How to lose weight without husband's support?

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bizeemom62
bizeemom62 Posts: 1
in Health and Weight Loss
My husband is very fit and loves to run/exercise daily. I don't. I didn't have trouble with my weight in the past, but after chemo for breast cancer at 43, I went through menopause and have steadily gained weight for the last 7 years. Now, my husband agrees I'm fat, but won't support my efforts to lose weight. (I need to say he is very unsympathetic to obese women.) He feels I should eat what HE wants me to eat (he is a chef) and exercise like he does. I have arthritis and running and other cardio and strength training exercises are painful. I can do ok all day until it's time for dinner when he cooks buttered vegetables, cream sauces, fried foods, etc. He gets very angry when I ask to cook for myself so I can lose the weight. He hates it that I'm fat, but he won't let me lose weight "my way." I've tried fasting all day and just eating his food, but that doesn't work very well either. Advice?
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Replies

  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    He sounds like a controlling d-bag. Maybe some professional counseling?
  • poohpoohpeapod
    poohpoohpeapod Posts: 776 Member
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    "ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!
  • amberpitz
    amberpitz Posts: 103 Member
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    Im gonna say this just to share my thoughts but obviously non of us are directly in your shoes and you yourself know in your heart the right answer for yourself.
    Seems like the first bit of "weight" you need to lose is him
    Do what you need to do for you to be healthy...physically and mentally. Good luck.
  • amandaj1966
    amandaj1966 Posts: 342 Member
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    Hi bizeemom,

    Sorry to hear that your husband isn't supporting you, but surely being a chef he should know what you should and shouldn't eat.
    As he isn't listening to you how about trying to have small portions. It's so difficult when you don't get the support from family and friends.
    I wish you lots of luck on your weight loss journey. X
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
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    "ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!

    ^ I hate to agree with this.

    It sounds like he enjoys having you in a vulnerable position and wants you to stay there.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    "ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!

    ^ I hate to agree with this.

    It sounds like he enjoys having you in a vulnerable position and wants you to stay there.

    This.
  • simonbeal11
    simonbeal11 Posts: 5
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    Wow! My wife is overweight but I give her all the encouragement I can we go to the Gym and we diet together.
    Sounds like your first step is a new husband!
    Don't let him control you.
  • LauraAshley95
    LauraAshley95 Posts: 70 Member
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    No one should ever have to go through anything without their significant other's support. Sounds like now that you're overweight, he's not into you, and he sounds seriously controlling. No help here.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    So what if he gets mad? Tell him to suck it up and then make your own food. Its really not a big deal. Sounds like his ego needs to be deflated. Your husband being *****y for a couple weeks, you startblosing weight, he gets over it.
  • aleedol17
    aleedol17 Posts: 5 Member
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    My husband is a chef and since we have been together I have gained over 80lbs. I know exactly how you feel. I have a really hard time when he makes dinner. I also am a nurse and come home at 830 starving having worked 13hrs. I really have to make myself use portion control. He has gotten better but its taken years to talk him into making "healthier" food. He is using more greek yogurt for creams that seems to help a lot. My husband loves soups. We do a lot of hearty soups that are low fat but still filling and full of flavor. It may come to the point that you just have to have will power and tell him you wont eat the things he makes if they arent healthy. I ask my husband to write down everything he uses so i can use the recipe tracker to count the calories. I also tore my ACL skiing and have a hard time running etc. I walk on our treadmill on an incline. Its easier on your joints.
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
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    Your husband is an a-hole. Apologies for the language.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    "ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!

    ^ I hate to agree with this.

    It sounds like he enjoys having you in a vulnerable position and wants you to stay there.

    This.

    yup
  • freelancejouster
    freelancejouster Posts: 478 Member
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    I think you need to explain the situation to him. Explain that it's not that you don't like the food he prepares for you, it's that it doesn't work for you. You're going to have to stick up for yourself if you are committed to losing the weight you put on. Perhaps a compromise for supper would work, eating a small serving (less than half a plate) of whatever he cooks for you and make a salad for the rest. One high-calorie meal will not hurt your eating habits too badly if you pick healthy options for the rest.

    To be honest, he sounds far too controlling.
  • aleedol17
    aleedol17 Posts: 5 Member
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    And people need to realize that chefs are very sensitive about the food they make and it hurts their feelings when people criticize their food so jumping to conclusions and assuming your husband is a total douche is a little aggressive. Im sure he is a nice man just need better communication.
  • AmyMgetsfit
    AmyMgetsfit Posts: 636 Member
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    Tell him you would be more than happy to eat his cooking if he cooked nutritional meals. Don't even mention weight, say it's for your health, because you want to live a long healthy life.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,719 Member
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    He's a chef. If an anthropologist told him how he needs to cook, he'd probably schluff it off as the person doesn't know what they're talking about.
    Same here. He's a chef who probably doesn't have any idea on how to train anybody else but himself. The same program doesn't work for everyone.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • fiferjim
    fiferjim Posts: 56 Member
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    Giving him the benefit of the doubt he's maybe trying some reverse psychology ?

    Plenty people here you can get support from best of luck in your efforts ...
  • himilayaneyes
    himilayaneyes Posts: 204 Member
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    "ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!

    Agree with the above. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. An easy, quick way to lose 100+ lbs is to get rid of him...let him know that next time you have to ask to cook for yourself. Good luck.
  • KirstenTheFamilyCoach
    KirstenTheFamilyCoach Posts: 327 Member
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    Maybe take a nutrition class together so he can see that "his" cooking (while it may be yummy) isn't actually going to be a good thing for either of you to eat as you age.
  • meonfp
    meonfp Posts: 8
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    I agree about the counciling. Maybe he has some insecurities about you getting fit. Personally I started out with the same "sort of" issues except my hubby isnt over weight or even into being fit. Hes just naturally "normal". He would just tell me to eat whatever and it wouldn't hurt me. Or he would take us to places where there was nothing for me to eat. Among other sabatoging habits. I have struggled with my issues for many years and finally I didnt care what he said or wanted. I joined a gym, a swim fitness class (easy on the joints) and I meet with a personal trainer at my gym who also helps me meal plan. I started worrying about ME. And I started to succeed. I also started this AFTER I went to a therapist to start learning how to be a better me. You have to worry about you. My therapist would tell me to be a broken record and just keep asking WHY he insists on me doing it his way until I got some real answer. Not a "just because" type answer. He would also tell me to use the method of saying "I would like you to..." Like "I would like you to walk with me in the evenings" or "...cook me something lighter in calories" and not in a demanding way, but in a positive way that makes him feel like he's helping you and you admire him for it. I dont know your exact situations so I cant tell you how to tailor the phrases to work for you, but believe me when I tell you it works!

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