I'm FAT and I hate it!

Caleen58 · February 2013

Hi my name is Donna. I am 5'5" tall and weigh 220 lbs. I got thyroid disease and had my thyroid removed almost 10 years ago. I used to be thin and in shape my whole life, but I gained 60 lbs., lost 20 and can't (won't) get the rest off. I tell myself I look okay even though I know I'm fat and hate the way my clothes fit and my double chin. I thought I'd lose the weight, but 10 years later I'm fat enough that when I do the thing woman do "do I look fat?" and my family and friends can't tell me no like they used to. They tell me I'm STILL beautiful, but yes, am a little heavy. My husband is divorcing me (long story) and tells me I'm a fat pig all the time and it HURTS. We're separated, but have to live in the same house for legal reasons and he belittles me so badly. When we got married, I turned heads (no ego) now with him leaving me and me being fat because of a health reason (now I eat for comfort) I'm just so down. I'm being whiney and I apologize, I know everyone here has problems and I wish the best for everyone, I truly do. I keep saying if I lose weight, I'll feel better about the divorce. I went on a date, met the guy online, we talked, he was local, I checked him out and we met for a glass of wine (late afternoon, in the light, in a popular place). My pictures don't show how fat I really am. He told me I was so pretty on the phone, but when he saw me I could tell he thought I was fat and couldn't get away from me fast enough. I'm very sorry for going on so long. I want to blog here, but don't know how. Anyway, I thank anyone who reads this and understands what it's like to have no self-esteem and to hate yourself. I'm praying that with Jenny Craig (which I'm on) and this site I can get down maybe 40 lbs. I don't believe I'll be "skinny" but for my back and knees and self worth, I'ld like to get to 180 lbs. Wish me luck and good luck to all.

WooPancakes · February 2013

Good luck! You can do it! I am 5'3" and 230 Pounds and stuggle with severe food addiction. I had no self worth growing up and still see myself as ugly everyday. I started self destructive behaviors young, and it took control of my life and I've finally made the choice to change! Please friend me if you would like, and I know you can do it and we can help encourage eachother.

2credneck208 · February 2013

You can add me if you like, I'll be your motivator.

kimimila86 · February 2013

Good luck! I'm 5'6" but I completely understand the thyroid issues. I haven't had mine removed, but I do suffer with hypothyroidism. The weight gain, the sleepiness, and the constant feeling of being cold are horrible... Hopefully through MFP, you can gain some of that self-esteem back. Add me if you'd like. I like to have active and interactive friends :drinker:

lizzie3126 · February 2013

Good luck

If you're willing to fight for it, i know you can lose the weight

Feel free to add me if you need motivation.

newmein30 · February 2013

Hi, my name is Ell, your post breaks my heart, and your husband is cruel, but you can USE that to motivate you!!! A strong foundation can be built on wreckage!! You CAN and WIll be successful, just start being mindful of what you eat, I too, binge eat for comfort, then feel disgusting after. I just had a fat weekend lol and will work harder this week to make up for it, you can't beat yourself up!!! Which I am learning, slowly!!!

spiffy1029 · February 2013

Your former husband should shut his mouth. No one deserves to talked to like that. Undoubtedly, it is one reason you eat for comfort. I'm sorry you have to put up with that nonsense (for lack of a more offensive term).

This site has been very helpful and encouraging to me personally in my own health-journey, and I hope it is just as useful or more so to you.

You can do this!

tnsons · February 2013

Hi Donna - You can do this - Just know that it will take time. This is the first time that I have decided that no matter what I am not giving up. Try and add a little something every week that will aid in your weight loss. Buy a pedometer they have some that come with computer programs and I think that has been my biggest help. Small changes and take your time - You ARE worth it - Good luck and add me if you would like

Caleen58 · February 2013

Hi! Thank you for replying. I know the feeling of no self worth. I would like to friend you, but don't know how! I will figure it out!
Donna

Caleen58 · February 2013

Thank you. So you know what it's like to have thyroid problems and how it makes weight loss even harder. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Donna

RyanDavila07 · February 2013

I am 5'3 and i use to weight 249 i am currently down to 241 and pretty happy about it even though its not much every pound loss is great progress! You can do it and dont give up!

autumndragon22 · February 2013

I added you to give my support.

stephaniemejia1671 · February 2013

Hi
Most of us have been where you are and have felt the same way. It's good that you posted your feelings if to just get them out, venting helps. I've been where you are, and back again. I simply decided "*kitten* it, I can't stand it" made a plan and started working out and making better food choices. It's tiring trying to be what OTHER people want you to be, look how THEY want you to look. It's easier when you do things for yourself because you are better able to control the results and everything just feels so much better when you start to see results after you worked so hard for them. I was on Weight Watchers and that opened my eyes to better eating and MFP taught me how to keep better track of it all. It won't be easy. Sounds like you need people who will support you through thick and thin and will motivate you to better yourself, and heck even join you in a workout or 2. Change your mind set to "I can and I will" and you will start seeing results sooner than later. Keep your chin up and look ahead to a better you both inside and out.

Caleen58 · February 2013

Thank you for replying. Yes, I do eat for comfort when my soon to be ex calls me fat. I already see this is a supportive site. Good luck.
Donna

Caleen58 · February 2013

Very sweet and supportive reply. Thank you so much. Gives me encouragement.
Donna

Caleen58 · February 2013

Thank you so much. It is very difficult when the person who you thought loved you turns on you so badly. I know I'm overweight, but when he calls me fat, I die a little inside. I appreciate your reply.
Donna

Caleen58 · February 2013

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words.
Donna

Missi3601 · February 2013

today is my first really day back in about 3 months. Working 2 jobs and going to school has kicked my butt- I'm ready to turn that around and would love to be a support to you through this journey! I added you!

daniellemm1 · February 2013

I'm fat and I hate it too. I vowed to get healthier and lose weight and have been slowly. I started Jan 7th and I'm down 16lbs. It is hard work but I don't want to be fat anymore so I know I have to stick to it. You can do this!!!