Husband won't support me

Calliope610
Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
in Motivation and Support
To my MFP friends - I need your support. After hearing countless empty promises to lose weight, my husband has absolutely lost faith in me and my fitness journey. He outright told me this morning that he doesn't believe I will lose weight and wants absolutely nothing to do with my "diet" and doesn't want to hear about it at all. That's ok, because I'm not doing this for him. So I'm going to rely on you guys for support and encouragement, at least until he realizes I'm not full of BS.

Once he sees that I AM SERIOUS and COMMITTED to this (and that I'm starting to look better and I trash all those "granny panties"), I'm sure he will change his tune.
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Replies

  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
    To my MFP friends - I need your support. After hearing countless empty promises to lose weight, my husband has absolutely lost faith in me and my fitness journey. He outright told me this morning that he doesn't believe I will lose weight and wants absolutely nothing to do with my "diet" and doesn't want to hear about it at all. That's ok, because I'm not doing this for him. So I'm going to rely on you guys for support and encouragement, at least until he realizes I'm not full of BS.

    Once he sees that I AM SERIOUS and COMMITTED to this (and that I'm starting to look better and I trash all those "granny panties"), I'm sure he will change his tune.

    You're not the only one! :flowerforyou:
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    Sometimes, more often than not, the people closest to us, like spouses, see us at our best and worse, even our failures and temporary setbacks. Witness enough of them, and perhaps its hard for them to be enthusiastic about much of anything. Keep that up and they are downright pessimistic to snarky and sarcastic about what we can and cannot do.

    There comes a time when you must do and not say a word and your actions shall speak at volume louder than any voice ever could.

    Since you are taking steps to your goal, you have my support. Perhaps his hard heart will soon change once he sees the change in you.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
    Prove him wrong.
  • Dragon67
    Dragon67 Posts: 123 Member
    I am fairly new to MFP.. BUT >> I am sure I can say this...... you will have all the support and encouragement you will ever wish to get on here.... I for one SUPPORT YOU and wish you well ..:flowerforyou: :bigsmile:
  • rayvynn5374
    rayvynn5374 Posts: 272 Member
    Callie if that is an Australian Cattle Dog and belongs to you, then you have an amazing fitness buddy right there! I don't know how I would approach an unsupportive spouse but I wish you the best and remember to take it one day at a time.

    We have an ACD who runs with us every night. She is up to 6 miles.
  • fatgirljessica
    fatgirljessica Posts: 44
    Prove him wrong!!

    My husband isn't helpful at all because he is technically under weight! No matter how much he eats he can't gain. The exact opposite of me. :p
  • missionimposs
    missionimposs Posts: 53 Member
    you will do it if you are doing for yourself!!! my hubby has tired to support me on countless diets and now he just says I am changing channels!!! but I am hoping he will see that this is one channel I wont be changing!!!!! as there is so much support whatever time of the day!
  • mdepko
    mdepko Posts: 283 Member
    Feel free to add me! People on this journey need support, encouragement, ideas and maybe even a kick in the *kitten* when they fall off track! If you're committed to doing this, please don't hesitate to add me. You have the right mind set, you're doing it for you! You are the only one responsible for you.
  • busyblkgirl
    busyblkgirl Posts: 264 Member
    Then you're in the right place! Lean on those here who are in the struggle with you. We know to well all of the struggles and pitfalls of trying to lose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle. And it's true, once he sees you doing it, he'll be on board rooting you on. While my husband didn't come right out and say he didn't want to hear about it, he wasn't all that enthused in the beginning. But, even after falling off the wagon for awhile, i've overall remained committed, and he sees and appreciates that now. And to tell you the truth, he's become quite encouraging. I'd always said I wanted to have a home gym, well guess who surprised me with an elliptical for Christmas, and a recumbent bike for Valentine day??? That's right... the once doubtful Hubster!!!! So hang in there, we're here for you, and soon he will be too :o)
  • ebh2217
    ebh2217 Posts: 5 Member
    I know how you feel. You ultimately have to do this for yourself. He will get on board once you are proving you are committed. Message boards like this can help. Logging the food, logging the exercise and seeing progress will feed your enthusiasm as well.
    Hopefully he isn't undermining you and just not wanting to hear about it. That is what I face (the not wanting to hear about it) so
    coming here, and talking to friends and making progress each day can help...one step at a time. LOG that food, though....most important, because that is where you will see your progress! A year from now you can look back and say, look what I did! and look at how I feel! JUST DO IT! :flowerforyou:
  • jeanineolson
    jeanineolson Posts: 37 Member
    You can do this! Do it for yourself.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    @Rayvynn, Yes, she is a 7 wk old ACD. I am leash training her now, and can't wait for her to be my C25K partner. I look forward to being fit and going on daily runs with her. She is one of my inspirations. I gotta take care of my little girl.
  • PaulFromEssex
    PaulFromEssex Posts: 245
    Show him the proofs in the pudding ... or rather lack of it!

    That's great you are doing this for yourself as now you only have yourself to please.

    Take your motivation and support from here and prove to yourself how awesome you are!

