Boyfriend who just doesn't get it....

Options
24

Replies

  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    Options
    Has anyone else struggled with getting support from their significant other while trying to lose weight? I swear he just doesn't understand because he has always been in shape, but it makes it more difficult for me to stay focused!!!! It's hard to come home and continue to eat healthy when he doesn't want to eat the same foods. What works? Any suggestions?

    Well if he doesn;t get it, he doesn;t GET IT. You get me?

    Should sort that problem failry quickly
  • jakidb
    jakidb Posts: 1,010 Member
    Options
    You're the cook right? Do what benefits you. If he's really hungry he'll get on board :)
  • dare2love81
    dare2love81 Posts: 928 Member
    Options
    You have to want this for you. If you want it bad enough, his input (or lack thereof) will have little to no effect on you. And if he truly doesn't support you and tries to sabatoge you, kick his sorry butt to the curb. Life's to short for that nonsense.
  • whitxmxball
    whitxmxball Posts: 15
    Options
    Has anyone else struggled with getting support from their significant other while trying to lose weight? I swear he just doesn't understand because he has always been in shape, but it makes it more difficult for me to stay focused!!!! It's hard to come home and continue to eat healthy when he doesn't want to eat the same foods. What works? Any suggestions?

    If hes already in shape he probably just doesnt see the need to change his diet. I wouldnt think of it as him not supporting you. My fiance is also in shape and will still bring home fatty foods, but thats what he likes to eat so I wouldnt want to force any type of "diet" food on him if he doesnt want it. Maybe try making regular foods that he likes to eat and just put a healthy spin to it. I recently made a crustless pizza and my fiance made his own regular pizza, we didnt eat the same food but it was fun to be in the kitchen together with him encouraging me to make healthier choices than him. There wil be tempation for you to eat junk food no matter where you go, its just about be strong and determined to reach your goal. Im sure he supports you, he just doesnt want to go on a diet.. :) Good Luck
  • mtaiken2
    mtaiken2 Posts: 34
    Options
    I know this can be hard...there are 4 adults in my household all eating different things. My hubby is of normal weight and he can practically eat anything he wants ...I know you just want to hate him LOL....anyway what I normally do is I will ask them what do they want for dinner and I tell them what I am cooking if they want it I cook enough for everyone...if they don't then I cook my portion and the rest of them are on their own...I give the choice since I am the one that ususally cooks dinner and if they don't want what I am having then that gives them plenty of time to cook something for themselves or order out. That way I am still eating healthy I put everything into one to two servings in a bag and have it seperated. If they all eat I take out 2 bags if they dont I take out 1. This has worked in my household because I am not forcing them to eat what I eat I give them the choice....and sometimes I am cooking two meals but at least i'm still getting what I need. Sometimes you have to put yourself first......I'm sure your hubby doesnt mean anything harmful by it but your best supporter is yourself and what you put into your own body. Best of luck :flowerforyou:
  • Missellaneous02
    Missellaneous02 Posts: 70 Member
    Options
    Same thing happened with me! My SO didnt want ANY part of my eating habit changes at first. So I started making my own meals, shopping for my own snacks, portioning his meals, ect. ect...Now he's starting to watch what he eats and is trying to cook healthier meals when he does cook for us. I feel like if you force it on people they will never come around to supporting you. Let him eat his own foods and concentrate on yourself, you did say he was in shape so he probably doesn't need to be eating the same things you do.
  • Missellaneous02
    Missellaneous02 Posts: 70 Member
    Options
    I agree . My SO wanted nothing to do with my lifestyle change - and he is our family cook...So, I had to learn to portion stuff out, sometimes eat something different than what he prepared, and ignore the sometimes snarky comments about how I only ever tak about calories anymore.

    I didn't let it get me down or distract me. I guess it even motivated me more. Now, 2 years later, SO has rid himself of full sugar sodas and calls out ingredients to me when he is cooking so I can add a recipe to my diary. He is also watching serving size (which NEVER happened before - he would always serve food like I was sumo wrestler. lol)

    I guess what I am saying is, hang in there and do this for you. If he is meant to support you, he will in time. If not, don't hold a grudge because as you said, he doesn't need to lose weight.


    Same thing happened with me! My SO didnt want ANY part of my eating habit changes at first. So I started making my own meals, shopping for my own snacks, portioning his meals, ect. ect...Now he's starting to watch what he eats and is trying to cook healthier meals when he does cook for us. I feel like if you force it on people they will never come around to supporting you. Let him eat his own foods and concentrate on yourself, you did say he was in shape so he probably doesn't need to be eating the same things you do.
    [/quote]
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Options
    Try to come up with compromises. I agree that he doesn't need to get rid of his food - that's just not fair to him. It sucks that it's a temptation for you but you need to find a way to make that work. Think of things in the long term. There will always be chips, cookies, etc in the world to tempt you - how can you find a way to resist them or what healthier alternatives could you have instead.

    For instance, my Hubby loves movie theater butter popcorn, the stuff that's just coated in buttery topping. So when he wants that, I pop my own 100 calorie snack size bag of light butter popcorn and we're both happy. For another example, Hubs would love to get a large loaded pizza every time we call Dominos but that's just crazy calories and/or I'd have to limit myself to a slice or two at most. Instead I prefer for us to each get our own medium pizza. I get veggie toppings on thin crust and he can still have his loaded or double pepperoni or whatever and we're both happy.

