Is your significant other scared of your weight loss??

Losing weight and adapting to a healthy lifestyle requires a lot of change—change that your partner may not be ready for.
If you feel like your relationship may be under strain because of your weight-loss efforts, it's important to try to understand where your partner's or your feelings are coming from.

If your partner makes negative statements about you changing.- he/she is probably afraid of losing you. Try creating new rountines or rituals with your partner like a date night.... reassure them that you love them for who they are.If the behavior becomes overwhelmingly negative, do not be afraid to talk to your partner about how those comments make you feel.

If your partner makes you feel guilty it is probably beacuse your partner loves you and wants to spend time with you and feels leftt out when you spend time exercising or at the gym. It is also hard for people to accept change.

If your partner tries to sabotage you. He or she may be afraid that if you lose weight, you'll get more attention from the opposite sex and possibly leave the relationship for someone else....jealousy and fear can make peeople do wacky things
Remind your partner that you're still the same loving person you were before.

At the end of the day, your significant other should be one of the biggest and most supportive allies you have in getting healthy. However, you can't expect others to change over night. Getting healthy and losing weight is an incredibly personal journey, and it can't be started by telling someone what to do; it has to start with the person wanting to change. So be as nice and supportive to your partner as you'd like them to be to you.

Unfortunately it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Weight loss itself isn't necessarily the cause of a relationship breakup but the behavior generated by the fear of a breakup can. Jealousy, control, sabotaging, lack of support, constant negative comments are all relationship killers.

Fortunately, my hubby is very supportive and encouraging. I am blessed.

Scared of it? No, sounds like this has just brought to light his insecurities.

When you are hot as hell, proud of your body, wanting to wear clothes that make you feel amazing, he is going to be upset because he'll see it not as you celebrating yourself, but as you being different from him.

He might feel even less worthy in your presence, which could produce a situation where you're constantly trying to calm his insecurities to the point where you finally get fed up with them and leave (not because you're thinner, but because his insecurities are too suffocating for your new confidence).

If I had an SO who was not encouraging me to be the best me I could be, I would not have to think long and hard about whether I wanted that in my life. I hope things work out for you.

I don't think he's scared of my weight loss. We're doing this together - we both had a little over 100lbs each to lose and in the last 3 1/2 months have both lost a little over 40lbs each so far. If anything this has brought us closer together.

I don't think she is "scared" of my weight loss, but she has brought up some concerns.

1.) She says she has never been the jealous type, but that as I'm losing weight she feels jealousy creeping in that I'll be more wont to run around, and women will be more attracted to me.
a. What she doesn't realize is that at least in my case (and I wouldn't be surprised if it is more common than one would think), the better shape I get in, the less I'm prone to look for some kind of re-inforcement that I've got "it". I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm not the cheating type. However, I've noticed that when I get really out of shape (have been bouncing for years), but when I'm back in "good shape", I find myself to be much more content as a whole with how my life is. When I'm the shape of a bowling ball, I do tend to find myself wandering to suggestive sites on the internet, etc.

2.) She has expressed concerns that I may take the whole weight loss thing to far and try to turn into a "thin guy", in other words "no muscle, just skin and bones". Well, two things, I don't know if I could ever get to that point, since I have a pretty big frame in general. 2, No way in hell I'd want that. I'm too much of a stereotype I guess, in that I like the broad upper body and arms I'm not ashamed to wear a tank top with in the summer.

3.) Finally, I think she is using it as a motivation for herself right now. We decided to start losing weight at about the same time. For whatever reason (and its no biggie to me, she's a hottie whether she is 10 lbs or a 1000 lbs to me), she really struggled getting started. She has never been into sports, so maybe that had something to do with it as she tends to get frustrated quickly and then just drop it as a whole. I'm not gonna be the guy to keep harping on her, its not my role. Anyway, all of a sudden, about 3-4 weeks ago I'd guess, she really started getting motivated. She's been doing one of the Jillian DVD's, and hitting the gym. Not only that, but she's really trying to be careful about what she eats, which in turn is making it much easier on me.

So, while at first I think it scared her, and while I still think she has concerns with the whole jealousy thing she has going, I think she has finally turned the corner. Hopefully next year at this time, we'll both be scared of each other's gaining the weight back, and in that way keep each other living in a healthy and outgoing lifestyle

This is probably TMI...I'm not sure my DH is purposely sabotaging me but he is not supportive. It's like my choosing to take care of myself and try to live a healthier life is some how inconvenient for him. It's inconvenient that I want to go exercise when he gets home from work even though he just sits there and does nothing really from the time he goes to bed. I will invite him to come with me for a walk or just take a ball or frisbee to the park and he never wants to. He wont do anything physical, like he drives to the corner store less than 2 blocks away. I'm the one who has to take care of the kids, make supper, clean up and spend time with him and he doesn't make "me time" easy to obtain. He will invite people over for drinks and I will feel socially obligated to drink with them. He will be like "just have some fun once in awhile!" and make me feel bad. He will ask me to make something for dinner, or bake cupcakes or cookies that are not healthy and then be like, "Oh I guess we cant have anything good because of your diet thing." Even though I never once said he had to eat the same thing I am, and I am NOT on a diet at all. I'm just making better choices for me and my kids. He thinks a healthy diet and exercise doesn't apply to him because he is naturally thin. When I say we need to allow more money for food so I can have enough veggies, protein to keep on track (and I coupon for essentials and look for the best deals every week, and rarely spend any money on myself) he gets mad and tells me to go get a graveyard job because he is not giving up his beer, coffee, smokes, scratch and wins, snack foods, mcd's.. whatever to accommodate me and my "frivolous" healthy lifestyle plans. I ask him to help me set up the xbox kinect so I can play your shape, or if he can show me how to work the dvd player so I can do a video work out which he has made all our entertainment electronics programmed somehow that is so mickey mouse and he never has time, it's a big inconvenience because he has other things running or he gets mad at me "it's easy!". or "what for? exercise again?" It's frustrating.

