Need help & Friends. Always tired & primarily unmotivated.

33 yrs/f/230 lbs. Post RAI Graves induced hypothyroid. Depression & borderline personailty disorder with anxiety. Alo degenerative disc disease in lower back with arthritus. Single mother of 2 young boys. I have a hard time staying motivated. I block my feelings alot..become numb. I only remember my fatty parts when I look in a mirror or see skinnier people. I have drive sometimes but,it wanes. I'm always tired. I walk irregularly but,when I do walk,I can walk 3 miles in under an hour . I've always walked fast. Walkig is suppsoed to be good for you . Only,you are supposed to sweat to really be working hard..according to my Dr. But,I don't sweat when I walk. I love to walk but,all the walking I do seems to do nothing. I have a bad eating habit.. I'm never hungry until after 3 pm and I'm not very hungry then either. Dr. says I'm not eating enough calories but what calories I do eat are from foods generally bad for me. Like pastas or my ocassional pizza,my cereal..umm..she doesn't think I should eat dairy either. I am low income with kids..it's rather difficult to buy alot of health foods. the supermarkets have it backwards..it's cheaper to buy prepackaged foods than the good food that rots too fast. I'm so tired of always being fat. I can't sleep well. I am soo tired but,can't sleep. My anxiety keeps me wound up inside and then when I fall asleep my night terrors wake me. My friends do not understand my situation sometimes and I don't get alot of support in the weightloss. My sister may have lost faith in my ever losing weight. I was a skinny girl with muscles until my 2nd child..and then graves popped up. My heartrate was 114 BPM at rest. and my metabolism was very high. I lost alot of weight then. was 150 lbs by the time of killing my thyroid. Gained 35 lbs while my thyroid meds adjusted but,then I became hypothyroid. Now I'm 230 lbs huge and so embarrassed of myself. I try to be tough outside ..making little jokes about my gut and such but,inside I'm sick with saddness. I don't know if very many can help me find my way here and help keep me on it..but if you're out there,please,let me know. But don't have me add you just so you talk to me one time or two and then forget I'm here calling for help. Thank you for your time.:embarassed: :embarassed: