I'm fit; he's not. Any advice?

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  • salgalbp
    salgalbp Posts: 218 Member
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    I heard someone the other day saying he had "****y-do disease", I stupidly asked what that was. He said its when his belly sticks out farther than his ****y-do! :laugh:
    [/quote]

    OMG! The other day I was explaining to my sweetheart what a "muffin top" was and he said you know what guys call that? I didn't know. And he said "****ie-do's" and I'm like "HUH?!?!" he said "well our tummy's hang over further than our ****ie-do's" I laughed FOREVER!!! Thanks for the reminder!
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    I see you have kids

    "Hun, I love you the way you are, but I want you to be there for our kids, and it is unhealthy to eat like you do, and not exercise.."

    BAM! Didn't talk about weight.

    Excellent! This is pretty close to what my husband said to me, and it took me some time to get off my pity party wagon, but I'm glad he talked to me. And now he's my biggest supporter and cheering squad.
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
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    My husband is the most stubborn man on the planet. It took having a stent put in his brachial artery last spring to get him to quit smoking after 40+ years. The DR told him: no smoking, start walking, and eat healthy. He also has 75-80% blockage in his carotid artery. He takes meds for cholesterol and high blood pressure. Since I started MFP in January, I have made it a point to buy healthy food and have it around. He has been paying attention to what I eat and is starting to follow suit to a point. However, all my efforts to get him to walk with me, or just on his own falls on deaf ears. I know I can't make him change, but perhaps I can get him to follow my example. Time will tell.
  • maddmaddie
    maddmaddie Posts: 160 Member
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    If he has knee problems, perhaps you should pick an exercise that would fit both of you. He probably could go bike riding, which would have low impact on the knees. Or weight lifting would be good.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I FINALLY got him to go to a gym with me (and even without me!). We made a bet, whoever does NOT make it to their goal weight by June has to participate in the Polar Bear Plunge next winter (this is where a bunch of crazy Alaskans have to jump into the ocean in the dead of winter......brrrrr!)....so far its been really motivating and fun! He found a few buddies to workout with and lost 11 lbs so far! We always tease eachother how the other person is goin doooowwwwnnnnn!

    Try to give the health speech and explain that you want him around for the kids but also be creative and try to make it fun. Maybe he has a few buddies he could go to the gym with.
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
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    Cook nothing but healthy meals so even if he takes in a lot he's not consuming so many calories. You might not help him out of the home, but you can help him in the home.
  • BeccaBollons
    BeccaBollons Posts: 652 Member
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    My husband is so overweight he couldn't get standard health insurance (we're in the uk). He doesn't seem to mind, although I get a bit upset. But only they can change their mindset- same with us girls, how many times have diets failed because our reasons and motivation weren't right? We have to want to make a lifestyle choice, then it will work.
    I think we can only lead by example, and hopefully something will rub off.
    Another poster said plate up in the kitchen. This is great advice, and I definitely eat less this way.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    There have been long debates here about the merits of telling spouses the truth versus coddling them and letting them continue to grow vertically.
    ....they get taller? I got jipped...
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
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    "My husband, however, is not, nor does he care at all about weight (on me or himself)."

    Tell him something like:

    Even if you don't care about the "numerical value" of your body or how it looks, you should at least care about seeing your children grow up, growing old with me and the kids and also to how I feel.
  • keepitcroosh
    keepitcroosh Posts: 301 Member
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    -Make smaller portions for meals so that he cant go back for seconds. (other than veggies, he can have unlimited amounts!)
    -Make healthier meals ( doesnt need to be every night but like 4x a week? That way he wont feel that hes on a 'diet') .
    -Hell realise it sooner or later. Be patient and supportive.
    -Find ways to get him to be more active. Get a basketball net set up in your front yard and play with the kids! Or a football, baseball, soccer, etc! Bike together, take walks on a path or even find a path in a forest and bring the kids. Go swimming!
    -Reward him when he does exercise or eat good! Make him feel good about himself.


    Good luck! I mentioned to my fiance that he had been gaining weight and it didnt go well. He didnt seem upset and agreed with me, but i soon started realising that he became really self concious all because of me. I feel pretty horrible about it. .. Im sure he knows, not sure if you should say anything unless it absolutely worries you about his health. There is no easy way to tell him. Again, good luck <3
  • RandiLandCHANGED
    RandiLandCHANGED Posts: 630 Member
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    I told my husband pretty harshly but it wasn't on purpose.

    "It feels like my arms aren't getting any bigger."
    "Maybe because your stomach is making them look smaller."

    Honestly, I didn't even mean to say it that way but it was the truth. He has now done a completely food overhaul and works out 3 days a week.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    There's no motivation like internal motivation, too. Everyone's motivational moment is different. Mine was my first ever overnight stay in hospital and my cholesterol increasing by 2.5x between checks. That sure got my *kitten* in gear.

