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  • zilkram
    zilkram Posts: 8
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    Hiya OP, I've joined relatively recently too. I've found it really helpful to keep track of what I'm eating. I hope you do too.

    In response to some of the posts on the thread about the fiance's lack of support.

    Some people
    - have a fat fetish,
    - are emotionally abusive and like to have a partner who is 'grateful',
    - genuinely think it's supportive to say I love you as you are & not actively help,
    - find their partner losing weight a threat to the relationship - they're insecure, think you'll cheat
    - find it a threat to their lifestyle - ie. if you're cooking healthy foods, doing portion control, shopping differently and you're the main cook/shopper does that mean they're not getting their favourite biscuits or whatever?! :)
    - maybe they feel you'll expect them to be healthier/fitter too and they don't want to, yet or ever.

    There's a whole lot of potential reasons for a partner to resist change, some benign and some less so. Only the OP will know what of these suggested (or others I haven't thought of) may apply to her fiance. And it depends how his lack of support manifests - whether it's just he doesn't know *how* to help or he is actively putting obstacles in the way.

    I think it's worth the OP considering *why* he's unsupportive, 'though, in case it does herald problems for the future.
  • Peanutbutterx
    Peanutbutterx Posts: 332
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    oh gosh.. i just have to say maybe its nothing bad for why hes not telling you to loose weight. if hes marrying you he obviously loves you, maybe he is just trying to tell you that he loves you for who you are and doesnt care how much you weigh. either way, you have to do what makes you feel good and if you want to loose a couple pounds then do it! he will love you either way, and your doing this for you not him :)
  • Phany04
    Phany04 Posts: 52 Member
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    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/886556-anyone-lose-100-pounds-without-surgery

    Read that post. I got a lot of inspiration from there. I started not too long ago..., (41 days I believe) and its working for me,
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Hiya OP, I've joined relatively recently too. I've found it really helpful to keep track of what I'm eating. I hope you do too.

    In response to some of the posts on the thread about the fiance's lack of support.

    Some people
    - have a fat fetish,
    - are emotionally abusive and like to have a partner who is 'grateful',
    - genuinely think it's supportive to say I love you as you are & not actively help,
    - find their partner losing weight a threat to the relationship - they're insecure, think you'll cheat
    - find it a threat to their lifestyle - ie. if you're cooking healthy foods, doing portion control, shopping differently and you're the main cook/shopper does that mean they're not getting their favourite biscuits or whatever?! :)
    - maybe they feel you'll expect them to be healthier/fitter too and they don't want to, yet or ever.

    There's a whole lot of potential reasons for a partner to resist change, some benign and some less so. Only the OP will know what of these suggested (or others I haven't thought of) may apply to her fiance. And it depends how his lack of support manifests - whether it's just he doesn't know *how* to help or he is actively putting obstacles in the way.

    I think it's worth the OP considering *why* he's unsupportive, 'though, in case it does herald problems for the future.

    YES. And did I say DUMP the guy? NO, I said find out WHY he is non-supportive before marriage, or it will turn into a battle ground AFTER marriage. If it's a matter of not understanding and an honest talk between the two of them clears the air, that's great. If the guy flat out refuses to help and support, then that's something to take into consideration as well. "Love" can be very tricky at times. It can pass itself off as "co-dependency" instead. My brother and his wife are getting divorced after years of living in each other's alcoholic shadows, because "they supported each others' addictions". They had a drinking buddy right there in the house with them to love them and accept them as is! It wasn't until that drinking problem became a near death incident and subsequent mental illness event that suddenly the wifey decided she didn't want to put up with this guy's behavior any longer.
  • ChrisC_77
    ChrisC_77 Posts: 271 Member
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    I think sometimes spouses/significant others can appear not supportive because they fear your change in health, mind, body will change how you feel about them. They also might feel impacted by your changes. This is something that you need to address and discuss. Help them realize they have nothing to fear and that their support and encouragement mean the world to you. Add me as a friend if you would like.

