parents of teenagers - i need you! (not weight related)

I'm not a parent either. but can understand teens pretty well:
Also: I am a former cutter. Don't judge the girl based on her cutting history, it's not something you should meddle in. I'm a perfectly nice, respectful woman, so just because she's a cutter doesn't make her some emo freak. (I'm editing again to say if you notice your SON starts to cut, you need to be more involved and possibly get her help. If nothing else, get him help)

It's understandable to be concerned as a parent about your teen getting involved with things too fast. 14 IS young(But not outrageous), but here's my best advice : Equip him with the tools he needs, and let him make his choice.
Kids post pictures of them kissing on facebook all the time, and if it's not too raunchy, it's okay. If it looks as though they're eating each other's faces, you should warn him not to post that type of material as future employers will see it. I do agree it's pointless and more of a "look at us, we're soo cute" thing for most teens. That's something you should be sure to keep private.I'd say set your foot down on the picture thing if you're really upset by it.


Now, as for the actual relationship: I think you should let it be. They're 14. They'll probably break up in a week, honestly. I don't think she's "too advanced" for your son (I know EVERY parent feels this way about their child's first boyfriend/girlfriend, so take a breath). I'm sure he would rebel if you tried to be too strict. Kids don't want to be bossed around, just as you don't want to be. So, instead of demanding this relationship end, try talking to your son about your concerns. (this means.. THAT dreaded talk..)
And tell him you are there to answer his questions and need him to be open with you about where the relationship is headed if he is to continue. Try not to force your opinions on him. Explain the dangers that come of unprotected activity, (emotionally and physically) and have him really understand what's going on in your head.


As for what you said about the girl and the possible shock value ; I don't think so. Cutters don't like bragging about it, if they're serious. You should actually be glad she's telling your son up front, because this kind of thing kept secret could damage a relationship more than it being out in the open. Don't judge a book by it's cover.



Anyway, I hope you take this advice. In this day and age, it's nearly impossible to stop your child from doing what they want. Really, it was no different a long time ago either. If you forbid them to be together, they will probably continue seeing each other in secret, which could be dangerous and have even worse consequences than allowing them to be together. (like meeting in a dark alley because it's the only place they can see each other :noway: )

Prepare him for what might come, have him know how to react, do not overly invade his privacy, and do not remove yourself completely.



Edited to say that very few teenagers are ever in "real" relationships or end up being "really" in love. Let it run it's course. He is growing up, and although people never want to see their children make mistakes or get hurt, it's actually better for them. In the end, he'll thank you for allowing him to branch out and grow as an individual.
Best of luck!

disclaimer: I'm not a parent of a teenager but I'm close enough to my teenage years to offer advice from the other side

-kissing pictures are normal. I hate them too and didn't post them often.. but they're totally normal.
-don't tell him you don't like his gf. It'll probably just irritate him and if she's really not right for him he'll see and let her go on his own
-you can't prevent anything from happening between them. You're much better off telling him to use protection than to not have sex.
-as long as it's not dangerous... there are going to be bad influences, and he'll be fine!

again, I'm not a parent... but this is how my parents were. I know they couldn't have always been thrilled with the guys I brought home (college guys when I was in high school?! I would have flipped if I were them) but they were ALWAYS supportive. And that's the most important thing.

I also agree with this. I think you're so much more better off listening to this kind of advice instead of the advice from the 40-50 year olds. They don't understand how to work a teenager properly, and how to get them to do what you want (or at least compromise). The point is, kids will be kids. Children fall down and scrape their knees, but they survive in the end.

I have raised 2 teenagers (1 boy, 1 girl) and am currently raising a 14 year old girl. I know the fear you feel.

The best advice I can give is to keep the lines of communication open with your son. That doesn't mean you have to agree with his choices, but he needs to know that you trust him and believe in him. My son met his girlfriend (now his wife of 2 years--they married at 20, no kids, they're in love) when he was 16. She was a nice girl, but I was still uncomfortable with it. I tried to make sure he knew I trusted him to be smart about things and that he could come to me with any questions, and Lord help me, he took this to heart. He asked a LOT of them. Made me squirm a bit, for sure. lol

One thing I did was to build a relationship with the girl on my own. I got to know her, gave her the same respect I gave my son and she actually sought out my advice more than a few times and even followed it. And I have to say, I love her like a daughter. She adores my son, so what more could I ask?

My current 14 year old has a boyfriend. We have strict rules about posting pics online and she knows this. I don't allow boyfriend pics online. We've had her boyfriend over several times. He's a nice kid. She cannot date, but she can have him over as long as we're home. And I always am.

I'd definitely keep a close eye on the relationship. I'm not a hands-off parent. I have followed my kids when I thought they were getting into trouble and I won't apologize. My grown son has thanked me for it. Knowing I was looking over his shoulder made him think twice about doing a couple of iffy things. But knowing we put our faith in his good decisions when we weren't watching is what I believe really what made him think twice. He didn't want to let his father and me down.

As for the cutting, I was a self destructive teen. Had some horrible habits. I met my husband when I was 15. His mother welcomed me into her home--even made me lunch every day when I was in high school. I loved her and it became very important to me not to disappoint her. Married my guy when I was 18 (he was 19--again, no kids then, just in love). This June it will be 24 years. We have a great marriage. He's my best friend and I'm his. Try not to judge her too harshly. 14 is a tough age. I would call it my worst age. She may turn out to be a great kid.
Best to you from a mom who understands

I'm not a parent, but as long as you have a good relationship with your son you shouldn't worry about what things he might do. By good relationship I mean him being able to talk to you, having trust, and share some sort of common ground. Prior to my first relationship and being sexually active my dad had a talk with me about sex, respecting women, and also the consequences of not being responsible. I ended up doing a lot of ****, but I always was conscience of my choices. The one thing my dad appreciates about me the most now is my honesty and I feel I have him to thank.

Hope it all works out.

I have two teenagers. My daughter was 14 when she had her first bf. I was very nervous about it. I talked to her about how it can make the girl look trashy kissing and cuddling in public. Instead of saying no you can't do that I just tried to get her to be sensible about it and to have respect for her self and to not lower herself for any boy. Maybe you could explain to your son about respecting the girl by not putting the photos on fb because it can give her a bad reputation. The most important thing is do not let your son know how you feel about the gf. He is not likely to marry her. It is not for ever. He will only hate you for it and rebel. sometimes we have to turn a blind eye whether we like it or not. Telling them they can't do something usually makes them do it even more.

This is the best advice I read. I have a 21 yr old boy and 13 yr old girl.

my kids are not allowed to have relationships or date until they are 16. This would not be happening in my house. Thankfully oldest just turned 16 and no problems so far.

You call this advice? You felt the need to comment saying that this isn't happening to you so you don't know how to handle it?
And you might not realize how easy it is to hide relationships.

We had a similair situation with my teenage stepson a year ago. A young "lady" was messaging him obscene texts constantly. We had "the talk" Explained under no circumstances did we think he was mature enough to deal with the consequences of sexual activity ie babies, diseases, etc. That contraception isn't effective 100% of the time. Showed him proof (statistics, medical photos, etc) to back it up, and when the "sexting" continued we took away means of communication. The severing of communication ultimately severed that relationship and he has grown up a lot. GL to you. That ****s scary