How to deal with snarky comments?
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BigHeartbeat
Posts: 6
I have a bit of a problem with my sister making negative little comments about my 'diet'...
I've recently gone from 169 pounds (which in my 5'9'' frame was JUST toeing the line of overweight) to 140 pounds, over the course of about 8 months. I did it by making healthy lifestyle changes, and never saw it as a diet, more of a lifelong health commitment. I obviously took my time doing it, and didn't deprive myself of the occasional treat. I'm now slim, though not unhealthily so, and I'm not bothered if I lose a few more pounds or not now - I feel good in myself.
HOWEVER. My (naturally slim) sister has been making snarky little remarks about me. For example, one of my friends congratulated me on looking slim, I thanked her, and as I left the room I heard my sister telling her I'd been on 'a crazy diet'. She rolls her eyes if I order a slimline tonic water. She tells me I'm boring if I don't want a slice of cake. But it's not like I never treat myself, i just don't do it ALL the time...
My friends have said perhaps she's jealous of my weight loss. But she still weighs less, and besides, there's more to both of us than our figures. Luckily I have the strength to ignore her and do what I wanted to do anyway, but I'm wondering if I should speak to her about this. It does embarass me when she says things like that in front of friends and I feel like it demeans my hard work by calling it a 'crazy diet'. I'd just like her to feel happy for me!
Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?
I've recently gone from 169 pounds (which in my 5'9'' frame was JUST toeing the line of overweight) to 140 pounds, over the course of about 8 months. I did it by making healthy lifestyle changes, and never saw it as a diet, more of a lifelong health commitment. I obviously took my time doing it, and didn't deprive myself of the occasional treat. I'm now slim, though not unhealthily so, and I'm not bothered if I lose a few more pounds or not now - I feel good in myself.
HOWEVER. My (naturally slim) sister has been making snarky little remarks about me. For example, one of my friends congratulated me on looking slim, I thanked her, and as I left the room I heard my sister telling her I'd been on 'a crazy diet'. She rolls her eyes if I order a slimline tonic water. She tells me I'm boring if I don't want a slice of cake. But it's not like I never treat myself, i just don't do it ALL the time...
My friends have said perhaps she's jealous of my weight loss. But she still weighs less, and besides, there's more to both of us than our figures. Luckily I have the strength to ignore her and do what I wanted to do anyway, but I'm wondering if I should speak to her about this. It does embarass me when she says things like that in front of friends and I feel like it demeans my hard work by calling it a 'crazy diet'. I'd just like her to feel happy for me!
Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?
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Replies
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Sounds like your sister have a attitude-problem.
Just let her know that its not appreciated. That you've worked hard and that you expect her, who love you, to respect you even if she doesn't understand it.0 -
I don't know why she is saying these things - perhaps for attention? - but I think you need to ask her to stop. Tell her this hurts you and is not acceptable. I know this may be hard to do but standing up to her may be the only way to get her to stop. BTW - congratulations on your weight loss and your food choices! You're doing great!0
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It does sound like jealousy. You say she is 'naturally slim' - perhaps she got used to being the only one like that, and now doesn't like the 'competition', as it were. I'm having a similar issue with one of my friends.
Besides trying to talk to her, I would just continue to ignore it. She will soon get bored, and it will eventually be old news.
Congratulations on losing the weight.
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To me, it sounds like she has one on you, finally there is something she can tease YOU about, If you let her get to you, she will keep coming with it. Show her you don't care, or give it back a little; you're on a "crazy diet", well she can just be crazy naturally.
Aaah.......sisterly love.
You tell her "It really hurts my feelings when you say that" she will be like "YESSSSSS" because there is something she will always be able to hurt you with. Sibbling rivalry0 -
Firstly, congratulations on your weight-loss and healthy lifestyle choices.
Secondly, it sounds like she may be jealous of the attention you're getting. Perhaps she thinks that by making some of those comments she's taking some of the attention off of you.0 -
isn't it a sister job to make snarky comments and embarras you infront of everyone? :P
she's just trying to mess with you, she could be jealous like someone suggested not everyone has the will to say no to cake and other treats :P 0 -
Thanks to everyone who replied, you've given me some good advice and thoughts I hadn't considered!
It's annoying that whats our choice to make is open to speculation from others, ah well..
And thankyou for your kind words about my weight loss, that means a lot! I can also see a few of you have done pretty well yourselves, so well done!
If anyone wants to, please feel free to add me as a friend. :-)0 -
Probably feels threatened. Especially if her friends are talking about you.
After all, if people saw her as the slim one, she's probably a little scared that you'll be described as the hot one, instead of the dumpy one. (For example, I'm not saying that was what you were). And one way of showing that is claiming you went on some stupid crash diet instead of just not eating as much crap as she does. It makes it less special if people are told you stopped eating, rather than did it the sensible way.
In any case, chances are that, with that attitude, of cake being no fun and suchlike, and all you have to do is stop eating to lose weight, she'll be up in the two hundreds once she has kids. Then you can offer her help. If you want to, of course....0 -
your pals won't think you're crazy for dieting, they'll just think she's an insecure, back stabbing @#&$/ for trying to undermine your success. chin up! rise above it and ignore it. she's only embarrassing herself.0
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Sometimes change is hard for people close to us. We just had a family vacation with my son and daughter in law and it was amazing how we went from celebrating with food and drink to playing on the beach, playing dominos and exploring a historic site or two. I wouldnsuggest finding new things to do whennthe family gets together rather than just food and "talk".... It really is a lot more fun.0
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I have a bit of a problem with my sister making negative little comments about my 'diet'...
