I just want to know I'm right

CherV96
CherV96 Posts: 28
in Motivation and Support
I want to kill my husband today. He KNOWS I am on a plan, he SAYS he supports me but sometimes gets confused about what to do to help and today I am drawing a line in the sand. I WILL continue this journey for me and no one else. Saturday we were out shopping, looking forward to eating as it was around lunch time, he picks Wendy's...I successfully negotiate the menu and ate salad with no croutons, 1 tbsp of dressing and unsweetened tea. Saturday night we have date night and we go out to eat...at the end of the day I had successfully negotiated the entire day ending up under my calorie goal. Yay me! Today he is out, calls home and says he's at Jack In The Box and do I want him to bring me anything? NO! I ate a salad for lunch at home after doing my workout. Now I just took out chicken to defrost for dinner. I say to him "What am I going to do with chicken?" He says " you haven't made fried chicken in a while"! REALLY?
How is this helping? I know this is me whining, but I just want someone (other than the voices is my head) to tell me I'm on the right track and doing this for the right reasons. Somedays I feel like its a death match over food in my house.
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Replies

  • Natadance11
    Natadance11 Posts: 35
    Have you specifically tried speaking with your husband about your food plans?
    Also maybe something that would help you two, is if you go on this plan together! And create a negotiable plan that works for the both of you.
    You can create a plan every Sunday for the week ahead :) Just a suggestion.
    Hope it helps!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Props for having an honest thread title.
  • bdburch
    bdburch Posts: 127
    To be fair and looking at it from both sides and without knowing a lot of information, you did eat out with him 2 days. Even though you were able to maintain your diet, is this something that he really would have noticed? I know that if I decide to get a salad at Wendys, my husband doesn't think about that anymore than if I had gotten the chicken sandwich and fries. Some people just show affection with food, which it sounds like he was doing with the Jack in the Box.

    You may just be being a little sensitive right now. After all, if he is not on a diet, he may want food that isn't healthy for him. When my husband wants fried chicken, often times I can get away with making a baked "fried" chicken. There are a lot of recipes online for that. Also, chicken is a meat that's not too difficult to cook. When my husband absolutely has to have FRIED chicken and I do not want it, I can cut some chicken off to the side and bake it. It really doesn't take too much extra time and you are both happy.
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
    Although killing your husband would probably be good cardio, you will regret the paperwork afterward. Don't do it.

    You're on the right track. You're doing it for the right reasons (I think, you didn't actually say). He probably just doesn't quite know what to do to help you. Others will have better advice on that part.

    But murder? Rarely a good plan.
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js8gi_GWUtw

    The beginning is just them joking around, relevant bit starts at 45 seconds.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    He picked Wendys? Why didn't you just say no? Why didn't you pick somewhere better?

    Don't ask. Just cook according to plan and let him know he can either eat it or learn to cook his own meals.
  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
    I want to kill my husband today. He KNOWS I am on a plan, he SAYS he supports me but sometimes gets confused about what to do to help and today I am drawing a line in the sand. I WILL continue this journey for me and no one else. Saturday we were out shopping, looking forward to eating as it was around lunch time, he picks Wendy's...I successfully negotiate the menu and ate salad with no croutons, 1 tbsp of dressing and unsweetened tea. Saturday night we have date night and we go out to eat...at the end of the day I had successfully negotiated the entire day ending up under my calorie goal. Yay me! Today he is out, calls home and says he's at Jack In The Box and do I want him to bring me anything? NO! I ate a salad for lunch at home after doing my workout. Now I just took out chicken to defrost for dinner. I say to him "What am I going to do with chicken?" He says " you haven't made fried chicken in a while"! REALLY?
    How is this helping? I know this is me whining, but I just want someone (other than the voices is my head) to tell me I'm on the right track and doing this for the right reasons. Somedays I feel like its a death match over food in my house.

    Make fried chicken, fit it in your cals, problem solved
  • BeccaBollons
    BeccaBollons Posts: 652 Member
    How frustrating for you :(
    I also think (like natadance) that writing out a weekly menu and plan will help, and if you pin it up somewhere it will be in hubbys mind. Its a bit more work for you (if you do all the food prep and cooking) but I do it and my sister does it and we both agree it takes the stress out of deciding what to cook, and you save money too (as there's no last minute lets-go-to-burger-king panics.
    All the best, you can do it.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Sounds like it is a battle. I dont think I would have gotten very far if the BF wasnt supportive. Why not try an oven baked fried chicken? I dont know where I saw it might of been on here but they were using cornflakes as the crust sounded really good.
  • logicman69
    logicman69 Posts: 1,034 Member
    Good job to sticking to your guns... A good swift kick in the nuts usually straightens us guys out.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    What Acg said, and also, if you do it, you might want to delete this thread.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Props on the thread title.