    My wife and I have different fitness goals and different eating/dietary goals. We support each others goals and not one of us rules the kitchen. One person's lifestyle change should not impact the other's lifestyle if it is different and healthy for them. Communicate! :)
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps! :smile:

    Sorry, but your fiance doesn't sound like a guy you should be considering marrying if he isn't supportive. Men who want their women to remain unhealthy and obese do so because they realize once the woman loses the weight, she will be more desirable to other men -- and he has lost control over her. He may not even be too accepting of your situation as it stands now, either -- but he figures you're overweight, you have low self esteem and hey, it's a free ride for him because "no other man would want you". (I have often heard stories of men who prefer their women this way, because that means the women are "lucky to have a guy like me") It's psychological warfare.

    Your man may not become that, but if he is resisting your desire to change, you MIGHT want to consider that a red flag.

    Way to go and over-read half a sentence.
    :huh:

    Not at all -- have you ever seen those documentaries of morbidly obese people (I'm talking 600 lbs and above) who are about to get gastric bypass surgery and get moved to the Cleveland weight clinic or some place like that? In each situation, their partners were either just as obese, OR they were very skinny ones. Once the patients started losing tons of weight, their relationships began to suffer and many couples broke up. They were threatened by the changes going on in the person, and couldn't handle it. One man, I remember clearly, was so in love with the idea of taking care of his bed ridden woman, that as soon as she got up and started losing weight, he started arguing with her and mentally abusing her. HE wanted her to remain an invalid, because he was judging his self worth on HER dependence on him to bathe her, feed her, etc.

    I stand by my "reading" into the situation. I do think some men prefer their women to be obese, because low self esteem usually is tied into this, and the men see that as a way to keep those women dependent on them, because in their eyes "nobody else would ever want me". It's a form of co-dependency and psychological beat down.

    I see, you saw a documentary. The OP posted 5 words about her bf and the rest is a wild invention in your head. And because of this she should dump her fiancée.

    You win the WTF award for the day.

    Where can I pick it up? :wink:
  • Peanutbutterx
    Peanutbutterx Posts: 332
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    thats a good point
  • juvinurse
    juvinurse Posts: 11 Member
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    Welcome! I love this site. It makes me accountable for everything I put into my mouth. I joined about 5 weeks ago and have lost a little over 14 lbs. BTW...I am not starving nor have I given up my favorite foods. I am just much more aware of what and how much I am eating. Get a food scale. They are an important part of your food selection and measuring.
    Good luck on your goal. I am sure you will look beautiful in your wedding gown!
  • khadduu
    khadduu Posts: 2
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    hey...im new to this community as well.week 1.so far-not bad!!i watch what i eat now and dont find it very difficult to stay under the calorie counter....wuts new is dat i have started excercising....i wanted to cry out loud today in between my workout coz it was soooo hard....im only 28 but walk around like 35...im telling myslf dat dis is going to work....der r so many success stories oready n all dose ppl went through the same drill....so,in some time inshahAllah,we'l b postn our pix as welll.......u in ur weddn gown!!!wow...imagune dat...:) :)...
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    I think sometimes spouses/significant others can appear not supportive because they fear your change in health, mind, body will change how you feel about them. They also might feel impacted by your changes. This is something that you need to address and discuss. Help them realize they have nothing to fear and that their support and encouragement mean the world to you. Add me as a friend if you would like.

    My wife and I have different fitness goals and different eating/dietary goals. We support each others goals and not one of us rules the kitchen. One person's lifestyle change should not impact the other's lifestyle if it is different and healthy for them. Communicate! :)

