Sabotaged by microorganisms

Mitochondria is a myth.

Try CO2 supplements, I have heard of them.

JUice cleanse

Obviously . . . .

If I can't see 'em, then I don't believe in 'em! Stop your whining!

or maybe an enema. I hear those are lots of fun.
And you'll strengthen your quads from all the standing and sitting you'll be doing.

I'm sick with some kind of flu.
I've been running 10 miles a week for months, and I started lifting as well three weeks ago.
I can tell there's just no juice in my muscles; I can barely do unweighted squats.
Fourth day of uselessness. I'm full of this terrible nervous energy that wants to go kick *kitten* but I have no mitochondrial energy, or whatever, with which to kick said *kitten*.

WHAT DO I DO???

If you can't kick *kitten*, fondle *kitten*.

Broscience. Everyone knows that Mitochondrial energy doesn't fuel your workouts. Silly rabit....

Sleep. Chicken soup. Kick all the a$$es.

You are a weak man who has been defeated by the tiniest of creatures. They don't even lift.

This

You obviously need a ten day mastercleanse. It flushes all the microbes out of your body, along with the toxins.

poptart enema.

THIS!! Its my favorite

I'm sick with some kind of flu.
I've been running 10 miles a week for months, and I started lifting as well three weeks ago.
I can tell there's just no juice in my muscles; I can barely do unweighted squats.
Fourth day of uselessness. I'm full of this terrible nervous energy that wants to go kick *kitten* but I have no mitochondrial energy, or whatever, with which to kick said *kitten*.

WHAT DO I DO???

As a member of the healthcare industry, I can tell you that when we have a patient that leaves the hospital and they have had a nasty microorganism, all the surfaces need to be cleaned with special cleaners. I have a tub of dispatch wipes right here on my desk, and you should see how many microorganisms this shtuff kills. It kills 99.9% of bacteria, viruses, &fungi in the first minute. It can kill [C. diff in 5 minutes.

So, I'll tell you the secret. The active ingredient in these bad boys is bleach. So, here is my advice to you. By a gallon of bleach. Drink the first half and immediately turn around and give yourself the other half bottle per rectum (enema). That should take care of any pesky organisms (or life energy) you may have floating around in your body.

Would you like to pay your copay now, or should I bill you? Also, I need a copy of your insurance card.

Hand your penis in on the way out.

Seriously...you need to take actual rest time. Why continue half-cocked?

Agreed. Full c*ck or none.

I third this.

Heading out half cocked can put you in dangerously embarrassing situations.

Flu + Squats = Stinky Britches

OP, don't listen to these drastic suggestions. these people are not your friends. they just wanna watch.
Drink a boatload of coffee. I do it even day and I can do all kinds of stuff.
Up until fairly recently, caffeine was the only 'proven' performance enhancing drug, though it has always been pretty clear that steroids make stuff happen.