Personal Question

michelleamh · May 2010

I was just thinking as I was filling out my fitness pal personal page how I self-sabatoge myself. I only have 10-15lbs to lose since the birth of my daughter (3 yrs ago). And yet, I know what to do but I am inconsistant in my workouts and eating habits. For example, I will do really good for a couple weeks working out and eating healthy and the moment that scale says, "You gained or didn't lose." I immediately say "Screw It!" Eat whatever I want and then will not workout for the next two weeks and then the cycle starts all over again. I never use to be like this and never had issues with food used as comfort. I know what my problem is and quite simply I do not love myself. I really and truly don't. I detest how I look and base my happiness on how I look instead of what kind of person I am and can grow to be. I was reading the Bible yesterday and Jesus said one of the greatest commandments is to "Love your neighbor as yourself." And I asked myself how can I love someone else if I don't even love myself?

Examples of this self destruction would be I have always relied on myself. I keep others at a distance and share nothing personal or too emotional that may cause for me to be uncomfortable. I do not think much of myself to add to conversation with what I think of a situation but will sit on the sidelines. I do not even know what I truly like and dislike. Sure I know what food, what drinks, what exercises and that kind of stuff. But I never get out of my comfort zone and feel that everyone is looking and judging me so fear keeps me from trying. My own perfection is what drives me to not try anything new all the while critizing those who are out there doing it. In my 20's I could fake this facade, in my 30's I am growing tired and depressed as well as questioning the impact on my beautiful daughter and I am praying in my 40's I will know who I am and be comfortable with myself whether it is at 145lbs, 135lbs or 125lbs. I think that is the key to be happy irregardless of the same old couple pounds but that is what I am finding challenging.

So after my long, long post, my question to all of you is how do you love yourself when you haven't loved yourself in forever?

Thank you for listening,
Michelle

rnroadrunner · May 2010

with your degree in pysch what would you tell a client? I have found it is easier to give advice to someone else than myself. your homework is to make a list of things you like about yourself. Be honest. Then post them somewhere you will see it every day. that is the first step.

SHAMEKALACHELLE · May 2010

Well Michele, you seem to be trying to be on a correct path as you mentioned reading the Bible and Jesus ( this is Shameka's opinion because I know everyone here is not of the same belief, but I believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ).
Yes, your weight has nothing to do with it. You seem to recognize what you really don;t like about yourself. It seems that you need to find your purpose in life and whether or not that is in the workings of being fulfilled. Depression is a trick that Satan uses to try to cause us to get rid of ourselves, bring others down, or simply talk negatively about the true beauty God created us to be.
The world can be evil in the sense that everything around us tells us we are not good enough.
Find out what has caused you not to love yourself in the first place; I mean to the root of it.
IF you think you should seek counsel, then do that. If you have a Pastor or someone else you can trust, let them counsel you.
Don't hang around people who don't help build you up. Don't allow mental, physical, or self abuse to surround you. PRAY constantly! Don't know how? Let's talk.

Jesusfollower72 · May 2010

Wow that sounds just like my story!
I would say to pray that God would help you to see how much He loves you. Jesus came and died on the cross so that you can have a relationship with Him, He loves you THAT MUCH! Also, pray that He would help you to see how He sees you. You are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. (Eph 2:9) We are His workmanship, He created you just the way He wanted you. Anything else is a LIE from Satan, don't let him bring you down!
I am learning that food is my thorn in my side. It's there because it causes me to daily depend on God. Without Him I will repeat my destructive cycle.
May God bless your day,
Karen

tiffanygil · May 2010

I can relate. I have my own person thing I do that I heard one day in a church service about "rejection" and apply it to my everyday problems and life. Have a plan.

It makes sense because you know its comming to be prepared for it and have a plan that "changes" your thought process or attitude.

For instance I know I am really hard on myself and have kinda a warped sence of self image even with my wieght loss. So when I start thinking thoughts like "God my theighs are huge! or my arms are floppy" I know to stop myself mid thought and I quote a scripture from Mathew about "why worry" or I think of how I felt when I met my first goal or the first time a guy hit on me when I started loosing weight (even though I'm married, it was an awesome feeling considering it had been YEARS)

I also do this with food cravings as well. It works for me and even though I dont have it down to a fine art it helps more than hurts.
I also know from experience that once those 15lbs do come off it wont be the end of your "self loathment" So if this doesnt work keep praying God will give you the answer you need. Also try scriptures that relate to how "God sees you" after all he is a lot smarter than we are

Good luck!!!
Tiff

donsch · May 2010

Do I have the answer to your predictament-no. BUT, I know One who does. He created you in His likeness. He gave so you could have. He lives so you can live. He died so YOU could LIVE.
I know when my 1st born was little I had major pp depression. It taught me many things; one of which is that hormones can be an awful enemy to a person's self image. I fought PPD for three years-I was too sheltered at the time to realize there was help available-I was also to proud. (I am not trying to say this is the issue) I just know that if we feel worthless, ugly, fat, etc-- God can help us.
Surround yourself with inspirational and Biblical quotes and verses. Copy and paste them and put them at your desk, by your kitchen sink, on your bathroom mirror. Don't let the enemy seel yourself short.
You are beautiful, created in God's own Image. He made you just as he wants you (sometimes we just have to "take the vehicle in for a tune-up").
Be happy. You will be in my prayers.

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