Why don't I look ok?

tobejune
tobejune Posts: 177
in Motivation and Support
Why do I feel like I look so fat? Yeah, okay, obviously not going to get an answer to that question but seriously, I'm 116 lbs with 19% body fat and I feel like I should be physically smaller than what my measurements are. Or, maybe the body fat % is way off (18% using a couple online calculators with measurements and 19% using the gyms fancy scale thinger) because honestly, I'm only 61 inches tall, WHY ARE MY THIGHS 21.5 INCHES?!?!!?

Ugh. Maybe it's just one of those days. Or weeks. Or months. I just want to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. Incidentally I weighed more and had a higher body fat% then (125ish lbs and 27% body fat) but my measurements were smaller (thighs were around 20) and in any case, I wore a size 1 or 2.

Maybe it'd be helpful to hear what some other peoples measurements are if you have similar stats.... Or really any advice or feedback would be appreciated.

I may go try to take a picture to post, too. Hmm... camera where are you?
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Replies

  • DonnaNCgirl
    DonnaNCgirl Posts: 372
    Muscle v Fat
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Because the media has given you an unhealthy body image.

    Don't sweat it. But it doesn't hurt to have a goal. Lift heavy and lose a few pounds and you will get that slim toned look everyone wants.

    From the looks of it you don't have very far to go anyway. You're at a pretty healthy weight and look good. Just focus on maintaining activity levels and preserving lean mass. Think about what your real goals are.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    Here's a recent pic. Recent meaning I just went and hopped up on the toilet lid to use the only (dirty) mirror in the house for a god old fashioned selfie. Please forgive the still-sweaty workout clothes from earlier. I just figured WTH, it's 11:30 at night and it's mfp. Not a blind date or anything.... haha

    2mra7ih.jpg
  • montlucia
    montlucia Posts: 90
    It's simply a body image issue. Anyway, be careful about saying you're fat 'cause that can come across as a tad insensitive to people who are really obese. Count your chickens. Think positive. What's not to like?
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    Muscle v Fat


    Right. This is the standard answer/ response.... But the problem is that I'm at a body fat % that typically I feel like people aim for as a goal and is *supposed* to look toned, slim, etc. But it's not looking that way on me. Few weeks ago when I reached 19%, I changed my goals on my profile to 15% thinking maybe I'd see what I wanted to at that number then tonight was reading up and saw that at that percent, some women lose their period. Now I'm thinking I'm really all warped in the head with a goal that low.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Uh, yeah. You look great and healthy. You certainly have nothing to worry about. Like I said, think about what your goals really are and what you want. If your goals do end up being more definition, then the way to really accomplish that is with a serious heavy lifting program. For general fitness, more moderate strength training is fine. Remember that you lose body fat by running a deficit and working the muscles to maintain lean mass.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Muscle v Fat


    Right. This is the standard answer/ response.... But the problem is that I'm at a body fat % that typically I feel like people aim for as a goal and is *supposed* to look toned, slim, etc. But it's not looking that way on me. Few weeks ago when I reached 19%, I changed my goals on my profile to 15% thinking maybe I'd see what I wanted to at that number then tonight was reading up and saw that at that percent, some women lose their period. Now I'm thinking I'm really all warped in the head with a goal that low.

    Hard to tell from a photo but I'd guess more like 22 than 18. It's very tough for a woman to get below 20 without looking anorexic unless they do real strength training.
  • YAYJules
    YAYJules Posts: 282 Member
    It's simply a body image issue. Anyway, be careful about saying you're fat 'cause that can come across as a tad insensitive to people who are really obese. Count your chickens. Think positive. What's not to like?

    Yeah, what she said. A post like this seems like you just want people to say "ZOMG, look how not fat you are! Girl, you crazy!" Meanwhile, people who legitimately have weight to lose will resent posts like this because you are nowhere near standing in their plus sized shoes.
  • montlucia
    montlucia Posts: 90
    Maybe you're in the mindset where you feel like you're still overweight because you were before (if that makes any sense). I honestly think you don't need to lose any more weight. Cut yourself some slack.
    Yeah, what she said. A post like this seems like you just want people to say "ZOMG, look how not fat you are! Girl, you crazy!" Meanwhile, people who legitimately have weight to lose will resent posts like this because you are nowhere near standing in their plus sized shoes.

