Anyone have any really bad jokes?

2

Replies

  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    Why did the mouse cross the road?
    It was stapled to the chicken.

    Whats read and green and goes round and round?
    A frog in a blender.

    Rejected Dr. Suess Books-


    16. Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
    17. Horton Fakes an Orgasm

    GOLD! :laugh:
  • cls_333
    cls_333 Posts: 206 Member
    Why did the one-handed gorilla cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop on the other side. :blushing:
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
    Oscar Pistorious wanted a new bathroom door...

    but his missus was dead against it.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
    Polaroids.
  • zimmZimminny
    zimmZimminny Posts: 1 Member
    Where can you find a legless turtle?

    Where you left it.
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?



    Dr. Dre
  • BuffyEat2Live
    BuffyEat2Live Posts: 327 Member
    A man hires a prostitute to surprise his 70 year old father on his birthday.

    He answers the door and their is a beautiful young woman. She opens her coat, wearing little underneath, and says,

    "I'm here to give you super sex!!!"

    He said, "I'll take the soup."
  • themightywind
    themightywind Posts: 3 Member
    So there are these two muffins in an oven... The first muffin looks over at the other one, tugs his muffin liner a little, and says, "Man, it sure is hot in here..."
    The other muffin says, "AAAHHHHH!!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
    BUMPING FOR THE LOLZ.
  • JadeLovesGin
    JadeLovesGin Posts: 26
    "Wanna play the rape game?"
    "No"
    "That's the spirit!"

    I just laughed out loud in the office!!!
  • paintedlady77
    paintedlady77 Posts: 154 Member
    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

    Hellifino.
  • hiyomi
    hiyomi Posts: 906 Member
    loooooooooool too soon for this xD
  • mommamisty823
    mommamisty823 Posts: 99
    how do you make a Kleenex dance?

    put a little boogie in it
  • mommamisty823
    mommamisty823 Posts: 99
    what's the difference between split peas and pea soup?

    you can actually split peas, but you can't pee soup.
  • Keiras_Mom
    Keiras_Mom Posts: 844 Member
    What's Irish and stays out all night?
    Patio furniture



    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Panther
    Panther who?
    Panther no panth, I'm going thwimming!
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    The first joke my 5 year old thought up by by himself:

    What do you call a ship that sails through your body? A blood vessel :laugh:

    PM me for a rude one that I don't want to be banned for:blushing:

    Ha ha that's really good! Very smart 5 year old =)
  • Begood03
    Begood03 Posts: 1,259 Member
    A blond is walking along the bank of a river, when suddenly she sees another blond on the other side of the river.

    The first blond calls out to the second one "Can you tell me how to get to the other side of the river"?

    The second blond answers back "Duh, you ARE on the other side of the river"!
  • Bluerunbiker
    Bluerunbiker Posts: 30 Member
    Not so much a joke but pretty coooooooooooool


    I cnduo't bvleiee taht I culod aulaclty uesdtannrd waht I was rdnaieg. Unisg the icndeblire pweor of the hmuan mnid, aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Aaznmig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghhuot slelinpg was ipmorantt! See if yuor fdreins can raed tihs too.
  • cwanek726
    cwanek726 Posts: 98 Member
    What brand of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
    -Sanka

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
    -Poker face
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
    how do you make a Kleenex dance?

    put a little boogie in it

    I tell this one to my hubby often and he just rolls his eyes. Some people just don't appreciate good comedy.

    A monk took a vow of silence and was allowed to say two words every ten years. The first ten years, he approached the abbot and said, "food cold." The next ten years, he approached the abbot and said, "bed hard." The next ten years, he approached the abbot and said, "I quit." The abbot said, "Good thing too. He did nothing but complain the whole time."
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
    -Poker face

    Told this one to my MIL a while back, and she literally spit her food out from laughing so hard. It was hilarious to the rest of us because she doesn't know who Lady Gaga is....
  • Scott2ndGradeTeacher
    Scott2ndGradeTeacher Posts: 147 Member
    Our anniversary is coming up and I asked my where she wanted to go. She said "I want to go someplace I've never been before."

    I said "why don't you try the kitchen?"
  • shellma00
    shellma00 Posts: 1,684 Member
    What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?


    denim denim denim
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?


    denim denim denim

    Took me a moment to get it but then i loled :laugh: That joke is best when delivered orally
  • shellma00
    shellma00 Posts: 1,684 Member
    What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?


    denim denim denim

    Took me a moment to get it but then i loled :laugh: That joke is best when delivered orally

    Ya sorry.. its the only corny joke I can remember.. you have to read it fast and out loud. :drinker:
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    Two atoms walk into a bar.

    One says, "I've lost an electron."

    The other says, "Are you sure?"

    The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?


    denim denim denim

    Took me a moment to get it but then i loled :laugh: That joke is best when delivered orally

    lots of things are.
  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 942 Member
    Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

    Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "**** Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go ?"

    "Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who ?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie.

    She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!! She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes ! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

    And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

    So . . . . Here I am !
  • misskerouac
    misskerouac Posts: 2,242 Member
    A magician was driving down the road and then he turned into a driveway.




    it's a thinker :wink:
  • sarantonio
    sarantonio Posts: 880 Member
    A baby seal walked into a club....

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