    I don't really have an issue with your rant since it's not like the usual ones. You're doing well in spite of being faced with "challenging" eating situations. Good for you. Your husband is probably not doing it on purpose to be mean. Keep on doing what you're doing and allow yourself a treat date night with him once in awhile - it'll keep the both of you happy and sane.


    As for the fried chicken - make him some fried and make your own the way you want it to fit into your day.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Look, let's be honest here. Generally speaking, although we want to support our wives, most men are clueless about something if they aren't personally invested in it.

    He's going to say dumb siht. You ate crap for a lot longer than you've been eating healthy, and that's an adjustment for him. He's going to suggest foods and quantities that you cannot fit in your calories for the day. He doesn't know what your calorie goals are. Hell, I have a hard time with my wife, and we're losing weight using approximately the same method - but I have more calories to play with because I workout harder, I'm taller, and I'm a guy.

    Hopefully he can learn a little about how you eat now, and over time he'll get a feel for what to suggest. In the meantime, you need to learn to say 'no', steer him in the right directions, and have a little patience.
  • kwilliams386
    kwilliams386 Posts: 156 Member
    The hell with him. He is a big boy, let him feed himself. Eat what you want and let him starve, maybe then he will agree with you more often on your food choices.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    What Acg said, and also, if you do it, you might want to delete this thread.

    Wouldn't help. No do-overs or takebacks on the internet.
  • GypsyPirate
    GypsyPirate Posts: 42 Member
    Guys are not that intuitive. You say he knows you are on a plan...but does he know that that means that you plan to eat healthier forever? You might want to talk it through with him. I agree that he was just trying to show some love with the Jack In The Box call and he may not realize that fried chicken isn't healthy. I mean, it IS chicken, right?
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
    Just because you want to change for the better (and its on your mind 24/7) doesnt mean that he should have to do a 180 with his eating habits as well.

    Good job navigating the fast food menus. In time, it wont be hard and it will be like second nature.

    As for being right, Im not helping you there. He isnt wrong and you arent wrong. Its life. You made a committment to each other for better or worse, its time to start compromising.

    Oh and baked "fried" chicken is just as good. Do some googling and figure it out.
  • Jacquiesteer
    Jacquiesteer Posts: 20
    He might be a Feeder!!! The world is rampant with Feeders... these are people who feed you so that you put on weight till you get so fat that you physically can't get out of bed and that way you become dependent on him and will never leave him...

    Just joking - that is extreme but less extreme feeders like big women because they lack self confidence and think that they couldn't keep you if you were slim and attractive to other men!

    I have a feeder... He's adorable! but difficult to diet with...
  • bdburch
    bdburch Posts: 127
    Have you specifically tried speaking with your husband about your food plans?
    Also maybe something that would help you two, is if you go on this plan together! And create a negotiable plan that works for the both of you.
    You can create a plan every Sunday for the week ahead :) Just a suggestion.
    Hope it helps!

    This is a fantastic suggestion. My husband and I plan out 2 weeks of food at a time. We always plan for at least 12 meals (14 if we know we have the budget for the meat). We always try to plan for at least 1 night out during those 2 weeks and plan for 2 "unhealthy" meals. I go grocery shopping with him and make him involved in everything. He's even started cooking for me at least 3 times a week now. It's brought us closer as a couple and we are both happy with the food in our home.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Props for having an honest thread title.

    Haha, this.

    Also, does your husband honestly know what foods are high in calories and which are not? You make him sound like he is personally attempting to sabotage you, but you may be surprised at how many people (and to what extent) are clueless to healthy eating and staying at a deficit.

    Sit him down one night and run him through the numbers--how many calories are in a pound of fat, your height, weight, your TDEE and your calorie goal. Then show him how easily Jack In The Box or fried chicken can derail you from meeting your goal.

    Tell him SPECIFICALLY (cuz let's face it,men are clueless!) what things you expect from him to be supportive, and how he can help you on your journey. He probably just has no idea how to help.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    I more or less understand your point, I think. But if he's eating at Jack In The Box, why does he care what you do with the chicken? Is going to eat twice? And if you didn't want his opinions on what to do with the chicken, why ask? Just cook the chicken like you want. If he wants to eat it fine, if not, he can eat something else.