    That's what I meant. It does seem like fishing for compliments, whether intentional or not. I don't mean any offence with what I said. Allow me to clarify. Once I stood next to an A-cup girl and said "My boobs are too small" and I'm a D-cup. And she said "well what about mine?". She wan't particularly annoyed but it taught me to swallow my pride and vanity.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    What are all those little bottles?
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    Muscle v Fat


    Right. This is the standard answer/ response.... But the problem is that I'm at a body fat % that typically I feel like people aim for as a goal and is *supposed* to look toned, slim, etc. But it's not looking that way on me. Few weeks ago when I reached 19%, I changed my goals on my profile to 15% thinking maybe I'd see what I wanted to at that number then tonight was reading up and saw that at that percent, some women lose their period. Now I'm thinking I'm really all warped in the head with a goal that low.

    Hard to tell from a photo but I'd guess more like 22 than 18. It's very tough for a woman to get below 20 without looking anorexic unless they do real strength training.

    This is helpful- thank you! Part of me has been thinking the body fat% has just got to be off.... any other guesses out there?
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    You look fantastic.

    One thing though, is you're 24 and your baby is 3, so I am assuming you were pregnant when you were around 20. The thing is, you might not get that body back- ever. It's not a bad thing, and it's not even the pregnancy's fault (probably), you were pregnant around the time when your body would have naturally gone through the end stages of development from adolescence to an adult female body- wider hips, more thighs, more breasts...slightly different for every woman. You really look fantastic- you just need to ditch the expectations of going back to the adolescent version of your body.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    What are all those little bottles?


    lol... tinctures, herbal remedies, and essential oils
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Hmm. Are they really that essential? I don't have any. :(
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    It's simply a body image issue. Anyway, be careful about saying you're fat 'cause that can come across as a tad insensitive to people who are really obese. Count your chickens. Think positive. What's not to like?

    Yeah, what she said. A post like this seems like you just want people to say "ZOMG, look how not fat you are! Girl, you crazy!" Meanwhile, people who legitimately have weight to lose will resent posts like this because you are nowhere near standing in their plus sized shoes.

    Thanks for the advice though I disagree. Just because I'm not obese doesn't mean I deserve to have less support. I'm not looking for compliments, I'm looking for perspective because mine is obviously on vacation right now. People who resent me for expressing my struggles with my body and asking for feedback can make their own post with their own feelings. I'm all for that :)
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    I agree that your bodyfat looks more like the 20's somewhere, it's very difficult for a woman to get below 20.
    Do you weight train? If you take up a heavy lifting programme, you might see a change in shape that you prefer?
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    Sir Charles Hughes put it best.

    Dy-no-mite. Dy-no-mite. *beat* *beat* *beat* Dy-no-mite. Dy-no-mite.

    This is what you look like.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxs4Yg5X29w
  • montlucia
    montlucia Posts: 90
    You don't have to be technically perfect to look hot btw. Just ask any man.

    And you are so toned as well.

    btw I wasn't especially critiquing your post. I can see you want advice. Hope it goes well. I think you have the body of a celebrity and no more work is required.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    You look fantastic.

    One thing though, is you're 24 and your baby is 3, so I am assuming you were pregnant when you were around 20. The thing is, you might not get that body back- ever. It's not a bad thing, and it's not even the pregnancy's fault (probably), you were pregnant around the time when your body would have naturally gone through the end stages of development from adolescence to an adult female body- wider hips, more thighs, more breasts...slightly different for every woman. You really look fantastic- you just need to ditch the expectations of going back to the adolescent version of your body.

    Thank you. I have thought of this... and maybe just a bit of denial going on. It's a sad realization but I think you are probably right. The jeans I wore at 17/18 years old need to just go to goodwill. Ugh.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    Hmm. Are they really that essential? I don't have any. :(

    I have plenty and I like to share :)
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    It's simply a body image issue. Anyway, be careful about saying you're fat 'cause that can come across as a tad insensitive to people who are really obese. Count your chickens. Think positive. What's not to like?

    Yeah, what she said. A post like this seems like you just want people to say "ZOMG, look how not fat you are! Girl, you crazy!" Meanwhile, people who legitimately have weight to lose will resent posts like this because you are nowhere near standing in their plus sized shoes.

    Yeah, you look pretty damn good. Perhaps you have an unrealistic/unhealthy body image. Many people might think you were fishing for compliments or showing off. I don't doubt that you are telling the truth about your feelings, but you probably won't get much sympathy when you already look awesome to everybody else. Do you lift heavy? If not, try it out. You might like the results. :flowerforyou:

    ETA: Just realized you're a mom? OMG you gave birth and you look like that? What a win!!! :drinker:
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    You look fine.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    I agree that your bodyfat looks more like the 20's somewhere, it's very difficult for a woman to get below 20.
    Do you weight train? If you take up a heavy lifting programme, you might see a change in shape that you prefer?

    I have been weight training, sort of very loosely following NROFLW but I could definitely revive my commitment and see how that goes. I haven't been able to really "get into" it, it's just not my favorite way to exercise but at this point, if it gets me where I want to be it's worth giving it my all I suppose. Thank you for the feedback.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    You look fantastic.

