I'm fit; he's not. Any advice?

TooLeftFeet
TooLeftFeet Posts: 139 Member
in Motivation and Support
So this is awkward but I'm soliciting advice. I consider myself relatively fit, and I'm at my ideal weight. My husband, however, is not, nor does he care at all about weight (on me or himself). He's 5'10" and 255 lbs. His problem is portion control. There just doesn't seem to be a nice way of telling him he needs to lose weight. He's my best friend-I really don't want to hurt his feelings, but it really is unhealthy. Thanks in advance.
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Replies

  • JefferyMartin
    JefferyMartin Posts: 42 Member
    Hi,

    It sounds like he is not in the right mind to lose weight and is not even motivated do to anything about it. I was once that way! He will wake-up one day and realize he needs to change.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,782 Member
    Have you tried serving healthier meals? A large portion of good, healthy food beats a smaller portion of crap food hands down, any day.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Telling him he needs to lose weight - no matter how kindly you say it or how you phrase it - is likely to have unpleasant consequences. We don't mean it to come off like that, but to the other person it usually feels like you're saying "You're not good enough/ you're ugly/ etc etc."

    Calliope's suggestion of fixing healthier meals was a good one. Maybe just quietly introduce healthier things into his diet, or if you would like, invite him to work out with you. But don't announce your motivations and don't push. It's amazing how someone will, after a while of seeing their partner having amazing results with healthy living, will become curious themselves.
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    cut him off. that'll learn him.
  • YoungDoc2B
    YoungDoc2B Posts: 1,593 Member
    In before somebody says "just break up"
  • rougecrayon
    rougecrayon Posts: 100
    I see you have kids

    "Hun, I love you the way you are, but I want you to be there for our kids, and it is unhealthy to eat like you do, and not exercise.."

    BAM! Didn't talk about weight.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
    There have been long debates here about the merits of telling spouses the truth versus coddling them and letting them continue to grow vertically.
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.
  • tc6952
    tc6952 Posts: 14
    Tell him he's overweight. As a man, trust me, he already knows it, and men are nowhere near as sensitive about it as women. My wife didn't have to tell me, and she knew it, it was more about me deciding that I wanted to go do it.

    As for portion control, etc, buy smaller plates.
  • wanttolose40lbs
    wanttolose40lbs Posts: 239 Member
    If he's your best friend, you should be able to have a conversation about his weight, It's all in how you say it. He's knows he's overweight,You tell him how much you love him and you're concerned about his health. I'm in the same boat with my husband, I cook healthy most of the time but he also has a problem with portion control. We have had conversations about it, and he's slowly coming along, but he has to do it at his pace, not mine. He won't give up his chips and beer, but he's getting better about other things, that's all I can ask of him.
  • TooLeftFeet
    TooLeftFeet Posts: 139 Member
    Teamburnitca, you are absolutely right. I know that he can't do it for me to be successful. I just wish there was a way I could make him want to do it for himself.. @ Calliope, unfortunately, it's not the food. It's the rate at which its consumed, I think. Yes, we have some junk in the house but it's the too large first portion followed by a larger second portion that does it.

    I've asked him to run with me but it hurts his knees. He'll take a walk with me when I ask, but it's more of a stroll. We used to have a treadmill in the house, but if he ran on it, but when he ran on it, the belt would stop on impact (it wasn't a gym quality treadmill, obviously). We have a bowflex that collects dust.

    I love him to death--would like to see him around for a long time.
  • ghdsmais
    ghdsmais Posts: 31 Member
    I am right there with you except on the other side. I am trying to convince my wife to eating healthy by explaining how unhealthy things are that is being served to our children. I am far from being where I want to be but trying to motivate her also. Bought her one of the Nike fuel bands so she can she how active she is. small nudges in the right direction should help.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    getting healthy is a personal choice. He is going to have to want to do it for himself before it will happen.
  • stephcampbell77
    stephcampbell77 Posts: 112
    Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.

    ^^^ This. Best reply and solution I have ever read on these forums. LOL
  • TheViperMan
    TheViperMan Posts: 235 Member
    I typically avoid posting on these types of threads because it's just another comment in an already-wide plethora of bad advice...

    But all I want to add is that if he is truly your "best friend," then the two of you should be able to carry on an adult conversation on the topic. Tell him you want him to be around longer, tell him you want to rekindle the love affair that surely existed when you two started dating, tell him you want to see him in a speedo on the beach... Tell him the TRUTH.

    My wife and I both knew that we were getting heavy, but me WAY more than her. I started losing weight, and it's motivated her to make changes as well. No feelings were hurt, no lies were told, no threats of "cutting each other off" or stupid crap like that (seriously you folks who said that should slam a two-by-four into your face at a high velocity...)

    And now I see someone else has pretty much already said the same thing, so I'm done. Good luck.
  • TheViperMan
    TheViperMan Posts: 235 Member
    Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.

    ^^^ This. Best reply and solution I have ever read on these forums. LOL

    Two-by-four...

    Wham...
  • SyStEmPhReAk
    SyStEmPhReAk Posts: 330 Member
    Lose that zero and get with this hero...


    j/k... in all honesty, open communication is key. Tell him how you feel...

    I second the notion of smaller plates for portion control!
  • tc6952
    tc6952 Posts: 14
    Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.

    ^^^ This. Best reply and solution I have ever read on these forums. LOL

    Second that. I'm still laughing
  • LittleMissNerdy
    LittleMissNerdy Posts: 792 Member
    You said he's going back for 2nd portions. Well, make enough for just 1 portion per person. Yes, he could always go dig in the cabinets or fridge but at least during meals you can try and do something about it.
  • imtrinat
    imtrinat Posts: 153 Member
    When I first met my husband, I had a horrible diet and I was overweight. This is a man who goes to the gym, watches his portions, and loves everything about healthy living. I was very resistant to his lifestyle for a long time. I wanted to take the easy way out and I wouldn't listen to him. Sometimes, I was just fat and happy and I didn't want to put in the effort. It took several years of his gradual prodding and educating to get me where I am today. He is very gentle but any amount of "hey, wanna go to the gym?" or advice about my portion sizes would cut me deep.

    My advice: Patience and persistence. Don't get frustrated with him. Gradually introduce him to your lifestyle. Stay positive. Find excuses to do activities with him. Maybe just start by going for walks together. Open up those lines of communication and let him know that you want him around for as long as possible. He will cheat you both (rather unintentionally, of course) by maintaining such an unhealthy way of living. He may think you are pressuring him at times. That's because anything worth having requires some amount of sacrifice. It may be uncomfortable for him, but ease him in to it. Be kind, be honest, and educate him. Just do it slowly. He will look back some time from now and wonder where this awesome new perspective came from and you will be closer for it.
  • mikek333
    mikek333 Posts: 78 Member
    Pretend like you think he lost a few pounds and reward/complement him.
  • brigittejt
    brigittejt Posts: 4 Member
    Portion control is so hard. Agree about the plate size.

    Do you do the cooking? Cook less, so second helpings are not an option.
  • pinkgumdrop123
    pinkgumdrop123 Posts: 262 Member
    I see you have kids

    "Hun, I love you the way you are, but I want you to be there for our kids, and it is unhealthy to eat like you do, and not exercise.."

    BAM! Didn't talk about weight.

    this!
  • GurleyGirl524
    GurleyGirl524 Posts: 578 Member
    What would you want to hear from him if the shoe was on the other foot?
  • norm1539
    norm1539 Posts: 9
    Tell him he's overweight. As a man, trust me, he already knows it, and men are nowhere near as sensitive about it as women. My wife didn't have to tell me, and she knew it, it was more about me deciding that I wanted to go do it.

    As for portion control, etc, buy smaller plates.

    Smaller plates are a great suggestion.
  • ncahill77
    ncahill77 Posts: 501 Member
    Talk about health and being there for your kids, has he had any health issues yet, even small ones like slight hypertension or higher blood sugar numbers, use those to your advantage. I'm not a proponent of manipulation but sometimes men are stupid, actually most times, and manipulating us into starting can get the ball rolling for us.
  • CaliSteph
    CaliSteph Posts: 142 Member
    Has he been complaining about any issues? How he feels about himself, how tired he is, etc? My husband was like yours and then I noticed the complaints he had. He would make underhanded comments about how he looked or say how tired he was, etc. I finally just said, I love you - I want you to be healthy and you need to do something about it. I can't make you feel good about yourself but you can. Do something for yourself. You want more energy? You want to fit in your pants? You gotta go work out. And I'll help you. Need me to take the kids, need me to cook dinner, take out the trash, what? Just go for 30 minutes - that's it. I'll help you like you help me.

    It really worked, but it had to come from him.

    Good luck!
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
    Serve meals with the correct portions and don't make left overs. There is probably nothing you can say, just be an example and take care of you. He'll get if when he looks in the mirror some day.
  • joslynlpribble
    joslynlpribble Posts: 21
    Send him to the doctor for a physical. That might open his eyes.
  • LokiOfAsgard
    LokiOfAsgard Posts: 378 Member
    Honest to goodness truth, nothing's gonna happen until he's ready. Even if he's aware of it it's not gonna happen. But, if you're the one cooking/shopping in the family, you can help silently by controlling what food is in the house. Only buy junk when he asks for it, otherwise, don't keep it in the house. Before I started losing weight, I didn't care much if there was junk in the house or not. If it was there, I'd eat it, if not, oh well.

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