weight, but it wasn't always so.
I have always been super short and curvier, even at 98 lbs when I was 19, I had a good booty, huge arms and broad shoulders:-)
Growing up looking at all these petite actresses and frail "role models" in media made me always feel like a giant, just because I am built like medium/large frame Eastern European brickhouse :-)
But now at almost 37 years old, I embrace it. I have huge muscles, and I am strong, and I am not afraid to use them, ha ha ha!
As my brother once said: "Sis, you might be small and short, but you are dangerous!"
My body? What's not to love!? :-)0 -
I'm a guy, not sure if that makes me completely out of touch with this topic, or more "credible" as I see things with less bias, but here are my thoughts, take them for what they are worth.
Body type as in frame structure is something you can do nothing about. Accepting that comes down to 2 things - 1) having a reasonably accurate self image (actually seeing things as they are), and 2) having reasonable expectations (which OP touched on when talking about comparing herself to people on TV). Both of those are mental, not physical, challenges.
As for the body type thing (apple, pear, peanut, whatever other food you want to compare yourself to)... I think there are things you can do to "lessen" that. Take the OP for example...I have thick legs with plenty of muscle, small boobs, small bum, & I carry any excess weight around the middle. My arms are slim but not 'toned' even though I lift quite often.
Thick legs with plenty of muscle? My guess is there is less muscle there than you think, especially considering how slender you appear to be in your pictures. Either that or you have self image issues.
Small boobs? Ok, not a lot you can do about that besides implants.
Small bum... Not sure I've heard people complain about that very often, but you do have muscles in your butt. Work them, grow them, love them.
Carry excess weight around the middle? So do 90% of us. It's fat. Shed body fat and you'll lose that excess weight, and with it your love handles.
Arms are slim but not toned? Lift more/heavier.
The moral of the story? Yes, I do think there are limitations for everyone based on genetics, bone structure, etc. I think the limiting factor for 99% of the people on this site are themselves - their dedication, their consistency, their effort and NOT their "body type".
Don't like how you look? Work harder, don't blame it on being big boned or pear shaped or whatever else.0 -
LYRA (or mel because i know you!!)...
we have the same body shape! i have "built" legs and i hate them! what i would give to have skinny model legs and those razor sharp knobby knees that they all have! i always say "oh the things i would wear if i had (insert model name here)'s legs!"
but alas...i can't change what i was born with. so i just deal. sucks but that is life. and i always figure nobody is perfect. ask any woman if she thinks she has flaws and she will name you 10 different things.
but a simpler solution for me is 1) wear a whole lotta black. black skinny jeans, black leggings, black tights, etc. 2) wear high heels whenever i can. high heels improves my posture, i stand differently and i feel better and look thinner adding those 3" of height.
and then the rest...i can only do my best through eating right and exercise. as long as i'm trying, i'm only working towards the good things in life. :-)0 -
I think finding something that helps you focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like helps. For some it's running marathons. I think I want to start powerlifting soon.
^^This exactly! When I'm not completely content with my shape, it can be really uplifting to remember how far I've come. I still have love handles but I'm running almost 3 miles without stopping now. I NEVER thought I could do that. I'm also starting to dabble in lifting more weight and I gotta be honest, sometimes I impress myself. Focusing on what your body is capable of and accomplishing fitness goals rather than physical appearance can be really helpful. I also can agree with the age thing.0 -
I'm a guy, not sure if that makes me completely out of touch with this topic, or more "credible" as I see things with less bias, but here are my thoughts, take them for what they are worth.
Body type as in frame structure is something you can do nothing about. Accepting that comes down to 2 things - 1) having a reasonably accurate self image (actually seeing things as they are), and 2) having reasonable expectations (which OP touched on when talking about comparing herself to people on TV). Both of those are mental, not physical, challenges.
As for the body type thing (apple, pear, peanut, whatever other food you want to compare yourself to)... I think there are things you can do to "lessen" that. Take the OP for example...
I think it makes you the voice of reason and logic
Thank you
I have thick legs with plenty of muscle, small boobs, small bum, & I carry any excess weight around the middle. My arms are slim but not 'toned' even though I lift quite often.
Thick legs with plenty of muscle? My guess is there is less muscle there than you think, especially considering how slender you appear to be in your pictures. Either that or you have self image issues.
Small boobs? Ok, not a lot you can do about that besides implants.
Small bum... Not sure I've heard people complain about that very often, but you do have muscles in your butt. Work them, grow them, love them.
Carry excess weight around the middle? So do 90% of us. It's fat. Shed body fat and you'll lose that excess weight, and with it your love handles.
Arms are slim but not toned? Lift more/heavier.
The moral of the story? Yes, I do think there are limitations for everyone based on genetics, bone structure, etc. I think the limiting factor for 99% of the people on this site are themselves - their dedication, their consistency, their effort and NOT their "body type".
Don't like how you look? Work harder, don't blame it on being big boned or pear shaped or whatever else.0 -
I AM confident, but only to a point...those nagging thoughts are always in the back of my head that nothing I ever do will be good enough, and that I'll always battle with my body image.
No matter the age, we all desire to have THAT perfect body. No matter what THAT perfect body looks like to you; it is how we have told ourselves we must look like THAT! You have battled your weight, your muscle tone, your eating habits, your clothes size, THAT image you tell yourself you must be, but, Leo Buscaglia Motivational speaker extraordinaire and known as Dr. Love once said,
“The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.”
― Leo Buscaglia
May your journey on becoming a healthier you be a positive one with many successes!0 -
same thing here - always collect my weight around the middle! i can have great arms and legs but that midsection is just hard to fight!0
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I'm really loving all the answers and feedback guys, really appreciate it x 0
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Did you read her post or just the thread title?Try strength training it might help0 -
I have small boobs, sort of thick thighs, wide hips, and a very, very short torso. I prefer to focus on my small waist, that those wide hips make me look curvy even without boobs, and the short torso means my legs look longer. Plus, those thick thighs are crazy strong, and make it possible for me to lift heavy and run hard.
Clothes that flatter can make a huge difference, too. Watch What Not to Wear... any body shape and any size can look amazing.0
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