Has your weight loss put strain on your relationship?

Options
A couple weeks ago my boyfriend and I almost broke up - as a matter of fact, I thought we had. I later came to find out that he was basically insecure because I started working out and eating clean (which he had been encouraging me to do) and was acting out because of it. He felt like I wasn't making enough time for him when I first started working out, because I started out hardcore (and have stayed that way). I think he also has some feelings about the fact that he has put on weight since we got together, just like myself, but now I've lost all the weight I put on, plus I'm waaaaaay more fit then I was even before we got together, and he is still the same. I've made an effort a few times to ask him to work out with me, but he always passes. I've even brought workout gear into the house for him to use, and he's used it a few times, but nothing significant. He pretty much eats like **** too, but he is one of those people who thinks he eats healthy, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. I would like him to get into better shape as well, just because I see how much getting healthier has done for me - my anxiety is totally mellowed out, I'm happier, I look better, I feel better. It's literally all good. I want him to get healthy, and into better shape, and to eat better, too, because I know it would not only do great things for him, but it would do great things for us as a couple. ...but more so, I don't want him to continue to be insecure (or whatever) about the fact that I'm getting my *kitten* in shape. Has anyone else experienced this? I am honestly worried that if he doesn't kick it into gear, it might spell the end of us. I mean, it nearly has already. How do I keep us from growing apart because I'm making my health and fitness a priority?

Replies

  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    Options
    Find someone else if it's that big of a problem for him. Or tell him to stop being a sloth and get his *kitten* in the gym with you. The wife and I lifting together has done good things for our marriage.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    Options
    My husband says that he wants to lose weight and yet he buys burgers for lunch. The thing is, I don't mind either way; I'm happy if he's happy. If he was so truly disgusted by himself that he wanted to lose weight, he'd do it. I've tried healthier meals, I've tried setting time for us to both work out together and still nada.

    I value him and love him for who he is. I can't change him. So maybe there's a way you two can talk about it but ultimately leave him to his own devices?
  • Torgrills
    Torgrills Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    Either he'll do it for himself or he won't do it at all. Encouraging him may only feel like nagging and it will drive a bigger wedge between the two of you. Keep taking care of yourself! If he thinks you should put him before yourself, then he's a douche and he can pound sand.
  • RingSize8
    RingSize8 Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    I think us working out together (or even working out separately) would be great for us - he just isn't that receptive to it. He swears he knows everything about health and fitness. I don't know how to gently tell him he doesn't know everything. ...on top of telling him I wish he would start working out, for himself, just like he told me. ...and that he shouldn't be insecure about me working out.

    I don't want him to start working out as much as I want my getting in better shape to not be an issue in our relationship. I want him to be happy, of course, but he's not happy if he's insecure about what I'm doing. I just think one way to get over that insecurity would be to get into shape himself.
  • KariRoseDoll
    KariRoseDoll Posts: 47 Member
    Options
    It hasn't put a strain on my relationship with my fiance at all, but it's caused a little bit of a struggle with my family. My family has never seen me below a certain weight. I haven't lost a ton of weight at this point, and because they are used to seeing me heavy, they are telling me I'm getting too thin when I'm still a size 12. I've been trying to explain that wanting to get into single digit sizes isn't bad, or that my goal weight is within the healthy range, but they won't listen to reason, so I can kind of relate.

    However, if I were in your situation, I'd sit down with my fiance, and try to talk it out again.
  • busyblkgirl
    busyblkgirl Posts: 264 Member
    Options
    EndlessMuse same exact deal for me. But all I can do is try. We recently discovered he has sleep apnea and is exhausted all the time as result. I thought this would be his motivation b/c he's adamant to not wear a sleep mask, but so far still nothing.
  • twinkiemon
    twinkiemon Posts: 216 Member
    Options
    My ex-fiance was always telling me I'd look better with 10 extra pounds and if I wanted to lose weight, then he'd bust out with "Let's go to dinner" - he was so insecure he wanted to keep me fat so other guys wouldn't try to take me away.

    I ended up losing 200+ pounds - HIM! >:)

    I did lose like 50lbs after the break up because I wanted to feel better about myself but sadly over the years, it's crept back on so here I find myself at MFP with you fine people trying once again to lose and live healthy. :)
  • RingSize8
    RingSize8 Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    ...still not really sure what to do, but thanks for the responses!
  • michaelalouise3915
    michaelalouise3915 Posts: 124 Member
    Options
    Have you tried encouraging him to join in with you?

    At first my boyfriend was reluctant, but I even managed to convince him to come to gym with me last night at bloody 3 am haha, and now he's really feeling motivated.