How do I change my all or nothing mentality

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lomins
lomins Posts: 32 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have been so up and down with my weight for the past 10 or 15 years. Not a lot, but I have definitely lost the same 20 lbs over and over again.

I think my issue is I'm so all or nothing. I get into it, at the gym 5 - 6 days a week, eating well (honestly probably not enough) and making good choices. I lose weight, look good, feel amazing. Then I fall off the wagon HARD. That means zero working out, eating anything I see, drinking too much wine. All of a sudden, my weight is back up. And the cycle continues....

Has anyone learned to manage this once and for all? I don't want to be doing this over and over forever.
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Replies

  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Time, patience, practice.

    I had to come to grips that I might not ever be able to get rid of that thinking forever and permanently. But I can do it today. And when I do fall to that kind of thinking, I can realize it, shake my head, and move onto the next calm thought.

    We tend to beat ourselves up because we aren't perfect all the time. But we all make mistakes, we all screw up, we all have bad weeks, and we all hit that point where we're like "Damn, that's unhealthy." The key point is to recognize it and accept that sometimes, you're going to struggle with it. If I try to be kind to myself, it allows me the space to open up the space between "I'm good! I'm bad!" We're human. That's okay.
  • RunningTowardsFit
    RunningTowardsFit Posts: 81
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    I could not agree more with what the poster above me shared. Really, take it a day at a time. Today, do not let it be all or nothing.
    I used to be very "all or nothing," while I still am in someways, I also realize that I will just do more damage by eating more if I had a "bad day," or if I eat a cookie and that makes me spiral out of control, rather, it is one cookie that will not make a huge difference in your day. There is no need to make up for it, just move on, accept that you too, like the rest of us, are human ;)
  • lomins
    lomins Posts: 32 Member
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    Thank you. That's actually really helpful. I never really connected it, but I do think I struggle with "perfection" issues. It's hard to give myself a break sometimes.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Time, patience, practice.

    this....

    its about a healthy lifestyle, not going on a diet and then going OFF a diet...

    but its still hard... in my healthy lifestyle i work out 4/5 x a week, i eat clean 80% of the time, i only drink once a week, and then only 4-5 drinks...

    but sometimes when i get home i want to say, sod it lets watch telly and get a takeaway & bottle of wine...

    the more you stick to the new lifestyle, the easier it becomes, and the longer you do it and the more benefits you get - losing weight, better skin, better hair, more energy, increased fitness, the easier it is to stick to... and when you do have a lazy day and a takeaway its a one off, not something thats done 3 x a week!
  • rachlat
    rachlat Posts: 23
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    I have to say In the past I've been in your position and the all or nothing at all has come from following diets as opposed to good old fashioned sensible calorie counting/portioncontrol, proper eating and decent excercise. Since MFP even when I can't or don't excercise for whatever reason I don't go up by more than a 1lb.
    I am totally honest with my food diary, I weigh everything and if I go over my daily intake I go over. I've found my buzz excercise which is cycling and the combination has come together.
    I don't weigh too regularly either so I don't get down if I do put a 1lb on because I know that if I burn off a few more calories it will come off again within a few days followed by 1 or 2 more.
    Hope this helps xx
  • LovelyLaura2321
    LovelyLaura2321 Posts: 56 Member
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    I've struggled with perfectionism a lot, and I too have that all or nothing mentality. It's like, if I can't do it perfectly, then I won't do it at all. It's just not possible to live life that way.

    Here's what I did that actually helped me a lot:

    I would start with small things. I specifically chose little things in my life that I was willing to let go of the control. For example, when I made my bed, I would leave it a little wrinkly.

    When I painted my nails, I would let it chip and leave it there without fixing it.

    I would make a picture on the wall crooked.

    I know it might sound a little crazy ... but it seriously worked because it showed me that nothing happens when I let something go. And once I got used to the little things, it was easier to let go of my ideas of perfection with my weightloss.

