too many invites to church

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  • sherrirb
    sherrirb Posts: 1,714 Member
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    So, wait, they just came to take him without you agreeing to it?


    You're not taking my kid anywhere without my permission. IDGAF where you're going. Whether it be church, Disney World or to meet Jesus himself. If I don't explicitly say yes, he's not going.

    You're right, this is a lot of what's bothering me about the whole situation. I let him leave but the fact that they didn't ask me before they showed up at the door was bothersome.

    Since you have a healthy relationship with the parents, I'm sure this was an oversight on their part. Talk to them about this and I'm sure it will all work out fine. Also bring up that you are uncomfortable with their child telling your children that you all are "going to hell". I'm sure this will be resolved with a lot less anxiety than what you've already put yourself through hashing this all over in your mind.

    That being said, one thing I would like to say in defense of this family and their children. Your child could not have safer friends as he goes through pre-teen and into teen years. Their children are less likely to lead your child into problems like smoking and drinking and drugs.
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
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    That being said, one thing I would like to say in defense of this family and their children. Your child could not have safer friends as he goes through pre-teen and into teen years. Their children are less likely to lead your child into problems like smoking and drinking and drugs.
    Oh, you live in the neighborhood too?
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    I think giving your kids proper education and critical thinking skills/ common sense is all the protection they ever need. Let him go to church and even buy him a copy of the bible. Kids can be surprisingly good at detecting bullshyt

    I like this answer.

    When I was growing up, my parents gave me the foundations of the Catholic Church (where I am it's Catholic or Protestant) but we were never serious. They never forced church on us but we did make our first communion. After that they pretty much left it up to us.
    Much of it i suspect was because my mother wasnt brought up in any church in a time where it meant something (i mean people knew what you were and most socialized within the same line).
    My best friend growing up came from a family that were strong Catholics and church was required. I often went with them as I was growing up, by my own choice. I even made my confirmation by my own choice. They never pressured me, nor did my parents. It was always my choice. Most of it was the social thing, part was curiousity. Eventually I moved away from it. I do not consider myself Catholic, I really don't know what I am to be honest. But I appreciate what my parents did.
    I wish I had the chance to explore more religions in the same way.

    ETA - I like this post but also want to say bulls**tery isn't exactly what I mean. I agreed that you give them the skills/common sense and they will find what works for them. I respect for some that is certain religions that may not be for me.
  • shrinkingsusie
    shrinkingsusie Posts: 40 Member
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    So, wait, they just came to take him without you agreeing to it?


    You're not taking my kid anywhere without my permission. IDGAF where you're going. Whether it be church, Disney World or to meet Jesus himself. If I don't explicitly say yes, he's not going.

    You're right, this is a lot of what's bothering me about the whole situation. I let him leave but the fact that they didn't ask me before they showed up at the door was bothersome.

    Since you have a healthy relationship with the parents, I'm sure this was an oversight on their part. Talk to them about this and I'm sure it will all work out fine. Also bring up that you are uncomfortable with their child telling your children that you all are "going to hell". I'm sure this will be resolved with a lot less anxiety than what you've already put yourself through hashing this all over in your mind.

    That being said, one thing I would like to say in defense of this family and their children. Your child could not have safer friends as he goes through pre-teen and into teen years. Their children are less likely to lead your child into problems like smoking and drinking and drugs.

    No, not true. Attending church does not make you immune to these types of problems.
  • tetecia
    tetecia Posts: 75 Member
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    I agree with shrinkingsusi, Just because one is religious, or goes to church/is brought up in a religious household does not make them any better than any other child/teenager. I was adamently Atheist when i got into high school and i knew LOADS of kids that would Party Hard on the weekends with booze/drugs ect and then think that simply because they went to Church Sunday morning that they were absolved of their behavior the previous days. What a load of Crap!

    Does that mean that all non-religious people, or people whom don't follow your religion sherrirb are are druggies/drunks/partiers? What a way to paint with a wide brush!
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Let the kids go and talk with them about their experience, about respecting people's beliefs, and trust they will make the decision that will serve them best in their lives.
  • VictoriaWorksOut
    VictoriaWorksOut Posts: 195 Member
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    Does your boys like going there? If they go to youth group they most likely have friends and a lot of fun activities. Have you been there to see what your sons take part in?

    Your neighbors should definitely ask you permissions, but it might be that your sons have communicated to neighbor that they like to go and they want to go every chance they get. They are old enough to make decision of what they like or not, and communicate it.

