Struggling... *vent* wanting feedback

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brittaney0625
brittaney0625 Posts: 268 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, Jan. 2nd I started this journey with so much determination and was doing amazing. Had some insane will power.. and it was going perfect.

Jan. 17th My very close cousin passed away for still unknown reasons at 25. I went out of town to be with family and everything. I truly did my best at trying to just do portion control and not indulge. Of course I was feeling like it wasn't priority.

I came home on the 24th and had some very very rough other family matters I would rather not say but still did pretty well.. just trucking along... ( I could tell I was drained)

On Jan 31st, I was out grocery shopping and got a call to head to the ER right away. My very beloved Pa was in a coma from a massive heart attack. They life flighed him and we followed behind. I stayed with him in the hospital by his side until he passed away on Feb 8th. Only sleeping one night.. (not kidding) I went to my familys house out of town once again.

While at the hospital I ate whatever, drank some pop, for the first time since the 2nd.. & just didnt care. When I got back to my familys home to start planning the funeral.. I continued the same bad eating and pop.. I figured I'll go home soon and we will get back on track..

Except.. I am pretty positive I am somewhat in denail.. haven't fully accepted all this tragedy in my life.. Loosing 2 people I love so much and would do almost anything to have back within weeks of one another.. so suddenly.. I don't think my brain can handle all of it right now...

I think I sort of shut down... Now I have been home for a week and still having a hard time giving it my all... Oh & did I mention we got a house.. and started moving Tuesday to a new house....



*Sigh* I want this.. I need this.. It is so hard to make yourself do it though...

Anybody else go through stuff like this...
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Replies

  • nefbaker
    nefbaker Posts: 79
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    Hi Brittaney

    All I can say is keep going. These people loved you, and would want you to do this for yourself. You will feel better if you eat better, which means you can adjust better.
    Having said that, you should consider talking with (if you are religious) your family pastor, or if you would prefer, find a local counselor. I've had several times in my life where things seem to hit all at once. Last September, as a member of my town's ambulance squad, I was first on scene to the suicide of an 18 year old friend. Two days later, it was responding to a good friend's wife unexpected heart attack at 52. Three days after that, I was first on scene to a five year old hit by a car.
    Over Christmas it was discovering I needed a hysterectomy, responding in ER to help with a code and it was a good friend. A week later over New Year's, it was one of my best friends, and the man who got me into EMS, being killed in a medic helicopter crash.

    Both times, I've taken the time to see a counselor. Just a couple of visits, but it's good to be able to vent to someone who A) is not involved and b) knows how and when to respond.

    Good luck. Keep battling.
    Mindy
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I am truly sorry for your loss and troubles. That is a hard time to go through and as you seem to realize, you are not totally through it yet.

    But ... there's always a big but ... how is eating crap and ruining your health going help with these troubles? Isn't it just going to add to them? Wouldn't controlling the one thing you can control be a better option? Wouldn't sticking to your goals give you at least one thing to feel good about in this sea of turmoil?
  • michelefrench
    michelefrench Posts: 814 Member
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    have not been in your shoes..thank god! but you've been thru a LOT , cut yourself some slack...don't have any brilliant advice about how to get back on track, just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for your losses!! hang in there, let yourself mourn and then get back on the horse so to speak...
  • JenMc14
    JenMc14 Posts: 2,389 Member
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    It's natural, and it's ok. Try thinking of it this way, what would your loved ones want for you? Would they want you to continue to try to get healthy? I think they would. So, perhaps use their memories as your motivation. Start slow, that's ok. Wean yourself back off the pop. Let yourself grieve, you don't have to be perfect. Find something else to comfort you, a good book, cheesy movies, whatever it is. Perhaps find a hobby, keep busy. But, remember, you need to be taken care of, and that's starts with you sometimes. Many hugs, and lots of sympathy to you. I'm so sorry for your losses.
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your woes. I can completely understand. The reason I got to the weight(I was) is because my mom passed. I gained 28lbs over a couple years. Grief is a very draining emotion. It's taken me years to get to this point of finally truly wanting to change. Remember that you are worth getting healthy. It will take all your strength to keep going but it's worth it.

