Venting

Ascolti_la_musica · March 2013

This is just a vent/rant, because I know I can't make another person change. He has to want it himself.

I am pretty sure my husband is going to die soon. For five years, he has had " a stuffy nose." I wake him up when he is choking to breathe, but it's getting a lot worse the last few months. He says he has slept better the last few months than he has in a really long time.

His mother sleeps with a mask and hose on her face. He's convinced that if he was really having trouble breathing, he would wake up.

His family has been on both our backs for years about our weight. They brought it up every single time they saw us until he finally told them they needed to stop talking about his/our weight, or we were going to stop coming down to visit. My husband and I would both rather die fat and happy than thin, hungry and miserable. So far, I have enjoyed the changes I am making. Losing weight has to be HIS choice.

I can make him healthy meals, and occasionally convince him to see what he is eating by logging it into MFP. I pack his lunch, and he has healthy breakfast options available. If I don't buy him junk food with the groceries, he just gets it from the gas station, which ends up costing us more. So we have junk food in the house, and he plows right through it.

He does exercise five times a week, but the videos he is willing to do are meant for people who are either geriatric or so fat they can't get out of a chair. He walks about 1-2 miles per hour, and can only go 3/4 mile or less before giving up because his "ankles hurt." I've shown him exercises to strengthen his ankles that he can do at his desk, but he doesn't do them.

My own progress has been slow. I only lost 0.1 kg this week, despite working really hard. I deviated a little from my diet to have three of my husband's Girl Scout cookies and a Snickers egg that I had been craving. So much for the "everything in moderation" idea. I carefully budgeted them into my calories for the day, and exercised as hard as I could just in case.

I'm really depressed this morning. I didn't lose nearly enough for all the work I put in, and my reason for living doesn't care that he is dying. We both think that dying in your sleep is a good way to go. Better than a painful heart attack or something, right? I just don't want to lose him at 30. I'm 32, but we share a birthday, and I wouldn't want to see another one without him.

I guess the whole point of this thread is to hear how others push through such depressing mornings. How do you keep yourself on track when it feels like just giving in to a slow death by chocolate would be so much more satisfying?

*Edit: grammar.

Lupercalia · March 2013

I put a more detailed reply on your page, but the way I get through the tough mornings depends. Sometimes I just let myself have a break...do whatever I want to do that day. Curling up on the sofa with a book, going to see friends, going out to a movie, whatever. Other days I find it best to mind my food choices and make sure I get a workout in, as working out always lifts my mood and makes me feel good about myself.

I hope you feel better as the day goes on....please feel free to write me if you want

christiandjoel · March 2013

First off, a loss is a loss is a loss!! You should be proud of yourself for every small loss....they all add up. Don't beat yourself up over cheating & indulging every now again. You're doing yourself a disservice by feeling guilty about it.

As for your husband, I would put my foot down and tell him how things ARE gonna be. I wouldnt buy any garbage fr the house & if he can't refrain from buying it at the gas station, I wouldn't give him any money. It all boils down to your husband ""wanting" to do it. If he were my husband, id go as far as pick out his headstone for his grave together, cuz that's where he's goin. But, *you* want it, so id focus that. Husbands tend to follow by example, too. Peoples actions are contagous....just gotta make sure that YOU are infuencing them & not the other way around.

I cook healthier choices for sweets....your welcome to friend me. Let me know if you'd like a recipe.

BeccaBollons · March 2013

Sounds like your hubby has sleep apnoea. (Like his mother)
It is extremely hard on you both. It contributed to my dads horrible behaviour (and thus parents divorce) but since getting it sorted his life is a lot better. Neither of you are going to get enough sleep unless he sees a doctor. Its not just being overweight that causes it, though it is probably not helping.
Getting through a morning when you're feeling low?
Well I had a horrible morning so far! And now I have decided to chill out. I'm watching shrek with my little boy, while reading success stories on mfp on my phone. I feel much better now than I did an hour ago.
Feel better soon, we all have bad days/weeks/months. You're doing well, keep it up

cielbee · March 2013

Your husband should get a sleep study done asap. Sleep apnea, in addition, to making you tired all time, elevates your blood pressure and makes it hard to focus. If treated, he may just feel better enough to care more about his choices.

Ascolti_la_musica · March 2013

Thanks for the replies. He "researched" (lol) sleep apnea on his cell phone this morning, and is convinced he's just fine. :grumble:

I have picked myself up, done my morning exercise and planned a run for tonight. I'd really love to have him around for a few more years at least, but I can't make his choices for him, and I won't burden him with guilt or accusations for however long he has left. All I can do is try to be a positive influence in his life, and support him regardless of his choices.

Venting

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