I've recently gone from 169 pounds (which in my 5'9'' frame was JUST toeing the line of overweight) to 140 pounds, over the course of about 8 months. I did it by making healthy lifestyle changes, and never saw it as a diet, more of a lifelong health commitment. I obviously took my time doing it, and didn't deprive myself of the occasional treat. I'm now slim, though not unhealthily so, and I'm not bothered if I lose a few more pounds or not now - I feel good in myself.
HOWEVER. My (naturally slim) sister has been making snarky little remarks about me. For example, one of my friends congratulated me on looking slim, I thanked her, and as I left the room I heard my sister telling her I'd been on 'a crazy diet'. She rolls her eyes if I order a slimline tonic water. She tells me I'm boring if I don't want a slice of cake. But it's not like I never treat myself, i just don't do it ALL the time...
My friends have said perhaps she's jealous of my weight loss. But she still weighs less, and besides, there's more to both of us than our figures. Luckily I have the strength to ignore her and do what I wanted to do anyway, but I'm wondering if I should speak to her about this. It does embarass me when she says things like that in front of friends and I feel like it demeans my hard work by calling it a 'crazy diet'. I'd just like her to feel happy for me!
Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?
I have had a similar experience.. at the time i was a healthy size 8/10 and had just started a college course. *I've always been weight concious*.. on this course we had to participate in an Activities Day and had to wear old clothing. I had asked my boyfriends MOTHER to borrow a pair of old jeans and top.. she agreed and pulled out a size 14 pair of jean and 16 top.. held them up and said "they're no good, they will be way to small for you!" right infront of my face. I refused her help in lending an old outfit and left the subject. Since then i have put on weight and to this day she will make sly comments about my weight loss! I wouldn't want to confront her because I fear tension between my boyfriend/her & myself (awkward situation!) although I have told him about how I feel when she "puts me down" and he will tell her to "shut up" ect when she does (which is nice, because she wont say anything back to him!)..
My boyfriend has said its because she is jealous of my determination and weight loss.. and that she will put others down to make herself feel better! He tells me to flaunt off my weight loss/body because at the end of the day, WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.
It sounds like your sister is jealous about your weight loss and motivation to keep strong! Even though I didnt confront my "mother-inlaw", I think you should confront your sister (if you are living with her) as she may do it more often if you just let it go. Tell her that you are happy within yourself and that you don't need anybody putting you down!
Even though she is "thinner" than you, everybody is jealous about something on someone whether it be looks or personality and some people will knock you on what they think your weakest point is!
Hope you come to some conclusion, also I hope i've helped and not offended anybody 0 -
I have had this for years from my Mum. I was always a heavy kid and it was always mentioned by my Mum after Uni I toook up running and lost a lot of weight and became very healthy, she didn't like this either she always tried to encourage me to stay at home rather than go out running or she would tell me it was low fat versions of food that she was cooking when they never were. This used to get me really angry but now I just feel sorry for her, my change was challenging her and her behaviours, made her feel lazy or something it was not my problem.
Concentrate on you, you should be enjoying your excellent weight loss and your success, just think about that when the comments are made 0 -
Sounds like she's being a sister.
My advice?
Build a bridge . . .0 -
Have you tried a punch in the throat? That might work.Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?0 -
have not dealt with this ..
but my advice ignore her and do not react to it and it will infuriate her. If you get angry when she does this then you are letting her win and then you have lost ....so turn the tables, ignore her, and I bet it will stop...
of if she asks if you want cake..smile and say "no, thanks my crazy diet prevents it"0 -
Yeah, I have a sister like this. She has to have the spotlight on her and, if it isn't, she has to bad mouth the person receiving the attention.
Just do what I did ... I told her that, while I'm sorry she thought what I was doing was "crazy", it worked for me and I was happy. )You might want to skip this part though) I then told her that I was sorry that she was so miserable that she had to try to bring everyone down to her level and that, at the end of the day, I wasn't her so it was a good day.
I don't know that that was the best way to handle it but (a) it made me feel good and (b) I don't get bad mouthed anymore.0 -
You've been eating around 1200 cals/day that is a "crazy diet"0
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Firstly, congratulations on your weight-loss and healthy lifestyle choices.
Secondly, it sounds like she may be jealous of the attention you're getting. Perhaps she thinks that by making some of those comments she's taking some of the attention off of you.
This! My mother is similar. She's quite petite but doesn't eat a whole lot to maintain her figure (her choice). She pretty much lives off fish, cheese, wine and WW foods. She also makes comments about her sister who lost weight through running. I've always been bigger than my mother but lost weight through healthy eating and exercise. Honestly, I think she feels threatened, probably because of the exercise, it allows me to eat more but still maintain while she counts the calories. When I mentioned that I can now fit into some of her clothes (not all because my boobs are a lot bigger than hers! :happy: ) it really got her back up and said "Yeah, but I'm still smaller than you!" :ohwell: People, especially women, can feel jealous of the attention being on others, even if it is family. Try not to let it get to you, if not, then say something. I brush it off with my mother as I know what she's like.0 -
It does sound like jealousy. You say she is 'naturally slim' - perhaps she got used to being the only one like that, and now doesn't like the 'competition', as it were. I'm having a similar issue with one of my friends.
Besides trying to talk to her, I would just continue to ignore it. She will soon get bored, and it will eventually be old news.
Congratulations on losing the weight.
You took the words out of my mouth!0 -
Don't tiptoe around her, come right out and confront her--"Why are you making fun of healthy food choices?" or"Why are you making fun of my improving my health?" or even the "Why would you say something so rude and hurtful?" She'll likely try to say that she was just joking, but we both know better. Call her out every.single.time she does it and she'll soon quit.0
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