So how honest do you want your SO to be..........

2

Replies

  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    Honest but not harsh. Here is a story...my boyfriend of almost 9 years had a very bad addiction to pornography. It was so bad that it was effecting our relationship. He once looked at me up and down, disgusted; and told me I was the reason that he was addicted to it. He also smashed a McDonald's double cheese in my face...SO...I would say that it your SO should be honest but in a way that protects your feelings.

    abuse isn't honest, it's just abusive.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Truth in love. There are ways to do this... sometimes a challenge... but there are ways.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Honest but not harsh. Here is a story...my boyfriend of almost 9 years had a very bad addiction to pornography. It was so bad that it was effecting our relationship. He once looked at me up and down, disgusted; and told me I was the reason that he was addicted to it. He also smashed a McDonald's double cheese in my face...SO...I would say that it your SO should be honest but in a way that protects your feelings.
    I would pick the honest and harsh...if I knew my SO was thinking those things i'd want it to be over with.
  • artickb22
    artickb22 Posts: 411 Member
    cold hard truth all the way for me! I can take it.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    Lie your *kitten* of, tell me I look fantastic, since it doesn't really matter. Tell me I look terrible, I'm just going to think you're an *kitten*. Tell me I look amazing, I'm gonna think you're lying through your teeth.

    See, man-eater.

    NIBBLER!! Man Nibbler. Just ask the husband, boyfriend, love slave. :)
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Lie your *kitten* of, tell me I look fantastic, since it doesn't really matter. Tell me I look terrible, I'm just going to think you're an *kitten*. Tell me I look amazing, I'm gonna think you're lying through your teeth.

    See, man-eater.

    NIBBLER!! Man Nibbler. Just ask the husband, boyfriend, love slave. :)

    *Suspicious.*
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member

    *Suspicious.*

    Lol, you should be. Since really I only have an estranged husband, long distance boyfriend and imaginary love slave. Sighhh, I have to invent my friends.
  • MrsRichmond060212
    MrsRichmond060212 Posts: 18 Member
    I definately expect honesty.. But it doesn't matter what I look like or what I'm wearing, my husband always says I look gorgeous. Lord only knows why he thinks so but he's being honest, he thinks I'm just beautiful no matter what. If only I thought as highly of myself lol!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member

    *Suspicious.*

    Lol, you should be. Since really I only have an estranged husband, long distance boyfriend and imaginary love slave. Sighhh, I have to invent my friends.

    Ok now you just made me sad. Which means you're trying to trick me!
  • chellebublz
    chellebublz Posts: 568 Member
    This is a tough one for me, because it bothers me when people aren't honest with me. But on the other hand if my fiance were to tell me he thought I looked awful and he wasn't attracted to me, our relationship wouldn't recover from it.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member

    *Suspicious.*

    Lol, you should be. Since really I only have an estranged husband, long distance boyfriend and imaginary love slave. Sighhh, I have to invent my friends.

    Ok now you just made me sad. Which means you're trying to trick me!

