Being Emotionally Healthy about Weight Loss

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tararachelganguly
tararachelganguly Posts: 5 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey all,

I don't know if this is something a lot of other people struggle with but I come from a very unhealthy upbringing and have dated a few less-than-supportive guys and I have a hard time viewing fitness and my weight in what I feel to be "healthy." One of my goals in life is to be healthy physically AND emotionally and to view fitness in a positive way. I enjoy exercising, I like to make it social (like going swimming, hiking, or bouldering with friends) but the more involved and committed I get to losing weight, the more negatively I "speak to myself." A lot of people hear me make comments about how I didn't workout hard enough or ate too many unhealthy things that day and instead of saying something supportive like, "You may be beating yourself up, but you're doing a great job. Be kind to yourself." I hear a lot of "Well, you know what else you could do is cut back on how much bread you're eating...." Or, "Well, you know, you're doing too much cardio. You should do *this* kind of workout or more of *this* instead."

How do you view fitness, yourself, and weight-loss in a healthy, kind way?

Replies

  • FitQueenBri
    FitQueenBri Posts: 20
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    Hey all,

    I don't know if this is something a lot of other people struggle with but I come from a very unhealthy upbringing and have dated a few less-than-supportive guys and I have a hard time viewing fitness and my weight in what I feel to be "healthy." One of my goals in life is to be healthy physically AND emotionally and to view fitness in a positive way. I enjoy exercising, I like to make it social (like going swimming, hiking, or bouldering with friends) but the more involved and committed I get to losing weight, the more negatively I "speak to myself." A lot of people hear me make comments about how I didn't workout hard enough or ate too many unhealthy things that day and instead of saying something supportive like, "You may be beating yourself up, but you're doing a great job. Be kind to yourself." I hear a lot of "Well, you know what else you could do is cut back on how much bread you're eating...." Or, "Well, you know, you're doing too much cardio. You should do *this* kind of workout or more of *this* instead."

    How do you view fitness, yourself, and weight-loss in a healthy, kind way?

    I have had a bad past with this too. I still struggle with it some days. It especially happens when I feel bloated. My fiance hates when I make comments negatively about myself, my body...so I completely understand.

    I view myself as a girl who has done a lot of self hating, and torturing my body over the past few months. It's time to change that, and be happy with eating healthy, and exercising. I do need to add more exercise into my life, doing it more often...I just need to do what makes me happy, not what makes anyone else happy..
  • BlueObsidian
    BlueObsidian Posts: 297 Member
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    I spent many years with an unhealthy outlook on food and on myself. I really hated myself and never viewed anything I did as good enough. Ultimately, what I needed to do to move forward was to find a great therapist. Having someone who specialized in food and body image issues to work with has been one of the biggest factors towards changing my perception of myself. I still don't always treat myself as kindly as I should, but every day I try to remember that I am doing the best I can.

    Ultimately, what you have to remember is that those people who give you advice when they hear you criticize yourself probably aren't trying to be mean. They hear you make those negative comments to yourself and want to offer suggestions, especially if it's something they hear regularly.
  • tararachelganguly
    tararachelganguly Posts: 5 Member
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    Thanks, this makes a lot of sense to me. It's a journey, for sure!
  • tararachelganguly
    tararachelganguly Posts: 5 Member
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    I'm glad to know people can relate. I'm sure as the years go by, I'll learn more and more how to be better to myself and view things in a more balanced way.
  • FitQueenBri
    FitQueenBri Posts: 20
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    I'm glad to know people can relate. I'm sure as the years go by, I'll learn more and more how to be better to myself and view things in a more balanced way.

    I have to take it day by day...and that seems to work better for me. If i look at the big picture I get anxious. But that's just me :)
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    I grew up watching my mom bounce from one weightloss fad to another. She still does. I swore I would never do that. When I got to the point I needed to lose weight I was determined to do it the "right" way without gimmicks.
    I still struggle. I fight the temptation to drop calories/borderline starve. I focus on my fitness goals and tell myself I need to eat to achieve those. I fight to see myself as I really am. I am too critical. I am trying to learn to see myself in a positive way.
    Basically I don't know the answer. I think your question is a good one and am interested in other posts.
  • FionaDFair
    FionaDFair Posts: 125 Member
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    I'm glad to know people can relate. I'm sure as the years go by, I'll learn more and more how to be better to myself and view things in a more balanced way.

    I have to take it day by day...and that seems to work better for me. If i look at the big picture I get anxious. But that's just me :)

