***More questions for anyone who is NOT a single parent or e

5. No I don't believe in court-ordered child support. If a mother decides she wants to divorce, and break her vows to her husband and God, then she should understand that by walking away from the man she is also walking away from his paycheck. If she doesn't want to pay for raising those kids, let the Dad have them. Or, she could just honor her vows and stay married. You know, till death do them part...I don't believe a parent should get to take the children away from their other parent and then get paid for it. On the other hand, if parents come to an amicable agreement between themselves regarding the financial aspects of raising a child, then they can and should adhere to what they agreed to. But I do not want the courts involved, nor law enforcement.

Thanks for all the info, and the respect:flowerforyou:

What happens if a woman just tells them she doesn't know who the father is?

5. No I don't believe in court-ordered child support. If a mother decides she wants to divorce, and break her vows to her husband and God, then she should understand that by walking away from the man she is also walking away from his paycheck. If she doesn't want to pay for raising those kids, let the Dad have them. Or, she could just honor her vows and stay married. You know, till death do them part...I don't believe a parent should get to take the children away from their other parent and then get paid for it. On the other hand, if parents come to an amicable agreement between themselves regarding the financial aspects of raising a child, then they can and should adhere to what they agreed to. But I do not want the courts involved, nor law enforcement.

I went to bed last night thinking about this statement... the one where you said "Or, she could just honor her vows and stay married. You know, till death do them part..." I guess it hit home because I left an abusive relationship because that "till death do them part" part seemed like it was going to come a heck of a lot sooner than it should. I know that there are many other parents (women and men) who are also in that situation. Should they just leave the kids with an abusive or unstable person so that they can get out? If they take their kids out of an unsafe environment should the abusive parent get away with not having to support their child? I'm just curious what your opinion is on circumstances where an amicable split is not possible?

since you asked me directly, I'll answer you directly. I hope everyone understands I'm just giving my opinion when asked, and I am not passing judgment on anyone. I'll describe my own experiences as an illustration to why I formed my opinions, and they have little or no bearing on anyone else's life other than my own. If you disagree with me, that's ok. Your self-worth should not be tied to the opinion of a stranger on the internet. My thoughts and rules about myself only extend to myself. You are free to live your life how you choose. All that said, here is my opinion.

I believe marriage is a permanent decision. I do not believe a majority of others hold this same belief. Marriage is viewed as a thing to do when you've been dating someone for a certain length of time, when you're excited about the idea of throwing a wedding, when you "love" them. I think the decision to marry should be treated as the most serious decision you'll ever make. I think marriage should be a decision made after you have lived a good portion of your adult life, imo, if you can't legally raise a glass of champagne at your own wedding, you're MUCH too young. My self-prescribed minimum marriage age is around 30. When I was in my early 20's, I was living with my boyfriend, who I had very strong feelings for. But since I am very firm on my beliefs that marriage is forever, I wasn't ready to make the decision to marry him, or even become engaged to him. I did think (at the time) he was the one I would marry, but the time wasn't right to make that decision YET. After we had been together for nearly three years, his true personality began to show through his carefully constructed facade. He became jealous and possessive, he threw objects around and once, when angry, he punched the wall and broke his own hand. These behaviors didn't surface right away, it took some time to show. When I learned of his true nature, I left him. Since we weren't married, and we hadn't created children, it was a matter of moving my belongings out and I was free of him. I understand many women are in much more violent situations, and I am not attempting to make it seem as though leaving someone who is like that is easy, because it isn't. However, it was much easier than getting a divorce or arguing over custody of children would have been. My next boyfriend was much more wonderful, and after spending 7 1/2 years with him, I felt I was ready to make the decision to marry. After 7 1/2 years, I knew him inside and out, upside and down. I had seen his best and worst and I knew exactly who I was marrying. I feel secure that I know his true nature, and I am secure in the knowledge that my marriage will be till death do us part. I know folks who have decided to marry after knowing/dating their partners for 6 mos. This is absurd to my way of thinking. How well do you know someone after six months? IMO, not very well. I always wonder why someone would have or continue having children when the partner is showing signs of domestic violence, why someone would do that to themselves or to their children. If a mother is in danger, she should of course remove herself and her children from danger. But even better would have been to figure out who you are thinking about marrying, and consider carefully whether to do it. If someone is your perfect soulmate, they still will be in a year, five years, always. Why enter into a marriage or create children until you know it will be 1. forever and 2. safe? I don't have a solution for those in the predicament. I can only describe what I feel would prevent it. Every particular situation is different, so I think legislating family law is a very difficult thing. But it is my belief that if marriage was treated as irrevocable, perhaps more folks would be much more careful about who they marry. Since divorce is seen as a viable option, and a woman (in more cases than the man) can continue to enjoy the financial benefits of the man's labors, it isn't surprising to me that marriage is seemingly so disposable. I know a woman who married a man she knew was violent, and subjected her children to the tyranny of that stepfather, because she "knew her kids were tough enough to take it." She remained married to him for ten years, long enough to secure herself permanent alimony from him. She did this because he was wealthy. She only wanted a paycheck. I'm not suggesting this kind of thing is widespread, but the way our laws are written allows it to occur.

Another thought- if a man is so violent that a woman needs to flee with her children in order to protect herself and them, there are myriad support systems she can look to that would help her with financial needs, both governmental and private charitable organizations. Also, would you want such a violent man to be forced to pay you, and increase his resentment and anger towards you? Would you want him to have your address?

I'll borrow his words from when I was telling him about your original statement about a woman sticking with her vows... "that goes both ways. A man needs to love, honor and cherish his wife. If a man abuses his wife... he broke the vows first."

You are married to a real man. Congratulations.