I'm fit; he's not. Any advice?

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  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    There's no motivation like internal motivation, too. Everyone's motivational moment is different. Mine was my first ever overnight stay in hospital and my cholesterol increasing by 2.5x between checks. That sure got my *kitten* in gear.

    His may be not being to play with his kids for getting out of breath too quickly. Or not being able to see his junk without bending over. Or feeling like a whale at the beach. Or not being able to keep up with you in bed (sorry to get personal).

    Whatever it may be, try to help him find that moment. Put him in situations that highlight his weight problem to him. Start with getting him a comprehensive check up at the doctors. Be with him when he gets the results, and dig deep into the consequences of each bad number. If the doc suggests meds, be sure to dig into the negative side effects of meds vs. diet and exercise solutions. Doctors don't have a fear of hurting their patients feelings by telling them the truth. If you don't want him to feel like you've singled him out, get one for you too. Say something like "I read everyone should have a full checkup every couple of years, so I booked us both in for one".
  • Woomytron
    Woomytron Posts: 253 Member
    What I do is only cook healthy food, and plate his food. I only plate his food because it is easier since I have to plate our son's food also. If he wants to eat that is what he gets, though I have no idea if he buys something at work or what. As for getting him to workout... he has to want it or its never going to work. I'm hoping that my motivation and working hard to lose weight will motivate my husband to do the same.



    There isn't much more you can do but cook healthy food and that is it. I have the same mindset towards my husband as I do towards my son, you will either eat what I cook or not eat at all. :laugh: Good luck. =)
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
    In before somebody says "just break up"

    Too late. Someone did right before you posted. People are too much sometimes... lol.
  • Trilby16
    Trilby16 Posts: 707 Member
    So this is awkward but I'm soliciting advice. I consider myself relatively fit, and I'm at my ideal weight. My husband, however, is not, nor does he care at all about weight (on me or himself). He's 5'10" and 255 lbs. His problem is portion control. There just doesn't seem to be a nice way of telling him he needs to lose weight. He's my best friend-I really don't want to hurt his feelings, but it really is unhealthy. Thanks in advance.

    I had a husband like that. He finally got very depressed about his weight when he was 300-something and went for a gastric bypass, believing it would solve his problem without him doing any of the hard stuff. He lost a lot, quickly, at first. Then he found ways to gain back much of it, snacking constantly, drinking his calories, being a lazy bum. Yeah, I am really glad to no longer be married to him, in case you can't tell!

    Long story short- you cannot fix your husband. Decide if you want to be with him for the long haul. I was horrified that if I stayed in the marriage I would one day end up the care-taker of this unhealthy man who did nothing for himself! (PS- there were other problems as well.)
  • EmerLogistics
    EmerLogistics Posts: 1
    I'm in the middle of this situation right now. My wife has told me (kindly) that she values fitness and healthy living, and my weight and figure is less than appealing. We have had conversations about how important it is for our marriage to keep attracted to eachother. It was hard to hear but it started the intraspection. Motivation is made up of building blocks and each day examining what values he has. I'm sure you know this because you live a fit life, that it is about a lifestyle.

    This website is very good for me and my focus. Perhaps suggesting you and he each have a profile and support eachother. Lastly, my journey has included a book that I didn't expect to find motivation. The book is called non-violent communication by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. It is about identifying our values in life and then communicating those to ourselves and others without judgement.

    I want to enjoy physical activity with my wife and enjoy a life without disease and disability.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member

    Calliope's suggestion of fixing healthier meals was a good one. Maybe just quietly introduce healthier things into his diet, or if you would like, invite him to work out with you. But don't announce your motivations and don't push. It's amazing how someone will, after a while of seeing their partner having amazing results with healthy living, will become curious themselves.

    My husband would say something about maybe trying to lose some weight, but that statment would usually be followed by a big bowl of ice cream or something. I started just fixing healthier meals... he could eat them or not, his choice. He started to and started to see how much better I was feeling and the success I was having so far. Last weekend we went to the store, and he didn't want any of the junky stuff he usually gets; he said he likes how we've been eating lately. It was interesting to see that change.
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
    I wouldn't stress over it. He's an adult. Respect him enough to know he's capable of making his own life choices.

    Good luck!:smile:
  • 1jobean
    1jobean Posts: 84
    All you can really do is accept him for who he is and let him make his own decisions. It good that he has someone who is concerned for him. Maybe in time your habits will rub off on him.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    I wouldn't stress over it. He's an adult. Respect him enough to know he's capable of making his own life choices.

    Good luck!:smile:

    This reminds me of one of my favorite internet quotes - "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make terrible decisions."
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    My wife isn't always the smoothest chick in the world when it comes to communication; she's usually painfully blunt.

    She came up to me one day and said "you have a past history of obesity related illnesses on both sides of the family. I want you to be around to play with our grandkids."

    I've been working hard at it ever since.
  • Maddalen101
    Maddalen101 Posts: 307 Member
    If his numbers are good - sugar, cholesterol, thyroid function - his blood pressure is low and has no other health issues, LEAVE HIM ALONE. He's healthy. He will decide if he wants to lose weight. In the meantime, love him.
  • tommypout
    tommypout Posts: 4
    If it's portion control, then control the portion. Cook just enough for 1 serving and no seconds. Does he drink alcohol? Go for a romantic walk after dinner. Take the dogs if you have any.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    If it's portion control, then control the portion. Cook just enough for 1 serving and no seconds. Does he drink alcohol? Go for a romantic walk after dinner. Take the dogs if you have any.

    I'd just like to point out that I don't think this works very well. People can walk to the fridge and out-eat any walk after dinner.
  • Scorcherpants
    Scorcherpants Posts: 32
    cut him off. that'll learn him.

    That really irritates me! "You mean that will teach him" He is the one that will learn, if he learns!
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    cut him off. that'll learn him.

    Nah, just make him chase you for a few laps of the bedroom for it. That'll burn off some excess calories.

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