    One thing though, is you're 24 and your baby is 3, so I am assuming you were pregnant when you were around 20. The thing is, you might not get that body back- ever. It's not a bad thing, and it's not even the pregnancy's fault (probably), you were pregnant around the time when your body would have naturally gone through the end stages of development from adolescence to an adult female body- wider hips, more thighs, more breasts...slightly different for every woman. You really look fantastic- you just need to ditch the expectations of going back to the adolescent version of your body.

    Yeah, I agree with this and lots of other posts. I would not be concerned about the thigh measurements. It's just your body shape. I am similar. I have a very small waist and a curvier butt and curvy thighs. I do not look big at all. I just have curves and shape that are a part of me. You look fantastic. Don't be so hard on yourself.
  • chellebublz
    chellebublz Posts: 568 Member
    I think you look great as well. I think the look you are speaking of is a muscular/ripped look and like previously stated, you will have to ditch the cardio and stick with lifting to accomplish that one
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    You look fantastic.

    One thing though, is you're 24 and your baby is 3, so I am assuming you were pregnant when you were around 20. The thing is, you might not get that body back- ever. It's not a bad thing, and it's not even the pregnancy's fault (probably), you were pregnant around the time when your body would have naturally gone through the end stages of development from adolescence to an adult female body- wider hips, more thighs, more breasts...slightly different for every woman. You really look fantastic- you just need to ditch the expectations of going back to the adolescent version of your body.

    Thank you. I have thought of this... and maybe just a bit of denial going on. It's a sad realization but I think you are probably right. The jeans I wore at 17/18 years old need to just go to goodwill. Ugh.

    Don't let it be sad- it just is what it is. For whatever reason, we women get taller, and then we get breasts, and then a couple years later our hips and *kitten* and legs fill out, but instead of accepting it like when we got boobs- we shame ourselves for getting fat. It's actually like a really strange societal glitch- everyone wants their 16-18y/o body back and it's no more possible than going back to before we got boobs- but everyone thinks it is. And there's the occasional unicorn woman that does it and makes everyone else think it's a real possibility when for most of us, it's not.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    You look fantastic.

    One thing though, is you're 24 and your baby is 3, so I am assuming you were pregnant when you were around 20. The thing is, you might not get that body back- ever. It's not a bad thing, and it's not even the pregnancy's fault (probably), you were pregnant around the time when your body would have naturally gone through the end stages of development from adolescence to an adult female body- wider hips, more thighs, more breasts...slightly different for every woman. You really look fantastic- you just need to ditch the expectations of going back to the adolescent version of your body.

    Thank you. I have thought of this... and maybe just a bit of denial going on. It's a sad realization but I think you are probably right. The jeans I wore at 17/18 years old need to just go to goodwill. Ugh.

    Don't let it be sad- it just is what it is. For whatever reason, we women get taller, and then we get breasts, and then a couple years later our hips and *kitten* and legs fill out, but instead of accepting it like when we got boobs- we shame ourselves for getting fat. It's actually like a really strange societal glitch- everyone wants their 16-18y/o body back and it's no more possible than going back to before we got boobs- but everyone thinks it is. And there's the occasional unicorn woman that does it and makes everyone else think it's a real possibility when for most of us, it's not.

    THIS. This is so true.
  • willieswenson
    willieswenson Posts: 31
    Muscle v Fat


    Right. This is the standard answer/ response.... But the problem is that I'm at a body fat % that typically I feel like people aim for as a goal and is *supposed* to look toned, slim, etc. But it's not looking that way on me. Few weeks ago when I reached 19%, I changed my goals on my profile to 15% thinking maybe I'd see what I wanted to at that number then tonight was reading up and saw that at that percent, some women lose their period. Now I'm thinking I'm really all warped in the head with a goal that low.

    It all depends on how you carry weight.
    When I'm at %15 body fat, when most dudes have v cuts and some abdominal lines, I still have a power gut and slight chest fat, but my back and arms look WAYYY leaner, like I'm actually around a 10%bf. Its a body type, if I defined my self by abs or not, it takes a very long time to look how I think people deem "Good".
    You look great, and healthy. Don't put crazy expectations on yourself, I did, and it backfired.
    Keep doing what you know works, and you'll get there, I promise.
    And I'll always say this to any one,
    Train heavy with weights.
    Hope this can be of help.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    My body composition changed completely after having my son. Suddenly I became an apple! I'd say you've come off quite lightly :laugh: I would love a stomach like yours!
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    You're not fat and your thighs are not big. Perhaps you should post a pic of the body type that you're aiming for so we get a better idea of what you're measuring against. It's easier to gauge that way.

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