    But it's true. And I already caught the LDBF cheating on me once, and I didn't even dump him, cuz I'm a sucker.
  • tinagetslim
    tinagetslim Posts: 4
    Honest. . I do not have low self esteem. . . i straight be talking mad **** about my self. so as long as its the truth wats there to get mad about
  • IlfirinLuthien
    IlfirinLuthien Posts: 17 Member
    Be honest... And I will try not to kill him :D
  • STurbs33
    STurbs33 Posts: 134 Member
    Please be honest, but don't be a total *kitten* about it either. He's been honest with me and I've honest with him about weight gain in the past. It's not necessarily about thinking the other person is fat or ugly. For us anyway, it was more about concern for the other person's well being and not wanting them to stray too far away from who they are.
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
    I don't want my husband to ever compare me to another woman or be a **** about my weight but expressing concern for my health or encouraging me to work out is cool. It didn't used to be but I've grown some balls in the last year. I don't place the blame of my own insecurities on him anymore.
  • maggs155
    maggs155 Posts: 258
    I want him to care if im fat and tell me to loose weight i hate that he says i look good the way i am and im not fat yeah right!!! He always says i dont care how much u weigh i look at u the same no matter what!!!! Make me mad
  • maggs155
    maggs155 Posts: 258
    Honest but not harsh. Here is a story...my boyfriend of almost 9 years had a very bad addiction to pornography. It was so bad that it was effecting our relationship. He once looked at me up and down, disgusted; and told me I was the reason that he was addicted to it. He also smashed a McDonald's double cheese in my face...SO...I would say that it your SO should be honest but in a way that protects your feelings.
  • maggs155
    maggs155 Posts: 258
    OMG that is bull **** i wouldnt want it to go that far and the addiction to porn was his problem i bet he would do it if he had a perfect woman its an addiction i would of punched him in the face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Uncoated, non-sugared honesty. I can handle it. If I don't know what to change, how can I work on it? I'd want to know.
  • Amy62575
    Amy62575 Posts: 422 Member
    I don't usually ask questions to which I already know the answer...I know I need to lose weight and take better care of my body. I'm my own worst critic so even if the answer wasn't very harsh, I would think they were just trying to be nice anyway.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I want him to be honest with me, so that I know I can trust and count on him. Actually he helps me because I tend to be extraordinarily hard on myself. And I know from what and how he says it, that he absolutely adores me and is very much attracted to me. But, when I am working on my fitness I ask him specific questions at times such as "Is there fat on my thighs here?" And he will say, "Yes, there is a little bit, but not a lot" (btw, it's gone now). That helps me to know if I am perceiving things accurately or not. If he were to not be honest with me then I would not trust his compliments the way I do. Or I would not trust myself. Trust and honesty and a reality check are all important things.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Honest but not harsh. Here is a story...my boyfriend of almost 9 years had a very bad addiction to pornography. It was so bad that it was effecting our relationship. He once looked at me up and down, disgusted; and told me I was the reason that he was addicted to it. He also smashed a McDonald's double cheese in my face...SO...I would say that it your SO should be honest but in a way that protects your feelings.

    this pisses me off beyond all get out. superbeyond.
    2058206_o.gif
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
    Honesty when it's asked for.

    I have asked my SO, "at what time in our relationship did I look best to you?" (I was 180 when we started dating, dropped to 160, and at my heaviest was 240-ish) And he told me his honest opinion.

    If I'm really upset about something - like one time I had a RIDICULOUSLY BAD hair cut, bad enough I cried, literally cried, ever time I looked in the mirror for a week - he told me over and over again how beautiful I looked, a year later, when I told him I was going to get my hair cut he begged me NOT to do it the same way again. Honesty in retrospect is preferred in those types of situations.

    If I've got stuff in my teeth he tells me. It does kinda bug me when he tells me I have dried skin on my nose or cheek (kinda like a "geeze thanks :grumble: " reaction to those)

    but he's nice about everything for the most part.
    Whatever balance we have, I like it
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Honest but not harsh. Here is a story...my boyfriend of almost 9 years had a very bad addiction to pornography. It was so bad that it was effecting our relationship. He once looked at me up and down, disgusted; and told me I was the reason that he was addicted to it. He also smashed a McDonald's double cheese in my face...SO...I would say that it your SO should be honest but in a way that protects your feelings.


    I hope that was the last thing that *kitten* did.
  • styledsky
    styledsky Posts: 121 Member
    Be honest and just call it like it is. Life is too short and time with your loved ones is too precious to waste by saying anything else.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,993 Member
    bump
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I think my husband IS honest with me. When I refer to the time when I was overweight as the time I was fat, he tells me I was never fat. In his eyes, I wasn't, I guess. Maybe he just didn't see it? I don't know. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if he said that I had been fat, because I had been. He mentions that other women are overweight, so I know he can see it, but for some reason that doesn't apply to me in his eyes.
  • ubermensch13
    ubermensch13 Posts: 824 Member
    If I ask if I look fat, the worst thing a guy can do is say "yes". If something honestly doesn't look good, I'd rather them just say that they prefer something else over it. I don't want to be insulted, but I also don't want to wear something that isn't flattering.

    Do you really ask that question? If so, you get what you ask for....if you don't want that answer, phrase the question differently.
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
    He wouldn't be himself if he wasn't blunt and honest. At the same token, he's not just going to say to me "Hey your butt is sagging", but he did agree with me when I brought it up (!!!) lol. So, I appreciate that at the end of the day, if I'm fat or whatever I know I can count on him to tell me.
  • oh_em_gee
    oh_em_gee Posts: 887 Member
    Honest but not cruel. He has said I'm big, and that he's concerned that I'll leave when I get thinner and therefore hotter. But, he'd never call me names because of my size

    Eta: I'm a smart person though, so it's not like I don't know I could look better. I know I looked my best about 50 pounds ago

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