I can't be bothered anymore

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LollypopGinger
LollypopGinger Posts: 21 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been to and from the doctors a lot recently and after an internal scan at the hospital on Tuesday I was told that I might have Polycystic Ovaries, I'm waiting for my doctor to get the scan results back then I can have a blood test done to confirm it. To be honest, I've always known that I probably have them - I've had a lot of the symptoms for as long as I can remember but I don't really feel comfortable talking about periods, excess body hair and weight issues, among other things. Despite suspecting it myself, it still shocked me quite a bit. I suppose I thought that just because I have the symptoms, I might be ok. It's playing on my mind a lot now which doesn't help. I was miserable before they told me, I don't even know how I feel now.

My boyfriend is depressed. I know he is. I've been there before and he has all of the signs. The trouble is, he's a typical man and refuses to ask for help. He's been unemployed for a couple of years now and doesn't like the fact that I am the one supporting him - it's what all of our arguments essentially boil down to. He doesn't want to eat, his sleep pattern is all over the place, he has mood swings, he has no sex drive and generally just does not want to do anything (and won't do anything about it). This is really frustrating for me, I hate to see him like this and if I try to help I get my head bitten off.

If I was a battery and sleep recharged me, I'd say I wake up at about 99%. By the time I've got up and gone to work, I'm at about 90%. I finish work at 30%, my job is tiring but very rewarding (and I need the money) so I don't mind. I go to the gym some nights, which doesn't leave me with very much energy at all, and then I go home. I sometimes dread going home. Trying to have a conversation with my boyfriend is like trying to get blood out of a stone. I do everything I can and I recently I've been getting nothing back. My relationship drains me and there's nothing I can do about it, besides leaving him and I don't feel like I can do that.

I feel like I can't do it anymore. I can't work full-time, find time to take care of myself and put the effort into my relationship. I know a lot of other people have plenty more on their plate, but I just can't do it. I need to work, I need to take care of myself (especially now I know what might be wrong - losing weight is more important than ever) and I need to make my relationship work - it's a shame I seem to be the only one making an effort.

I need to create a balance, I'm just not sure how.

I'm not expecting any answers, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Replies

  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    Its called 'ego depletion'. Your brain/cognitive resources can only be spent on so many things before it starts leading to exhaustion. You have to make small changes and tackle each problem one at a time. If you start by eating well (good, nutritious, filling food) to boost your energy levels and mood, weight loss will follow, and it will start to make other areas of life seem easier. Dont let it get on top of you. x
  • LollypopGinger
    LollypopGinger Posts: 21 Member
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    Thank you, I've never heard of that before x
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    I don't really have anything to say other than I'm sorry you're going through all of this. It is hard when your partner has depression. Do look after yourself. Keep trying to get him to see a doctor for help and let him know how hard this is for you too. Good luck! Oh and there is a PCOS group on here so search them out if you aren't already a member.
  • MountainMoverJosh
    MountainMoverJosh Posts: 134
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    Being a dependent boyfriend is pretty emasculating. I have been there, and I have been not there. I will probably never live with a girlfriend again, just for the reasons that you are experiencing.

    This relationship is not healthy for you, nor is it healthy for him, Eventually, one of you will cheat on the other. That is the nature of things. If he is not giving you what you need emotionally or physically, then you will seek that elsewhere, or it will find you elsewhere.

    Obviously, if there is to be any change in the dynamics of the relationship, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him what you are just writing down here. You need intimacy, you need good social dynamic, you need to have sex to release most stress during the day. But you have to be the tough one here.

    I wish you the best, from a sea away.

    btw....I have to disagree that food itself will help her fix all the problems in her life. This is a social problem, and judging by where she came from weight-wise, she has been eating healthier and getting sexier, but it hasn't changed a thing between them, for better or worse. So that disproves that theory.
  • GoddessG
    GoddessG Posts: 175 Member
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    Body - mind - soul. The three work together and should be in balance.

    body: the right nutrition and exercise.
    mind: Learning - be it how to work smarter rather than harder, or how to learn your own limits.
    soul: Meditate daily. There is so much evidence for the benefits of 20 minutes a day dedicated to giving your brain a break and your mind a break from stress.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    btw....I have to disagree that food itself will help her fix all the problems in her life. This is a social problem, and judging by where she came from weight-wise, she has been eating healthier and getting sexier, but it hasn't changed a thing between them, for better or worse. So that disproves that theory.

    I didn't say it would fix 'all' her problems, I said once that small hurdle was hopped over, it would lay the way to provide more energy to deal with the other issues. I'm not suggesting that she 'get thinner for her boyfriend', I'm suggesting she eat to provide her with plenty of energy, so that she isn't so tired, and that when it comes to trying to improve other areas of life (with her partnet, etc) she wont feel so drained.

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