    So I messed up and ate a cookie -- no reason to eat bad the rest of the day. Just because one picture is crooked on the wall doesn't mean they all have to be. Because I can't handle all the crooked pictures, but I can handle one.

    So maybe try to let go of small things first, and no matter what, always pick yourself back up and go at it again...
  • Piper911
    Piper911 Posts: 46 Member
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    I used to have the same problem a d what helped me was looking at my net average for the week and not for the day. I used to be super diligent and then the first time I relaxed would feel awful. Now I know if I go a bit one day or two, its not messing up because it fits in my weekly plan. I have been doing this since October and it just feels so easy for me and completely takes the stress away. At the risk of sounding cliche it truly has been a lifestyle change for me where as before when I tried to stay under a certain amount per day it always felt temporary and as soon as I deviated from my set limit I lost all motivation. I know this method isn't for everyone but has really worked for me!
  • imtrinat
    imtrinat Posts: 153 Member
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    I've yo-yo'ed the same 20-30 lbs at least 3 times. The last time I gained 10 lbs back and just decided that I wouldnt let it happen anymore. I still havent lost that 10 lbs but I maintained my weight for 2 years, which is the longest of my adult life. I've put on a lot of muscle though and I've lost a bunch of inches, so that is just as good in my book. (Check out my before and after. Same weight in both pics and I only strength train a couple times a week and do cardio 3-4 times a week.)

    I suspect this is something you already know, but it really is a matter of finding a balance. Of course you are going to get burned out if you restrict yourself from a decent calorie intake and push yourself to the limit with exercise. Something that helped for me is learning to be mindful of myself while still just going with the flow. If I gain a couple of pounds, I reign myself in before I get out of control. It allows me to live my life and get myself back in check before I ever have to go back on a "diet". Honestly, probably the best thing you can ever do for yourself is remove that word from your vocabulary. You aren't on a program, you aren't on a diet. It's just... life. Just accept that you need your exercise and you eat primarily to fuel your body rather than for pleasure. Also accept that you will sometimes fall off the wagon but have enough faith in yourself to jump right back on. Yeah, sometimes you may kill that bottle of wine, but you wouldn't have done it if you didn't derive some pleasure from it. Take it for what it is and just remind yourself that it can't be a habit. Besides, what's life without a nice glass of wine? :) Then again, what's a life of regrets because we let it get out of hand?
  • Marquism123
    Marquism123 Posts: 152 Member
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    bump
  • lomins
    lomins Posts: 32 Member
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    One thing I am taking away for sure: I need to be kinder to myself. Thanks all :)
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    Burn the wagon. If its like chips then you can't have it. Stop drinking period. You have to be honest and nip the problem in the bud.
  • talk2elles
    talk2elles Posts: 124 Member
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    When it comes to eating, I find that calorie cycling is really helping my all-or-nothing mentality. If I want a piece of chocolate cake when I'm out I now know that I can have it (without feeling guilty) because I can just have a lower calorie day tomorrow. It also 'suggests' having one higher calorie day, not a pig-out day but one where those extra treats and calories and drinks can be enjoyed without feeling guilty and like a 'bad person'.
  • witchieboo
    witchieboo Posts: 43 Member
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    I have been a been up and down with my weight for hers. One thing I have come to realize that I have to feel good about myself on the inside. To help deal with my craving I use hypnosis apps. Also it does help to allow for a treat from time to time. But to eat a health diet of 1200 calories at least, having three meals and two snack.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    Time, patience, practice.

    I had to come to grips that I might not ever be able to get rid of that thinking forever and permanently. But I can do it today. And when I do fall to that kind of thinking, I can realize it, shake my head, and move onto the next calm thought.

    We tend to beat ourselves up because we aren't perfect all the time. But we all make mistakes, we all screw up, we all have bad weeks, and we all hit that point where we're like "Damn, that's unhealthy." The key point is to recognize it and accept that sometimes, you're going to struggle with it. If I try to be kind to myself, it allows me the space to open up the space between "I'm good! I'm bad!" We're human. That's okay.

