Stuck between a rock and a hard place

I, too, suffer from anxiety when I leave the house. It's left me quite homebound over the last few years. Since being on medication isn't a good idea for you right now, you can check out Youtube for free, at home workouts. That's what I do.

It's unfair for your SO to say that you are holding him back. My BF occasionally expresses a similar sentiment (that he feels trapped in the house) and I always remind him that just because I am home doesn't mean he has to be home. Finding other things to do with him has helped this. A lot of times they just want to feel included.

Are you and you SO doing any per marriage classes? ( like through the city or church?)
It might be a way to get out together and focus on something positive and happy.

My DH and I took one and enjoyed the time together so much, we ok another. We've been married12 years now...so it's been a while!

Maybe you need to sit down with him and make up some kind of schedule. You can let him know that you understand he needs time with his friends but he also needs time with you. Pick however many days of the week that you would like for him to go to the gym with you and both of you stick to it. Maybe on those days when you go to the gym you can also go see a movie together afterward or do something else to make it your date night.

From experience from a failed first marriage: I never asked my first husband about date nights or when we would spend time together. I also thought (I was young) that in a marriage that was a given. NOT! He ended up being a recluse and didn't want me to go anywhere either including working (I was a stay at home mom). I tried many times to get him to go out and do things...anything. We ended up getting divorced because of it. I am currently married to a man who goes out and does things with me. He also has his time to do and go where he wants but we always make sure there is time for us. We have 7 kids at home so believe me when I say it gets harder when there are kids involved. So fix it now rather than later. This is best for you and your well being, you need someone who will support you and be there for you. I agree with the post above that recommended talking to someone like a pre-marriage counselor.

Good luck and best wishes!

Hello there! I just have to say that I feel your boyfriend is treating you unfairly. If he refuses to spend time with a beautiful lady that loves him, and then tries to make you feel guilty for wanting to be with him--i'd say those are some huge red flags. I've been in a few VERY long-term relationships- and two of them ended strictly because of what you are mentioning. I would prefer to stay home and relax with a movie, maybe catch dinner once a week, and I RARELY wish to hang out in the bar scene. Those two relationships both told me- "I want to go out with my friends. You don't give me any man time. I need freedom/space" Of course, as a considerate woman, I felt guilty and miserable and hardly ever asked them to be with me. I let them go out with their friends and do whatever, as long as he was honest about where they were going. In reality, they were either cheating or doing something other than what they were telling me (doing drugs, going out places I showed them without me..) and I finally decided to stand up for myself and not allow anyone to make me feel that way.

I was only broken up with my most recent ex (which wasn't 'recent' at all THANK GOD) for about 3/4 months before I found my current boyfriend (3.5 years and going strong) who has all the same ideals/morals, etc. that I do. Around this time I also developed debilitating anxiety as a side effect of a medication I was on (that Dr's couldn't pinpoint the cause of). He helped me the whole time- whenever I was searching for medications or crying because another test was inconclusive. It was months and months of sheer craziness and a good 2 years before I was back to "normal" (It's always been easier to trigger my anxiety now since then, and I still get the occasional spell of anxiety nausea)

We're still very different people, and he's still a guy who likes time with other guys, but he takes me along, and he values my company more than anyone else's. He often says, "Sometimes I can't stand hearing anyone talk but you. Everyone else is annoying." We've had our minor bumps in the road (our ideals don't quite match with his very close-minded family) but they are ones that make our relationship stronger.

If a man makes you feel anything but special and loved on a regular basis- you don't need him. I can't imagine how your poor emotional state has dealt with this all this time. In my LTR's that had emotional abuse/infidelity, I was a complete mess from the inside out. I would absolutely not have the desire to go out and hit the gym either.

