Where is my bottom?

disneyhereicome
disneyhereicome Posts: 3
in Introduce Yourself
I hit bottom as an alcoholic 13 years ago and have never looked back. As a daughter and grand-daughter of alocholics I knew there was only one outcome.....no family. So I quit, got my stuff together, met the love of my life six months later (we've been together ever since), had a beautiful son in 2006..........and except for the almighty dollar (lol) have everything I could ever want.
However, in that time I have gained 100 lbs basically plateauing in 2008/09. I also developed Type 1 diabetes in 2001 and wear an insulin pump.(okay in a perfect world, I'd get rid of that too).
I have seen my body deteriorate, seen my 6 year old son's friends tell him I'm fat, developed severe reflux, developed a lack of energy and crankiness I can barely describe, clinical depression and I'm sure the list is longer if I cared to think about it..........but I apparently haven't reached bottom yet??????????? What is wrong with me?
2 days ago I decided to give it a go. I told my husband if I lose the weight (or a significant amount) I want an 'everything' Disney holiday for our family. He agreed...this is big......he's an entrepreneur, we have our own barely surviving business, and we haven't taken a 'real' holiday in 12 years. Woo hoo......big motivation and I'm on board. Well yesterday all the realities of a failing business hit me square in the face and all I could think about was food. Food will take care of everything.....right??
Today I wake up.......feeling that food hangover......miserable as you-know-what and can't wrap my head around why I am so self-defeating.
Yes, I know today is another day and you bet I'm going to put my best foot forward but I don't know where it ends. I come on here and read the success stories and the motivations behind them and I am so envious. I don't want to die, I don't want to lose my legs from complications, I want to be happy........where is my bottom?

Leah

Replies

  • sassynkp
    sassynkp Posts: 148 Member
    You can do this. You deserve this!!! You have been through a lot already. It is time to turn it around. You deserve to feel better. You are here- you are ready. This has to be your decision and you gotta be ready to work. All the tools and and support are here for you. MFP has made a huge difference this time for me. I have never felt so supported and like there were people just like me going through this.
    So I am here for you and look forward to going on this crazy ride together. (Disney trip sounds great! My favorite place.)
  • gigglebabe101
    gigglebabe101 Posts: 11 Member
    Tough times don't last...tough people do. Keep your head up and keep thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel. When things get really bad for me, I workout..and by working out I mean usually walking..somewhere quiet. Go somewhere and look around to get my mind off of things while being active. You can do this!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Your recovery from unhealthy eating habits may be very different from your recovery from alcoholism, you may be thinking that the processes will look very much alike, when, in fact, they may be very different. It may be completely different issues that have caused your eating problems than the ones that caused the alcoholism. Just a thought.

    Here's the good news: You don't have to hit bottom to change! You can do it before you ever get to that point. You can start now and make changes.
    Here's more good news: You don't have to quit just because you fail. In fact, the only way to succeed is to not quit, not matter how many times you fail. Since I've started this process, I've turned a number of days where I was 1,000+ over my allotted calories for the day, but I'm still losing weight. Why I didn't quit. Most weeks, I have more good days than bad days, and the ratio increases in my favor all the time.

    You can do this.
  • GillaMahogany
    GillaMahogany Posts: 133
    Girl! If you can quit alcohol you can do anything! Think back to when you realized you needed to quit, and how you began that process. Write down a list of everything that helped you quit drinking. I bet there's lots of things on that list that could help you now!
  • witchieboo
    witchieboo Posts: 43 Member
    It sounds like you need to find something that makes you fill good, other that food or alcoholic. Try going for a walk , exercise taking up a new hobby.
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    You know you struggle with addiction - first with alcohol, now with food. Food addiction is harder to overcome than alcoholism in many ways because you can't just stop eating, but it requires many of the same tools: recognize that eating will not solve your problems, get counseling, find a support group, remove temptations (do you binge on specific types of foods?), and remind yourself every day why it's so important to overcome this.

    If you're not even sure where to get started, just ease into it. You may really struggle if you cut out all junk food AND limit yourself to 1200 calories AND start exercising every day AND triple your intake of veggies. Do these things in manageable steps. Even if you mess up, don't look back. Just keep going. Don't wait until you really and truly hit rock bottom. Good luck <3
  • Rob777com
    Rob777com Posts: 11 Member
    I would rather be hungry at times than feel like crap for overeating and having heart burn, or knowing it is affecting my health. Don't starve yourself but embrace the hunger. You will find that if you have excess weight your body will kick in at some point and use that fuel. You can do it, don't get into that cycle of getting down, giving up, then feeling like crap and starting all over again. If you quit drinking, this should be easy!!!

