Husband thinks I should have weight loss surgery.
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I know someone who had the surgery and lost a lot of weight quickly but she wasn't very happy as she was losing it. She has since gained back about half of what she lost, she regrets the surgery because she didn't train herself to eat correctly along the way. The weight came off not because she was trying to control her eating, her eating was controlled for her. When she had a craving and have even a small amount of something, she would get sick to her stomach with many of the tiny portions she tried to eat.
this. i think it's a good option for some people who are at a serious, immediate medical risk. so many people just have the surgery, lose the weight, and don't learn better eating habits. look at al roker - he lost so much weight but started gaining some back. then he really learned what exercises and foods were best for him - and he looks great again! but you still need the skills AND the surgery. might as well go all the way with the skills before considering surgery.0 -
The mortality rate is actually 1 in 500 and that is also skewed by the high number of people who have it and are already in bad shape and sickly. Folks like myself who are relatively young and healthy, aside from their weight, have far better odds.
To the OP:
I had WLS (specifically VSG, not Bypass) 3 months ago as of next Tuesday. It's the best decision I ever made in my life and anyone who thinks it's "easy" or a "quick fix" is sorely mistaken. It's just a tool. That said, it was MY decision and after nearly a decade of failed attempts (with personal trainers, a nutritionist, weight watchers, jenny craig, medifast, etc...) I did my research and opt'd for surgery.
If it's not what you want, DON'T do it.
Surgery of any kind is a big deal. WLS is no exception. It's definitely not something to be taken lightly or considered a guaranteed fix. You still have to do the work, you have to change your lifestyle, you have to use the opportunity to work on what's between your ears and not just worry about what the numbers on the scale say.
My choices aren't perfect every day, but they're far, far better than they used to be and I work hard at sticking to my plan and re-training myself to live a healthier life. Too many of us have grown-up in an over-processed world with a warped sense of portion size and a deluge of added sugar, salt and carbs (not to mention the science of making tastier and addicting food through chemistry!) It takes time to change and adjust to a new way of life, but it feels great
If you can do it the traditional way, kudos to you I wish you all the success in the world. 0 -
Just want to add that for every internet anecdotal example of someone who gained all the weight back, there are also plenty of success stories and not all of them terrible. My mom tried every diet under the sun, losing and re-gaining back all the weight again over and over again. She got gastric bypass and has been at healthy weight ever since. It's not easy but it's the only thing that ever worked for her after a liftetime of yo-yo diets. Of course it's not easy.
My sister is also very overweight and her doctor recommended she think about it. She was pretty offended by the idea and was able to use that as motivation to lose a little weight on her own just by watching what she eats (not even exercising). I know my mom has said if she had to make the decision again, she'd make the same decision and get the surgery. But I also know when my sister was considering it, my mom did not want to recommend it for my sister because she knows the dangers and people have to make those decisions for themselves. So it's definitely worked for many people, but that doesn't mean it's the right decision for you. Do what's right for you. It sounds to me like you don't want it, so it's probably not the right decision for you.0 -
Good for you knowing what you want to do. I didn't battle any family members on the whole weight loss surgery thing I fought myself. Should I or shouldn't I...which is quicker. which is longer lasting, which is cheaper...so on and so forth. I finally decided I knew I needed to change my habits one way or the other. If I went to have surgery I'd be eating basically baby food for a while and never be able to cheat or over indulge. Not that I want too just sometimes it may happen. So I'm going the low slow method and happy I did. Good luck.0
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My sister-in-law had the gastric bypass or whatever and then proceeded to remark on my tummy tuck that she'd rather lose it the natural way. Wha?
Like my daddy used to say...opinions are like a-holes everyone has one and most of them stink. Do what's right for you. Listen to your hubby consider his advice and what part of his heart, needs, plans for the two of you it comes from. So far it sounds like he is just asking you to "consider" all your options and that's my favorite game plan in everything. Just think about it, pray about it, flip a coin about it, just don't flip your lid about it. Take everything everyone says here (including me) with a grain of salt. There are no right or wrong answers just opinions. Albeit poorly informed ones since we hardly know you with a short description and pic. But still anyone on here is only able to go on what you show us. There are so many other factors too, right? Like how long you have to have kids. (I suspect the lady who said to freeze his stuff is being sarcastic because i'm no scientist but isn't it the ladies things that need to be frozen in such a scenario?)
So in my experience sis-in-law did quite well and lost a great deal of weight. On another occasion when she wasn't flinging insults she shared that it was quite hard to eat too much and other details about having to be choosy with food for nutrient content and the amount one can eat is quite small. She expressed no discomfort and seemed pretty pleased with the whole thing and the results as I observed her were slimness, better complexion, rosy cheeks, enthusiasm about other aspects of her appearance, and general happiness. Or like a mood lift I guess you could say. So there that's all my vicarious experience with that particular surgery. My surgery is another topic though and if that interests you, feel free to PM me. But not too many times.
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Just explain to him that surgery isn't a option for you and you would like his support. Tell him what you would like him to help you with if it is just going for walks together,not buy you junk etc. He has seen his ex lose weight through surgery so show him there is a different way of doing it and it is a lot less risk. Don't make it a big deal just say no that's not for me...I an going to do it this way,I would love you'r support. If both of you would like to have a baby I would use this as motivation.
Good luck 0 -
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated. I made my decision on WLS surgery long before I met my husband and had never had anyone ask me why I wouldn't even consider it. So for him to have asked me a couple times was different for me. I know he means well, but I do agree he doesn't have all the facts. He will just have to deal with the fact that it is not an option for me. Just this morning I wasn't going to go to the gym. I was too tired. But I got up and got him coffee since he was running late. Jumped on the scale out of curiousity and saw a lower number so I hauled my butt in. I'm hoping he starts seeing that I am in fact trying and that will stop him from thinking surgery is the way to go.0
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My husband who is great and only wants me healthy and happy asked me the other day why I wouldn't even consider weight loss surgery. From his point of view, I can understand why he thinks it is a great thing to do. His ex-fiance did it and loss a tremendous amount of weight. I however know I can do this the slow and steady way. Before I met him I had lost 70 lbs with diet and exercise alone. Unfortunately I gained it all back. I met him, developed a very active life, but started back with the bad eating habits and not exercising. I started exercising in the mornings before work now, and even though it is not fun getting up at 4:30 am, I'm enjoying that activity in the morning. I'm still working on eating healthier, but know I can do that to if I stick with it.
He just doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to get the surgery if it would make it easier and faster to lose the weight. I've tried explaining to him I don't want to put my body through essentially an unneccesary surgery. I think it comes down to him wanting to start trying to have kids, where as I want to wait until I'm at a healthier weight.
Has anyone else gone through this same debate with a loved one?
No, I haven't. But, you're right. You can do this and you've done it before so that's even more supportive of the fact. All surgery has the risk for complications so if it can be done without that level of invasiveness, then by all means go the safer route.0 -
To me it equates to having breast implants because he wants you to, not because you want them.
You have to do this your way, or it won't work.
Stick to the healthy eating and you'll have it for the rest of your life.
Also, if you get a chance watch the TV program my 600 lb life following people who have had the surgery and you'll see it isn't the easy way out.0 -
Looking at your pictures you don't appear to be in any dire need to have the surgery. I went thru the process of scheduling the surgery and all in entails. I cancelled at the last minute. I felt it was the easy way out and unless I was really sure what I was in for and the other changes that needed to take place surgery just wasn't for me. In addition to the fact that it is so permanent...so many risky other problems. You have time...use it. Lose the weight with proper diet and exercise. Quick fixes will not lead to lifelong solutions.0
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My husband said I should use diet pills to slim down quick to get where I want to be and then just maintain.....ummm...WTH? I know he means well and just wants me to be happy, but c'mon!0
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Be prepared for a ton of negative posts as that seems to be the norm on the message boards. However-in my opinion you don't need the surgery-the sense of pride and accomplishment you will feel when you reach your goal on your own is reason enough not to do the surgery. Good Luck to you!!0
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To me it equates to having breast implants because he wants you to, not because you want them.
You have to do this your way, or it won't work.
Stick to the healthy eating and you'll have it for the rest of your life.
Also, if you get a chance watch the TV program my 600 lb life following people who have had the surgery and you'll see it isn't the easy way out.
I was watching this the other night, and was thinking the same exact thing. They got to be 600 lbs because of horrible eating habits, and once done they still weren't eating like they should. I may not eat perfectly, but I do what works with my life the best I can. And MFP is helping me get there.0 -
Why not stick with what you're doing and stay committed to your goals? You can lose the weight as you have proven so in the past. Also, do you have any health issues that your husband feels surgery will help with? It seems like your asking for validity for the decision you've already made which is fine if you're looking for support however really try and find the way to meet your life long goals for health and happiness :flowerforyou:0
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While your husband may mean well he should want the healthiest option. I wouldn't go for surgery unless it was the last option. It may lead to quicker weight loss but it can also lead to a lot of issues and surgery can be dangerous.
As long as you are happy with what you are doing and you are doing it in a healthy way continue with what you are doing. Explain to him your goals, how you are going to reach them and why you feel that is the best choice for you. You need to do what is best for you... not what someone else wants.
You had some great success before... so keep on with what you are doing to reach your goals.0 -
And note 1 in 200 people die shortly after gastric bypass surgery. That is medically a HUGE risk.
Nice fear mongering.. I'm not an advocate for surgery, but all that number is trying to do is scare the OP.. SHAME on you..
http://www.nih.gov/news/health/jul2009/niddk-30.htm
OP, you have to decide for yourself. I'm not a fan of the surgery, depending on your medical risks though, sometimes it makes sense. I currently don't have any of the risks besides being obese. That was a major part of my decision. Also OP from looking at your pictures, I'm not sure if you'd be considered a candidate for weight loss surgery. Your BMI has to be higher and you don't look like you really need weight loss surgery. (Just my opinion!)
