Husband thinks I should have weight loss surgery.
yelldan22
Posts: 35 Member
My husband who is great and only wants me healthy and happy asked me the other day why I wouldn't even consider weight loss surgery. From his point of view, I can understand why he thinks it is a great thing to do. His ex-fiance did it and loss a tremendous amount of weight. I however know I can do this the slow and steady way. Before I met him I had lost 70 lbs with diet and exercise alone. Unfortunately I gained it all back. I met him, developed a very active life, but started back with the bad eating habits and not exercising. I started exercising in the mornings before work now, and even though it is not fun getting up at 4:30 am, I'm enjoying that activity in the morning. I'm still working on eating healthier, but know I can do that to if I stick with it.
He just doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to get the surgery if it would make it easier and faster to lose the weight. I've tried explaining to him I don't want to put my body through essentially an unneccesary surgery. I think it comes down to him wanting to start trying to have kids, where as I want to wait until I'm at a healthier weight.
Has anyone else gone through this same debate with a loved one?
He just doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to get the surgery if it would make it easier and faster to lose the weight. I've tried explaining to him I don't want to put my body through essentially an unneccesary surgery. I think it comes down to him wanting to start trying to have kids, where as I want to wait until I'm at a healthier weight.
Has anyone else gone through this same debate with a loved one?
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Replies
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Surgery is Surgery, if you can do it without, do it YOUR way.
You are the one that has to live with it.0 -
I think we are all here because we enjoy eating.Well I do anyway.
I would hate that to be taken away from me.The restrictions after the surgery are huge.
I think learning to eat well and moderate yourself is the way to go.Slow and steady.
No quick fixes just a step at a time.0 -
I haven't been through it but do not give into him!
You CAN do it on your own, without the surgery. Just by you saying that proves that. My aunt had the surgery....it's a big deal! She's still not "healthy" just because she's at a healthy weight.0 -
Research the surgery and pregnancy. Seems like you'd have to wait about 18 months after having surgery before getting pregnant anyway. Presenting him with data may help him see things your way.0
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To be honest, I know someone who had the surgery and it hasn't helped at all! If what you are doing works for you, then keep it up! I know your husband is only trying to help but in the end, it is your say on what happens with your body! Good luck on whatever you decide!0
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I haven't had that experience. My husband had always went the other direction.
But to support you, you should do what you need to do in your heart.
Fast and easy.. Isn't always the best...there is a lot of risk involved too.
Just sending a hug..you sound like you have a good plan...best of luck! You can do it!0 -
To be honest, I know someone who had the surgery and it hasn't helped at all! If what you are doing works for you, then keep it up! I know your husband is only trying to help but in the end, it is your say on what happens with your body! Good luck on whatever you decide!
^^^ This.
My brother in law had the surgery. Then he kept eating a full day's calories each meal, about 4-5 times a day. He gets plenty of exercise as a nurse, but he's as fat as he ever was with no signs of it going anywhere.
Surgery is invasive, dangerous, and does not address the problem. YOU are addressing your problem. Your husband needs to be patient. If he is in that much of a hurry, he could freeze some of his business for you to use when YOU are ready to have his kids. :laugh:0 -
I personally would only consider the surgery if I was so overweight the doctors would want me to do it. If I look at your picture you are nowhere near that. And how would you learn to live healthily and walk/jog/work out regulary from an operation?
AND surgery is dangerous, there is a number of people who just don't survive it.0 -
Surgery is not the quick fix that some seem to think it is. My former dr wanted me to have gastric bypass surgery also but admitted that many gain the weight back anyway. Duh! Why would I want to subject myself to that. Lap band isn't always easier either. i know of a couple of people who have had to have repeated surgerys when it tipped, repositioned, or what ever else it did to cause an unbearable amount of pain where they finally had it removed. Then, too I lost a dear friend on the table as she was being operated on for gastric bypass. And know of another who came close to dying. While these may be rare, they are very real. Is he really ready to risk losing you? I would definitly do it your way. It is work, no matter which way you do it, It still involves a continued lifestyle change to be successful. And that lifestyle change will also need to include his lifestyle for you to be successful. Good luck.0
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He should do some research so that he fully understands what he's asking of you.
I think you're better off going the natural way because there's a better chance that you can learn habits for life.0 -
To be honest, I know someone who had the surgery and it hasn't helped at all! If what you are doing works for you, then keep it up! I know your husband is only trying to help but in the end, it is your say on what happens with your body! Good luck on whatever you decide!
^^^ This.
My brother in law had the surgery. Then he kept eating a full day's calories each meal, about 4-5 times a day. He gets plenty of exercise as a nurse, but he's as fat as he ever was with no signs of it going anywhere.
Surgery is invasive, dangerous, and does not address the problem. YOU are addressing your problem. Your husband needs to be patient. If he is in that much of a hurry, he could freeze some of his business for you to use when YOU are ready to have his kids. :laugh:
The person I know is the same way! What is the point of spending all that money if in the long run, you don't do what the surgery calls for! just my opinion though!0 -
I had a friend who had gastric bypass and so far has been successful with it, but she had to try diet and exercise for a certain amount of time first. If you can lose the weight the healthy way, do it - don't go under the knife. I have two friends (married couple) who underwent lap band surgery. One was very successful with it, the other was not - imagine how hard that is for the not successful one? Anyway, do what feel right for you, and it sounds like you don't want to do it. There are ALWAYS risks with surgery.
One question, does your husband realize that you don't go in for the surgery one size and come out half a person? I know you say his ex did it, but I'm still not sure he has realistic expectations about what it is.0 -
It's your body, and the decision should be yours and yours alone.
The surgery option has been broached by my doctor in the past, but no way am I going to permanently alter my body in that way. I'm not saying that it's a bad option for some, just not the option for me. Instead I asked him to give me a referral to a registered dietician and am now working with her and a personal trainer to learn the best ways to eat and exercise to reach my goal.
I think that you should do whatever feels right for you. From your photo I see a lovely woman who looks like she can do it the natural and right way.
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I do not understand the surgery and why people subject themselves to that. Either way you need to learn to eat better.0
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personally I would exhaust every possible "solution" before surgery....
you can do it yourself, you just have to know that you can...0 -
As someone said surgery is surgery....We have to fix our brain which most of the time is the barrier. You did it before, you can do it again!!! This time look at it as a change in life style not a diet. A diet has the word Die in it so it is going to end. Try LIVING it because you want it to last! I am a nurse and have seen many of people who have had the surgery. They never change anything other than the amount of food. No change in habits, no exercise. Eventually they start to gain weight again. :happy:0
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And note 1 in 200 people die shortly after gastric bypass surgery. That is medically a HUGE risk.0
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Surgery is not easy!
You are confident and motivated enough to do this the slow and steady way, so do it and enjoy the achievements from it : )0 -
I've not had this debate but I personally know 3 other people that have had the surgery...actually one of them twice. And all three are still more than 70 pounds or so overweight. I've had the stats for it are not good, if you don't change your habits, you're not going to lose or gain it back anyway. I'd have him research the realities of it. Good luck to you!0
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I know someone who had the surgery and lost a lot of weight quickly but she wasn't very happy as she was losing it. She has since gained back about half of what she lost, she regrets the surgery because she didn't train herself to eat correctly along the way. The weight came off not because she was trying to control her eating, her eating was controlled for her. When she had a craving and have even a small amount of something, she would get sick to her stomach with many of the tiny portions she tried to eat.0
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I know someone who had the surgery and lost a lot of weight quickly but she wasn't very happy as she was losing it. She has since gained back about half of what she lost, she regrets the surgery because she didn't train herself to eat correctly along the way. The weight came off not because she was trying to control her eating, her eating was controlled for her. When she had a craving and have even a small amount of something, she would get sick to her stomach with many of the tiny portions she tried to eat.
this. i think it's a good option for some people who are at a serious, immediate medical risk. so many people just have the surgery, lose the weight, and don't learn better eating habits. look at al roker - he lost so much weight but started gaining some back. then he really learned what exercises and foods were best for him - and he looks great again! but you still need the skills AND the surgery. might as well go all the way with the skills before considering surgery.0 -
The mortality rate is actually 1 in 500 and that is also skewed by the high number of people who have it and are already in bad shape and sickly. Folks like myself who are relatively young and healthy, aside from their weight, have far better odds.
To the OP:
I had WLS (specifically VSG, not Bypass) 3 months ago as of next Tuesday. It's the best decision I ever made in my life and anyone who thinks it's "easy" or a "quick fix" is sorely mistaken. It's just a tool. That said, it was MY decision and after nearly a decade of failed attempts (with personal trainers, a nutritionist, weight watchers, jenny craig, medifast, etc...) I did my research and opt'd for surgery.
If it's not what you want, DON'T do it.
Surgery of any kind is a big deal. WLS is no exception. It's definitely not something to be taken lightly or considered a guaranteed fix. You still have to do the work, you have to change your lifestyle, you have to use the opportunity to work on what's between your ears and not just worry about what the numbers on the scale say.
My choices aren't perfect every day, but they're far, far better than they used to be and I work hard at sticking to my plan and re-training myself to live a healthier life. Too many of us have grown-up in an over-processed world with a warped sense of portion size and a deluge of added sugar, salt and carbs (not to mention the science of making tastier and addicting food through chemistry!) It takes time to change and adjust to a new way of life, but it feels great
If you can do it the traditional way, kudos to you I wish you all the success in the world. 0 -
Just want to add that for every internet anecdotal example of someone who gained all the weight back, there are also plenty of success stories and not all of them terrible. My mom tried every diet under the sun, losing and re-gaining back all the weight again over and over again. She got gastric bypass and has been at healthy weight ever since. It's not easy but it's the only thing that ever worked for her after a liftetime of yo-yo diets. Of course it's not easy.
My sister is also very overweight and her doctor recommended she think about it. She was pretty offended by the idea and was able to use that as motivation to lose a little weight on her own just by watching what she eats (not even exercising). I know my mom has said if she had to make the decision again, she'd make the same decision and get the surgery. But I also know when my sister was considering it, my mom did not want to recommend it for my sister because she knows the dangers and people have to make those decisions for themselves. So it's definitely worked for many people, but that doesn't mean it's the right decision for you. Do what's right for you. It sounds to me like you don't want it, so it's probably not the right decision for you.0 -
Good for you knowing what you want to do. I didn't battle any family members on the whole weight loss surgery thing I fought myself. Should I or shouldn't I...which is quicker. which is longer lasting, which is cheaper...so on and so forth. I finally decided I knew I needed to change my habits one way or the other. If I went to have surgery I'd be eating basically baby food for a while and never be able to cheat or over indulge. Not that I want too just sometimes it may happen. So I'm going the low slow method and happy I did. Good luck.0
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My sister-in-law had the gastric bypass or whatever and then proceeded to remark on my tummy tuck that she'd rather lose it the natural way. Wha?
Like my daddy used to say...opinions are like a-holes everyone has one and most of them stink. Do what's right for you. Listen to your hubby consider his advice and what part of his heart, needs, plans for the two of you it comes from. So far it sounds like he is just asking you to "consider" all your options and that's my favorite game plan in everything. Just think about it, pray about it, flip a coin about it, just don't flip your lid about it. Take everything everyone says here (including me) with a grain of salt. There are no right or wrong answers just opinions. Albeit poorly informed ones since we hardly know you with a short description and pic. But still anyone on here is only able to go on what you show us. There are so many other factors too, right? Like how long you have to have kids. (I suspect the lady who said to freeze his stuff is being sarcastic because i'm no scientist but isn't it the ladies things that need to be frozen in such a scenario?)
So in my experience sis-in-law did quite well and lost a great deal of weight. On another occasion when she wasn't flinging insults she shared that it was quite hard to eat too much and other details about having to be choosy with food for nutrient content and the amount one can eat is quite small. She expressed no discomfort and seemed pretty pleased with the whole thing and the results as I observed her were slimness, better complexion, rosy cheeks, enthusiasm about other aspects of her appearance, and general happiness. Or like a mood lift I guess you could say. So there that's all my vicarious experience with that particular surgery. My surgery is another topic though and if that interests you, feel free to PM me. But not too many times.
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Just explain to him that surgery isn't a option for you and you would like his support. Tell him what you would like him to help you with if it is just going for walks together,not buy you junk etc. He has seen his ex lose weight through surgery so show him there is a different way of doing it and it is a lot less risk. Don't make it a big deal just say no that's not for me...I an going to do it this way,I would love you'r support. If both of you would like to have a baby I would use this as motivation.
Good luck 0 -
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated. I made my decision on WLS surgery long before I met my husband and had never had anyone ask me why I wouldn't even consider it. So for him to have asked me a couple times was different for me. I know he means well, but I do agree he doesn't have all the facts. He will just have to deal with the fact that it is not an option for me. Just this morning I wasn't going to go to the gym. I was too tired. But I got up and got him coffee since he was running late. Jumped on the scale out of curiousity and saw a lower number so I hauled my butt in. I'm hoping he starts seeing that I am in fact trying and that will stop him from thinking surgery is the way to go.0
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My husband who is great and only wants me healthy and happy asked me the other day why I wouldn't even consider weight loss surgery. From his point of view, I can understand why he thinks it is a great thing to do. His ex-fiance did it and loss a tremendous amount of weight. I however know I can do this the slow and steady way. Before I met him I had lost 70 lbs with diet and exercise alone. Unfortunately I gained it all back. I met him, developed a very active life, but started back with the bad eating habits and not exercising. I started exercising in the mornings before work now, and even though it is not fun getting up at 4:30 am, I'm enjoying that activity in the morning. I'm still working on eating healthier, but know I can do that to if I stick with it.
He just doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to get the surgery if it would make it easier and faster to lose the weight. I've tried explaining to him I don't want to put my body through essentially an unneccesary surgery. I think it comes down to him wanting to start trying to have kids, where as I want to wait until I'm at a healthier weight.
Has anyone else gone through this same debate with a loved one?
No, I haven't. But, you're right. You can do this and you've done it before so that's even more supportive of the fact. All surgery has the risk for complications so if it can be done without that level of invasiveness, then by all means go the safer route.0 -
To me it equates to having breast implants because he wants you to, not because you want them.
You have to do this your way, or it won't work.
Stick to the healthy eating and you'll have it for the rest of your life.
Also, if you get a chance watch the TV program my 600 lb life following people who have had the surgery and you'll see it isn't the easy way out.0 -
Looking at your pictures you don't appear to be in any dire need to have the surgery. I went thru the process of scheduling the surgery and all in entails. I cancelled at the last minute. I felt it was the easy way out and unless I was really sure what I was in for and the other changes that needed to take place surgery just wasn't for me. In addition to the fact that it is so permanent...so many risky other problems. You have time...use it. Lose the weight with proper diet and exercise. Quick fixes will not lead to lifelong solutions.0
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