    I think that you first need to have understanding with your sons and know why they like to go there, and if they really want to go every time. Second, they are old enough to be able to communicate to neighbors that they will need to ask permission of parents every time. It looks like there is miscommunication on all fronts.

    I take my neighbors kids to church every time they show up at my door. Parents are ok with it, and don't care to take them. Kids love it and never miss a week. Sometimes I have more kids who want to go then fit in my car and have asked my other neighbor to drive them.
  • crazytreelady
    crazytreelady Posts: 752 Member
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    Speaking from personal experience... I was invited to church countless times as kid.....
    When I was 9, I decided I would go with this girl, my mother is also an agnostic/atheist who didn't really want me to go, but let me to see if I liked it.

    I won't go into the details, but it was not a pleasant experience for me.

    This girl and her family thought I needed to be saved.


    Do not let other parents treat you or children like **** because of your religion or lack there of. Unless your child is going around bullying, hitting, yelling, hurting animals and such.... I would say you are doing a damn fine job!
  • shrinkingsusie
    shrinkingsusie Posts: 40 Member
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    #firstworldproblems
    ^ditto.

    I don't mean to pull a "whoa is me." It's important to me that I maintain a good relationship with my neighbors and also feel good about how I'm raising my own family. I don't know many nonreligious people in life so I need some occasional reassurance.

    but I do have some other firstworldproblems is you wanna hear about them.
  • shrinkingsusie
    shrinkingsusie Posts: 40 Member
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    Do not let other parents treat you or children like **** because of your religion or lack there of. Unless your child is going around bullying, hitting, yelling, hurting animals and such.... I would say you are doing a damn fine job!

    Thanks. I have 4 great kids. :)
  • shrinkingsusie
    shrinkingsusie Posts: 40 Member
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    Does your boys like going there? If they go to youth group they most likely have friends and a lot of fun activities. Have you been there to see what your sons take part in?

    Your neighbors should definitely ask you permissions, but it might be that your sons have communicated to neighbor that they like to go and they want to go every chance they get. They are old enough to make decision of what they like or not, and communicate it.

    I think that you first need to have understanding with your sons and know why they like to go there, and if they really want to go every time. Second, they are old enough to be able to communicate to neighbors that they will need to ask permission of parents every time. It looks like there is miscommunication on all fronts.

    I take my neighbors kids to church every time they show up at my door. Parents are ok with it, and don't care to take them. Kids love it and never miss a week. Sometimes I have more kids who want to go then fit in my car and have asked my other neighbor to drive them.

    Yes, my son likes going. My daughter doesn't. I've been there and everyone is really nice but I have issues with some of the things that they teach. I think it's really a social thing for him and he has a lot of fun but I think if he became a Christian and was happy with it then I would be happy for him.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
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    I would be very irked. I do not support organized religion and do not worship a Christian god. I do practice the Wicca/Buddhist beliefs....my 'god, goddess, higher power' is the earth...

    However, my fiance is LDS and so is his entire family. Before I agreed to marry him I made it clear that we would not be married in the temple, and also that there would be NO deciding factor on our future child's religious beliefs until they were old enough to decide for themselves. With that being said, how old are your children? Are they wise enough to understand what religion is? Are they interested in it or do they even care? My mom was also not religious but she is such an open-minded woman that she allowed missionaries into our home to teach us what they wanted and she let my brother and I decide our fates. Needless to say we never were converted and I am happy about that every, single day.

    If necessary, politely ask your neighbors to respect your non-belief. If your child actually wants to go to church, let him. It won't harm him, and he'll learn what he wants.

    (I'm trying to be nice here....if it was my kid, I don't know if I'd support it all that much.)
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    I think if you raise a child from toddle to young kid telling them there is a god and all, they will most likely become religious. At the age of 9 however, you can start allowing them to choose their own beliefs. I was 8 when my dad told me that he personally is an atheist but if I want to be a buddhist, a jew or a christian he does not care, I just should tell him if I want to go to any of these classes or churches. Of course I didn't want it. At that time, churches were cold and boring to me. :)
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
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    #firstworldproblems

    I very much disagree with that assessment.


    ETA:

    A person's faith, or lack thereof, is hardly a first world issue, in my opinion. And being concerned about how to handle such issues when it comes to your children is something I would expect of a parent.
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
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    Choices: Why are we here ?
    1) Something more intelligent than us got us here
    2) Everything magically appeared without a magician


    What do you tell your kids:

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