I was thinking about the surgery, they have a small seminar you have to go to, where they explain the different types and stuff.. I suggest you just go to one, they have dr's and stuff on hand. It was interesting, after going, I decided there wasn't any way I was going to do it. I got to make that choice though, I was given all the information on the surgeries, I was in control.
In the end, it's your body. It's not "cheating" or taking the "easy" way out. What some people aren't taking into account is some people will have a very hard time losing weight, especially once medical factors come into play, even more so keeping that weight off. The body will adjust and it makes it very hard to keep the weight off. The surgery isn't a first ditch effort but it's an option and a tool someone can used, I'm not one to dismiss it completely. It's not for everyone, but it is effective and does work. It's extreme and should be used on a case by case basis as needed. To anyone that calls it "Cheating" they just need to learn to shut there mouths and worry about themselves. Be happy for people to get healthy any way they can. Why try to short change anyone and their achievements.0 -
You said he wants to be supportive, so ask him to be supportive YOUR way. Perhaps he could join MFP as well and together you could work on healthy eating - you certainly don't need to lose weight to get benefit from MFP.
You could also ask him to be your work-out buddy or maybe together you could try to do one new active thing together a each week.
Anyway, you might consider calling him on his supportiveness. If he is really sincere, there are certainly non-surgical options for him to be directly involved and on your side!
Good luck.0 -
Surgery is not the quick fix that some seem to think it is. My former dr wanted me to have gastric bypass surgery also but admitted that many gain the weight back anyway. Duh! Why would I want to subject myself to that. Lap band isn't always easier either. i know of a couple of people who have had to have repeated surgerys when it tipped, repositioned, or what ever else it did to cause an unbearable amount of pain where they finally had it removed. Then, too I lost a dear friend on the table as she was being operated on for gastric bypass. And know of another who came close to dying. While these may be rare, they are very real. Is he really ready to risk losing you? I would definitly do it your way. It is work, no matter which way you do it, It still involves a continued lifestyle change to be successful. And that lifestyle change will also need to include his lifestyle for you to be successful. Good luck.
^This.
I have two close family members who had gastric bypass. In the short term, they both lost a lot of weight very quickly. Over the long term, both gained most of it back. They didn't take the time to learn the good habits and let their "new biology" handle it for them - which only works for so long. Although they had no direct complications from surgery, they both had to have their gall bladders removed for (very painful) gallstones, one a couple of years ago, one a couple of weeks ago.
Another close family member had Lap-Band surgery and regrets it. It can be a wonderful tool if it's used as just that - a tool - but she tried to let it do the work, which just doesn't work. She had it emptied for her pregnancies, and in 2011 had it refilled and had to mess around with it to get the right volume to where it was restrictive enough but not so restrictive that she couldn't get anything other than liquids down. (She also had a hard time because she didn't live anywhere close to where the surgery was done, and finding a bariatric doctor/hospital who will handle a "new" patient was very difficult.) She lost some weight but never could quite get the fill volume right, so she had it emptied and logged using MFP (which I'd introduced her to). She has gotten way into nutrition and fitness and looks incredible, but now that her stomach is flat, the port to the band is visible and palpable. She has looked into having it removed, but we're talking five figures here, which of course insurance doesn't cover. The bariatric program who handled her 2011 fills wanted to profile her for their newsletter, etc., since she's considered a Lap-Band success story, but she actually turned them down because she "failed" for so long with the band and only succeeded because she watched what she ate and exercised, which had little to nothing to do with her having the band filled.
In all three cases, bariatric surgery is a tool, and nothing more. There's still work to be done. I do know a couple of people who've had great success over a few years, but they also put the work in.
This is all putting aside the issue of the dangers of surgery. Surgery is surgery, whether it's bariatric surgery or getting your wisdom teeth removed. There are always risks.
Additionally, and especially with gastric bypass/gastric sleeve surgery, getting proper nutrition is a struggle for a while. Pregnancy requires extra nutrition over and above what you need for your own purposes, so I can't imagine that getting pregnant shortly after bariatric surgery is a wise decision, plus nutrition can make or break your chances of conceiving. Like someone else mentioned, you'd probably have to wait quite a while after surgery to think about trying to conceive, so you'd probably be best off doing it "on your own" anyway, and then you won't have to pay for surgery plus deal with everything that goes along with it. You'd be learning what it really takes to lose weight/keep it off, and the likelihood of success over the long term is probably a lot better!0 -
He just doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to get the surgery if it would make it easier and faster to lose the weight. I've tried explaining to him I don't want to put my body through essentially an unneccesary surgery. I think it comes down to him wanting to start trying to have kids, where as I want to wait until I'm at a healthier weight.
Has anyone else gone through this same debate with a loved one?
Weight loss surgery comes with the risk of DYING.
Surely waiting a year or two while you work to get down to your ideal weight is worth you not going under the knife and risking infection or other complications that can and have lead to death. Surgery is not something to be done lightly, especially since you're clearly capable and have the right attitude to lose the weight on your own.0
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