    I've had some of the same struggles. Growing up my family had some pretty complex body issues. For me, having friends who also try to have healthy body images, and reinforcing that for each other, has made a big difference. I'm also grateful that my husband and mother-in-law are very supportive and encouraging. My husband has only ever had positive things to say about my body. And I like the idea of taking it one day at a time, finding balance.
  • hanahughes
    hanahughes Posts: 5
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    I so know how you feel!! I struggled with my weight my whole life and still am. I may not look big, but i'm not healthy for my age or height. I was always the chubby tom boy as a kid and got picked on a bit. I got so paranoid about my weight as a teen that I developed an eating disorder when i was 16. I went from a healthy 72kgs to 55kgs in a matter of months. That may seem ok, but for my height '5"8' and nationality it was thin!! Then when I got married (at18 1/2) I put on a heap of weight. I'm now the heaviest i have ever been, hence I joined this, and I really struggle with finding myself beautiful. But the way I see it, is I'm doing something about it. Sure I might have eaten a chocolate bar last week, but I didnt eat one today etc. Commend your self for the little things, take things hour by hour. I also, (its really corny but it works!) stand in front of a mirror (I hate mirrors) and force my self to find one thing a day that I like about my body, and it slowly starts to build your confidence. and it makes you want to do bettter :)
  • FionaDFair
    FionaDFair Posts: 125 Member
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    I also like BlueObsidian's idea about finding a therapist to talk to, see if they can help you develop the skills to objectively and positively view your body, nutrition, and fitness. For me, even when I don't feel like I'm as fit as I want to be or don't look like I want to, I try to remember that I'm doing good things for my body - trying to make more whole, healthful food choices and staying active. It's a lifelong journey.
  • badmojo108
    badmojo108 Posts: 72
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    Two thoughts I internalized helped me get out of my "dark place". I wasn't there solely because of my weight, but the weight was what I felt I could control and it really became the focus of my self-loathing.

    1. As stupid and silly as it felt, and I felt really stupid and silly for a pretty long time. Every morning after I got up, I would look in the mirror and tell myself "I accept me for who I am, right now." I would tell myself that everyday, out loud whether I believed it or not, and one day finally I internalized it and I believed it. The "right now" was the important part for me, because accepting myself doesn't mean I don't want to change or that I don't need to change. It was me promising not to judge myself simply by comparing myself as I am now to my end goal, but instead by whether or not was I working towards achieving that goal. As long as I was working towards my goal, I could accept myself.

    2. Realizing that my weight is not who I am. I am the same witty, sarcastic, *kitten* of a guy now as I was when I was 245, and I'll be that same guy when I lose my last 20 lbs and hit my goal weight. Sure some people may treat me differently now compared to then, or judge me differently now than they might have before, but that doesn't change who I am. More importantly, their opinion of me doesn't affect "MY" opinion of me. Some people might love to talk to me if I drove a BMW, and those same people might ignore me if I drove a beat up old civic. Neither of those cars define my worth as a person, nor does my weight.

    Once I internalized those two beliefs, weight loss became just one part of my life, instead of the focus of it. For me that's a healthy way to look at weight loss, it's just a part of my life and routine, like showering or brushing my teeth.
  • sammielealea
    sammielealea Posts: 245 Member
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    For me, I have found that weight loss has come by BEING emotionally healthy. I found that after I decided that I was a "runner", I started to challenge myself; when you are challenging yourself physically on a reguar basis, you need to prepare mentally. I found that the pride that I felt when I knew I was getting better, faster and stronger was an even bigger confidence booster than when I found out that my clothes were getting too big. Sure, sometimes I stress about calories that I consume and overeating, not being able to get my workout in. I have come to the conclusion that I may never meet my "ideal goal weight", but I have also come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter anymore . . . it's just a number. Find out what makes you happy and go for it, and tell yourself that you deserve it every step of the way.
  • earlswimsuit
    earlswimsuit Posts: 63
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    I love myself through thick and thin! Healthy is a life style and i'm making the changes..which is awesome. I know I can do it It's all about knowing you're fabulous, your body is yours to keep FOREVER, if you don't love yourself then who else is going to?....:laugh: Hope you feel better and keep going you're stronger than you think!!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    The thing I've had to realize is that I have a propensity to be really hard on myself, so I get overly upset if I fail, which ultimately leads to more failure. So, on this journey I've had to forgive myself over and over and climb back on the wagon over and over when I've messed up. The only way to succeed is to not quit, and I've had to focus on that, no matter how much I fail, to never quit.
  • dangerxbadger
    dangerxbadger Posts: 396 Member
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    Two thoughts I internalized helped me get out of my "dark place". I wasn't there solely because of my weight, but the weight was what I felt I could control and it really became the focus of my self-loathing.

    1. As stupid and silly as it felt, and I felt really stupid and silly for a pretty long time. Every morning after I got up, I would look in the mirror and tell myself "I accept me for who I am, right now." I would tell myself that everyday, out loud whether I believed it or not, and one day finally I internalized it and I believed it. The "right now" was the important part for me, because accepting myself doesn't mean I don't want to change or that I don't need to change. It was me promising not to judge myself simply by comparing myself as I am now to my end goal, but instead by whether or not was I working towards achieving that goal. As long as I was working towards my goal, I could accept myself.

    2. Realizing that my weight is not who I am. I am the same witty, sarcastic, *kitten* of a guy now as I was when I was 245, and I'll be that same guy when I lose my last 20 lbs and hit my goal weight. Sure some people may treat me differently now compared to then, or judge me differently now than they might have before, but that doesn't change who I am. More importantly, their opinion of me doesn't affect "MY" opinion of me. Some people might love to talk to me if I drove a BMW, and those same people might ignore me if I drove a beat up old civic. Neither of those cars define my worth as a person, nor does my weight.

    Once I internalized those two beliefs, weight loss became just one part of my life, instead of the focus of it. For me that's a healthy way to look at weight loss, it's just a part of my life and routine, like showering or brushing my teeth.


    Thank you for this.

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