    By the way, you will be surpirsed how money sometimes just shows up when you need it and are doing the right thing. Not only will you be on vacation but you will feel good enough to enough it and look good.
  • Emily3456
    Emily3456 Posts: 42 Member
    My cousin who is a recovering addict once told me how hard she thought it would be to be hooked on food because with drugs and alcohol when you quit the best approach is to never touch the substance again but with food we do not have that option. We have to eat every day and sometimes we fall back into our old habits of making bad choices. The most important thing is to give it your best every day but on the days where you slip up try your best not to beat yourself up over it. In the past I've let one bad day turn into 2 weeks of bad days but I have learned over the past year how to let it go and wake up the next morning ready to give it an honest try again. I agree with other responses that the community on MFP is amazing so take advantage of it. Also, working out is so important to me, not from only a physical standpoint but it gives me such a better perspective on things mentally as well. Keep at it! We are here for you and know exactly how you are feeling!
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
    That's hard because I truly believe that we have to hit rock bottom, no matter how bad we want to be fit/healthy.

    For me it was my older sister having 3 strokes at 53 and being disabled, from obesity. I was 50 and obese myself. I have kids, grandkids and I want to see them grow up.

    You should be proud of yourself, you've overcome your abuse of alcohol. That is amazing! You are in a relationship and are happy, you have a beautiful son. Those are things to be proud of! Without your self control, you wouldn't have been able to do it. It's inside you and you can do this too!

    Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a 'lifetime' thing. It's a lifestyle and not a diet. There are a few things you can try. Start writing down your feelings BEFORE you eat. I know it sounds dumb, but it still helps me and I'm getting close to my goal. If my 'mood' is stressed, bored, etc. I will tell myself that if I'm truly hungry, carrots would satisfy me. If not, I don't need it or I'll eat basically calorie free food. This weeks 'stress crutch' has been diet jello with redi whip. 10 cals in the jello and 5 in one tablespoon of light reddi whip. It satisfies my sweet tooth, tastes good and oddly, it makes me feel full.

    Make changes one at a time. Start walking. Today. Walk for 10 minutes. Do it again tomorrow.

    Eat breakfast if you don't. Replace processed foods with whole foods. They have less salt, sugar and the fiber is still there. Eat more protein, it keeps you full longer. Prepare your meals. Have takeout, or go out only ONCE a week and have something that you want, so you wont crave stuff all week.

    I know you have a trip as your goal but I think that having some short term goals, like changing one poor eating habit for a good one, by the end of the month, would be easier on your mind.

    Once you reach a goal, add another one. Don't beat yourself up after having a 'bad' day. The most important meal after a binge is the next one. The same goes for exercise. If you just don't feel it one day and don't exercise, do it the NEXT day, regardless.

    You want this and I know you can do it! Good luck and <hugs>
  • suemar74
    suemar74 Posts: 447 Member
    Your bottom was the day before you started caring about your weight. Now you're inching your way back up. Yesterday was a slip. The good news? You've inched up enough far enough to feel that slip...and you're still determined, so you didn't slip back to the bottom.

    This isn't always an easy process. Some days it's one step forward, two steps back...but it's not like that every day so there is still progress being made.

    Don't beat yourself up over bad days..it accomplishes absolutely nothing. Learn from them if you can, but above all, keep your head up. The rest will follow.
  • Cinabean
    Cinabean Posts: 44 Member
    Your bottom is behind you, so focus on that. Always keep your bottom behind you. It sounds like you have come an amazing distance thus far. Focus on all you have accomplished and less on what you see as your failings. I also know that's easier said than done. It's easy for me to give you pep talks, right? Not so easy for me to follow my own advice.

    HOWEVER...that's the power of this site, I have discovered. Whenever I need to hear for myself what I am so quick to say to others, my network has by back. It's a good thing.

    Take it one day at a time, and do it for you. I wish you the best of luck!!!!!
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
    Just finally really being tired of being like this was my bottom. Severe things don't have to happen to be your bottom. One thing to keep in mind is that just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you can't do this and should quit. One day where you're over several hundred calories or even a week where you ate more then you wanted doesn't make or break your success. Never quitting is where success lies.

    I took a peek at your diary and first I believe you need to up your calorie goal. 1200 is too low for you just starting out. Going from one extreme to another is guaranteed failure. Go to this website and punch in your info and find out what your calorie goal should be. http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/.

    You don't have to starve yourself to lose weight. I'm at 1500 calories and average 1lb per week(which is ideal) + eating back exercise calories burned. If you want this to stick, don't make drastic changes right off. Acutally you don't need to make drastic changes at all. I still eat chocolate, pizza, soda etc. but I eat them much less often or in much smaller quantities. Everything I eat fits within my calorie goal. Having occaisonal days where you are over your calories is also fine. 1 day in the long term scheme of things is not any big deal. This is not a sprint, it's a marathon and there will be lots of twists and turns but you just keep going. New friends also welcome!

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