That friend ...

htiafyenaffit
htiafyenaffit Posts: 64 Member
in Motivation and Support
So this has been building up for a lifetime and im going to share it with people who might understand and to be honest who do not know her because of course I don't want people to think negatively of her but I just can't take it.

I've always been overweight and when I was young it was okay, when I started to care and when people started to make fun I was searching for someone who understood and I found her and we were so close through elementary school and up ..

In 7th grade we were around the same weight but it changed because she lived at home only with her mom and her mom made a lot of money and got them into weight watchers and she lost about 30 pounds and at our age was pretty much at a good weight just a little chubby but everything was about her "look I got new clothes" "I lost another 5 pounds" "Im so happy" and of course I was jealous and I wanted that but anyways I could go on and on about that part of my life but to get to the point!..

we're grown up now and shes maintained the same weight/look for all those years and recently gained like 20 pounds. I hate the weight talk with her because its "Im so disgusting" "I cant believe ive gained 20 pounds" and here I am having gained at least 40 since graduation ... REALLY? but anyways we dont hang out a lot but when we do something always comes up and the 2 things that hit me hardest were 1 situation about 5 months ago I had lost 30 pounds (errr and fell off the wagon :/ thats why im back!) but I was feeling great! hadn't seen her in months so I dressed up a bit and went out with her she mentions nothing so basically I go out of my way to say hey check me out for once and she says ... yes she said this ... "aw i feel really bad because you still want to lose so much weight and if i had lost 30 like you id be done" then procedes to change the subject and talk about how shes so fat OHMYGOD!! but I said yeah well i feel great!! and I let it slide but the last time I see her were in target I have at this point gained my weight back and was still looking at close and I was having a great self esteem day and talking about how ill get it together and what not and she says "Don't feel bad not everyone is meant to be thin and that could be you" oh sweet jesus hold me back.

basically an even longer story short im to see her in a few months and she wants to shop for her birthday because shes finally working that 20 pounds back off and I dont want to be a part of it because I know how its going to go but on the other hand I want to bust my *kitten* and work out and lose more than her lol which is childish but its what i want and I know most of you are prob like what kind of friend? but beyond that topic shes not like this I just want to know if anyone else has had that friend that no matter what they can't be happy for you or they always have to one up you but you still cant bring yourself to do anything about it??

Replies

  • d4ggl3s
    d4ggl3s Posts: 11 Member
    I chalk it up to their own insecurities. Some people need to be the "skinny friend," and some people take other's successes as personal attacks on their own progress, no matter how great a person they are otherwise.

    I had a very tall, thin friend in high school who was very nice and fun to be around, but I dreaded any mention of weight or fat around her because she'd talk about how gross it would be to be fat. She literally said, after seeing another girl who was slightly less heavy than I was, "I would rather be dead than be as fat as her."

    Needless to say we stopped talking after high school and karma struck because she gained at least 60lbs within the next year. Not that I wanted her to gain weight, but hey, maybe you'll learn to use a filter next time you open your mouth.

    I think for your situation it might be best to not say anything at all, even if you lose a ton and feel fantastic. It'll just invite her to try and overshadow your success with her own crap. Let her see how good you look and feel, and she'll stew quietly on it later, haha.
  • BarbaraHyde1988
    BarbaraHyde1988 Posts: 2
    Here's the thing...I can totally empathize and feel for you on this. I've been there, I've had a friend much like this. And despite her other areas that seem like real friendship, you stated that she never seems happy about your progress in the right direction. With my friend it was almost like she would rather keep me where I was at so she would always look better or seem like she had gained more or progressed more than me. Oh, we could talk about the weather, our love lives, our plans for the future, our jobs and our families. But my little victories were always met with condescension of some sort.

    Sometimes people get scared when their friends begin to change, especially when they are progressing to better people. No matter what they may project to the world, it is their own self-talk that can trap them into trying to hold you back because they are not ready to follow you or they are not ready to compete with you.

    And one last thing, friends, true friends, celebrate the victories with you and they will commiserate with you over the little failures. True friends want to help you reach your goals and you want to help them reach theirs. And one of the hardest things I ever did was to stop competing for my friend's approval.

    She wasn't ready for me to take the journey I was already on.
  • ziambucks
    ziambucks Posts: 9
    if your victories are met with condescending responses then you're not true friends. true friends would be happy for you no matter what and wouldn't crack jokes at your expense or say "maybe you're just not meant to be thin." i've had that line read to me by members of my own family and it ate away at me for years -- i've always been the "fat one" in my family circle, and i know all of my stick-thin athletic cousins looked down on me for it. just ignore your friend's remarks and bust your butt trying to work off the weight you have on and resist the urge to say anything nasty when you're inevitably thinner than her in a few years ;>
  • saktii2323
    saktii2323 Posts: 27 Member
    Sounds like she has some emotional disorders surrounding her own body issues. Don't let her mental problems become yours, my dear.
    My best friend is anorexic and still thinks she's fat.
    I can't take her craziness personally, and feel kind of sorry for her.
  • ForMyAngelBaby
    ForMyAngelBaby Posts: 123 Member
    Sounds like she has some emotional disorders surrounding her own body issues. Don't let her mental problems become yours, my dear.
    My best friend is anorexic and still thinks she's fat.
    I can't take her craziness personally, and feel kind of sorry for her.

    I had a friend that is anorexic and she drove me NUTS! The biggest issue is that at the time our friendship formed, I was easily 100 pounds overweight and she would tell me that she understood my weight loss issues...that's all she ever wanted to talk to me about. Sadly, I had to cut back my communication with her. She went too far in telling me that she wanted to lose 10 pounds, which I knew would put her bag to being a bag of bones again and I couldn't deal with it.

    Sometimes we have to cut people out of our lives...it's not that we're uncaring but we have to protect ourselves. An even bigger lesson here - you can't help someone who doesn't want help.
  • PlushHyena
    PlushHyena Posts: 28
    I had a friend who was, in this way, terrible to me. She was skinny, I was kinda chubby (which didn't even matter when we were 12, but I thought it did). She would say things like "I met this girl at a party. She was fat - but not as fat as you! I mean, she was fatter..." and "Really, what do you eat to be that way?"

    I stopped talking to her at one point (when we were grown up). In the meantime, she had some difficulties in her life and gained a huge amount of weight from using anti-depressants. Not a pretty story, but when she got better, she saw what it was like to be the fat one among your friends. Now we're talking again, both of us trying to lose weight...
  • htiafyenaffit
    htiafyenaffit Posts: 64 Member
    You all had very great things to say thank you for reading! I needed to get it off my chest because there arent many people around me that are understanding they just want to say shes not your friend shes a B**** you know all the things we think at times but I just wanted to hear from others who may have had the same issues or had advice thanks!!

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