I don't want to make you hate your relationship or anything, but I feel you are a beautiful, intelligent woman who needs to focus on herself right now. You don't need anyone bringing you down- life is hard enough already. You need to find who YOU are, what makes YOU smile, and the people that will support those things will fall into your life once you make it clear to yourself that you are not going to accept any less. Especially with children coming into the picture, you don't want a man who makes parenting feel like a chore. You should find somebody who will support you/the family/your child, and most certainly not put his "party-time with friends" before all of that.

Sometimes it pays to be a harda$$ b!tch. Take no prisoners! You are valuable, unique, and worth a lot more than you or your SO is giving credit for. You deserve not only better, but the BEST- nothing less.

(P.S. I also practice yoga every day and I feel like these classes are a great warm-up to the gym scene. Everyone feels a little awkward and no one is perfect, but the focus is on relaxing and thanking your body for what it can do. I also feel it has helped me connect to my emotions much better and help me handle my anxiety without medication (the meds make me feel a million times worse!! No Xanax for me thanks!)

I think if I were you I would get back on the meds, and find happiness for yourself before making arrangements to be married and definitely before bringing a child into the world. If you are getting married or staying with this man out of fear of being alone the relationship will never work. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I learned that the hard way and the expensive way. I had two kids with my ex husband, thinking that having a child with him would change him. It doesn't work that way. You have to remember (especially if you end up having a boy) that your child learns from you or him about what relationships are about. Do you want a son to grow up and treat another woman the way you are being treated? Or do you want your little girl to grow up and feel she is stuck in a relationship because she is scared to get away and stays unhappy?

Many of us on here have put ourselves last and that is how we got to be overweight. I think for the most part we have all learned that the number one rule is you have to put yourself first and love yourself in order to be healthy and happy in all other aspects of your life. Believe in yourself and remember you are never alone. We are hear for you and once you are back on your meds maybe you can make it to the gym and meet some girlfriends there that can encourage you. Find a support group through a doctor. I never had anyone to talk to either growing up and it is hard. I think right now your health is most important. Even if you decide to stay with this man, if he truly loves you he will understand and stick by you if you tell him you would like to hold off on the wedding and family right now.

Hey there again! I do completely understand your perspective. I'm almost 22, working my way through university, and also suffer from PCOS (late in life my mom also had uterine cysts that she needed to have burned off twice *sigh* only us women I swear).

I also am the person who always stays in relationships because I'm thinking with my heart and not my head (and having experienced being "alone" and losing friends- I completely understand why you'd want to avoid that.) I'm usually not a fan of medication- but if you feel that it's right for you- you should definitely get back on.

But, I would like to say, I don't know if you've ever considered birth control for your PCOS but it's an amazing tool and I feel like it's helped me both physically and emotionally. Because of our hormones, instead of gaining weight (with me at least), we sort of fill out more properly (I wouldn't say I had a manly body, but things weren't quite womanly shaped for a long time I felt) and it completely leveled out my emotions. Ironically, about 6 months after starting my BCP is when I woke up to my previous crappy relationship and starting considering myself worth something. I don't know if it was the fact my hormones were so haywire and I kept thinking like a guy on steroids (both with sex, anger, and sadness---not a good combo) but it really changed my life. I was suicidal for most of my adolescence because of things happening in my life- did a lot of partying to numb it- and hung out with bad people. Within about a year of taking BC, I couldn''t even imagine the way I used to think or the things I used to do to my body. I realized how lucky I should be for even HAVING a body at all, healthy and doing my bidding. I never wanted to disrespect myself that way again. In addition to being emotionally better, my skin cleared up, I got less body/facial hair (though i'm italian--so I'll always be waxing and tweezing away), and I just generally felt better. It's not for everyone, and it's not a quick fix, but if you think that a hormonal imbalance might be the trigger of your feelings- it's something I'd talk to your DR about. I take Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo

Change your life.

From what you are describing of your relationship and your life, having a baby before these things are fixed, and with emotionally immature partner seems like a recipe for disaster and depression and it would not be fair to the baby.