Off Topic question about a backyard BBQ.

ambercole · May 2010

My husband and I are hosting a backyard BBQ for a friend next week. It is more of a going away party for him because he is going into the Navy. We have a 10yr old that we are going to get a sitter for. My question is... Why do people always get offended when you state that it is a "adult only" BBQ or they just presume that their kids are invited? I dont have a problem with anyone's kids but if you are having a BBQ where there will be lots of adults drinking beer and more than likely talking about things that are not "child appropriate", why would you want to bring your children anyway? I don't want to have to worry about someone getting upset because their kid saw someone drinking or their kid heard someone use the "F" word or their kids goes home and says "Mommy what's (blank) mean? I heard so and so talking about it" and I am certainly not going to tell everyone that is coming that they cant have a beer and that they have to watch their mouth and tiptoe around because someone brought their kids. That just ruins the fun for everyone. It's just that everyone I have invited, I have told that it is 21 or older and for some reason they think that just means teenagers and not "their little ones." How do you handle this type of situation and not offend anyone?

cmriverside · May 2010

Just my opinion, but I've been to lots of BBQs both as a kid and as an adult.

I don't think I've ever been to one with no kids around!

Take my advice with a grain of salt since I don't have kids, but children are going to hear "that" language and see people drinking beer regardless of what kind of restrictions you try to place on their lives. If you want to "protect" YOUR child, I see nothing wrong with that, but I don't think any parent expects a back-yard BBQ to be anything other than a slice of America. Especially military families (in which I grew up) - they want to spend as much time together as possible !

Kids have to learn to deal with adults being less than perfect. Most adults will tone down their potty mouths when small children are around. I'd say don't invite the adults who are known trouble makers.

cymills · May 2010

I feel your pain - LOL! We recently had an "adults only" Sunday afternoon brunch. I gave the short version of why it would not be appropraite. All understood. In fact , many were thrilled to have "adult only" conversation and time away from their "darlings".
Stick to your plan. Those that know and love you will show. Those that are offended - well you get the picture

BTW - my mother alwasy told me- "you cannot be responsible for someone else's feelings" . So true!!:flowerforyou:

tex43 · May 2010

We actually experienced this just a few well 6 weeks ago when I had a crawfish boil for my daughter who is in bootcamp in SC.We told them that it was important that we had a damn good time and that there was going to be lots of drinkin cussin and discussin,and if they wanted to bring there chillins into that type of environment,bring em on at your own risk.Needless to say no kids showed up,except my younger sons (17) friends and we had to be carefull and keep them out of the keg.

tex43 · May 2010

Just my opinion, but I've been to lots of BBQs both as a kid and as an adult.

I don't think I've ever been to one with no kids around!

Take my advice with a grain of salt since I don't have kids, but children are going to hear "that" language and see people drinking beer regardless of what kind of restrictions you try to place on their lives. If you want to "protect" YOUR child, I see nothing wrong with that, but I don't think any parent expects a back-yard BBQ to be anything other than a slice of America. Especially military families (in which I grew up) - they want to spend as much time together as possible !

Kids have to learn to deal with adults being less than perfect. Most adults will tone down their potty mouths when small children are around. I'd say don't invite the adults who are known trouble makers.

Very good advice!!!!

dragonfly__ · May 2010

It's your backyard and your party. No one has a right to be offended because you are planning a BBQ and want things a certain way. They can leave their kids with a sitter and join you or they can sit it out. I wouldn't care to offend people I would throw the party you want to throw for your friend.

ambercole · May 2010

See, the same people that would get offended because their kids weren't invited are the same people that would get offended if their kids saw or heard anything innapropriate, but they would also get offended if they got no invite at all.

sorellabella · May 2010

Just my opinion, but I've been to lots of BBQs both as a kid and as an adult.

I don't think I've ever been to one with no kids around!

Take my advice with a grain of salt since I don't have kids, but children are going to hear "that" language and see people drinking beer regardless of what kind of restrictions you try to place on their lives. If you want to "protect" YOUR child, I see nothing wrong with that, but I don't think any parent expects a back-yard BBQ to be anything other than a slice of America. Especially military families (in which I grew up) - they want to spend as much time together as possible !

Kids have to learn to deal with adults being less than perfect. Most adults will tone down their potty mouths when small children are around. I'd say don't invite the adults who are known trouble makers.

Great advice...etiher way whatever you decide have fun and wish your friend well.

cmriverside · May 2010

Who cares if they get offended? (Easy for me to say, I bet that ruins MY chance for an invitation)

You can't make eveyone happy all the time.

I read a quote I like:

"If you don't have any regrets, you need to get out more."

______________________________________
oooh, what pawprint says below

pawprint061 · May 2010

Honestly, I would make it known that there will be drinking, and adult conversation. If they want to bring their kids they can but it's up to their discretion. Warn them just like they do with movies and tv shows. It's your party, and if they get offended because they bring their kids just simply remind them that they were warned.

Crysta1976 · May 2010

If you called it a party and not a bbq, would it make a difference?

I have been to several as an adult and as a child as well. I have been to some that requested no children. Big deal? Why can't adults have adult time once in a while? If you're one of those people that doesn't go anywhere without your kids, then don't go. But it is silly to be offended. I have friends that are offended by it, and I still don't care. Not that I disagree with the point made earlier that kids are going see and hear it all at some point anyway. But some people don't want to be the source. I applaud that thought! I don't care if you let your 10 yr old watch R rated movies and sit in a poker game where everybody is smoking and cussing.... But it won't be happening at my house.

To the poster: if you thought to get a babysitter for your own children, then it is not unreasonable to request the guests to do so as well.

Good luck and have fun!!!!

dragonfly__ · May 2010

See, the same people that would get offended because their kids weren't invited are the same people that would get offended if their kids saw or heard anything innapropriate, but they would also get offended if they got no invite at all.

Go ahead and invite them and that way they have the option. But if they are going to get offended no matter what you do then do what you want and let them deal with the decision.

Crysta1976 · May 2010

See, the same people that would get offended because their kids weren't invited are the same people that would get offended if their kids saw or heard anything innapropriate, but they would also get offended if they got no invite at all.

Go ahead and invite them and that way they have the option. But if they are going to get offended no matter what you do then do what you want and let them deal with the decision.

EXACTLY!!!

metco89 · May 2010

For me, it is easy to just say to the ppl invited hey we are having a going away bbq for whoever and its for adults only for obvious reasons so i am giving everyone enough notice to get a sitter. If for some reason someone doesn't and brings their kids well they are responsible for watching then and i am not responsible for what they see or hear. just sayin.........

ambercole · May 2010

I guess I phrased the question incorrectly.... It is an adult only BBQ...period..... no kids allowed.... period.... I just wanted to know how to state this in a nice way that everyone can understand and not be offended. I wasn't asking what everyone's opinion was of not inviting children. I just wanted to know how to "not invite" them in a nice way.

golfdell · May 2010

if it seems as if they are going to be offended give the old "I would advise you to decide if you want your children around some very adult behavior and language"...let them know that the behavior could/will be offensive to some and that you are making this adult only and that no children come but that it is up to the parents to ultimately decide the course of action...good luck

dragonfly__ · May 2010

I guess I phrased the question incorrectly.... It is an adult only BBQ...period..... no kids allowed.... period.... I just wanted to know how to state this in a nice way that everyone can understand and not be offended. I wasn't asking what everyone's opinion was of not inviting children. I just wanted to know how to "not invite" them in a nice way.

Just say something like "for the comfort, saftey, and enjoyment of everyone this will be an adult only BBQ"

jmdolan · May 2010

I dont know that there is a nice way. If they are offended by the idea of it in the first place then they are going to be offended no matter what. You could try saying "im sorry if you are offended and i know you are responsible and will watch your child appropriately, however, I want all of my guests to comfortable be a little rowdy and not everyone feels comfortable being rowdy around children" Or "although i stated this is a BBQ, it is actually an adult party and unfortunately i wont have children exposed to innapropriateness ar my home" Either way they will still be offended but that is the nicest way I could come up with.

Vallandingham · May 2010

My husband and I are hosting a backyard BBQ for a friend next week. It is more of a going away party for him because he is going into the Navy. We have a 10yr old that we are going to get a sitter for. My question is... Why do people always get offended when you state that it is a "adult only" BBQ or they just presume that their kids are invited? I dont have a problem with anyone's kids but if you are having a BBQ where there will be lots of adults drinking beer and more than likely talking about things that are not "child appropriate", why would you want to bring your children anyway? I don't want to have to worry about someone getting upset because their kid saw someone drinking or their kid heard someone use the "F" word or their kids goes home and says "Mommy what's (blank) mean? I heard so and so talking about it" and I am certainly not going to tell everyone that is coming that they cant have a beer and that they have to watch their mouth and tiptoe around because someone brought their kids. That just ruins the fun for everyone. It's just that everyone I have invited, I have told that it is 21 or older and for some reason they think that just means teenagers and not "their little ones." How do you handle this type of situation and not offend anyone?

You can't. You can either suffer the indignation and hurt feelings or not invite those people that have children.

I host at least a dozen BBQs at my home every year. I hardly ever have a problem because there are children present. If my friends don't know enough to be appropriate around younger kids, I pull them aside and let them know.

However, that being said, if you don't want kids there, say so on the invite. If they don't understand, there's nothing you can do to sugarcoat it anyway.

From my experience, it won't be your friends that get their panties in a twist, it'll be family, and the family issue was already there, this just brought it to the surface.

Mellie13 · May 2010

I do a lot of party planning for my friends, etc. and I know it is such a touchy subject when you want anything to be "exclusive" in any way. I think the important thing to remember is that some people are just sensitive and will be offended no matter what or how you say it, so please don't stress too much. With that being said, I am a big fan of directness and tact. I would just simply state that it is an adult only party/bbq-no explanation needed. The more you try to explain, the more likely you are to offend. If they ask, by all means feel free to explain, but it is your home, your party, so you don't need to explain to anyone. It might be helpful to have a short explanation thought out in the event anyone asks, so you don't feel "on the spot" and everyone gets exactly the same answer. Hope this helps!!

Off Topic question about a backyard BBQ.

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