family drama

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  • zealousmissjj_wechange
    zealousmissjj_wechange Posts: 445
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    I would go if I were you. Its not about your estranged family, its about YOU getting closure. Its about you seeing him one last time and hopefully forgiving him for not being in your life. I am sure he would want you to let go of that so you can move on and be happy. You don't have to talk to anyone, just excuse yourself politely and walk away if anyone tries to.

    She said it all and I 100% agree! Go hun. Get some closure. :flowerforyou:
  • tpt1950
    tpt1950 Posts: 292 Member
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    Think of how proud of yourself you would be afterward by going and doing the right thing. You said you wanted to see him before he died but didn't want him to see you the way you look - are you kidding me?? This shouldn't be about your size, it should be about family. It's just the right thing to do to pay your respects to a family member no matter how badly the relationship went UNLESS you were abused by them in some way in the past. Other than that, I would want to go just to help myself sleep at night that I did the right thing, otherwise I think it would be on my mind all the time that I could have and did not take the opportunity. Just go, say a prayer for your grandfather and then leave. It takes a lot of courage, but I'm sure you can do it.
  • cmcy24
    cmcy24 Posts: 17
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    I've had the experience of losing too many loved ones in my life. But also losing family whom I'm not close with. One lesson I've learned is trying to make decisions based on having no regrets later. I agree with the posters that it seems you need some closure, and although you may or may not get closure by attending the funeral, I think if you skip the funeral, you definitely won't have any closure. Will you regret that?

    Good luck with this very difficult and stressful decision.
  • Lisah8969
    Lisah8969 Posts: 1,247 Member
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    Not really knowing all of the reasons behind why the family became estranged, i can only say what i think I would do. I would go. If you haven't spoken to the rest of the family either, you don't really know what they are thinking. They may have ignored you b/c of your grandfather and might now be looking forward to getting to know you without his influence around. I'm not excusing what they did...they are adults and should have reached out anyway. No matter what...if you go and they do want a relationship with you, it's a win. If you go and they are a bunch of jerks, you know that you tried and you don't need to try again...another win.

    All in all, I am sorry about this. Family is important, but there are other families that we all have that aren't blood relations. Good luck.
  • amnsetie
    amnsetie Posts: 666 Member
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    Your dad may have fought to try to stay in touch. You would not have been told this. He may have sent cards. They may have been thrown away. He may not have sent cards for some reason you don't know.
    The deal between your parents is likely to have been bitter from the sound of it.
    If he knows so much about you it means to me he never wanted to stop being your dad.
    He may love to be back in your life but you have know way to know this.
    The feelings of your mother and sister are probably the reason he can't contact you.
    Also he is probably really scared of being rejected by you.
    You seem to be scared you will be rejected by him because of your self image.

    I really would contact your dad if I were you. If you are still too young then contact him when you are 25.
    By the sound of it all you would have to do is post on facebook and he would hear about it and contact you.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I hope that someday your sister will be able to open up to you about what she remembers. It will not be easy, but it will be good for both of you. It took many years for my brother to be able to hear about what I had to share. It wasn't until we were in our thirties (we are twins) that he was able to listen and fully hear everything. And it was the best thing for both of us to be able to talk and share what we had been through and to support each other and to try and make sense out of how to best handle our family as they are now.

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