    I find it best not to ask questions to which I don't really want an answer. This is why I usually just give my husband a few choices for dinner, none of which are things I don't want.
  • hiyomi
    hiyomi Posts: 906 Member
    I kind of have the same problem with my boyfriend, I tell him from time to time if we can make healthier choices on the weekends because its when we go out with friends and we always end up going to places like Denny's, Wingstop, Texas Roadhouse, and buffet places. During the week when I ask him, he says "yeah yeah sure, we can go to other places!" Then on the weekend all my friends want to go out to a pizza buffet or some other buffet and he is rarely a guy that says no to friends so we end up going. I don't really like saying anything either because it makes me sound like the ***** who is always a party pooper. I know I can make better choices at some of those places, but its annoying seeing everyone stuff themselves and pig out and knowing I can't. From time to time when they want to go eat somewhere very fatty I ask my boyfriend if we can go somewhere healthier and he usually says yes, but will be like "Oh let's go over here because *Name* doesn't want to go to a buffet" And then everyone is like "Awwww, I was really really really craving pizza buffet" And its just annoying >.< I feel bad asking but then I feel bad not asking as well. Its the worst! D:
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean he is. And I see the calling from Jack in the Box as being thoughtful. There are items on the menu that you can eat, right? You did it at Wendy's after all. All you have to do is say is no thanks if you don't want anything. Does he give you a hard time when you say no? Does he pout and whine and insist on stocking the house with trigger foods? I mean, there are definitely spouses out there who will purposely try to prevent their mate's weight loss due to their own insecurites, but what you've described doesn't seem to rise to that level.
  • kaa02c
    kaa02c Posts: 103 Member
    OK this is not a reason to be mad. Small things like this add up and cause people to have marital problems. Chill out. Make him fried chicken and bake a piece for yourself.
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
    Just because you want to change for the better (and its on your mind 24/7) doesnt mean that he should have to do a 180 with his eating habits as well.

    Good job navigating the fast food menus. In time, it wont be hard and it will be like second nature.

    As for being right, Im not helping you there. He isnt wrong and you arent wrong. Its life. You made a committment to each other for better or worse, its time to start compromising.

    Oh and baked "fried" chicken is just as good. Do some googling and figure it out.

    THIS! If you are truly making a lifestyle change, are you willing to NEVER have fried chicken again? I'm not. This is a lifestyle change for me. And guess what? Sometimes I eat "bad" foods and I don't care.
  • no_more_weighting
    no_more_weighting Posts: 57 Member
    LOL, love this post:
    Although killing your husband would probably be good cardio, you will regret the paperwork afterward. Don't do it.

    You're on the right track. You're doing it for the right reasons (I think, you didn't actually say). He probably just doesn't quite know what to do to help you. Others will have better advice on that part.

    But murder? Rarely a good plan.

    You ARE right (as far as I can see) - keep up doing the good work, I'm sure your husband will gradually understand how serious you really are about losing weight and changing your lifestyle. Just be patient. My husband has his moments once in a while too, last night bringing out the cookies while watching TV and then letting them sit in front of me for a good couple of hours. I found it rather amusing, actually, and did not touch a single one of them. Yey! :-)
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,903 Member
    You could always compromise a little and pound the chicken out a little, bread it in some bread crumbs and bake it. If he doesn't like it, he's welcome to go out and get his or own or make something himself.

    You can either get bent out of shape every time he doesn't take your dietary motivations into consideration when he makes an offer or accept that it's going to happen and move on.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    I'm sure there's less harmful fried chicken recipes out there. Unless you have a 1200 calorie diet, you can incorporate it without it being the only meal of your day.

    Finding the right recipe may just be the trick to a compromise for both of you.

    My husband offered to go out to eat the other day. I wasn't interested because I already ate my main meals and knew I'd go way over if we went out. So now we just need to plan where we're going and I can plan what I'll eat if I really want to stay within the guidelines.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I think sometimes our significant others are so satisfied with us how we are that they're in a hurry for us to forget this dieting nonsense so life can return to normal.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    The good news is that you're getting really good at saying "no". :happy:

    If you really don't want to eat that stuff and you feel you're making the best choice for you, then keep it up! I'd add that your husband isn't offering you foods you don't want to give you grief, though, so don't murder him.

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