I don't know if he would dump me if I was thin, but I do know he is more attracted to bigger women. I'm not sure if it's a physical attraction or if he feels perhaps they are easier because they might have less self esteem. Or maybe he has low self esteem and he thinks if I am smaller and more attractive I won't be interested in him anymore. We already have so little in common the only things we do together are eat and watch tv and if I am not doing that as much...ya know? Honestly I can say my intention is not to leave him when I loose the weight, I like having my family and I just want to feel better and be more comfortable in my own skin. He's always on my case about "having more fun" but when I feel fat, tired, and blah it's the last thing I want to do. But if he's going to be a jerk because of it he can kiss my future buns of steel.

Quite the opposite for me....I'm scared of him leaving if I lose weight. Being a girl, a lot of the weight I lose tends to come off of my chest, and I don't have a ton there to begin with. I'm really really scared that losing a moderately significant amount of weight will make me much less attractive in his eyes. I know that's probably just my own insecurities, but it bothers me. :P

Hey Chelsea...:) yes this is a possibility...my husband can be the worst at times...he loves to eat, cook and create food...although he does not gain like I do:)..I think you have to ask yourself the real reasons you wish to loose weight and if they are geared around health and confidence then you need to look at why anyone would distract from the best healthy confident you. My suggestion is that if you are looking to motivate some health back into the relationship is to tweak some of the outings you do and try new stuff which is more active. Hope maybe this is useful...but I think you should ignore whatever is said to you and do what is best for your health. whether you end up married or not you still need to be the healthiest you can be...especially if you wish to be a mom and active in your later years. You are not talking diet...you are talking a lifestyle change...best wishes!

Hey just read your thread...please stay on track ...you seem like a lovely girl...sorry you contend with so much as a young mother....I think you need to look at some of these things as warning signs of control..all I want to say is that you need to stay healthy minded and bodied for your children/ child 1st...and I might recommend that you stash a small $ amount away regardless what he gives you how he gives you and don't ever touch it...5$-10$ a week adds up quick. they cal that the great grandma coffee can funds:)...anyways stay on track and stay positive.

Thank you to all who have posted and replied back to me! You all have been very helpful! I did end up just speaking with him directly asking him to tell me why he was so fearful of my weight loss (this was like pulling teeth). He now understands that I am losing for personal reasons, not to start over with my life, but to extend it. He is now on board with the weight loss, and he has even committed himself to start with eating healthy dinners with me, and trying a few new veggies, (he typically hates all veggies, expect potatoes). I think we are now at a good place. He then told me if you really start losing a bunch of weight i'm going to have to hop on the band wagon, and not get left behind. My focus right now is of course me...but also changing things he eats..(and I may not even tell him different food substitutions till after he says he likes it). You all were amazing and gave amazing advice when I went to address some of these issues with him!!

-Chelsea :-)

Chelsea: That is AWESOME!!! Like many "issues" in relationships, sounds like maybe it was just a problem with lack of communication, or maybe in presentation or lack thereof.....on BOTH sides of the fence. I have found over the years that even when we do things for the right reasons, if we don't present them to our significant others in a way that is non-threatening, or non-judgmental or that doesn't make it sound like we are trying to change THEM, that they (being in a personal relationship with us) often-times feel that we are trying to change the "we" and not just the "me".

Here's to hoping that he climbs on board for the ride........ and for the weight loss and lifestyle change as well! bwahahahaha

Oh dear, that's sickly sweet. I have actually heard of many cases where one half of the couple loses a significant amount of weight and then the two split. It's always sad. But if it's by no means your intention, just reassure him! As others have said, communication is key. Maybe make sure you haven't stopped being an affectionate lover? Get cuddly with him and make him feel like you'd never leave him regularly! Though if you really are concerned for his health, learn to cook, and start cooking dinner like 5 times a week. Get some vegetables, hummus--yummystuff in him, because he doesn't seem too healthy.

The only time a s/o ever wanted to stop me from losing weight was when I had an eating disorder and they were just scared of me losing my life and personality. So yeah that one's understandable.

...... He has said he's scared of losing me, but he was recently prowling around looking for other women and talking to them.

....Of course I don't know your particular situation, but for what its worth..... a lot of guys do this and don't think there is any harm in it at all. Its just an 'excitement' thing, kind of a "reassurance they can still flirt, get women in general excited, whatever"..... not saying its right, I think its just that the two sexes view it differently. Don't assume that he is wanting to cheat, or that he's looking to cheat. Now, I know that "cheating" is also a subjective term between the sexes. However, if you talk to him about why he does it, there is a chance that he was simply doing something that he didn't view as a threat in any way to the relationship.

Communication solves most issues like these. I hope that is all that it is (yes, I was doing the same thing at one point, but it had nothing at all to do with me 'looking' or wanting to 'find a playmate' kinda thing.....just clicked on an internet add one night and found myself in a heap of trouble. We can be insensitive jerks and pigs, but a lot of times we absolutely are not seeing it the way you women see it.

Just my slime-ball, piggy two cents' worth

Great comments...my wife has been very supportive, and it may be that she's always been in great shape herself - even after 5 kids.
I would hate it if she were to feel that my fitness goals meant she suddenly has competition.
OUCH :noway: