help with unsupportive husband

fitnesstam
fitnesstam Posts: 9 Member
in Motivation and Support
Let me start by saying that I'm 5'3" and around 135 so I'm probably not what most would consider overweight, but I have been trying to lose 10+ lbs. forever to get to my goal weight of about 121. All of my numbers (BP, cholestrol, blood sugar) are fine.
The problem is that my husband treats me like I'm unhealthily overweight. He does this in a passive aggressive way. For example, if I'm eating something he'll very obviously pick up the box and look at the calories...or a while back I offered him some of my Vitamin Water, he looked at the calories and declined. The other day, as I was inputting calories into MFP, he saw the daily calorie goal (1353) and commented that that was too many calories if I'm trying to lose weight. I told him I've done the calculations over and over. He then brought it up again and told me that he calculated his BMR and given that number, I should be eating less calories to lose weight.
My husband is very thin and very committed to working out (he exercises almost every day) and is careful (borderline obsessed)about what he eats.
If I lose weight, my husband never notices, or if he does, he never provides positive encouragement. Needless to say, his atttitude makes me feel unattractive.
It's getting to the point where I feel like I want to be a closet eater because I can't enjoy food around him.
Anyone else have the same issue? Do I confront him about this or just do my own thing and ignore him?

Replies

  • bdburch
    bdburch Posts: 127
    I would definitely say something about it. If he's hurting your feelings and making you feel unattractive, he needs to know. This may not be his intention. He could just be one of those people that only knows how to give encouragement but being harsh. My husband is the same way.

    You may need to bring up the point that his body is not your body. You will need different calorie intakes. 1353 is not alot of calories. I an 5'4 and weight 125 so I'm not that far from you and to maintain at a sedentary lifestyle I can eat 1700+. You can also bring up that all of your other numbers are healthy.

    Again, inform him of the way you are feeling. He may not realize that you are becoming uncomfortable around him.
  • sPaRkLiNgLYFE
    sPaRkLiNgLYFE Posts: 609
    i think its more about controlling you, he's not trying to help you, getting in shape should be enjoyable dont let anybody ruin it for you. ignore him completely
  • luckylei
    luckylei Posts: 19 Member
    Dealing with pretty much the same thing at home, and my height/weight are very close to yours. My boyfriend has done P90x probably 3 times now, and he'll make a point to just have, well, pretty much nothing for dinner. He also has a really high metabolism. He talks a lot about calorie counts/fat content, and I pretty much always take it as a passive-aggressive attack, although it probably isn't always.

    The way he sees it, he isn't being critical, he's being helpful because I "complain" about wanting to lose weight. Strangely, he sees it as supportive, because his brain runs entirely on logic. I think he is missing the lobe of the brain that controls emotional support. He certainly won't congratulate me for a 5 or 10 pound weight loss, no matter how much I have to kill myself for it.

    After 10 years... All I can say is, you can't rely on him for reinforcement, because if it's not in him to be that way, it's never going to happen. I only know my situation, and I know that he isn't intentionally trying to hurt me, he's just really dumb with what he thinks is "best" for me, and doesn't really understand the emotional response. If I were you, I wouldn't engage him in any conversations about dieting/exercise while you are on your journey. In the meantime, if he criticizes you, ask him calmly what he is trying to accomplish, and explain to him that his commentary serves the opposite effect. If you're lucky, he might take it to heart for a couple days before his nature takes over again!!

    Good luck!!
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    I'm sorry you feel this way. I would feel the same way if my husband did those things. What you need to do is sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that he makes you feel guilty about eating food. He can be supportive in a positive way. Sounds like he is being supportive in a very negative way. If he can't listen to how you feel and change his ways you may just need to ignore his rude comments......(or unfortunately eat in hiding) Good Luck, I wish you the best!!
  • alishawesomesauce
    alishawesomesauce Posts: 20
    I would talk to him about it and tell him that you want to involve him in your weight loss journey but at this point you don't feel like you can. Tell him how you feel and that women's bodies are different from mens. I would approach it in more of a loving way. Tell him your trying to make positive decisions and that when he acts that way it doesn't make you want to continue. It takes time to make these decisions. We've seen time and time again and study after study that says small changes are better then going cold turkey because you are more likely to stay on this path. I would tell him that and tell him that your not going to be perfect and that's okay. He needs to be supportive of you, even when you want to eat something that isn't good for you. It will be better in the long run then to do it in secret, because you will do it more often, I know from experience. Hopefully after this talk he'll see things more from your point of view. Good luck, you have a lot of support and love on here!

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