    Don't be too hard on yourself during this time. Maybe you need to step back a tad and take things slower. Don't try to go full tilt. Make small changes.....less soda, more vegetables add in some activity. Keeping active will boost your emotions. All that's going on won't feel as heavy if you get some consistant exercise. Just remember that this is not a race. Healthy, sustainable weight loss is a 1/2 lb to 1 lb a week. During this time just concentrate on trying to eat healthier don't get stuck on the scale. Friend me if you'd like.
  • CA_Emily
    CA_Emily Posts: 12 Member
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    I'm sorry for all you've been going through. All the stress makes it that much more important that you take care of yourself! Everyone takes care of themselves differently, but here are a few suggestions:

    1. You've experienced a huge amount of stress and loss recently. Find a support group and a counselor to talk with. Often times local hospital systems will have loss support groups- you can check their website or call a doctors office for a list. If you can't afford counseling and your insurance (if you have it) won't pay check out your local college. Many colleges provide no cost counseling to the community. If you can't commit to going to a group or a counselor, find a 1-800 loss support line you can call.

    2. Start moving more. It doesn't matter for how long or what you are doing. Go out and walk for five minutes at a time if that is all you have. Do that as much as possible. You don't have to get all geared out and go to the gym. Just go for a walk. Take some deep breaths. Look around. Take some more deep breaths. Cry if you need to.

    3. Choose one thing to eliminate from your diet and choose one thing to add. Focus on just those two small steps until they are second nature. I would suggest cutting out the soda and eating one vegetable a day for a few weeks.

    4. Do you have a favorite type of music? Favorite artist? Start listening to it every day. Force yourself if you have to. Choose five upbeat songs and listen to them every day.

    5. Get a notebook and start writing. It doesn't matter what you write about, but just write. Every day. Choose a time of the day and write for five minutes or more.

    Take care of yourself. You can't take care of anyone else if you don't first take care of yourself.
  • witchy_wife
    witchy_wife Posts: 792 Member
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    You have been through so much, I am so sorry to hear all your troubles! A lot of people get overweight because they are emotional eaters, myself included. I hear of people losing their appetite when upset, but not me, I reach for the sweet stuff.

    Don't beat yourself up for it hunnie. In your shoes, what I would do, is just pick one thing at a time. You have so much to deal with right now you need to take some baby steps to help get back on track. Just one thing, whether it is sticking to TDEE calories every day, or going for a long time 3 x a week, or limiting to one glass of pop a day. Just pick one thing that you can do that will take you one step closer to a healthier lifestyle.

    Do it for a week. And when you can see you have been successful with that, add one more thing. Another week or so, add another.

    You was doing SO WELL so you KNOW you can do this. But it isn't easy when you have so much upheaval in your life. Take baby steps and gradually work your way back in to that healthy lifestyle you found before all this heartbreak. You can take control again hunnie, you can do this.

    Feel free to add me as a friend if you want some extra support xx
  • brittaney0625
    brittaney0625 Posts: 268 Member
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    I really really appreciate all of your words.

    walked/jogged a mile tonight. Took 21 minutes.. but oh well.. I did it.
  • Jessieee_huangggg
    Jessieee_huangggg Posts: 8
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    Oh my gosh that's terrible :(. You just need to remember why you're doing this. Yes you lost some very close people, but life does go on and you need to carry on and live yours. You need to take care if yourself and make you your first priority. Grieve for your losses don't grieve forever. You can do it! Good job on that run/walk tonight. The first step is always the hardest :)
  • witchy_wife
    witchy_wife Posts: 792 Member
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    I really really appreciate all of your words.

    walked/jogged a mile tonight. Took 21 minutes.. but oh well.. I did it.

    I once heard a quote..... it doesn't matter how slow you go..... you are still lapping all those people still sat on the couch! And its true, well done to you x
  • brittaney0625
    brittaney0625 Posts: 268 Member
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    So... the struggle continues.. my husband lost his job...
  • itsmelynn15
    itsmelynn15 Posts: 65
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    You are not alone in this. Do this for you!!!!!
  • katjanssens
    katjanssens Posts: 18 Member
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    I am praying for you right now that you would have peace and the strength to continue . You sound like a very determined and hard working person. Your hard work will pay off. Grief is hard try to just take it one breath at a time.... sometimes thats all you can do.
  • jeanineolson
    jeanineolson Posts: 37 Member
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    I lost my father Christmas day. You can do this.
  • xaMErica
    xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
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    If I was near.. all I think I could do is give you a hug..
    SO.. go find someone else that looks sad.. and give them a hug <3 Even if it is a total stranger! Or go buy 2 flowers.. and hand them to 2 people that you think could use them. That should cheer your heart up a little.