    If you cook, say you're making spaghetti - add veggies to your sauce, use leaner meats, cut down on the amount of pasta. I do things like this all the time and Hubs rarely notices the difference. And for things that are harder to substitute, just watch your portion sizes. Take more veggie and less potato or rice. You can make it work, it just takes a little time and patience. And maybe even help him understand by explaining it to him... Don't expect him to go without though, that's not playing fair.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Options
    Eat your own healthy foods. Indulge in the stuff he eats once in awhile if you want. It's all about self control. Don't expect him to eat your healthy food, but offer it since he'd probably be healthier in the long run, too.
  • Athena4E
    Athena4E Posts: 13 Member
    Options
    Well you should be in the kitchen anyways making the food. Just kidding....:wink:

    See, like this guy, men are sometimes neanderthalistic. Think for yourself and do for yourself without the need of his approval. Your man should be serving your desires, not your needs. You have a brain, use it.
  • Rinney1974
    Rinney1974 Posts: 20 Member
    Options
    Just try to keep in mind your lifestyle change is about you...NOT HIM. My boyfriend and I don't live together so it makes it a little easier. BUT, when he does come over he still wants me to cook the same things I always have...pancakes and bacon for breakfast, etc. So I cook just enough for him. And I eat an alternative. LOL The key is staying focused. Good luck!
  • saneils
    saneils Posts: 2
    Options
    my boyfriend is also in really good shape (annoyingly good shape), so it was really hard to watch him break out the candy after dinner without a thought. I often found myself saying "f*** it, pass the reeces". But he's also really supportive, so we had a talk about it and what it means for me to be counting calories and why this is the system that works best for me and why its important to me. So now, we kind of think of it as a game, and he likes to watch as i tally up my calories online for the day and estimate HIS calorie intake based on mine, if we've eaten the same thing. He actually thinks its kind of fun and enlightening. The best part is that now, when I go over my goal or if we know we'll want candy later, instead of just whipping the chocolate out of the pantry he'll go on a walk with me to make some calorie wiggle-room.

    So, I hope the people who posted above about him sabotaging you are wrong. Best policy is always to talk it out. You might very well be surprised!
  • been285
    been285 Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    I am assuming you cook and eat together each nite.
    my wife did it with portion control.
    every dinner.. she only had 4oz of the meat, ½ cup of the starch, and tons of extra veggies.
    gravies and sauce on the side so she could skip.

    build your own pizza nite,,, mega calorie crusts for the family,, flat bread 4 her.

    occasionally cut up the chicken and throw it on a salad and skip the whole starch thing " you guys can finish the potatoes ".

    you can find a way,,,, bye
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    I agree . My SO wanted nothing to do with my lifestyle change - and he is our family cook...So, I had to learn to portion stuff out, sometimes eat something different than what he prepared,

    This has been my experience as well. We do not eat much of what could be considered a "healthy" diet and I don't have the money to shop for a full diet of my own. So portion control has been a huge, huge help.

    It's also ended the continual back forth about what I'm doing versus him not doing it. I don't have to complain about the food he's making and he doesn't have to change how he's eating. It works out well.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
    Options
    Has anyone else struggled with getting support from their significant other while trying to lose weight? I swear he just doesn't understand because he has always been in shape, but it makes it more difficult for me to stay focused!!!! It's hard to come home and continue to eat healthy when he doesn't want to eat the same foods. What works? Any suggestions?

    Silly question but define "support".

    Is it simply eating the same foods or is he waving it in your face and making a joke out of it?

    If its just the fact that he doesn't eat the same foods then you have to simply get over it, if he's actively undermining it then tell him to get bent.
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
    Options
    Open honest communication with mutual respect for each others needs could solve every problem in the world it it was practiced. At least start with the open and honest communication part. Most men are not mind readers and few have been trained to read the signs. So if he's not getting it you gotta tell him. At the same time you need to be open to his needs. It's not automatically the guys fault.
  • Kellyeee2013
    Kellyeee2013 Posts: 221
    Options
    I have never understood why some people NEED to feel supported by their SO when it comes to dieting. It seems to me that if someone wanted to eat a certain way, they could just do it and let others eat however THEY wanted. It certainly doesn't mean they don't support the dieter. It just means they have DIFFERENT eating habits.

    My advice...respect him enough to allow him to eat however he wants. Then, eat how you want and don't give it another thought.

    Good luck!

    It really bothered me when I would work hard all day only to go over to my bf's house and have him offer me chips or eat chips in front of me, which then led to cravings for me. It bothered me because a S.O. should be supportive of the things we are trying to accomplish in life. They should respect us and want us to succeed.
  • abbyblackcft
    abbyblackcft Posts: 23
    Options
    Hi, I am going through the same thing. However, I don't let him dictate my eating habits, or my exercise schedule. I have an hour each day for ME.
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
    Options
    I have never understood why some people NEED to feel supported by their SO when it comes to dieting. It seems to me that if someone wanted to eat a certain way, they could just do it and let others eat however THEY wanted. It certainly doesn't mean they don't support the dieter. It just means they have DIFFERENT eating habits.

    My advice...respect him enough to allow him to eat however he wants. Then, eat how you want and don't give it another thought.

    Good luck!

    ^^THIS! My husband could eat nothing but fast food everyday and still weigh only 165lbs at 6'3". I on the other hand can't. He brings home all sort of "bad" food. I simply don't eat it. If I make something he doesn't like then he makes his own food like the big boy he is.
    As long as your boyfriend isin't giving you gifts of junk food or holding you down and forcing you to eat it then he is not doing anything wrong. He's just not you.
  • Kellyeee2013
    Kellyeee2013 Posts: 221
    Options
    Why does he have to eat the same foods if he's in shape?

    To add to this post. let me clue you in on something.

    Why can't you eat the same foods as him and be as in shape as him? (cough cough)

    Chances are he isn't in shape. My bf is very slim and can eat what he wants. He doesn't work out, yet had muscles (from hunting I think?). Appearance doesn't reflect health. If you are slim but putting "heart attack foods" in your body or not enough nutrition then that does not necessarily mean "in shape" or healthy or whatever else.

Categories