Blowing it at home...

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fantasticj5
fantasticj5 Posts: 6
in Introduce Yourself
I have recently started this MFP w/ in the last week. I have not become consistent with my food entries and my excercise not happening. I do great at work.. I eat well track everything... on my way home and when I get home I binge horribly! I do not understand what overcomes me. I know I am depressed but this only makes me worse. I have 3 children and I have been married for 13 years with many rocky times. I feel like I can't take care of me because I have to spend all my time taking care of them... ecspecially the husband... I am always so concerned about how he feels and if I am giving him enough attention... its so exhausting! If you have any suggestion please let me know... My will power is no where to be found... I am tired ALL the time.

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  • CreativeRedhead
    CreativeRedhead Posts: 2,166
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    Well I feel qualified to speak up. I'm a mother of 4 beautiful kiddies all under the age of 10! And I'm going on my 11th yr of marriage. This was my biggest struggle....always putting everyone ahead of myself. So for the past decade I would say I've let myself go horribly. I think the best thing you can do and what you need to do is let it go! Make the decision to do everything for you, you can still be a great mom and wife, better even when you've taken care of yourself. Make the time to workout even if it means less movie watching or less game playing with the babies! I've had to learn to say no hahaha. It's not going to be easy but it's definitely possible. I think if you just let your husband know what you want, he'll jump on board with the idea. He's a grown man and he'll manage perfectly without you! Lol let him fend for himself a bit more like I do mine. :wink: I feel better now than I have in many many years. I have loads of energy so I can actually keep up with the children now instead of feeling worn out. Trust me, just move yourself to the top of the priority list and let go of some of those mothering instincts. I know you can succeed at this, it definitely sounds like you want it!!:flowerforyou:
  • lutzsher
    lutzsher Posts: 1,153 Member
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    Unfortunately you are like a lot of wives and mothers . . . you are not taking the time to take care of yourself first. Do you realize that you are teaching this to your kids by example? They will grow up stressed and unhappy unless they can see their mother taking the time to be good to herself. They will learn by following your example and turn out just like you.
    Something finally clicked with me a few years ago, mind you my kids were all about "moving out" age by then so it certainly took me a while to figure it out myself!
    You cannot give all of yourself to everyone else or you will always have that "depressed" feeling at home, stressed out and turning to emotional eating for a "quick feel good fix". I did this for years too, it is more common that you think.
    Although it is difficult at first you have to take time every day to exercise (that is the BEST cure for depression) and do something for yourself. Your family may resent your "mommy time" at first but once they get used to it and see how much it affects your happiness they will come around. My family completely supports my daily exercise time, weekend lunch prep time, and the 2 hours I spend on Sunday nights doing my manicure. This is MY time and they know that I will not accept being disturbed or do anything for anyone but me during these times.
    It has made a much happier Mommy . . . and as every man knows . . . happy wife, happy life!

    Do this TODAY for you because you are worth it!

    Good luck to you!
  • Samantharose8akaDebbie
    Samantharose8akaDebbie Posts: 407 Member
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    Hello, been there done that! You need to find a way to incorporate "ME" time.........You won't be any good to your family if you don't take care of yourself FIRST. I know that it is kind of instilled in us to "take care" of everyone. Start with "YOU". It sometimes takes me 45 min to an hour to fix dinner (this is so everyone is happy - me too!) Good luck to you!
  • Slipperystar
    Slipperystar Posts: 16 Member
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    Hi There

    Have you chosen a diet plan? Some do low fat, some low carb, and some a combo. I like low carb, because I get to eat all kinds of great whole foods, lots of veg and good real meats, and it is a great way to suppress appetite as well.

    Make sure that when you go home you have allowable things ready to snack on, like celery, maybe some tomatoes, or if you are doing low carb you can quickly scramble a couple eggs to stave off hunger. Also try and get busy doing other things, instead of binging or snacking, go for for a walk, watch a movie, do some yoga, play the piano...whatever.

    Finally, rate in your own terms your own hungry meter. 10 being absolutely so starving you are going to faint and 1 being so full you are going to faint :sick: Get used to finding if you are really hungry or not, and only eat when you are at least a 7 or 8, but never eat up to a 1 (I think you get the idea). Try to stay a little bit hungry, food will always be available, I have discovered! I had a hard time differentiating between the hunger in my head and in my stomach. when your head is trying to convince you that you are hungry, check it out with your stomach to confirm. If your stomach cannot corroborate on that, then it must be something else.

    Anyway, first off set your goals and choose a plan that is going to work for you.

    Hope this helps.....
  • skerjenn
    skerjenn Posts: 7
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    It sounds like you're in overdraft! You give sooo much, and then don't (or feel you don't deserve to?) replenish the "account". It is absolutely acceptable for you to take care of yourself! It may help for you to think that in taking good care of yourself, you're giving the ultimate gift to your family - your health, your happiness, and your love. When you consistently run on empty (and less than empty), you're no good to them, nor to yourself. You're going through the motions, but have nothing left to give. This leads to resentment and depression; a feeling of hopelessness. Food is a comfort, but it's also a way of literally "stuffing" your emotions.

    Take care of yourself as you would take care of your children and your husband - you're part of that family, too, and you're no less important; you have needs, too. You don't have to be anyone but exactly who you are, and who you are is incredibly special, and deserves to be loved. Self love is inspiring - inspire your family! Take the time that you need, however much that is, to be good to yourself.

    To start, you might make a list of your simple pleasures (i.e. smells, sounds, sensations, objects, places etc.) and keep it in your purse. You can pull it out whenever you need - as a reminder of the things that are special to you, as well a list of ideas that you can go to instead of the fridge, when you feel really low. One of mine, is an open window - nothing complicated or hard to get to, but it helps almost immediately for me.

    You need to nurture yourself, and eating really well is one of the ways that you can do that, but you also need to pay attention to the part of you that needs her emotional needs met, the part of you that just wants to eat, and eat, and eat. Figure out a kinder way of taking care of her - she deserves it!!!!
  • fantasticj5
    fantasticj5 Posts: 6
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    I loved all the advice I have gotten! thanks so much for your support and suggestions. I will definately have to find the emotional issues and resolve them with something other than food! The list of simple pleasures is a great idea. Thanks again :flowerforyou:

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