How to lose weight without husband's support?

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  • Shelialouise66
    Shelialouise66 Posts: 56
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    When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

    MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.
  • Lalouse
    Lalouse Posts: 221 Member
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    I don't know if your husband is as controlling as the others are saying, although I understand why they get that impression. It might just be that he wants you to lose weight and thinks that he knows how to do it. Most trainers are like that too, even if they are complete idiots or completely wrong.

    If he is as healthy as you say, he must be making some healthy food. My husband cooks alot too and I'm so thankful for it!! That said, if he makes something that might not be the healthiest, I just eat smaller portions. Even Jillian Michaels says you can continue to eat things you like as long as you minimize the amounts. I'm sure he won't expect you to eat as much as he eats, because you're probably burning less calories and you're trying to lose weight, and he's not. Also, keep in mind that women (especially ages 40+) lose weight very differently from men and you should remind him of that too

    Also, if he is a runner or walker, I would say join him.. even if you can't do it for the running. My husband, as great of a cook he is, is also very fit, but he can't run because of joint issues. I would LOVE it if he could be my jogging buddy, but I just have to deal with the fact that he can't. Your husband has to do the same. If you can only walk with him, and try speed walking, then that should be sufficient. That doesn't mean you should ONLY be walking. You can find many other workouts to supplement it and walk with him a few times a week. That also will allow him to run on the other days and not get in your way.

    Finally, I know from my experience with my hubby, that weight loss for women can be a really sensitive issue. When I first started, I didn't want his advice and I was very defensive about it. It was like a psychological thing because I was so uncomfortable with myself and I'd snap at him if he suggested that I work out more, eat less, or anything related to fitness. I worked on this for a long time, because I know he only wants the best for me. I realized that this was a self-sabotage mechanism.. that I was only getting upset because my brain was tricking me into not taking his advice and just staying overweight.

    I learned that he loves me and wants to help.. and my husband doesn't even have a problem with my weight, he just wants me to be healthy. Maybe we can't do the same work outs, and maybe we eat lasagna every once in a while, but that's life. But when we can eat healthy and can exercise together, I've learned to appreciate that.

    If you want more support as you go through this process, friend me!
  • AngelsInThighHighs
    AngelsInThighHighs Posts: 247 Member
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    And people need to realize that chefs are very sensitive about the food they make and it hurts their feelings when people criticize their food so jumping to conclusions and assuming your husband is a total douche is a little aggressive. Im sure he is a nice man just need better communication.

    Seriously? A chefs job is all about criticism so what he gets all but hurt at work when someone sends his food back? I doubt it dont makes excuses for him. His behavior is NOT acceptable he is being controlling and not listening to his wifes needs she needs a new man.
  • mbajrami
    mbajrami Posts: 636 Member
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    And people need to realize that chefs are very sensitive about the food they make and it hurts their feelings when people criticize their food so jumping to conclusions and assuming your husband is a total douche is a little aggressive. Im sure he is a nice man just need better communication.

    I was thinking this too, because I know that chefs can be sensitive, but she also stated that he is very unsympathetic to obese women. He seems to not only have an ego dependent on critiques of his food, but very narcissistic and inconsiderate in general.
  • amberpitz
    amberpitz Posts: 103 Member
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    When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

    MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.
    ^^well said
  • Mrc1974
    Mrc1974 Posts: 75 Member
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    Hi there

    I am sorry to hear that you are not getting the support that is needed, I had a similar thing but not quite as bad. My ex boyfriend knew I wanted to lose weight , just after moving to his country to be with him I asked him to join the gym with me but he flatly refused! I didn't join the gym on my own and all the years I was with him I didn't lose weight.

    I don't think fasting is a good idea, how about you have salads or low fat food during the day and then slowly cut down your portion size for the fatty food that your husband cooks. Maybe after a while he will come to realise you are serious and he is not helping. But you know him best, just think of what is best for you and how you can make it happen!

    If you can afford it why not try and get a personal trainer? who will be supporting your workouts, then you will have your own workout time and it doesn't matter if your husband won't workout with you. Or maybe a friend you can be your workout buddy.

    It does sound more his issue than yours, he is just projecting his issues on to you and you are suffering as a consequence :O(

    People can be very cruel, do what you can to out smart them and keep strong in your will power!!

    Good luck, let me know how you get on!

    Emma
  • redladywitch
    redladywitch Posts: 799 Member
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    When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

    MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.

    ^This! Take responsibility for yourself. You really do not need his support to be healthy. You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. You can do this if you want it bad enough.
  • gal_amy
    gal_amy Posts: 47
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    My husband is very fit and loves to run/exercise daily. I don't. I didn't have trouble with my weight in the past, but after chemo for breast cancer at 43, I went through menopause and have steadily gained weight for the last 7 years. Now, my husband agrees I'm fat, but won't support my efforts to lose weight. (I need to say he is very unsympathetic to obese women.) He feels I should eat what HE wants me to eat (he is a chef) and exercise like he does. I have arthritis and running and other cardio and strength training exercises are painful. I can do ok all day until it's time for dinner

    I know exactly how you feel. I have a husband just like that, although he is very conscious of what he eats. He just tells me not to eat so much. I have about 30 lbs to loose.