    I would suggest doing that.. then just having a good cry. Snack on some fresh fruits or veggies (that'll make you feel better) then as your ready slowly get back into it. Do it for your family <3
  • xaMErica
    xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
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    I really really appreciate all of your words.

    walked/jogged a mile tonight. Took 21 minutes.. but oh well.. I did it.

    Put some headphone in and walk/ jog in your own world! =) *Safely... make sure you can hear cars and stuff if you are outside.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry for all you've been going through. All the stress makes it that much more important that you take care of yourself! Everyone takes care of themselves differently, but here are a few suggestions:

    1. You've experienced a huge amount of stress and loss recently. Find a support group and a counselor to talk with. Often times local hospital systems will have loss support groups- you can check their website or call a doctors office for a list. If you can't afford counseling and your insurance (if you have it) won't pay check out your local college. Many colleges provide no cost counseling to the community. If you can't commit to going to a group or a counselor, find a 1-800 loss support line you can call.

    2. Start moving more. It doesn't matter for how long or what you are doing. Go out and walk for five minutes at a time if that is all you have. Do that as much as possible. You don't have to get all geared out and go to the gym. Just go for a walk. Take some deep breaths. Look around. Take some more deep breaths. Cry if you need to.

    3. Choose one thing to eliminate from your diet and choose one thing to add. Focus on just those two small steps until they are second nature. I would suggest cutting out the soda and eating one vegetable a day for a few weeks.

    4. Do you have a favorite type of music? Favorite artist? Start listening to it every day. Force yourself if you have to. Choose five upbeat songs and listen to them every day.

    5. Get a notebook and start writing. It doesn't matter what you write about, but just write. Every day. Choose a time of the day and write for five minutes or more.

    Take care of yourself. You can't take care of anyone else if you don't first take care of yourself.

    ^^^^ this

    and go easy on yourself, you've had a huge burden to deal with!! anyone would be knocked off track from anything they were trying to achieve from something like that. Be very gentle with yourself, and gently pick yourself up and get back on track.... and look after yourself in other ways too, i.e. look after your emotional wellbeing after what you've been through. Use whatever support is out there to help you through it :flowerforyou:
  • MagicalLeopleurodon
    MagicalLeopleurodon Posts: 623 Member
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    Honey, you have got to let yourself grieve. Life happens, we arent machines. You cant just expect to pick up where you left off.

    Start like you're back at square one. like you have never done this before. Maybe start by just tracking calories a few days a week. Exercise a few days here and there.

    Have a little time each day where you remember those you lost. Think of how proud they will be to look down on you and watch you becoming the person you want to be.

    I lost my cousin very suddenly and to a very unexpecter cause. It took me weeks to process him reallu being gone. It felt like someone punched me in the heart the day i realized i had forgotten his voice. Now, i know thats normal. and that his voice wasnt important because it didnt make him who he was.

    Adjust first. then get back on track.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    It's easier, it feels safer, to go back to old habits when experiencing so much hurt in such a short time - and now you have further worries for the future.

    But your health - mental AND physical must take priority in your life now. If you try to squash your sadness, stifle your fears with more food than you need, you can't heal.

    Rather than see it as something hard, that changing your habits is punishment, try to see this as the best time for you to value yourself and your health. Sadly, you have seen all too clearly that things can end without warning; use your time to give yourself a healthier life.


    And yes, not being able to dull the pain with, for example, lots of carbs, will mean that you will feel your losses more keenly - but using that pain to drive you onwards, to make more of your precious life, is the best way you can honour those you have lost.
  • samantha1242
    samantha1242 Posts: 816 Member
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    From someone who just had a family member pass away this month and dealing with the funeral and the loss.. its hard, I understand.. and I am so sorry for your loss. :(

    I gave myself a couple "eat my feelings" days. It was bound to happen for me, and in a way it helped me cope. I went over a couple thousand calories on a couple days. It helped me snap out of it to think of what a long and healthy life my grandpa lived, and how he wouldn't want me to destroy mine by constantly eating my feelings all the time.

    Try to keep your mind focused on your goals. :) surround yourself with positive people and activities to keep you motivated.

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