I'm fit; he's not. Any advice?

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  • mikek333
    mikek333 Posts: 78 Member
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    Pretend like you think he lost a few pounds and reward/complement him.
  • brigittejt
    brigittejt Posts: 4 Member
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    Portion control is so hard. Agree about the plate size.

    Do you do the cooking? Cook less, so second helpings are not an option.
  • pinkgumdrop123
    pinkgumdrop123 Posts: 262 Member
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    I see you have kids

    "Hun, I love you the way you are, but I want you to be there for our kids, and it is unhealthy to eat like you do, and not exercise.."

    BAM! Didn't talk about weight.

    this!
  • GurleyGirl524
    GurleyGirl524 Posts: 578 Member
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    What would you want to hear from him if the shoe was on the other foot?
  • norm1539
    norm1539 Posts: 9
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    Tell him he's overweight. As a man, trust me, he already knows it, and men are nowhere near as sensitive about it as women. My wife didn't have to tell me, and she knew it, it was more about me deciding that I wanted to go do it.

    As for portion control, etc, buy smaller plates.

    Smaller plates are a great suggestion.
  • ncahill77
    ncahill77 Posts: 501 Member
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    Talk about health and being there for your kids, has he had any health issues yet, even small ones like slight hypertension or higher blood sugar numbers, use those to your advantage. I'm not a proponent of manipulation but sometimes men are stupid, actually most times, and manipulating us into starting can get the ball rolling for us.
  • CaliSteph
    CaliSteph Posts: 142 Member
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    Has he been complaining about any issues? How he feels about himself, how tired he is, etc? My husband was like yours and then I noticed the complaints he had. He would make underhanded comments about how he looked or say how tired he was, etc. I finally just said, I love you - I want you to be healthy and you need to do something about it. I can't make you feel good about yourself but you can. Do something for yourself. You want more energy? You want to fit in your pants? You gotta go work out. And I'll help you. Need me to take the kids, need me to cook dinner, take out the trash, what? Just go for 30 minutes - that's it. I'll help you like you help me.

    It really worked, but it had to come from him.

    Good luck!
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
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    Serve meals with the correct portions and don't make left overs. There is probably nothing you can say, just be an example and take care of you. He'll get if when he looks in the mirror some day.
  • joslynlpribble
    joslynlpribble Posts: 21
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    Send him to the doctor for a physical. That might open his eyes.
  • LokiOfAsgard
    LokiOfAsgard Posts: 378 Member
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    Honest to goodness truth, nothing's gonna happen until he's ready. Even if he's aware of it it's not gonna happen. But, if you're the one cooking/shopping in the family, you can help silently by controlling what food is in the house. Only buy junk when he asks for it, otherwise, don't keep it in the house. Before I started losing weight, I didn't care much if there was junk in the house or not. If it was there, I'd eat it, if not, oh well.
  • RunForChai
    RunForChai Posts: 238 Member
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    He's your best friend! Just love him, that's all. If and when he wants to lose weight he will.
    Pressure might backfire.
  • MomiTia
    MomiTia Posts: 94 Member
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    Same situation, bumping
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
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    There have been long debates here about the merits of telling spouses the truth versus coddling them and letting them continue to grow vertically.

    I thought we all agreed that vertical growth was ok?
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
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    Smaller plates is a great idea! I also love the suggestion for not making enough for second helpings. (Because, you know, you thought you would save a little $$ by not making such large quantities, *wink* )

    When I make larger recipes, I'll state right off the bat that "this is for 2 meals, so I'm putting 1/2 of the pot in the fridge right now". It makes you look like a genius for planning ahead for 'busy nights'. (It's really just because I hate cooking, hahahha!)

    ETA - keep in mind that what is a reasonable portion for a woman is often not enough food for a man. Not fair, but true - they burn through more calories than we do.

    I try to make sure that there are tons of yummy veggies with our meals so that no one feels like their plate is 'too empty"
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    In the same situation. And I love him with all of my heart. When he wants to concentrate more on his fitness he knows I am here for all the support and encouragement he needs.
    Until then I honestly don't feel it's in my best interest to say anything.

    He's always been this way, and I've always loved him as he was.
  • stephcampbell77
    stephcampbell77 Posts: 112
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    Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.

    ^^^ This. Best reply and solution I have ever read on these forums. LOL

    Two-by-four...

    Wham...

    It was quite OBVIOUSLY a joke. Calm down.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
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    Tell him he's overweight. As a man, trust me, he already knows it, and men are nowhere near as sensitive about it as women. My wife didn't have to tell me, and she knew it, it was more about me deciding that I wanted to go do it.

    As for portion control, etc, buy smaller plates.

    ^ agree completely (but you know your husband better than us - YMMV)

    Then reward him properly when he makes progress. :)
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Do you do the cooking? Cook less, so second helpings are not an option.

    Come on. This is an adult we're talking about here. While cooking healthy meals is a great thing, and you should certainly do this, as a *strategy* it won't help, if he decides to go have a 1000 calorie dessert after you're done. The only thing you can do is lead by example, show your love for it, invite him to come with you, and hope he comes along. He probably won't.
    Sometimes, I was just fat and happy and I didn't want to put in the effort. It took several years of his gradual prodding and educating to get me where I am today.

    THIS. What worked, specifically?
  • gvdoliver
    gvdoliver Posts: 106 Member
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    Definatly go for the kids thing, just ask him if he wants to see them graduate, also no kid wants an unfit Dad that can't play, but yes the cutting him off until he can see his stuff again is excellent LOL!

    Good Luck!
  • tubbyelmo
    tubbyelmo Posts: 415 Member
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    I lost lots of weight after my dad died very suddenly, then I met my boyfriend and put all that weight and more back on over the space of a year. Now, my boyfriend could certainly stand to lose a few pounds but I never mention anything like that, however, he started to tell me I was getting fat - and I admit I was but being told that first time hurt. Second and third time hurt too, by the fourth time I had found MFP and I was thinking, "I'll show you, you cheeky sod!"

    I have lost weight by trying (and counting calories of course) and he's lost a few pounds because what I cook at home is less fattening than before. I've asked him to join me out walking but it's not something that interests him. If he does take a tumble to himself, and realise it would do him good to get fitter, then I will be there to help him.

    I did this for me, and perhaps partly to show him that I could!!!!

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