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Looking for the right cleanse. Can anyone help me?

WinnerVictorious
WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
edited January 16 in Chit-Chat
here's my problem: my wallet is simply too fat. i need to make it thinner. so i'm looking for a detox or a cleanse that will do that for me. the more of these toxic dollars i can get rid of, the better. the faster, the better. i feel this is a good way to jump start my journey to poverty.

any suggestions?

ps - no haters.
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Replies

  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    I will take your money, i have just the thing


    send it to

    111 cranky lane
    Cranksville, NJ USA
  • tiffanyheth
    tiffanyheth Posts: 510 Member
    You need to develop a relationship with a much younger, very attractive woman who needs the money. Become her sole source of income, frivolously indulging her every whim, while she indulges all of your desires!

    Can you say Sugar Daddy?
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    You could get married. Or date me. I have been known to have the 'wallet-cleansing' effect you are looking for.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    I will take your money, i have just the thing


    send it to

    111 cranky lane
    Cranksville, NJ USA

    nice try, but that's not a real address. real addresses have zip codes.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    You could get married. Or date me. I have been known to have the 'wallet-cleansing' effect you are looking for.

    that sounds like hard work. isn't there something that will magically make all of these toxic dollars disappear? i need a solution now. i'm impatient.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    You need to come in for a walletectomy. I can cure you immediately.
  • groversa
    groversa Posts: 450 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    You need to come in for a walletectomy. I can cure you immediately.

    are you one of those IRS "coaches" i keep hearing about lurking on here?
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)

    I sometimes feel guilty for not reading all the responses, but not reading the original post at all??
  • Dark_Roast
    Dark_Roast Posts: 17,689 Member
    Get married. Have kids. Get divorced. Pay child support and alimony. BAM! Poverty!

    Although I will admit that this isn't the fastest way to detox your wallet.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)
    LOLOL. I don't even know what to say here.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)

    sarcasmdetector5jx.png
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)

    I sometimes feel guilty for not reading all the responses, but not reading the original post at all??

    ^this

    Speed post-replying at a whole new level.

    Still, at $11, it may still help OP with his problem.
  • ihad
    ihad Posts: 7,463 Member
    I sometimes recommend the twinkie cleanse to those looking or a miracle cure. You eat nothing but twinkies for a month. All you want. You gain weight the first few days, but after a week you're so sick of them the weight just melts off. In order to maintain proper nutritional balance, you drink nothing but Guiness, which has been scientifically proven to have all the nutrients you need to survive.


    Disclaimer: This diet has not been evaluated by the FDA or Dr. Oz. Actual results may vary. Non-peer reviewed studies suggest Twinkies may contain toxins causing immediate death. Dear God do not actually try this, I beg you. Offer not valid in California or the Maldives.
  • Cognito1025
    Cognito1025 Posts: 323 Member
    here's my problem: my wallet is simply too fat. i need to make it thinner. so i'm looking for a detox or a cleanse that will do that for me. the more of these toxic dollars i can get rid of, the better. the faster, the better. i feel this is a good way to jump start my journey to poverty.

    any suggestions?

    ps - no haters.

    Cocaine addiction.
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
    Try the 'ho cleanse. It involves degenerate women doing degenerate things to you for large sums of money. Quite pleasurable, if somewhat hard on the conscience.
  • groversa
    groversa Posts: 450 Member
    Okaay. MY bad, I skimmed and mixed up some words, lol. I admit that I look pretty stupid after reading the post again. Sorrry!
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
    My rates are $100 an hour.

    The are no side effects...for your wallet anyway.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    Okaay. MY bad, I skimmed and mixed up some words, lol. I admit that I look pretty stupid after reading the post again. Sorrry!
    Just click "edit" to edit the post.:)
  • valerieottaviano
    valerieottaviano Posts: 50 Member
    Go to Experience Life magazines website. They have a wonderful history section & they do healthy cleanse suggestions, almost every January they have some article that's smart & won't kill you !!! Good luck
  • valerieottaviano
    valerieottaviano Posts: 50 Member
    Go to Experience Life magazines website. They have a wonderful history section & they do healthy cleanse suggestions, almost every January they have some article that's smart & won't kill you !!! Good luck
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    I do a cleanse about once a month, by accident.
    This usually involves a night of binge drinking, followed by stopping at the Taco Bell drive thru when the bar closes down.
    On good nights, I'll have it coming out of both ends. I like to call that a "super cleanse".
    Good luck.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)

    Evidence that cleanses are for suckers.
  • JulesAtkinson1
    JulesAtkinson1 Posts: 219 Member
    1 strip club (preferably the one down by the railroad tracks where all the GOOD strippers dance).
    1L Gentleman Jack
    1L Absolut Private Collection
    1 particularly fancy dancer with a Versace and heroin addiction and 5 kids
    1 Good friend to set you up with above fancy dancer
    Blend all together for around 12 hours
    Pour yourselves immediately into limo
    Drive for 15 minutes to 24 hour wedding chapel

    That ought to do it, but if there is any "cleansing" still to be done:

    1 divorce lawyer
    1 private investigator
    1 intervention counselor

    Use all together, or add one at a time for an even more intense cleanse.

    If cleansing has still not taken full effect:

    1 defense attorney
    2 paid off witnesses
    1 trip to South America via smuggler's fishing boat.

    Enjoy!!
  • barkin43
    barkin43 Posts: 508 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)

    I sometimes feel guilty for not reading all the responses, but not reading the original post at all??

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :noway: :huh:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I don't know if this is the type of cleanse you mean, but every once in a while I take the 14 day acai berry cleanse. I am taking it now actually! But you need to wait a couple months in between. I don't take it to shed pounds, though it does knock of a couple (but I also eat in my calorie goal and exercise every day) but it keeps me from feeling bloated and it makes me feel healthy. I only take 3 pills a day rather than four though. I think it is only like 11 bucks, so cheap!

    -its not a magic pill, obviously. I just do it because it makes me feel more healthy every once in a while :)

    sarcasmdetector5jx.png

    Mega Man picture = Instant Win.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    I guess you gave up on the poptart cleanse? :tongue:

    nevermind... didn't register on the brain when i was reading. Poptarts don't do too much for fat wallets. Unless you buy crates of them.
  • krislyn84
    krislyn84 Posts: 337 Member
    Now accepting applications for Sugar Daddies.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    I guess you gave up on the poptart cleanse? :tongue:

    nevermind... didn't register on the brain when i was reading. Poptarts don't do too much for fat wallets. Unless you buy crates of them.

    Challenge accepted.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I guess you gave up on the poptart cleanse? :tongue:

    nevermind... didn't register on the brain when i was reading. Poptarts don't do too much for fat wallets. Unless you buy crates of them.

    Challenge accepted.

    I find this post humorous and clever. Props to you. :flowerforyou:
This discussion has been closed.

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