    When I went gluten free two years ago, I had to change a lot of what I ate. Not being the primary cook in the house, I started taking responsibility for my own meals. If the family wanted spaghetti, I cooked rice pasta in a separate pot. If the family wanted pancakes and bacon for breakfast, I ate eggs. It really wasn't a big issue for me, but you'd have thought I had committed murder for this! Finally, I told my family members: this IS MY issue, not yours. They all backed off and realized it really wasn't that traumatic a change after all. Now it's nothing but support.
  • virginia65us
    virginia65us Posts: 106 Member
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    First of all, you're very pretty and will make a gorgeous bride whether you lose weight or not. You're fiance will probably get more on board when he sees that you're serious and focused on your health. Sometimes our loved ones are just a little uncomfortable when we try to change. For me, the most important thing has been to log absolutely everything, even when I go over my calories. It helps me see where I go wrong, and also puts the bad days in perspective. Sometimes when I think I've blown it, it's not as bad as I thought. Just keep logging in. This site is incredibly helpful. You CAN do this!
  • Leisarene
    Leisarene Posts: 9 Member
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    Hey don't give up on you or your 'so' once you start shedding those unwanted pounds and not only feel healthier but become healthier your 'so' may be the biggest supporter you have! Only time will tell. Hang in there. You can do this!
  • annieclaws
    annieclaws Posts: 9
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    Hello, welcome to mfp. I also have 100 pounds to lose and have managed 3lb this week so am very happy. This was my first week on here and I have found it very useful. I also have got to lose it for my wedding in 2014, january in fact so Ive got less than a year...eeek!!!!
    I am 5ft 10 and currently weigh 19 st 2 lb, I would like to be 12st or thereabouts. I used to be 11st 4lb but the pounds have piled on over the years and no longer have a dog to walk and have not exercised very much....anyway I have got a major target now and am eating more sensibly and walking with my pedometer. My cals are 1400 per week and I have 4700 steps to do each day plus additional Wii workouts when I get time.
    Anyway good luck to you and feel free to message me xx
  • sheilaghriley
    sheilaghriley Posts: 1
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    HI there, all.
    me too on the just signed up, I have about 50 to lose, although I'd be happy to lose even 30.
    so far I think this site looks awesome and cant' wait to get into it more. One thing I wondered, I signed up on my home computer, but want to be able to access on my smartphone, how do I do this?
    I also went to exercise at the gym today, and I did not feel like crying but I was dizzy and lightheaded ( a little bit was because during a yoga class we did a lot of "downward dogs" and the blood was all rushtng to my head,) but I also had eaten quite lightly and think that my blood sugar was too low, so I left there very discouraged, exhausted, sore. But I came home and had 1/4 cup of almonds and an orange and took a nap and felt better,
    I know that I jsut have to keep going and that I will get stronger and will come to love my workouts, it's just getting there is hard.
    Anyway if anyone knows how to access on the phone, I'd appreciate
    thanks for all input, I just know I'm goign to love reading all these.
  • runwmeNC
    runwmeNC Posts: 612 Member
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    You can do it.. goodluck!
  • danzlake
    danzlake Posts: 6
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    Young lady, I would venture a guess that your SO likes HIMSELF the way he is. To not support you in your quest for health (and it must be about your health, or you will have trouble sticking to it long term) is a travesty, and a precursor to the way the SO will be for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. You go girl, and be who YOU can be.
  • drkvadar
    drkvadar Posts: 3
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    Hello all, i usually do not count any of this stuff but i decided to try it and maybe meet some like minded people. I use to live in the US, but now i live in Madrid, Spain where things a lot different. I really do not have any major goals, except to stay fit and healthy as i get older which seems to be working out just fine. I have been workingout for more than 20 years and have learned a thing or two during the process. Hope to be in touch with some of you no matter where you live, by the way if there is anybody that speaks Spanish that would be great because i am learning and enjoy speaking it.
  • bennysammysofie
    bennysammysofie Posts: 331
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    Over estimate what u eat and underestimate how much you've exercised. Just a lil trick I've done and still do. Just keep at it
  • gouldie5
    gouldie5 Posts: 7
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    Congrats on your engagement! Wedding planning can be overwhelming, but in the end it is totally worth it! Good luck with all the preparation. I know how you feel about wanting to lose weight for your wedding. I got married in 2011 in front of JOP because my dad was not in good health and then my husband and I renewed our vows the following year in front of all of our family and friends and I wanted to be in shape. I ended up getting to my goal for my vow renewal, but right now I am right back to where I started. It is definitely frustrating especially if your SO is not supportive. I wish you the best of luck with everything and don't be too hard on yourself, I am sure you will look beautiful on your special day!
  • Poetic_Photography
    Poetic_Photography Posts: 138
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    Hello & welcome! This site will work for you as long as you stick to tracking :smile: I can relate ~ my husband doesn't care if I'm a size 2 or a size 22... BUT... I don't feel good with all this extra weight! So, I'm doing this for me :smile:

    There are many supportive people here and the tools are great... you'll see changes in no time! :smile:

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