    ~*~*~*Amy ~*~*~
    Save a Tree, Save our Planet, Recycle, Think Organic

    Love iphone apps? http://teams.sparkpeople.com/iphoneapps
    So do I!!
    ________________________________
    Humorous Thought of the day:
    Eve: I can resist everything....except temptation.
  • julie781
    julie781 Posts: 221 Member
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    He sounds like a controlling d-bag. Maybe some professional counseling?

    ^this
  • jak2315
    jak2315 Posts: 47 Member
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    First, do not fast! Make sure to eat a healthy breakfast every day. It boosts the metabolism. Try doing pilates or yoga, these exercises are easy on the joints. Drink tons of water and take fiber supplements. The fiber makes you feel full and it's something you need in your diet anyhow. You have to do what you can to be healthy...for YOU!!! The hell with the *kitten* husband! I think he's afraid that you'll look better than him. Cook your own meals if you need to. If he really loved you, he would support you. I've lost 25 pounds and couldn't have done it without the support from my husband. Good luck and God bless!
  • gal_amy
    gal_amy Posts: 47
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    Giving him the benefit of the doubt he's maybe trying some reverse psychology ?
    Plenty people here you can get support from best of luck in your efforts ...

    Thanks for bringing that out. That's what my husband does, but it's more discouraging than anything.

    ~*~*~*Amy ~*~*~
    Save a Tree, Save our Planet, Recycle, Think Organic

    Love iphone apps? http://teams.sparkpeople.com/iphoneapps
    So do I!!
    ________________________________
    Thought of the day:
    Originality is the art of concealing your source.
  • Ramberta
    Ramberta Posts: 1,312 Member
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    "ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!

    ^This. It seems like the weight loss issue is a very small one in comparison to the dynamic of your relationship.

    That being said, try swimming, it's the best exercise for people who have trouble exercising.
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
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    bizeemom,
    HOW DARE HE?! Who does he think he is to tell you "yeah, you're fat!" and then not help you? *kitten* him. Do you. Be happy. When you are all well and done loosing your 80lbs and MORE throw it in his face. Show him. I myself depend on no one to help me along with my journey, as the only one who will always be ready, willing and able to support me is ME. Do the same.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    My take on this is stand up for yourself, tell him what your doing don't ask for his approval or his input. You seriously have to take up for yourself or he'll control you for the rest of your life.
  • kuger4119
    kuger4119 Posts: 213 Member
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    First, I'm going to play devil's advocate and ask if it is possible that you haven't given his cooking enough of a chance? Also, instead of fighting with him, find some meals that do appeal to you and ask him to make them for you. Make sure to do some research on the meals so you have a reason to request them. If he refuses.....he is a d-bag and you need to ask yourself if he is in the relationship for the right reasons.

    As far as joint pain goes, there are supplements that can help with joint pain. Also, don't mistake pain and soreness the day after working out as a medical condition. Sometimes, when you are in horrible physical condition, you will feel like you are dying for a few days after a workout. I worked my core really hard about a month ago. Two days later, it felt like my abs were ripping apart every time I moved. Since it took time for the pain to show up, it was obviously my wimpy *kitten* muscles freaking out over getting worked harder than normal. Be honest with yourself as to whether or not your pain is a limiting factor and don't let a minor amount of pain hold you back.

    In time, if you can lose some weight, it wouldn't surprise me if you find that your joint pain is reduced since the overall, constant stress will be reduced. At the end of the day, going back to the husband....you have a responsibility to meet him in the middle too. If both of you fail to do that, you have to wonder if it's a healthy relationship.
  • Onaughmae
    Onaughmae Posts: 873 Member
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    Wow....well honestly, short of holding a gun to your head, no one can force you to eat anything. Ask him if maybe he can make something you would like and make it in a healthy way. Appeal to his skills as a chef. Maybe offer to help in the kitchen so you get more input. If all that fails, then keep salad stuff and lean meat in fridge and you can always toss together a quick salad or something. I mean really..if you don't want to eat what he cooks he certainly cant force you to eat it. Maybe if he sees you not eating what he cooks enough times, he might change up his menu a bit. I cook all the time at home. Many times my hubby doesn't want what I am cooking (he is a mac and cheese and burritos kind of guy). I still fix dinner and he is free to fix whatever he wants or grab some fast food or something. I don't get mad at him about it.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I notice the OP hasn't been back...

    There'e a big underlying problem here, in that the husband wants to dictate HOW she should lose the weight, and won't support her if she doesn't want to do it his way. She really needs to get him on her side sooner or later. Sure, she could fix her own meals during the losing process, but what about maintenance? Will they eat different meals forever? Will he always be resentful and obstructionist unless she agrees to be a daily runner like him?

    I agree that they need to compromise - maybe she could make an effort to find an exercise that she can do comfortably so he won't bug her to be a runner, and then he needs to be willing to cook in a healthier manner.
  • redraidergirl2009
    redraidergirl2009 Posts: 2,560 Member
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    You can try standing up to your husband.
  • Frankie3333
    Frankie3333 Posts: 53 Member
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    I'm sorry your partner is not supportive. I would suggest counseling like some of the others on here. Maybe having a third party there would help. If he is chef, maybe making healthier dinner options could become a challenge for him. Know that there are people on here that are here to support you.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    Advice...seriously I would drop him from the highest height.. a marriage is 2 people together...doesn`t mean anything unless you share a relationship

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