    Wise words.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Calculate what your TDEE will be at your goal weight. Eat that, maybe 10% less for now.

    Do an amount of exercise you can realistically visualize yourself doing long term.

    You will get to your goal, and when you do, you'll already be doing what it takes to maintain that weight.

    No wagons to get on or off. :smile:
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
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    Every time I feel myself slip in to that 'all or nothing' mentality, I switch it to 'something is ALWAYS better than nothing.' It's actually really been helping me a lot.
  • Martha_VH
    Martha_VH Posts: 386 Member
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    Burn the wagon. If its like chips then you can't have it. Stop drinking period. You have to be honest and nip the problem in the bud.

    Hahaha, yes, let's burn it up. Its cold here, I could use a good fire anyhow!

    In all seriousness though, I really struggle with this as well. Before Thanksgiving, I was so close to 160 pounds, and then after the Holidays I gained back 20 and thought, "all my hard work down the drain!"
    I still struggle with emotional eating. When I am bored, stressed out, or sad I eat. I know in my head what I should be doing. I should be asking why I want to eat... am I actually hungry or is it just emotional eating. If it is emotional eating, I need to talk to somebody. I DO know that one piece of chocolate does NOT have to mean the whole bag. Some days its just hard to stick to.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Time, patience, practice.

    I had to come to grips that I might not ever be able to get rid of that thinking forever and permanently. But I can do it today. And when I do fall to that kind of thinking, I can realize it, shake my head, and move onto the next calm thought.

    We tend to beat ourselves up because we aren't perfect all the time. But we all make mistakes, we all screw up, we all have bad weeks, and we all hit that point where we're like "Damn, that's unhealthy." The key point is to recognize it and accept that sometimes, you're going to struggle with it. If I try to be kind to myself, it allows me the space to open up the space between "I'm good! I'm bad!" We're human. That's okay.
    Nailed it.
  • holliwood97
    holliwood97 Posts: 138 Member
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    I used to have the same problem a d what helped me was looking at my net average for the week and not for the day. I used to be super diligent and then the first time I relaxed would feel awful. Now I know if I go a bit one day or two, its not messing up because it fits in my weekly plan. I have been doing this since October and it just feels so easy for me and completely takes the stress away. At the risk of sounding cliche it truly has been a lifestyle change for me where as before when I tried to stay under a certain amount per day it always felt temporary and as soon as I deviated from my set limit I lost all motivation. I know this method isn't for everyone but has really worked for me!

    this sounds perfect to me. !!! realistic and normal. is there a place MFP that gives you your weekly average. ! i kind of try to stay between 1850 to 2000 calories. so a weekly average would be ideal to just relax and see the results.. somedays i'm hungrier than others so i eat more. but i think thats normal living so i go there.. and some days i'm not as hungry. Just depends on what the day brings. !!!
  • holliwood97
    holliwood97 Posts: 138 Member
    Options
    I used to have the same problem a d what helped me was looking at my net average for the week and not for the day. I used to be super diligent and then the first time I relaxed would feel awful. Now I know if I go a bit one day or two, its not messing up because it fits in my weekly plan. I have been doing this since October and it just feels so easy for me and completely takes the stress away. At the risk of sounding cliche it truly has been a lifestyle change for me where as before when I tried to stay under a certain amount per day it always felt temporary and as soon as I deviated from my set limit I lost all motivation. I know this method isn't for everyone but has really worked for me!

    this sounds perfect to me. !!! realistic and normal. is there a place MFP that gives you your weekly average. ! i kind of try to stay between 1850 to 2000 calories. so a weekly average would be ideal to just relax and see the results.. somedays i'm hungrier than others so i eat more. but i think thats normal living so i go there.. and some days i'm not as hungry. Just depends on what the day brings. !!!

    Found it under my profile and then click reports. :) perfect. love this. thank you

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