How to feel confident all the time
Doctorpurple
Posts: 507 Member
Brief background: I have been bullied when I was very young (ages 4-8) for being chubby. No I wasn't overweight I was just around kids smaller than me. I thinned out later and the bullying stopped. Now, even at a normal weight, weight is a sensitive spot for me. I have a friend right now who is very thin (5'2" and only 103 lbs) she is small built and skinny flattish and never works out. and im about 2 inches taller but 15 lbs heavier larger frame and have more muscle. She thinks that everyone larger than her is chubby. And she kept mentioning how I am chubby several times. I know I should be confident about my weight and the fact that I know I'm not chubby. But deep down, I'm insecure about my weight because of my childhood experience. How do I psychologize myself to completely ignore these comments and to be comfortable and confident about myself even if other people say negative things?
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Replies
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first off, i think you might need to re-consider your friendship with this girl. if she was a true friend she would never call you chubby! especially just on the basis that your body type is different from hers! if i were in your shoes, i would choose to surround myself with positive, motivating, uplifting people, not people that will bring me down by calling me chubby.
second, as women, we are part of a statistic. 90% of women have body image issues. they look in the mirror and don't see what they actually look like. we see our flaws, and we magnify them. focusing only on our imperfections, not what makes us beautiful and unique!
there is no way to ignore comments that hurt you, but you can tell yourself that it doesn't matter what other people think! you need to see yourself as beautiful. YOURE the one that matters, YOUR opinion of yourself. no one else's.
girl, you are beautiful (:0 -
Get some new positive friends! She is possibly trying to subtly bring you down as she is jealous of your success. Sadly, this happens a lot between women.0
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You should calmly explain to her ONCE that you find these "chubby" comments to be very hurtful and to please stop. If she doesn't, stop, then she's not a nice person and you should dump her. Putting up with insults is not self-confidence - it's exact opposite. Only weak people allow others to continually degrade them.0
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1 ditch the so called 'friend'
2 dont make up random words that have no meaningpsychologize
really?!0 -
1 ditch the so called 'friend'
2 dont make up random words that have no meaningpsychologize
really?!
Right back at you. Before posting deragatory comments like this. Please use google.
Psychologize-
v.intr.
To investigate, reason, or speculate in psychological terms.0 -
To be honest to me it sounds like she is a bit envious of your womanly figure/curves etc. Your description of her makes her sound very flat and if she is like that naturally and never works out etc, I would imagine she is jealous and gets a kick out os saying that you are chubby.
You are just FANTASTIC in your profile photo, if I looked like that I would never get dressed.
p.s. love the new word!0 -
Thank you so much for all the helpful comments. I do know that she's not the best type of person and she has a lot of insecurities that's why se puts people down. I did talk to her about it and she DID stop. However, even if she doesn't say those things anymore, the idea got stuck in my head0
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1 ditch the so called 'friend'
2 dont make up random words that have no meaningpsychologize
really?!
Right back at you. Before posting deragatory comments like this. Please use google.
Psychologize-
v.intr.
To investigate, reason, or speculate in psychological terms.
Ahaha, well done.
Your friend may have a bit of a problem. If she's saying someone is 'chubby' and she's only 103lbs, chances are she thinks the same as herself. Calling others 'chubby' may be a bit of an outlet.
Just talk to her. Tell her how it makes you feel. If she REALLY doesn't change, I'd ditch her - just for the pure fact she really is not helping you out and being a good friend. A good friend wouldn't even call you 'slightly chubby', even if they weighed 103lbs and you weighed 250lbs!
Have more confidence, you seem to be a nice girl. :flowerforyou:0 -
1 ditch the so called 'friend'
2 dont make up random words that have no meaningpsychologize
really?!
Right back at you. Before posting deragatory comments like this. Please use google.
Psychologize-
v.intr.
To investigate, reason, or speculate in psychological terms.
thanks for the mesaage as well!0 -
1 ditch the so called 'friend'
2 dont make up random words that have no meaningpsychologize
really?!
Right back at you. Before posting deragatory comments like this. Please use google.
Psychologize-
v.intr.
To investigate, reason, or speculate in psychological terms.
Ahaha, well done.
Your friend may have a bit of a problem. If she's saying someone is 'chubby' and she's only 103lbs, chances are she thinks the same as herself. Calling others 'chubby' may be a bit of an outlet.
Just talk to her. Tell her how it makes you feel. If she REALLY doesn't change, I'd ditch her - just for the pure fact she really is not helping you out and being a good friend. A good friend wouldn't even call you 'slightly chubby', even if they weighed 103lbs and you weighed 250lbs!
Have more confidence, you seem to be a nice girl. :flowerforyou:
Great advice. Thank you:-)0 -
Sooo...the problem isn't her making comments anymore, the problem is your own inner dialogue saying "But what if she's right?". Good grief. If you're going to torture yourself over every jealous comment someone makes, you're in for a tough life. You already recognize that she's the one with the problem, yet you still let the word chubby coming from her wrack you with self-doubt. Does that make sense to you? Or is this all just a fishing expedition for compliments?0
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Sooo...the problem isn't her making comments anymore, the problem is your own inner dialogue saying "But what if she's right?". Good grief. If you're going to torture yourself over every jealous comment someone makes, you're in for a tough life. You already recognize that she's the one with the problem, yet you still let the word chubby coming from her wrack you with self-doubt. Does that make sense to you? Or is this all just a fishing expedition for compliments?
I do understand what you are talking about. I think I've stated that the reason why this was hard for me is because I was bullied at a younger age. I'm not looking for people to compliment me here in the Internet. If I want compliments, I would have just have to go out in public in a flattering outfit. I don't understand how your comment was helpful. I understand that not everyone will post a helpful comment but I'm not sure what the purpose of your post was.0 -
I don't know why you would ignore those comments. She's being rude and needs to be challenged. I'd ask her why she's saying those things, for a start, and then take the conversation from there. It might help to use statements that own your feelings, so you're making it about you, not about her doing something wrong. You know, "When you say __________, I feel __________."0
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oh just tell her to stfu. If shes a negative person in ur life, remove her.
You look amazing.0
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