    Good luck!
  • meghanhawk
    meghanhawk Posts: 6
    i know how you feel hun. My husband basically tells me the same thing everyday.

    him - "I'm not eating this veggie crap your making, your on your own"

    or "i work to much and don't have time to walk with you " and "whats the point you will just gain it back"

    you have to do this for yourself and for the people who do support you : ) and with that being said I WILL SUPPORT YOU!!! :flowerforyou:
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
    You CAN do this! I was one of the ones that lost and gained weight before(Weight Watchers years ago) and then commited to changing my lifestyle this time which made a huge difference. I have a husband that is super healthy and thin so he has always been an onlooker who was not sure what it was exactly like to lose weight.....he kind of was like "whatever" this time around, but I was doing this for me. In the end when I hit goal he said that he always loved me for who I was and my size was never a concern to him(he used to date chubby chics anyway) and it was sweet to hear. Just know that you are worth it and you deserve good health and you WILL get there if you make healthy choices and stay active. Best wishes!
  • DebsDav
    DebsDav Posts: 16
    You can do it, do it for yourself. I will support you if you wish to add me. Good luck!!
  • LisaGirlfriend
    LisaGirlfriend Posts: 493 Member
    Prove him wrong!!

    My husband isn't helpful at all because he is technically under weight! No matter how much he eats he can't gain. The exact opposite of me. :p

    This is ME as well. Hubby never had any issue with weight. Eats what he likes, doesn't gain a pound - actually loses weight! Sees me go up and down over the years and has lost faith in me. It makes me sad and angry at him, but why would he believe me now that I've gained and lost weight at least 5 times over the last 25 years...?? I can't blame him really.
  • Berkgal33
    Berkgal33 Posts: 71 Member
    Mine is the same way. He says he loves me, whether I am fat or normal weight. He feels because he does not get on me when I gain weight, he does not have to be encouraging when I am trying to lose it. In his defense,I have gone through this countless times in the last 20 years! But, I still feel he should be supportive, and not roll his eyes when I pass on eating bread, dessert etc. He has told me he doubts I can do it, again he has history on his side, but I will prove him wrong. I will NOT spend the second half of my life fat!
  • rayvynn5374
    rayvynn5374 Posts: 272 Member
    Callie she will LOVE running with you! Just do her like you do you...start slow. Abby (our ACD) ran a 5k with my husband and won first place..ok THEY won first place in people with dogs class
  • Onaughmae
    Onaughmae Posts: 873 Member
    Agreed...do it for you. While its nice to have the support and encouragement of your spouse, it certainly isnt necessary. My husband is sort of ambivalent about it really. I cook dinner, if he doesnt want to eat it he is welcome to grab a burger or something (which he often does). He doesnt eat healthy with me, and he certainly wont exercise with me...but this is for me and not for him anyway. Be strong and do it for you :flowerforyou:
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member

    There comes a time when you must do and not say a word and your actions shall speak at volume louder than any voice ever could.

    ^^ I like this. Dig deep and do. Don't talk.
  • HarmonyHappyHeathy
    HarmonyHappyHeathy Posts: 3 Member
    I was the same way. Started and quit so many times that my husband also thought it was just another on of those "diets" when I first started back in September. He didn't support me at all and was always trying to get me to just eat crap but I wanted it so bad this time I didn't listen to him. After I lost my first 20 lbs my husband started becoming my biggest supporter. He tells me to go to the gym when I don't feel like working out and questions me when I eat something I shouldn't be eating. It is really hard to do without the support, hopefully things will change around the way it did for my hubby! Good luck, you can do it!!!
  • schmeckpeper
    schmeckpeper Posts: 23 Member
    I'm a little weak on willpower...but I'm VERY stubborn. I use that to my advantage.....So when my family goes out to McDonalds or Applebees when I've made a healthy, delicious meal it just motivates me more!

    Find a strength inside you and use it to reach your goals. Proving them wrong is just the icing on your cake ;-)
  • grapefruitannie
    grapefruitannie Posts: 122 Member
    Bah Ignore him hunny i will support you feel free to add me.
    He will soon take some notice when you are looking Hot Hot Hot :wink:

    Keep going! and remember it's for you no oe else xx
  • OriolesLovaa
    OriolesLovaa Posts: 14
    There's only one thing you can do right now.... Prove him wrong. =)

    You got this!
  • Kimberleebennett
    Kimberleebennett Posts: 21 Member
    I struggle with this too. My husband says he supports me but I was slim when I met him and he likes my chubbier body more than ever so he's never really serious about it and buys me boxes of chocolates and makes my favourite high cal meals. I do need to lose the weight regardless of how he thinks I look from a health point of view I want to be around to see great grandkids (I'm only 27 but thinking long term) and have more energy. I'm comfortable with my body which has made it hard to get motivated but now that I am I'm sticking with it. Regardless of what anyone else thinks. :smile:
  • Scarlettbird50
    Scarlettbird50 Posts: 45 Member
    you can do this on your own, for yourself! any support you want find it here, good luck!
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
    my husband has been very supportive, and actually eating better with me. just wait until your weight loss is noticeable... its almost like they think they are with a new woman (not in a bad way though)! lol, your new body is just as exciting for them, as it is to you! its actually kind of funny!
  • galenofedgewood
    galenofedgewood Posts: 146 Member
    Another way to look at this (and of course, it's a guy perspective) is he may think that you need to do this without his help. By making it where you are pissed at him and going to prove him wrong, he may have been trying to pull out the strong woman in you this way since the supportive version didn't help.

    Dunno. Just a guess.
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    My husband hasn't said that too me, but I can only imagine he feels that way too. I mean we've been together 16 years and I've been on a "weight loss" plan most of them for 5 of them I actually lost 90 lbs and maintained it, but it came back.

    I am sure my son feels the same way. All you can do is move forward and take it one day at a time. Making small changes so that you never have to go back to this place. :flowerforyou:

    edited to add: At NO time has he ever changed his eating or added exercise when I was trying, he buys crap food and tells me not to eat it.

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