Anyone have any really bad jokes?

loooooooooool too soon for this xD

what's the difference between split peas and pea soup?

you can actually split peas, but you can't pee soup.

Not so much a joke but pretty coooooooooooool


I cnduo't bvleiee taht I culod aulaclty uesdtannrd waht I was rdnaieg. Unisg the icndeblire pweor of the hmuan mnid, aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Aaznmig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghhuot slelinpg was ipmorantt! See if yuor fdreins can raed tihs too.

how do you make a Kleenex dance?

put a little boogie in it

I tell this one to my hubby often and he just rolls his eyes. Some people just don't appreciate good comedy.

A monk took a vow of silence and was allowed to say two words every ten years. The first ten years, he approached the abbot and said, "food cold." The next ten years, he approached the abbot and said, "bed hard." The next ten years, he approached the abbot and said, "I quit." The abbot said, "Good thing too. He did nothing but complain the whole time."

Our anniversary is coming up and I asked my where she wanted to go. She said "I want to go someplace I've never been before."

I said "why don't you try the kitchen?"

What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?


denim denim denim

Took me a moment to get it but then i loled :laugh: That joke is best when delivered orally

Two atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I've lost an electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "**** Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go ?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who ?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie.

She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!! She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes ! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So . . . . Here I am !

A baby seal walked into a club....