Parkinsons?

http://www.pdf.org/en/index

Good luck to you all

My grandma had Parkinsons, and it was hugely difficult to deal with. Before the disease, she'd always said that she'd rather die than be a burden on her loved ones, and that she would rather die than forget those she loved. Sadly, she did forget - her memory was very badly affected, and by the end she had little to no recognition of the people around her - be it family or her nurses.

What kind of situation is your father in law in - does he live alone, with family, at a home? Perhaps simply finding him some kind of 'purpose' would be useful. Getting someone out of a depression is no easy task. It requires a lot of time, love, and support. I think, in an overly simplified way, it comes down to how useful the person feels. If someone can't create their own reasons to live, you have to create them for the person. Whether it's loved ones reminding him how important he is to them, or sharing wonderful memories, or doing some kind of activity as a family. Surrounding someone with love is so important. What have his doctors suggested? I don't envy you for that task that you have ahead of you. It's so hard to watch someone's health deteriorate before your eyes, never mind watch them want to end their lives, as well. Life is good, but it's hard to remind people of that!

Do you know of anything he'd like to do before he dies - has he ever mentioned anything that he'd particularly like to see or do? I know that if my mother was incredibly ill and knew that her time was more limited than before, that I'd make sure she got to see the Northern Lights. Something like that, if it's affordable or plausible, can turn someone's life around, and perhaps give them some kind of hope.

It sounds to me like he needs counselling. Maybe a trained pro with experience in counselling Parkinson's sufferers can be found through the PDF, there?

My father doesn't have Parkinson's, but he has terrible tremors (can't sign his name, has trouble holding a glass and bringing it up to drink without spilling some, due to the tremors), and he also has stiffness and slowness in walking, and pain issues that require rest. He has extensive nerve damage (in part due to 30 years as a marine mechanic, which involved a lot of heavy lifting), and has had so many C-spine surgeries that he has a "ditch" at the back of his neck, where the scar is.

I know that for my father, it is difficult to accept help (downright impossible, most times), and this is mainly because he has always been in a provider role, being our "Mr Fix-It" around the home. In the past decade and a half, he has learned a lot about computers... which is appropriate, because it appeals to his technical side while avoiding much of the heavy lifting that came with fixing boats.

It can be very depressing to lose that sense of purpose, and I'm sure that as he gets older this may become even more of a struggle with him. With regards to your father-in-law, do you think that he has lost a sense of purpose? What sort of role did he play in his family's life, while he was still physically able? How might you appeal to that side of him, to make him feel like he is still relevant? Maybe he was more of an intellectual, a knowledge guy. Ask him for his advice on things that he is knowledgeable on. Gradually encourage other family members to see his worth, not just letting him know that he is loved, but letting him know that he is still greatly valued for his knowledge in specific areas where he once also had physical skill.