Need help, getting frustrated

Hello there.. Let me start with a little background to help. I am a 43 yo female 5'9 and I started my weight at 221 in decemberI am at 187 right now. I lost most of the weight after a major illness. I have had 3 open abdominal surgeries in 6 months, finally I had to have part if my intestine removed because I went septic with an abscess in my abdomen. I was in the hospital for 16 days during this surgery and was placed on TPN ( artificial nutrition through IV, it's like ensure so to speak tube fed in) that being said, it took A LONG time to even regain an appetite. Once I was released from the hospital I still couldn't eat really without getting sick, I would have 1/4 of a grilled cheese and be done.. For the day mind you. I attempted meal replacement shakes just to try to get some kind of calories in, but would only manage one a day. This went on for a few weeks... Add that to the 16 days I was in the hospital, we are over a month of basic starvation mode.
I missed7 weeks from work and basically laid around in bed that entire time. Having been cut from pelvic to belly button I was pretty sore. Nausea was a big thing during the entire recovery and I still get it pretty easy.

So after that very long winded story it brings us to today...I was very excited to have the weight drop, even though it wasn't the ideal way to do it, it motivated me to want to continue. My first goal is to be at a healthy BMI and ultimately I think I want to end up around 165. The issue I am having is i seriously have troubles reaching 1200 a day, yes, yes I know I HAD to have eaten more in order to get fat, but I went almost a month with little to no food and now I am scared to eat much. Last night for instance, I had spaghetti and breadstick with milk because I had to try to hit 800 cals still for the day. I ended up miserable most of the night because my stomach was so stinking full, this morning I still feel bloated and icky! I have opened my food logs to public so you can look them over and see I AM eating, but I seem to average a net around 850. I am not losing weight at this point and am getting so frustrated! It just doesn't seem logical in my head to stuff my face to the point I did last night to try to reach goal, my head says if your not hungry dont eat or you will gain weight. I don't exercise much, I will do walks, but I still suffer from extreme back burning, which isn't uncommon I am told because my back has to overcompensate for the abs being cut open so much. Doc said the back aches can last for months until my core balances out. I am a bank teller and I am on my feet most of the day. Now that it's going to be light when I get off work, I do plan on walking for an hour at least 3x a week. But I will be 100% honest in the fact that I probably would never darken the doorway of a gym or pool. I still suffer major from bad body image! Having been in the 220s for the better part of a decade has killed that!

So... With all this long winded ness I just did.. How can one manage (given my circumstances) to achieve the 1200 goal and not feel sick, and I mean like want to puke sick from being so full and bloated? I can't see sitting around with spoonfuls of cake will help me lose weight, I have not lost ANY since I tried to meet the 1200 goal a week ago, but was dropping 4-5 lbs a week when I ate what little i did before. I know that was not a healthy way to do it, but I didn't have a choice so please no bashing. Once my stomach could hold more, I did and am trying to eat again. I would be lying though if I didn't admit I have THOUGHT about going back to not eating again to see the scale start dropping. I know though that isn't smart and my #1 goal is to be healthy. Any ideas?