    His may be not being to play with his kids for getting out of breath too quickly. Or not being able to see his junk without bending over. Or feeling like a whale at the beach. Or not being able to keep up with you in bed (sorry to get personal).

    Whatever it may be, try to help him find that moment. Put him in situations that highlight his weight problem to him. Start with getting him a comprehensive check up at the doctors. Be with him when he gets the results, and dig deep into the consequences of each bad number. If the doc suggests meds, be sure to dig into the negative side effects of meds vs. diet and exercise solutions. Doctors don't have a fear of hurting their patients feelings by telling them the truth. If you don't want him to feel like you've singled him out, get one for you too. Say something like "I read everyone should have a full checkup every couple of years, so I booked us both in for one".
  • Woomytron
    Woomytron Posts: 253 Member
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    What I do is only cook healthy food, and plate his food. I only plate his food because it is easier since I have to plate our son's food also. If he wants to eat that is what he gets, though I have no idea if he buys something at work or what. As for getting him to workout... he has to want it or its never going to work. I'm hoping that my motivation and working hard to lose weight will motivate my husband to do the same.



    There isn't much more you can do but cook healthy food and that is it. I have the same mindset towards my husband as I do towards my son, you will either eat what I cook or not eat at all. :laugh: Good luck. =)
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
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    In before somebody says "just break up"

    Too late. Someone did right before you posted. People are too much sometimes... lol.
  • Trilby16
    Trilby16 Posts: 707 Member
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    So this is awkward but I'm soliciting advice. I consider myself relatively fit, and I'm at my ideal weight. My husband, however, is not, nor does he care at all about weight (on me or himself). He's 5'10" and 255 lbs. His problem is portion control. There just doesn't seem to be a nice way of telling him he needs to lose weight. He's my best friend-I really don't want to hurt his feelings, but it really is unhealthy. Thanks in advance.

    I had a husband like that. He finally got very depressed about his weight when he was 300-something and went for a gastric bypass, believing it would solve his problem without him doing any of the hard stuff. He lost a lot, quickly, at first. Then he found ways to gain back much of it, snacking constantly, drinking his calories, being a lazy bum. Yeah, I am really glad to no longer be married to him, in case you can't tell!

    Long story short- you cannot fix your husband. Decide if you want to be with him for the long haul. I was horrified that if I stayed in the marriage I would one day end up the care-taker of this unhealthy man who did nothing for himself! (PS- there were other problems as well.)
  • EmerLogistics
    EmerLogistics Posts: 1
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    I'm in the middle of this situation right now. My wife has told me (kindly) that she values fitness and healthy living, and my weight and figure is less than appealing. We have had conversations about how important it is for our marriage to keep attracted to eachother. It was hard to hear but it started the intraspection. Motivation is made up of building blocks and each day examining what values he has. I'm sure you know this because you live a fit life, that it is about a lifestyle.

    This website is very good for me and my focus. Perhaps suggesting you and he each have a profile and support eachother. Lastly, my journey has included a book that I didn't expect to find motivation. The book is called non-violent communication by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. It is about identifying our values in life and then communicating those to ourselves and others without judgement.

    I want to enjoy physical activity with my wife and enjoy a life without disease and disability.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
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    Calliope's suggestion of fixing healthier meals was a good one. Maybe just quietly introduce healthier things into his diet, or if you would like, invite him to work out with you. But don't announce your motivations and don't push. It's amazing how someone will, after a while of seeing their partner having amazing results with healthy living, will become curious themselves.

    My husband would say something about maybe trying to lose some weight, but that statment would usually be followed by a big bowl of ice cream or something. I started just fixing healthier meals... he could eat them or not, his choice. He started to and started to see how much better I was feeling and the success I was having so far. Last weekend we went to the store, and he didn't want any of the junky stuff he usually gets; he said he likes how we've been eating lately. It was interesting to see that change.
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
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    I wouldn't stress over it. He's an adult. Respect him enough to know he's capable of making his own life choices.

    Good luck!:smile:
  • 1jobean
    1jobean Posts: 84
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    All you can really do is accept him for who he is and let him make his own decisions. It good that he has someone who is concerned for him. Maybe in time your habits will rub off on him.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    I wouldn't stress over it. He's an adult. Respect him enough to know he's capable of making his own life choices.

    Good luck!:smile:

    This reminds me of one of my favorite internet quotes - "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make terrible decisions."
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    My wife isn't always the smoothest chick in the world when it comes to communication; she's usually painfully blunt.

    She came up to me one day and said "you have a past history of obesity related illnesses on both sides of the family. I want you to be around to play with our grandkids."

    I've been working hard at it ever since.

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